Month: April 2018

The Struggle Begins

I was listening to someone on Peptalk the other day. They talked about hitting goals. I would rather aim high and miss a goal and come a little short. Then aim low and hit a small goal and wonder what’s next? That’s what our life should be. That’s what my life has been building up to all of these years.

From ages 6-25 I was building my foundation and building who Peter is meant to become. It wasn’t always pretty, but I was doing the grunt work. For years and years, I hated myself, I still struggle with this. What could I really accomplish? How can I make a difference in the world? I always wondered and prayed about helping others somehow and making a difference, I just didn’t know how to.

I Couldn’t Stop

For years I was going back and forth, no I can’t accomplish anything. I’m just a mistake and I was the one oops that slipped by in the world. Wondering all of the years, why God gave me this disability and put all of this on my shoulders?

One day it hit me, I was reading a book about Tupac Shakur. He was talking about journaling and poems. I always thought journaling was for kids or something. Well if Pac is doing it, what do I have to lose haha?

I was journaling for a few weeks. Then one day something just clicked. Why don’t I do something with this, why don’t I create something from scratch? With no idea where to begin and what to do, and how to write a book. I did what you’re supposed to do in the beginning, I would write and write some more.

Aiming High

Shortly after writing for a while, this passion began to grow and take over. I now feel a purpose for the first time, I feel free now when I write. As stupid as it sounds, I was happy. How could something I hated in school so much make me feel so happy now? For starters, this attribute that I have never been good at before was not being forced on me now like it once was. My dyslexic mind and creative side of me took over and took off. I went all in, and 0-60 and writing as much as I could.

That’s when everything started to fall into place. I Peter Alexander Harrower am going to publish a book and become an author. My books are going to be turned into movies. More importantly, I want to help people just like me, especially kids. I think I need to share my story with the world and let them know what I’m trying to do.

Self Doubt

When I first thought all of this, of course, I was thinking I’m losing my mind. How can this stupid kid who’s only 21 think he’s going to enter this field? Who would want to read his books? I can’t write, I can’t spell, or read fast or even enjoy reading for that matter? What kind of author has those faults and burdens weighing them down? I’ll tell you the kind of author that has those faults, that author is ME.

I was comparing myself to the best of the best. Looking at their background and what they went on to create and share with the world. What makes me different than every other author before me? Who cares what all of the other authors are saying and thinking. I’m not doing this for their praise or approval. I’m doing this because writing has given me more in life then I can ever give it back. Writing has brought meaning and passion to my life, more so than I ever could have imagined. Writing is giving me a way to share my story with you. I know I’m only begging and I haven’t done anything with my books yet.

Rolling The Dice

There’s a real possibility that my books and blog won’t live up to the potential that I think they could reach. If that turns out to be true, well that would suck. But I know at the end of my journey when it’s my time to go home. I know first-hand, that the goals I set out to reach and try and accomplish. The material I was trying to give to the world and help and entertain as many people as possible. If it turns out writing isn’t the career for me well then, I gave it my best shot.

I’m 28 at this very moment, and I know my writing and life goals are very high right now. To be honest, my goas scare the crap out of me. They are so big that when I start to talk about them and share what my goals are with writing. Sometimes I get embarrassed and think, wow these are big goals. You know what that’s the point of goals, they should be high and give you something to reach for. They should make you uncomfortable, that way they are taking you out of your comfort zone. Because what kind of life is it if you’re only living in your comfort zone?

Keep Flying

When I started writing for the first time in my journal. August 6, 2011, I said to myself. Peter one day you’re going to publish this book and be able to call yourself an author. How cool is that? Here I am getting goosebumps as I’m writing this and thinking back to that summer day as I was writing the first page in my notebook.

Life is short, it’s about time we all start living it up. It’s about time we all start getting uncomfortable and taking a risk and going after something we love and want in life. Set those big scary goals, and embrace who you are. Who knows what you’re capable of doing? The only way to find out is taking that first step in that direction. From there you take another step, and another and keep going no matter what.

