Like to Win or Hate to Lose

What Are You

So do you like to win or hate to lose? Think back for a minute. When you were playing sports in school. Playing board games with your family, or whatever other activity you can think of. How did it feel when you won? How did it and you feel when you lost? Did one feel better or worse than the other?

I’m very competitive and hate losing. But dont get me wrong I love to win who doesn’t. Pingpong against my brother in law. Playing monopoly with my wife and two nieces the other day and I won and it felt great. So which one are you? It doesn’t matter what you’re doing. Do you like to win or hate to lose?

Losing Sucks

For me, I’m definitely a hate to lose kind of person. But my competitive nature in me loves to compete but the winner inside of me expects to win I guess and doesn’t accept losing. Even if it’s in a stupid board game or card game. Something so simple as playing in my backyard I still want to win.

I think what started me off in the hate to lose phase was when I was younger and struggling with school. Yes, I know “eye roll” it all goes back to school and being younger with me again. I struggled in school and never did that well with my dyslexia and always did horrible on tests. I was always scared about seeing my test when it gets handed back to me.

My Struggles

It all comes back to my struggles. I would always fail or do bad in school and that messed with me. Compared to athletics that was always easy for me. The school part for me made me feel like a loser and the anger and frustration inside of me whenever I had to take tests do homework and well anything else for school changed me and the hulk in me came out.

I wanted to win in school so bad. I remember thinking to myself about how athletic and good I was in sports. Thinking to myself I wish there was a way I could trade in some of my athleticism to do better in school. I know that sounds funny but I thought about that. I was willing to trade in or take away something I was very good at and thrived in just to help make up for in an area I wasn’t very good at and struggled with.


That’s how much losing bothers me. As great as winning is and as much as I love it, the losing sticks with me way more. All I ever wanted was to have confidence in myself, believe in myself, and believe I can and will do something special and great with my life and win. Thats why like to win or hate to lose sticks with me.

That mindset helped transition to my jobs and the work-life over the years and also writing now. I dont want any regrets before my time comes. I want to be proud and happy with what I did with my life over the years.

Don’t Give In

Who knows if I will be able to write and speak full-time down the road. Who knows if I will publish 10 or 20 books down the road and sell millions of copies and have some of those books turned into movies. For me, it’s, not the money that will come with publishing that many books or selling that many. For me, it all comes back to me from day one with where this all started.

This all started with a weakness of mine. For most of my life, I thought I was broken and I couldn’t do anything great with my life. Now say all of those things do come true. The writing, speaking, I publish 20 books and one or two of them become movies down the road. For me, it’s not about telling people what I did and what I worked for and dreamed for over the years. It’s about showing them firsthand what I did and proving and sharing with people it’s possible. I dreamed about it, worked hard, and didn’t settle or make excuses. I worked my tail off to chase after something and never stopped until I got there.

You Can Do It

It’s possible to change and get better. It’s possible to turn a weakness into a strength or into something better than it was. It’s about sharing my journey and sharing what I’ve gone through and struggled with over the years and sharing with others what I did. We all struggle with things, we all have our own weaknesses and issues. Some dont do anything with them, some just accept them, some change them and fix them for the better. What do you want?

For me, I did all three. I didn’t think I could do anything or fix anything. Then I slowly one step at a time started working on me and slowly changing me and my situation around me. Was it always fun, was it perfect and easy of course not? Did I enjoy every minute of it, of course not? Sometimes what you need to do is embrace the suck and keep going. In sports when your doing sprints. Did you stop before the line and cut it short, or sprint through and touch the line?

My Unique Story

Looking back I wouldn’t have changed a thing. Because I stopped making excuses and stopped settling in life. I stopped thinking to myself well this is what I was dealt with I can’t fix or change anything. No thats crap. You can change and get better, and you must change and get better. Not just for yourself but for those around you.

Now is the time to become a winner and stop settling for losing. There’s no right or wrong answer. Do you like to win or hate to lose? Whichever one it is focus on that. Focus on winning in life or do and give everything you got in life to prevent yourself from losing.

Your Mess Is Your Message


If I ask you about your life what would you say? If I asked you what you think of your life and what you’ve done with it so far what would you say? What if I say to you your mess is your message how would you react? That’s right its true, your mess is your message and we all have a mess.

Your message is the good, the bad, and the ugly you have gone or currently going through. Will it always be fun, no. Will it always be pretty and or exciting, no. But as long as you’re willing to work and work hard at it to overcome and do better then you were doing. Will it be worth it, the answer is a big fat YES?

What A Mess

My mess is my message and looking back at it right now, I’m proud, very proud of my mess. My mess of a life help brought me here to this very point right now. For years and far too long I didn’t like who I saw in the mirror. I didn’t like who I was and was judging myself and picking myself apart before others would have the chance to. I figured if I kept my distance they wouldn’t see the real me. The lost, the confused, and the broken.

Little did I realize looking back now, I was clearly lost and I don’t disagree or deny that. But I wasn’t broken, I wasn’t a waste and I wasn’t a mistake. I was meant to be here for a reason. I was meant to go through my hard times in my school days and early 20s to help get me to where I am today.

