Month: August 2018

100th Post

TWTMDE

Welcome to my 100th post. It seems like forever now, but 100 posts and still going. In that time I have written 100 posts, it’s crazy what I have seen over that time.

I guess for starters recognizing how blessed and lucky I am. This year alone I went backpacking across Europe for two weeks. I went to the outer banks for a week on vacation two different times this summer. Now my sister is getting married tomorrow. Then 41 days later I will be getting married.

One of the things I struggled with the most in my life and early days, was wondering if I would ever be good enough for someone else? Now here I am a little more than a month away from marrying my beautiful fiancée.

It’s Almost Time

To be honest it still doesn’t feel like I’m getting married. I went so many years not dating and wondering if I ever will find her or if I’m lucky enough to get married. It was such a quick turn around. We dated for less than four months and I proposed. Engaged for just about four months and then I’ll be married. It’s interesting seeing God work and how quickly things can change.

Besides getting married which is amazing and huge of course. Another thing I’m working on is publishing my book this year. I think it is finally ready. I’m ready to share this with the world and share my story. Yes, it still terrifies me and freaks me out of course. But hey whoever said that wasn’t a bad thing? I think that’s how you grow and get better. Getting yourself out of your comfort zone and stretching yourself. That’s how you start to find yourself and see who you really are and what your made of and capable of in your life.

Keep Going

That’s part of the reason why I started this blog. Is to continue to keep writing and keep trying to get better at writing. Is there room for improvement, absolutely I won’t deny that. Do I think I have come a long way since my first post and when I first started writing? Yes, I think I have. I hope I’m able to publish a couple hundred more posts over the years. How cool would it be if I end up sharing 1,000 posts?

The goal is to try and connect with kids and young adults who have similar stories and issues like me. I’m here to tell them, that anything is possible. I was that kid who hated school and wasn’t good at it. Some days I would have rather been tortured physically instead of taking a test or reading in front of the class. That to me was torture enough and embarrassing. It was hard and was hell for me. Reading, writing, spelling, math, anything else you can think of it was hard for me.

I Believed The Lies

For a good chunk of my life and all of my teenage years and about the first half of my 20s I let my weaknesses control me. My weaknesses and Fred, my alter ego controlled every movement of my life it felt like. It wasn’t Peter running the show, I was a zombie just going with the flow. Most of the time it felt like I was on cruise control, I didn’t know what was going on.

Well, I’m here to tell you right here and right now. That all of my faults, my weaknesses and the things I struggled with in school the only reason why they controlled me was I let them. I was listening to myself. That’s what I kept telling myself over the years and feeding my head with these lies. After a while, my lies started to sound believable and I was now listening to myself and believing it.

Bigger Picture

That’s why my book had to be written. That’s why this blog had to be created. I’m glad I had over 105 agents reject me. Sure, at the moment, I was sad and wondering if this will ever work. Looking back, I just don’t think I was ready. I’m one of those people that believes everything happens for a reason. I believe I was meant to finally meet Lindsay at the beginning of the year. I believe all of those rejections I had received was all pointing me to create this blog. It was all different pieces I was putting together to finish the puzzle.

Now it’s not about me anymore, or my books and blog. After reading this, what is it you need to work on or fix? I have a lot of stuff still to work on. I’m still battling insecurities and going back and forth with every day. I don’t have much confidence in myself, I’m always negative toward myself throughout the day. Depression has been a constant battle over the years. I have become my own worst enemy over the years.

Never Stop Dreaming

My story is out in the public now. I have a lot of work to do still. There is a lot of room for improvement, I’m far from cured. But here’s the kicker that a lot of people miss over the years. This was something I couldn’t really grasp at a young age. There’s always going to be something we’re working on or trying to improve or fix as we age and get older. Honestly, that’s how it should be. I feel if you just settle with where you are and what you’re doing in life then you already have one foot in the grave.

Life is supposed to be special, and precious. We only get one chance at it and one life. We need to all start doing better and making the most of it. Start tackling those goals and dreams you have been talking about for years. It’s time to stop talking, and time to start doing.

Champions Keep Going

Don’t Give Up

Champions keep going when they don’t have anything left in their tank

–ET

From a young age, I always thought I was meant for something special. I didn’t know what that was, or how to get to it and find it. Going with whatever was in front of me for that day. I was lost and felt like I was walking in circles with no direction and no clue what I was going to do with myself or what God had in store for me. Some days I felt like the monkey playing the symbols and not going anywhere. I can’t be a champion, what can I do?

Freaked Out

I had no idea what I was doing with myself. I kept rolling with whatever was coming my way. No matter what was going on if it was whatever sport I was in or job I was at. I would try and look at the plus side of everything, unfortunately, that’s easy said than done. After a while, I could only lie to myself so much. I started to realize how much I’m full of it. It’s one thing to lie to others and tell them how I’m feeling or if I’m faking it and putting on a mask trying to be happy. But I can’t lie to myself, I know who I really am.