Seven Years Ago

What started out as a hobby, quickly turned into an obsession. Once I started moving that pencil in my notebook all of those years ago, it was like I never stopped. That passion has only grown over the years. I have never felt more focused, and more determined and passionate before in my life.

“I feel his hand on my brain, when I write rhymes I go blind and let the Lord do his thing” – 2Pac

When I first started writing this was me, minus the rhymes and replace that with writing haha. I just got in the zone and focus on what I’m doing and shut out the world and everything around me. It’s me and my writing and that’s all I see at that moment.

It Begins

It was probably a few days after I started writing my first book. I was just messing around, not sure what to do. Then it hit me, I’m going to write a book. Laughing about it at the moment, I have no clue how to do that? Where do you even begin? More importantly, can a 21-year-old dyslexic kid with a learning disability who hated reading and writing at the time write a book? The answer is yes, why not?

Just because I read slow, I suck at spelling and overall did horrible in school. That doesn’t mean I don’t have good ideas or have the potential to come up with something a little different. My whole life up to this point has been unique, a little different and definitely out there. It’s because I’m not like most people, just like you’re not like most people. I quickly realized once I started to fill those lines with words. I have the power to create something and bring a story to life. How awesome is that?

My Excitement

It was the third date, and it was going to be a 40-minute wait at Lockleys. In that time, I told Lindsay about all three of my books. I talked about my fiction series and what I’m going to do with the three books and turn them into movies. Long story short, what she said about my passion and writing made me feel a little better and a little more confident in my writing.

“Hearing you explain the details of your novels was such a touching moment. I could have listened to you talk about your stories for hours. I’ll never forget how your face lit up and you were full of passion. I could sense the passion and zeal for writing and how creative your mind and heart were. It’s a beautiful thing seeing someone’s spirit come alive when you know they are living the passion or dream that God placed inside of them. I don’t have a passion for writing, but your excitement pulled me in and I wanted to know more”.

Possessed For Writing

Yes, this is my girlfriend that said this haha. At the time this was our third date. When I was telling her about my books. I wasn’t trying to show off and brag about what I’m trying to do or anything like that. It was the complete opposite. I was very nervous about telling her what I wanted to do. What if she doesn’t get a good vibe from what I’m trying to do and share with the world? I really like her, but if she can’t see what I see then maybe this won’t work. I hope she understands, I’m not taking this lightly and messing around and what I’m talking about in my books.

This is not a joking matter for me when it comes to my writing. I’m serious, this goes way beyond just a hobby now. I think after writing the first page of my book all those years ago. This hobby quickly died, and I became possessed with writing.

The World Through Your Eyes

Will everyone feel the same way my family or Lindsay feels, probably not? I’m not expecting everyone to love my writing, and what I’m trying to do. I’m, sure there will be a lot of people that aren’t impressed or could care less about what I’m trying to share and do. I don’t care, that’s their opinion. I’m trying to reach those that are looking at the world a little different. That dyslexic kid, or the outsiders that feel alone and scared. You’re the people and kids I’m trying to talk to. You’re the reason and my passion for wanting to get better every day and not quit.

I would be lying if I never thought crap, it’s been seven years I still haven’t published a book yet. I don’t think this is ever going to happen. Honestly, who knows, maybe I won’t be on the shelf with the best of the best. Who cares, I don’t just want to be remembered for my writing. I want to use my writing as a foot in the door to be able to share my story with the world. I’m not better than anyone of you out there. But I believe my passion and my unique story through my eyes, might be beneficial for some people to hear.

What’s Your Passion

That’s why passion should be important to you. If you don’t have a passion for something, then you need to reevaluate what you’re doing? I wasted too much time in my life just going with the flow and being a zombie in this beautiful world that we live in. I have wasted far too many days depressed and pissed off at the world and myself.