You Get What You Put In

I’m sure if you ask some people if you could go back in time to change or fix anything, would you? Well, ask yourself that question. Would you go back and change anything? If someone asked me that question I would say no right away with no hesitation. Because I believe everything happens for a reason. I believe what you put into your life and the opportunities in front of you are what you get out of them. If they are bad situations and you don’t make the most of them well they will stay bad. If you made a bad decision and flipped it around into a good one or for the better. Well, then it would have been worth it.

For me, I don’t want to say I made bad decision after bad decision, that’s not true. Overall my life, I can’t say it enough I had it pretty easy I can’t lie. I can’t lie and say my parents got divorced or one of them died at a young age. Or I got in trouble with the law and so on and so on.


Looking back, I had a very easy life for the most part. The only hard part and the tricky part I battled and had to keep fighting was what was going on between my ears. That’s what made my life seem like it was hard or I had it worse than others. In all reality I didn’t, I had it much easier than most. But what I did have and struggle with even to this day at 30 is the belief in myself.

Over the years I struggled to believe in myself thinking I was a mistake and I won’t be able to do anything special. I’m not going to win in life or I won’t become the man and the person God wanted me to become. Well, what if these struggles and issues or battles I had over the years was meant to happen? What if I was meant to struggle in school and battle my dyslexia my whole life to help me build a better work ethic? What if me not being the smartest kid in school helped build a fire inside of me of wanting to win and better my self?

My Mess

That’s what I think is what happened. Yes, I believe everything happens for a reason. But I also believe God gives us the opportunity to make decisions and choices for ourselves. Did I make bad choices and go a different direction, I don’t think so? But what if making those choices myself help build me into the person I am today?

So, I will ask you again. If I say to you your mess is your message how would you react? I would say my message is unique and one of a kind. I’ve had a lot of ups and downs and low and high points overall. But in the end, this life and my mess is my message and I’m proud of it.

Still Learning

Yes, it’s easy now looking back once you got over that hump or a hard time to say ohh it was worth it. But it’s true looking back at where I was what I was doing and trying to figure out my plan next. I can now say I love my mess and my message its slowly turning into something great.

Now do I have everything figured out, of course not. I still have a lot of learning to do and a lot of growing to do. I always will be trying to improve and get better because that’s life. Getting better and growing is a daily habit that you must do every day.

Be Proud

Now I challenge you to not be ashamed of your mess and instead embrace your message. Will it be hard sometimes, of course, it will? Will you be uncomfortable sometimes, of course, welcome to life? Now is the time to not be ashamed of you or run away and give up.

Now is the time to stand up and embrace the suck you’re going through and more importantly embrace you. Your mess is your message and be proud and share it with the world and make a difference along the way.

Bella Louise

Sad Day

This is going to be a different kind of post today. This post is not meant to motivate you, inspire you, or help you. Well, I guess that will be your decision to decide if it will do any one of those or not.

This date was the day that Lindsay and I lost our pup, Bella Louise Harrower unexpectedly. It has been very hard especially for my wife. Those two had a very special and unique bond.

Bella’s Life

In case you don’t know who Bella Louise is, here is a quick recap. Bella was used as a bait dog for the first six months of her life. When they were done with her in the dogfighting ring, they left her tied to a tree in the middle of January outside for three days. Someone finally noticed her and called it in and a lady from a shelter came out and saved Bella. An hour later my wife came in and saw and rescued Bella and it’s been history ever since.

Bella was also diagnosed with cancer at five years old just a couple of years later. She is a fighter and a trooper and thanks to my wife, who did everything she could to help this dog. In case you didn’t know it wasn’t just Lindsay that saved Bella. Bella also saved Lindsay a couple of times from her past and that only helped their bond grow even more over the years.

A Unique Bond

Lindsay and Bella have such a unique bond and relationship, that after Bella beat cancer the team in Maryland where Bella had her surgeries wanted to study Lindsay and Bella’s relationship.

This dog was a fighter, this dog has been through so much in her almost nine years of life. She was a survivor. You should know, May 1st would have been her 9th birthday.

Bella Louise was beautiful and a one of a kind dog to me. I have only known Lindsay and Bella for a little over two years. Bella is by far one of the smartest dogs I have ever met. Yes, I know, she is my dog I’m sure everybody has said that. But it’s true, this dog acted like a human sometimes. If we said something she didn’t like she would huff at us and let us know.

A True Blessing

I have dozens of stories I could share with you and I know Lindsay has way more. Bella wasn’t just a dog to Lindsay and I. To Lindsay, she was her guardian angel that looked after Lindsay so much when it was just the two of them.

Bella opened up my eyes to how amazing and truly special this Pit Bull breed is and how misunderstood this beautiful breed is. I have had dogs my whole life growing up and I have never met and had a dog quite like Bella. Not just what she did as a dog playing and sleeping, you know the typical stuff dogs do.