Once school was over and I graduated and ready to step into the real world, all I could think was how terrified I was. With no direction and no idea what I was going to do with myself and that stupid piece of paper saying I graduated. What am I supposed to do now?

Hard Work

Yes, I graduated from school. But looking back, I had a lot of help from my parents and teachers to help push me or drag me over the finish line of graduating school. If I didn’t have their help who knows how many times I would have failed.

I have played sports all my life and have a decent collection of trophies I have gathered over the years. But what does that mean, and how does that benefit me now? Well for starters it showed me how to commit to something bigger than Peter. It showed me how to work with others to get the job done and win and collect the prize at the end of the season. Become a champion was always the goal at the end of the season.

Champions

I was a part of two championship teams in high school. I won the league in my junior year in soccer. My senior year we won the league in baseball. That was a great feeling because it was the last big thing I accomplished before graduation. Honestly, I think I was more excited about winning the league in baseball then I was for graduating.

I know my ultimate goal was to graduate from school. But the only problem with that is I didn’t know what to do with myself next in my life. My ultimate goal is finally here and I just freaked out and panicked and didn’t want to leave school. I didn’t know what I could do, and what I can go after and tackle next. I was scared and I wanted to turn around and go back to what was familiar to me. School for me was a battle every day. That battle I was facing was less scary to me than the unknown after I graduated with no direction.

Never Back Down

How can I win in life? I have lost more in life then I have won. Even though I won two league titles in my high school career. I also lost in the championship game my junior year in basketball and baseball. I failed multiple times trying to sell my books to agents to represent me. Failures and rejections definitely outweigh the wins in my life.

I’m, not a champion, how can I be a winner and a champion if I have lost more than I have won? I didn’t understand this at the time. It’s not about the medals I have earned in school being the best team that year. It was the fact that the team I was a part of didn’t give up and we didn’t back down from whoever the opponent was in front of us in the championship game.

New Approach

Even with receiving over 105 rejections about my books over the years. Yes, for a short time that did scare me and made me wonder if I can even write or if there is even room for me to enter this field. I decided to change the outcome and not give up. A new path was formed and I went in a different direction. I created PeterHarrower.com to start blogging, and I needed a place to keep writing.

A new approach to publish my books was born. I didn’t let 105 people who didn’t care for what I had created stop me. I would have taken 1,000 rejections if it meant my story or books could reach 10 times that. What matters is when I was down thinking I failed and I wouldn’t be good enough I didn’t stop.

Mindset

I might not have won yet or published any of my books yet. It doesn’t mean I’m not going to. Maybe I won’t reach thousands or millions of people in my lifetime. That’s not what this is about. It’s to show you to never quit and never settle when you feel like you can’t win. Stay away from the negative attitude.

Maybe you won’t win right now. Keep working and wait to see where you will be a year from now or five years from now. Keep working and who knows, you might be at a level that you never pictured for yourself and envisioned. That’s why it’s important to never stop and to always keep working. That’s what separates champions and losers in life.

You Are A Mist

What Is Your Life

Why you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. James 4:14

Going back to age six I always thought I was meant for something bigger and better than just me and the “normal life”. Nothing against that life that people live. I just always imagined and envisioned from an early age that life is so precious and so special, why waste it? Why do we waste it on stupid stuff?

Look At Your Situation

For me I always wanted to help people from a young age, I just didn’t know how or where to begin. Part of the reason why I wanted to help people is that I know I was broken and I needed help myself. Thinking if I help enough people that might help me. What if I do enough good deeds, will that make me feel better about myself and love myself for once? Will that bring joy to me and happiness to me? The answer is no. Yes, I will be helping people which will be awesome. What is it that will make me happy, what am I meant to do?

I don’t know what I meant to do. What if writing doesn’t work out for me? What if my books don’t get published and never turned into movies? Well, that would suck and I’ll be sad that my earthly goals didn’t pan out. Were only here on earth for a short stint. What’s the point in wasting the rest of the days I have left? Yes, I’ll be sad for a few days or weeks, whatever the time frame might be that’s not the point. The point is I tried, and it didn’t work out and it wasn’t meant to be and I move on.

Comfort Zone 

What I’m trying to share is we are only here for a short time. Stop wasting your time doing what you don’t want. If your job isn’t going anywhere then leave and take a new opportunity for less pay starting out doing what your dream job is. If you’re not happy in your relationship and it’s not going anywhere then maybe it’s time to move on?

Our life is a mist, your life will only be around for a short time. Life has been going on before you were born and it will continue once your mist disappears. Every now and then it hits me and I reminisce on what I have done. I have written three books and read 40 books and listened to 10 more audiobooks in four years.