What’s your passion in life? If you can say you have no idea or you’re not sure, well that should scare you. We all have a purpose in life and are all meant for something special. It’s time to recognize where you are in your life. If you’re not happy with where you are, then maybe it’s about time you do something about it?

Keep Climbing

If there’s a hill or an obstacle in front of you, climb it and get over that hill. If there’s a hurdle in front of you, jump over it. The point is to always keep working, no matter what happens to you. Sometimes, bad things happen. No matter where you are in your life, you need to always remember to keep working and never give up.

No matter what happens to you in your past, or is currently happening to you. Who knows what’s waiting for you down the road. For me, I can’t wait for you guys to read my book. The plan was to publish it at the beginning of the year, well that didn’t happen. Like I said, things don’t always go your way. Everything else is pretty much done, I’m just waiting for the editing to be done.

Different Approach

One good thing about it taking this long, well trying to think positive haha. I can start to focus more on my book series now until that’s done. To be fair, if that book was done and published then I wouldn’t have to worry about it anymore. The only thing I would have to worry about is telling people that I have this book out.

That’s life again things happen. In the meantime, all I can do is keep working and keep climbing that hill till I reach the top. There’s still a lot of ground for me to climb, till I can officially say I’m proud of myself and I finally made it. That will be a special day when I can finally say, Peter, I’m proud of you. With being a tough critic, especially to myself.

I’m Not Done

There is still a lot more I want to accomplish and a lot of people that I think need to hear my story. I don’t mean that in a conceded way, of course, that’s not my intentions. For a kid that HATED school with a passion. A kid who has a learning disability. I have thousands of bad memories in the back of my head. Different situations that this burden has left a bitter taste in my mouth over the years. I know first hand how hard it is to get through life with this on your shoulders.

There were days, I was scared to talk to people. I was embarrassed for who I am and how stupid and dumb I felt. Most of my early life negative thoughts were always in the back of my head. I don’t belong in this group of people, who am I compared to them? Look at what this person accomplished, and then there’s me? This is the kind of mindset and attitude I had going back at a young age and starting around 2nd grade. The only reason why I would tap myself on the back. Is because I know first hand what I went through every day for the last 22 years to get to this point in my life.

Dream Come True

Peter A. Harrower will one day be able to say that he is a published author. For once in his life, he committed to something and followed through with it. He entered a field that he never thought he belonged in. Will I be a big-time author and sell millions of copies, who knows that’s not my focus. Of course, that would be awesome but that’s not why I’m doing this. I don’t just want to be an author and write the rest of my life. I want writing to be what get’s my foot in the door. Writing makes me feel free and It takes me into a new world where I can do or be whatever I want.

More importantly, I want to be able to speak and connect with people just like me. I want to share The World Through My Dyslexic Eyes to every person that needs to hear it. Publishing that book is not just about letting the world know who I really am. It’s about letting the world know WHO, I really am and the kind of person I am and why I’m doing this. Letting them know, you never actually know what someone is going through or how hard they might have it. This book is for all of those kids that ever felt different, or alone, it doesn’t matter what the issue might be.

Never Stop

From a young age, I knew I was different and I hated that. All I ever wanted was to just fit in and be like everyone else. Now that I finally grew up, I’m glad I’m different. I’m not like everyone else, I’m far from normal, and I like that now. I personally think I was created for something bigger. That’s why I’m sharing my story and that’s why I can’t stop climbing that hill.

It doesn’t matter what’s in front of you or what’s blocking your path. What matters is you find a way to get over it, under it, or through it. Just keep going and don’t stop no matter what. One day it will all make sense and you will look back and smile and appreciate everything that happened.

Thank You

Having that killer instinct that no matter what I will finish this job and not quit. That’s why when I was climbing that hill, I didn’t know at the time but it wasn’t just me. As cliche as it sounds, I was fighting for and climbing that hill with you. I get that now, it’s all starting to make sense to me. All of you were right there with me, with every step I took. I just couldn’t see it at that moment but now I can. You all were with me then, I will be right there with you as your climbing your hill. That’s why I needed to share this book, nobody has a perfect life and were all unique in our own way.