To me, it was the little things she did that got me. When it was getting late and she was tired she would come to the top of our bed and whine to go under our sheets and would want us to lift them up so she could go to bed. Her pissy attitude when her bone would fall or go under something and would look up at us to get our attention (most of the time she would push it under on purpose so we would give her attention haha.)

What A Year

Bella was unique and she was beautiful. Not just her beautiful red fawn-like hair. It was her personality and how much she loved people, even strangers she never met if they came over to the house. If we let you inside she would feel you out and once we gave her the ok it was like she had known you her whole life and jumping on you trying to make you happy and give you kisses.

Around May of 2019, Lindsay and I came up with an idea that would forever change our lives going forward. For Lindsay, it was a chance to share her and Bellas’s story and to try and put a good, happy, and healthy story out into the world especially about Pit Bulls.

Bella Is Famous

For me, it gave me a chance to cross something off my bucket list. To write a kid’s book, and like I said the rest is history. We published The World Through Bella’s Eyes: A Pit Bull’s Story, September 10th, 2019.

From that day to now, opened opportunities in my eyes that only seemed like they would be dreams and never become a reality. We went to a school and talked to 60 4th graders about writing, publishing, and sharing Bella’s story. We also had a chance to go on the news on Good Day PA and share her unique story.

Beautiful Breed

Our main goal with writing her book was to bring light and show a different side of this beautiful misunderstood breed. We’re not here to judge and blame anyone or media or anything like that. All we want to share with you is that some of the stories you hear might not be completely true. To also let you know that in the end, a dog is still a dog.

They don’t have human instincts and they are in the end just a dog. If they are surrounded by the wrong type of people they might be taught the wrong thing just like you and me if we grew up in a bad family or neighborhood. All we wanted to do was bring light and bring a real TRUE story to this beautiful breed.

RIP Beautiful

To Bella Louise, which means beautiful protector. We love you, we miss you, and we will never forget you. You were a protector to your mom and me just as much as we tried to protect you. Thank you for all of the great memories over the years. You left us far too soon. You will always be in our hearts and we will not stop trying to help Pitties the rest of our lives because of you. We will always try our best to help and rescue other pups that need a forever home just like you.

Can or Can’t

Mindset is Key

Whether you think you can or can’t, your right – Henry Ford

In case you didn’t know, I love quotes. There are quotes for everything, for all different moods, happy, sad, and everything in between. So, it doesn’t matter what your going throw, don’t worry there’s a quote for it.

What I love so much about this quote above, is only you can answer it and it’s you vs you. If you’re working on something that’s hard or you don’t like it and you start getting frustrated. Do you still believe you can do it or are you in the cant stage right now?

New Me

In my early years, I was definitely the can’t. Every now and then I might have had a few moments with can. If it had to do with sports there was no question it was can. When it had to do with school, believing in myself and well every other attribute that follows it was an easy cant.

Time has just flown by, there’s no question about it. Now am I happy time has flown by and gone so quick. No, because that means I’m getting older and everything is changing.

Now I will say this like I’ve said before everything happens for a reason. I can’t change that and I wouldn’t have even if I could. My struggles and my hard times in my early years and the first few years in my 20s. All of those years helped make me into the person I am today. I had to go through the hard times, the struggles to find my purpose and find my life.

Things Change

If you asked me on graduation day that moment I heard my name and got that piece of paper that I’ve been chasing for years. Wanting to graduate and get that stupid piece of paper saying I graduated from school I think was my first ever goal I had in my life.

I made that goal at a young age saying I can’t wait to graduate and get my diploma. Once I get that everything will get better and be easier. The moment I got it and looked out in the crowd. I thought two things. First, there is a lot of people here. I don’t ever want this many sets of eyes staring at me ever again. Second, this is what I was pursuing for all of these years. What a waste, just this piece of paper that I can’t remember the last time I looked at it in my parent’s house.

My Priorities

Now here I am 30 years old. Married, two-time published author. The second book I wrote with my girl hit #1 on Amazon’s new releases. WOW, how did I get here? Wait, I’m not supposed to be here, this isn’t my life and what I wanted to do all of these years ago? Your right this isn’t what I wanted to do years ago. But here I am and trying to make the most of it.

It’s not about the money and the glory, it never was and it never will be. It’s very simple what it’s about and what this journey of mine has ALWAYS been about. To make a difference and help people and entertain people and to fulfill my God-given purpose. That’s it. NOTHING else.

Time to Live

Now do I want to provide a good life for Lindsay and my family, well duh, of course. But my writing has never been about getting the recognition or $ for what I write. Now is it nice getting those things, well of course? I need to pay the bills and I love food and need to eat.

Now look at me I have multiple books in the works now and trying to expand this small business of mine into something bigger. Now I’m speaking and chasing those uncomfortable feelings that not only terrified me all of those years ago. The moment I started getting out of my comfort zone, was the moment I started living.

Weakness to Strength

I’m living proof hard work pays off. Now I’m not done yet, I’m just getting started. A few years ago, it felt like I was just getting started and just started to live. This drive and focus and the Can vs can’t is what’s pushing me. Now there’s a lot that’s pushing me and motivating me of course.

But the competitive drive that is in me I now switched it towards my life. There is no can’t anymore, all there is can. Will it be easy of course not? I’m 30 years old and would still probably struggle if I went back to school today, thankfully I don’t have to do that haha. School is one of my biggest weaknesses and struggles to this day. Next is probably believing and having confidence in myself.

Main Goals

That’s why can or can’t is so important. Most of my life I was a can’t person. Look at what I accomplished the first 25 years of my life? Now I’m a can person and look at what I have done in the last five years?

I have three main goals in my life that I’ve dreamed about and been striving for since graduation. Two of them came true at the end of 2018. I got married, never thought I would find someone to love me when I struggle to love myself. 76 days later I published my first book and that was my greatest achievement in my life. I’m still working on that third one.

Can or Can’t

Where is your head right now in life? What does your mindset look like? Are you a can or can’t person? Do you want to get better, or stay the same? There’s a lot of questions you need to ask yourself. But most importantly it’s now what your answers are. It’s how you answer those questions with the belief behind those answers its what’s going to keep you going in life.

(The picture is how many books I have read from 20 years old to now. Remember I hate reading and still read very slow to this day.)

Goals vs Growth

Which One

If I ask you how to define goals what would you say? What if I ask you to define growth? What if I ask you what the difference of goals vs growth is? If you can’t answer that’s ok. Someone who’s a lot smarter and more successful than me took care of that, John Maxwell. In one of John’s books he talks about growth, that’s the whole point of the book. This part he compares the two and gives examples.

  • Goals – focuses on a destination, motivates you, seasonal, challenges you, stops when a goal is reached.
  • Growth – focusses on the journey, matures you, lifelong, changes you, keeps you growing beyond the goal.

Growth over Goals

For me especially the last five years goals were all I was focused on. I figured if I want to be successful I need goals and big ones. If I want my dreams to come true then I need to set goals to help reach and accomplish those goals. Well, that last sentence is true. You still need goals to help push you and keep you focused. But what if I tell you that’s, not the only thing?

I would say the last year especially the last few months after reading this book. Growth and the journey seemed to catch my attention a lot more. Seeing where I was five-plus years ago to now is cool. Seeing what I have accomplished in the last five years, especially the last two. But overall the growth that I have seen is way sweeter than the goals.

Different Phases

Now, look at my past, or past blog posts. I have a handful of posts talking about goals. I’m not saying they are bad that’s far from it. All I’m saying is for me I thought it was an end goal and destination I have been searching for over the last few years. But if you ask me and what I have seen and learn over that same time, it’s the journey that was more memorable and better.

Seeing where I was freshman year to senior year in high school. From 18 years old to 21 years with very little change and growth. Just going through life and paving the way for what’s next. 22 years old to 24 going through a lot of hard times and struggling and searching and slowly and I mean slowly starting to change. 25 too present time right now, I’m a whole new person.

Part Of the Journey

Like always I don’t say all of this to brag and pat myself on the back. That’s far from what I’m trying to do. Like always I’m trying to give you a better example of what I was going through and use that example for your own life.

I have battled weaknesses, embraced the suck, trying to take in my accomplishments and enjoy the journey so far along the way. That my friends that’s what’s been the biggest thing I have learned so far. It’s not publishing multiple books and having a handful of speaking engagements and going on tv and everything else in between. That’s all part of the ride I was on every day to get me here.

Just Beginning

The biggest thing is I didn’t settle. I didn’t just pick something and ride it out and roll with it. I did what I had to do every day going through my life of course. But in the back of my mind, I knew there was something else out there. Something bigger and especially bigger than me.

I’m not done yet and I have said it before. I feel like my journey is only beginning if you ask me. But what I haven’t figured it out yet is if that’s a good thing or bad thing? I guess you could look at it either way. But if you ask me I think it’s a good thing because I already went through everything I went through to get me here. Now I know where I was and I don’t want to go back. I’ve learned and grew and battled with goals vs growth and now I know what I’m focused on.

It’s Been A Crazy Ride

My growth is way more important than the individual goals that I set for myself. I still have goals and am still pushing to accomplishing those goals and I always will set goals. But now what I’m starting to realize and see is it’s not just the goals in front of me and where I want to go. Its where I was and what I overcame and accomplished along the way to get me there.

Now I still struggle with taking in my accomplishments. I have published two books in a year. Read probably 95 books in about six years. I have written the first draft to four other books and have three other books in the back of my mind that I want to write down the road. One of my books hit #1 on Amazon’s new releases in three different categories. I was on tv with my beautiful wife and dog talking about that same book.

Keep Going

I have done a lot and my wife’s proud and happy and so is my family. But this is where I will get into trouble haha. I feel like I haven’t done that much, YET. Its because I’m hard on myself and my toughest critic, bad habit. I put these expectations on myself and pushing myself trying to improve and grow and get better that sometimes I get so focused on goals and not growth.