Can You Do Better

What kind of effort do you give every day? Can you do better and give more effort? At the end of the night can you truly say you gave it you’re all? For me, I don’t think I can, some days yes. Most days, I know I could have done better. Granted I’m a tough critic, and always hard on myself, a bad habit I know.

For me going all the way back to when I was a kid playing sports in elementary school. I truly think I gave it my all and did the best I could in games. Maybe I could have worked a little harder in practices, but I was a kid I got distracted and playing with my friends what can you do haha. As far as games, I truly think I gave it my all and left it all on the court or field.

My Tunnel Vision

Paying attention in sports and focusing on those tasks always seemed easy to me. When It came to school and effort and giving it my all or doing my best, well I didn’t really have a best. Yes, I know I had my disability and handicaps you could say. I still didn’t try all that hard. Those burdens that were resting on my shoulders from a young age, were an easy excuse to use. I rode that pity train all the way through school and leading up to graduation. I’m not proud of that and with the actions I did, but I was distracted and focused on the end prize graduating.

All I wanted to do was graduate so I could be done with school and move on to the next thing in my life, and move on to what Peter was destined to do and fulfill my “purpose”. But there was one problem, what’s my purpose? How do you find it? What if I had it, and then missed my opportunity and it’s gone forever, now what do I do? That’s what I was thinking about once I finally graduated. Once I received my “piece of paper” that I was so focused on about receiving and working towards, it then hit me. Now what Peter?

Time For A Change

Peter Alexander Harrower was destined to be another role player coming off the bench. I was just a confused little pawn in life with a dark cloud over my head, weighing me down. I used every excuse I could find to try and feel bad for myself. Pitying myself, seemed like an easy thing to do. Now, what good can come from that?

That’s how I looked at my life and how I viewed the world in front of me. I didn’t care anymore, I hardly tried when it called for it. Then one-day reality smacked me in my face and I woke up from this coma I was in.

I can either keep feeling bad for myself or do something about it. So, I decided to do something about it. I took my writing to the next level, and everything else slowly behind it. I started taking life seriously for once, granted it took me 25 years to get to that point, but I finally found purpose and meaning in my life for once.

New Me

The last three years have been the best three years of my life. Sure, there were ups and downs at that time, but that’s life things happen. Through it all, I deiced to keep living and keep working hard every day and stop trying to feel bad for myself and stop making up excuses. It was time for a change, once and for all, I had to do something about it.

If I wanted my goals to become a reality and I wanted to enter a field that I NEVER thought I could be in, then I had to change a few things. I started reading more, I started writing more and working on my craft every day and every chance I could.

Time To Work

I couldn’t tell you how many times I was invited out to hang out with friends or go get a beer with some people. Not tonight I have plans, is how I responded. I’m working on my book and working on the next chapter were my plans, and I was ok with that.

I wasted far too many years not caring and not working hard to make something of myself. I had a lot of ground to makeup and a lot of work to do. If I want to become a published author I need to keep writing and keep learning from those that did it ahead of me. If I want to share my story with the world, then I need to stop talking about it and start doing something about it. It was about time I shut up and stopped talking, and let my actions talk for me.

Now Is The Time

Maybe you’re not where you want to be in life, or where you thought you would be at this moment in your life. That’s ok, sometimes that’s all a part of the journey, just look at my life as an example. I think my early struggles helped build me into the person I was meant to become at 28. So, I have no regrets about my effort, because the choices I made in my past good or bad. Is helping push me to make better choices and keeping me hungry enough to keep working hard now why I can.

That’s why I’m so focused, it’s not for the fame or the money. I’m a private person and an introvert at heart. I just finally realized that this was placed in my heart for a reason. If I don’t do anything about it or share what I have to share. Then I believe that is a tremendous opportunity wasted and a shame. If you’re feeling the same way, then maybe you should stop putting off what you have been dreaming about for so long.