I know what you’re supposed to do but I fall for my own tricks sometimes. Now I’m trying to enjoy the last 30 years of my life and looking where I was and now where I am going. But especially the last eight years were the most special. Looking back the goals vs growth outlook helped get me to where I am today. These last eight years helped create the person I am today and I wouldn’t change, a thing.

New Opportunities

Crazy Week

Well, what can I say I have had some cool new opportunities come up recently. Two of them happened earlier this week. It’s still crazy thinking back to where I was a year or so ago or even before I met Lindsay about two years ago. Now looking where I am now it’s crazy how things have changed.

Now when I say how things have changed most of the time things don’t usually change unless you change or you put in the work to make those changes happen. I think it’s safe to say I have defiantly changed and I have defiantly done the work.

Big Goals

Even to this day, I don’t know why but I still struggle with taking in my accomplishments and what I’ve done. I have published two books in one year. I started my own business and got married.

Some other goals I had. I wanted to publish three books by the time I’m 30. Well, I don’t think I will complete that goal. My fiction book is still taking some time. But I did publish two books and have started or in the works of working on five others. So thats pretty cool. Well four of them are done and in the first draft. Now I’m just in the editing phase and trying to go back and make any changes I need to do.

I have read 95 books in the last seven-plus years. I made the goal five years ago to get to 100 by the time I’m 30. Well, I just finished number 100 a few days ago.

Push Yourself

The reason why I share some of those goals with you is that I want you to know how real and normal I am. Yes, I set big goals for myself because of many reasons. I want to challenge myself and get better and I want to have a great life. I want to push myself to the max and become the man I’m supposed to become. I especially don’t want to look back on my death bed and have regret after regret or the opportunities pop up in the back of my mind and smack me in the face and think I wished I would have done that and or gone and tried that.

Ed Mylett has a quote I don’t know it word for word, but you will get the idea. What pushes him is his future self when he gets to heaven and meets God. Ed says when I die God will go over everything I have done and could have done and should have done. He will tell me the person I could have been and should have been. Ed goes on to say if I don’t recognize that person then I failed. But if I do recognize that person then I did something right and made the most of my opportunities.

When I die I don’t want any regrets. I want to be the best husband, father hopefully one day brother, son, friend and so on. That’s what’s important to me. Of course, I want to make a difference and help people and do the right thing, that should be a given for all of us. Honestly, it starts with yourself. If you don’t figure you out and know what you’re doing then how do you expect to help others?

This Was A First

With that and these new opportunities that have come up recently. First Lindsay and I had the opportunity to go on Good Day PA on abc27 and I got to say that was an interesting experience haha. Did I like it no not really, especially being on tv and all eyes on me? I’m an introvert at heart.

The next day Lindsay and I had the opportunity to go to an elementary school near us and talk to them about our book. We talked to about 60 4th graders and I got to say that was a lot of fun. I wasn’t sure how it would be with talking to kids especially that young. I mean they are kids so we had to keep it fun but I think and I hope we did that. We talked to them about our books and Lindsay read the first chapter to them and we are definitely hoping to do that a lot more in the future.

Time To Grow

With that said Lindsay and I are excited about new opportunities down the road and what’s waiting for us ahead. I can’t wait to see what’s next. I’m excited and anxious to see what God has planned for me and looking forward to it.

Now for you, and me of course. Don’t be afraid of new opportunities that come up in front of you. Yes, you might be a little hesitant about what’s in front of you. Or maybe you will wonder, I can’t do that or why me? How can I do that or I won’t be able to help out. Maybe you don’t think that but I sure do.

If someone asks you to do something special like that, then maybe you should consider and take in that they want your help for a reason. Maybe, you do have something to offer and some way of helping out. You might not think so but someone does.

Embrace and Grow

Don’t be afraid to get out of your comfort zone. Once you do that, that’s when you will start living and will feel alive. Embrace the suck and the nervousness that might be waiting for you and roll with it. Thats all part of life and the journey we’re on.

Once you get over that you might be surprised what’s on the other side of that hill your climbing. If you ask me, I would rather get out of my comfort zone and live a little and be scared. Then to look back forty years from now and see what I could have been or done. If you ask me that scares me more then being nervous or anxious about the new opportunities in front of me.

This was Bella after two days in a row working. I took these pictures 20 minutes after leaving the school and coming home haha.

New Year 2020

New Year 2020

Well, it’s a New Year, I can’t believe its 2020 it sounds so weird saying that 2020, it’s 2020, did you know it’s 2020? Sorry just checking to see if you knew it was 2020 yet or not.

I know I haven’t written much lately. I have been a little distracted with some other projects I’m working on I wanted to focus on. It was also the holidays that I wanted to try and take a little time off for that. But don’t worry I’m back now.

My Goals

It’s the new year 2020. I’m guessing you made some new year’s resolutions or some new goals for the year? Yes, I made some new goals of course for the year.

  • Run 300 miles (I HATE RUNNING) I’m doing this because I want to be uncomfortable and challenge myself.
  • Write two books this year.
  • Publish my first fiction book.
  • Read an hour a day.
  • I want to do a Spartan race or a triathlon, who knows maybe both.
  • Have 5 speaking opportunities.

Challenge Accepted

That’s just to name a few goals for you that I had come up with for the new year. Will some be challenging well, of course, they wouldn’t be very good goals if they weren’t challenging. What’s the point of having easy goals, how do you grow from that?

Now, will some goals be a little easier than others, of course? Once I complete those goals I’ll check them off and use that momentum to keep moving toward checking off the other goals.

Use That Momentum

It’s important to come up with a plan and new goals for the year. You want that plan and goals to help you keep moving forward and pushing yourself farther in the new year. You want to use that momentum to help you keep moving in the right direction, forward.

In my past, I never really set many goals or did much at new year’s or really cared for it. If I wasn’t hanging out with my friends or maybe a few new years in the past I would hang out with my one sister and her family and some of their friends. It was fun and I enjoyed hanging out with them of course. But honestly, I would have preferred writing if I’m being honest. I mostly did that sure to get out of the house and have some fun. But I know my mom would have wanted me to get out and live a little also why I can.

I haven’t talked about it that much or maybe I have it’s just been a while. But to me, that was living writing and creating. My writing and process was helping me to move farther along in my future. I still remember dozens of times I could have hung out with my friends but I said no. Maybe I could have put more effort into trying to hang out with some people my age from my past jobs. But I knew in the back of my mind what I was working on was for the future and for my future self and family.

It’s Calling Me

Just like what I’m doing now. I have no problem getting up at 5:15 or 5:30 am to work and read till Lindsay gets up before she has to leave for work. Do I want to get up that early HECK NO, of course not?

Especially now that its winter. Why would I want to get out of my comfortable bed sleeping next to my beautiful wife with my pup keeping my feet warm? That is my life right there in one room, why would I want to leave that.

The reason why I get up that early is because I have had a dream since August of 2011 that I wanted to become a full-time author. News flash in case you didn’t know I’m not full time yet I’m far from full time. Now when I say full time I’m not saying I want to make millions of dollars or anything crazy like that. I mean sure if it happens with my books or speaking that would be amazing and a blessing. To me writing fulltime is not about money. Writing full time means I get to create and entertain people and have an impact and help people. That’s what I want more than money.

New Opportunities

I challenge you this year to push yourself. Who knows if I will make it full time this year or not. Maybe I will but maybe I won’t. It will happen when it happens. But in the meantime, I’m going to keep learning, keep reading and of course, keep writing whenever I can to make this part-time hobby of mine reflect the full-time career that I want it to be.

What will your new year 2020 look like? Are you excited are you nervous about not knowing what’s next? Don’t worry I have no clue what’s next either. It freaks me out sometimes but that’s good. That means I’m alive and still moving and able to feel. But I will tell you this, I’m excited for what’s next and I won’t stop working to see what my future looks like no matter what. Neither can you stop working? Even if you don’t know yet that’s ok.

Never stop working on you and never stop trying to improve and get better. The moment you stop doing that is the moment you start to settle. That’s when you start to fall off and slowly lose that drive and start to die.

2018 What A Year

2018 What A Year

Sitting here reflecting on the last year of my marriage celebrating our first anniversary last month. Its been a great year which started back in early January. It’s a new year. I wonder what God has planned for me this year. At this point in my life, I don’t know what the heck I’m doing or where I’m going in my life. I only know two things.

First, I leave for Europe in a few months backpacking for two weeks. Second, I’m going to the Outer Banks with my family for the first time. Other than that, I’m not sure what I’ll be doing this year.

That Was  A Good Day

February 11th, was when I met Lindsay for the first time. I went backpacking across Europe for two weeks and roughly two weeks later purposed to Lindsay. I went to the Outer Banks with my family. Then a month later I went to the Outer Banks with Lindsay’s family. I was lucky and went twice that summer. 2018 what a year so far and it’s only August.

A month and a half later I married my better half. It was a quick eight-month time frame from the first date to saying I do. Then two days later we went to Mexico for are a honeymoon for a week and it was beautiful. We had a room overlooking the water seeing the sunrise and sunset. It was beautiful, what an amazing resort. By far the best vacation I have ever been on.

76 days later after getting married, I published my first book. After living and doing the research and building my story for this book for 28 years. I have been writing and working on creating the book for over four years and bringing it to life. I can’t believe I’m married and I’m a published author now.

Me Vs My Insecurities

So that was a little background as to why 2018 was a great year. But it also shows you how blessed I am. But on the flip side, I still can’t believe all of what happened. It’s still amazing and crazy looking back a short time ago and seeing where I was.

Now I have an amazing wife and some days I feel with my insecurities I don’t deserve her. Lindsay hates hearing that. It’s a battle I constantly have between my ears.

Mind Games

At 29 this might surprise you but I don’t have everything figured out. Shocking I know. I’m still trying to figure it out and you know what I think I always will be. For my whole life and even dating Lindsay and the first eight months of our relationship to now. I never thought I was good enough for the world. I never thought Peter could go and accomplish anything special in the world.

Now when I was younger I knew I was different my learning disability and dyslexia made that clear. But in the back of my mind, I always felt like I was going to do something special, I just didn’t know what that was. It took years and years of living and going through the ups and downs of life. I was on my life rollercoaster seeing the world and trying to figure it out.

Look Out World

I still have my moments and I know I still have a problem. It’s sad I know and I don’t know how to shake it and overcome it if I’m being very honest. I feel like I still haven’t accomplished enough. It’s crazy, right? I went backpacking across Europe twice and have been to almost 15 countries in my life. I’m a happily married man and a two-time published author. The most recent book I published with my wife was number 1 on Amazon’s new releases in five different categories in the first two months.

Even with all of those things I still feel like I have a lot to prove. Now, who do I need to prove myself to? It’s not to the world, my wife or family. Don’t get me wrong I want them to be proud of me especially my wife. I want her to feel safe and know I’m trying to work hard for us and to have and build a great life together. But more importantly, I feel like I have a lot to prove to myself.

New Mindset

I wrote some goals down when I was 25. Read 100 books, publish three books, own my own business and a few others. I wasn’t always motivated and pushing myself this much. For a good chunk of my life, I was the complete opposite that’s the reason why I started these goals. It’s not to say look at me look at what I’ve done and all of that. I don’t care about that. It’s for my own personal growth and trying to get the best out of myself.

Look at everything I did in 2018. This also ties into the first year of my marriage. It truly was the best year of my life and I’m grateful for everything that happened good and bad.

Just Getting Started

But I’m not done yet I’m only getting started. That’s what I want you to get out of this. It’s not me bragging about what I did and where I went. I’m trying to share with you that yes take in what you accomplished and what you did that’s very important, that’s something I still struggle with. I’m always moving and ready for the next thing.

There is a saying. The talent is God’s gift to you. What you do with it is your gift back to God. This is why I feel like I’m only getting started. There is more work to be done, more kids to connect with and a lot more goals to accomplish and pursue. It freaks me out sometimes but I never have been so excited to see what the years ahead look like.

My Obituary

Your Obituary

Thinking about my obituary is not fun, or should it be? If you’re at the end of your life and looking back at the last 70 or 80 years of your life what do you want to see? I’m guessing it’s something along the lines of success, accomplishments, family, hard worker things along that? Yes, those would be good, but what else do you want your obituary to say?

For me and what I think about my obituary, honestly, I don’t really care all that much. I only care about what my wife, family and the close people around me think of me. Do I want my life resume to say multiple times published author? Solid millions of books, fiction series turns into movie series. Do I want my writing career to be turned into my fulltime job and a hobby at the same time? Absolutely, that would be a dream come true. I want my wife to not have to worry about having to work overtime so we can make money. I want her right by my side working on this business with me.


Getting married, becoming a father and publishing a book were my ultimate goals in life. They are still my top goals and priorities and they always will be. But I have been having this feeling in my gut over the last couple of years. I need to share my story, from what I went through over the years to what I’m doing now. What I did do is probably the craziest thing I ever imagined in my life up to this point at 29. I embraced my biggest weaknesses and imperfections about myself. Now I turned them around and sharing them with you.

I’m nobody special, I’m not a household name, I don’t ever want to be in the spotlight or “famous” I don’t care about that. What I do care about is making the most of the only life I was given. On top of that, a goal I have had for years is to try and make the world a better place than when it was when I was born into it. Now that’s no small goal, and if you have gotten to know me over the last few years I don’t have small goals. I have big goals, that for years it scared me to share them with people. Big goals that when I talk about them it freaks me out and makes me start to think if it’s even possible.


Maybe all of my goals won’t come true? But here’s the thing what if they do come true? I want to publish over 10 books in my life and have my fiction series get turned into movies. I want to sell over a million copies of my books. More importantly, like my dad told me years ago I want to impact a million people or kids and young adults.

I know I won’t be able to write my obituary and say hey Lindsay when I die I want it to say this. No, it doesn’t work like that, at least I don’t think? All I care about is what I do in the meantime leading up until my obituary is printed.

My Struggle

My focus and goal with my books, my blog, and speaking are very simple. I want to entertain and teach people either in person or through my books. If it’s my fiction series I want to entertain people and give them something that will help them escape a bad day or give them something they won’t want to put down. If it’s my memoir just because you think there is something wrong with you doesn’t always mean that it’s true. That might be your opinion but not the reality.

For most of my life, I HATED myself. The only thing I liked was I was athletic and I could make people laugh. For years and years, I thought is this all I’m good for? Then I read a book at 21 and everything started to change. I started writing, and for the first time in a long time, I felt a weight lifted off my shoulders. I could write to myself about myself and I was able to embrace who I am. It wasn’t always easy and I had my bad days but it saved my life.

Still Going

That’s what I want to be remembered for. I don’t care what a stupid newspaper says about me or what’s printed. What matters is what I do why I’m still breathing and able to connect with people.

That’s how we should be looking at this. Not worrying about what the paper says. We should be worrying about what are life says and what we’re doing with it. I have goals and big plans. I’m a goal-oriented person, I need goals and direction and purpose to keep pushing me and to keep me going.

What Will You Do

That’s what I want to share with you now. Don’t focus on what doesn’t matter and what you want to be remembered for or what you want people to remember you by. Just focus on living your life doing the right thing and making a difference why you’re still able to. When it’s all said and done if you go about it the right way that’s all that matters and that’s how people will remember you.

I decided one day I couldn’t be controlled anymore by my Learning Disability and Dyslexia. Now I’m a two-time published author and sharing my unique story with the world and letting them know what it’s like living through my eyes.

You will find your way one day. It took me years and years and I never thought it would happen, but then it did. Sometimes it’s easier said than done. Be patient and never stop working every day. One day it will all make sense. Till that day comes, keep working hard every day and never quit.

First Year of Marriage

First Year of Marriage

I can’t believe I have been married for one year already. Not only that it’s been a busy first year. Lindsay and so many close friends have said we have done so much in the first year of marriage. Me, I think it’s been a great year, don’t get me wrong. But I think the Harrowers are only getting started.

Lindsay and I started talking online on January 26th, 2018. Our first date was February 11th. I popped the question June 9th and we got married on October 6th. I never thought this day would actually happen.

Then we went to Mexico for our honeymoon and it was beautiful. We spent a week in paradise, literally it was the best trip I and Lindsay have ever been on.

Goal #2

Exactly 76 days later after my number one goal in life was checked off. My number two goal in life got a checkmark. I published my first book. I spent over four years writing and working on this book. But really this book has been in the works from age six to 28 when I published it. The World Through My Dyslexic Eyes came to life and is now out there in the world. I’m a published author is this really happening?

My wife is now a published author and I’m a two-time published author. HOLD ON, back up. I’m married and now writing a book with my wife this is crazy and can’t be real? This is how my old self would look at this. So, what a bunch of people have published a book before? I still have this battle to this day and you can ask Lindsay. It’s still a struggle and still a huge dark cloud over me.

Team Effort

Even since I started writing in my early 20s I wanted to write a kid’s book, I just didn’t know what about. I know it’s a very hard and competitive category to write in I just needed the right story. Then I met Lindsay. She always wanted to share her and now my dog’s story. So around April of this year, that story started to come to life. The World Through Bella’s Eye’s is now available.

It’s not just another story that Lindsay and I wrote. This story was written and told by Bella. She tells the story and shares the story through her eyes to you. It’s a story about her journey and what she went through in her past to where she is now and everything she battled within that time. Beating cancer, being abused and left in the woods for three days and much more.

Dream Chaser 

Now my wife is a published author and doing something she never dreamed of doing. Myself, on the other hand, I published two books in less than nine months. If I look to my left where my desk is I can see my book and Bella’s book on the top of my bookcase. Sometimes I look at them and think those are cool covers. Wait those are my books, crap I wrote those. Well, Lindsay helped with Bella’s but you know what I mean.

Then I wonder how did I get here? Just a few short years ago I never thought I would be getting married. Still living in my parent’s house with a dry erase board filled with some goals and dreams. Now those dreams are slowly coming true. I’m at 77 books read and my goal is to get 100 by March 25th. I have published two books and I just need to publish one more to accomplish my two big goals by the time I’m 30.

Hard Work Pay’s Off

It wasn’t easy getting to this point. I never thought I would ever get to this point. Now that I’m here it almost seems to easy. Of course, it wasn’t that easy but looking back and reflecting. Look at what I’m doing, look at what Lindsay is doing? Look at what were both doing together now with are books?

I’m not saying what we’re doing is better than what you are doing. Please understand I’m not bragging and saying we’re better than you. All I’m saying is we’re all on different paths in our lives. There’s nothing wrong with that and that’s ok. All you need to worry about is your path and the journey you’re on. I just never thought this would happen. I always figured it would be a dream.

Perfect Combo

Was it worth all of the years being single and wondering if I will ever get married of course it was worth it? I never dated that much and the saying I would rather have loved and lost than never have loved always seemed so stupid to me. Thinking about it if you didn’t love then you wouldn’t be sad if something happened or you lost your spouse.

On the flip side if you didn’t love in the first place then you will never know what it was like to be so connected to another person’s heart and soul. Lindsay and I have been married for 382 days and we dated for eight months before that. But I swear we have known each other for years.

Don’t Stop Searching

Now I understand that phrase and you know what it’s true. The only reason I never understood that phrase was because I never loved someone and cared about someone before. If you ask me it’s worth the battle and the pain and suffering to find your soul mate. Some days I swear she knows me better than me.

After our first year of marriage, I can now say I would rather have loved and lost than never have loved before. If I never met Lindsay then I wouldn’t be where I am today. More importantly, I wouldn’t have had Lindsay by my side. If you ask me it’s worth it to keep searching and fighting for the one you love. Life is short, enjoy the time you have now because who knows how long till your time runs out.

After the first year of marriage, I’m excited for year two. Love you, babe.