Never Stop

Now I’m trying to turn my weaknesses and things that I hate about myself and I’m embarrassed about into a positive. Do I like opening up about my life and all of my personal stuff, no I don’t not many people would haha. But I’m doing that because not only will it help me feel better about myself. I want to turn my baggage and what I’ve learned into a positive somehow. What better way to do that than sharing what I have learned over the years.

Will people remember me for years after I’m dead, who knows, maybe maybe not? Part of me hopes that they would remember. I hope that they remember the person I am and what I tried doing and accomplishing before I die. Helping kids like me that were angry, felt alone and lost in the world. That’s my goal is to help those kids stay away from the darkness and shadows I was in for too many years. If I can help kids over the years by sharing my story, that will be a dream come true. As much as I want that dream to come true, and for the last almost eight years that was my main goal. Writing and helping kids and connecting with them.

Live It Up

Before my mist disappears at the end of my road. My priority is to make sure I can be the best son, brother, uncle, friend, and husband in 56 days and hopefully one day a father. Will I screw up, of course? Overall, I want those close to me to know that I love them and I tried my best every day for them. I didn’t always know the best way to share my love and sometimes I didn’t show it enough. But that doesn’t mean I didn’t care. I hope my actions every day explained how much I care about you.

That’s why I work as hard as I do. It’s not just for me it’s for you, it’s for my family and friends. It’s for the people that don’t know me and have no idea who Peter Harrower is. I’m sure there will be people that will never hear about the world through my dyslexic eyes. That’s just how it is, I’m just trying to make the most of the days I have right now.

Enjoy The Ride

Why keep worrying about what’s next and what’s in front of you? I’m still working on that and it’s definitely not easy. For me, sometimes I focus more on the future and miss out on the present and next thing I know it’s now the past and it’s over.

Don’t make the same mistakes that I’ve made over the years. Enjoy the ride, enjoy the scenery and slow down and take your time. Live in the moment and let whatever comes next happen and don’t focus and worry about what hasn’t happened yet. Thank God every day for waking you up and for another day. Because some people don’t have that luxury that we have to see what we want one last time. You never know when it might be your time. Live it up and make the most of your mist and what’s in front of you.

Chess Vs Checkers

The Battle

When you hear Chess vs Checkers what do you think? Well for starters one game takes a lot more skill and thinking than the other. One game all of the pieces move in different directions and all play different roles. The other game, the pieces can only move one spot at a time and that’s it. So yes, there is a big difference, and it takes I think a certain skill level to master one then it does another.

For me, I love chess and it’s a challenge and it makes you think, now I suck at it but I enjoy it. At a young age, I definitely enjoyed checkers a lot more. It was an easy game for me, as far as how you play an to follow. Now, as I got older and trying to challenge myself and change my ways and mindset toward the world and what I’m thinking chess becomes more challenging for me. I wanted more of a challenge and well chess was defiantly that challenge for me haha.

The Checkers Life

Chess and checkers, I think can be compared to people in some cases. Checkers is a very basic game when you compare both of them. All of the pieces do the same thing and your trying to take all of your opponent’s pieces. Now chess, on the other hand, is a little more involved. All of the pieces do something different. Some go straight, some go on an angle, some can only move one spot, a wide variety. The number of moves is endless and you can do so much with them. What your trying to do is outsmart your opponent and take their king in the end. You’re trying to bait them into following you this direction. Why they are following you this way, you’re leaving the other side wide open and catching off guard, checkmate.

For me, I lived 20 plus years of my life as I’m playing checkers. Again, there’s nothing wrong with checkers it’s a good game. For me, though it felt like I was missing something, I need something more I needed a new challenge. Once I committed to writing books and wanting to become an author and publish books. I had to change my ways in life. If I wanted to get better at reading and writing, well then, I have to practice. I have to challenge myself every day and keep working hard. That’s what I did, I started the transition out of checkers and into chess in life.

New Game Of Life

Chess is my game of life now. It’s on a whole other level then checkers and only select few really know how to play chess and are actually good. Again, I am not very good I need to get better in the actual game. But as far as life, well I wasn’t very good at checkers or chess haha. Now you know why I needed a change. I didn’t like where I was and where I was heading.

I’m committing to something that scares the crap out of me. I’m committing to trying to turn a weakness and something I struggle with and embarrassed about into a strength. I never in a million years ever thought I would like reading and writing. I never thought at 28 this is where I would be in my life. Honestly, I’m just happy to be alive and I didn’t follow through with some actions that I wanted to take multiple times that would have prevented me from being here at this very moment.

Give It Your All

All I’m trying to say is, it doesn’t matter how good or bad you are at these games. The point is, all you can do is try. All you can do is give it and your life the very best try that you can give. Don’t expect everything to be handed to you. Keep working and trying to improve and get better every day. That’s one of the many areas I screwed up and got lost in the shadows. I thought I was going to be able to use this disability excuse a little longer. Well until reality set in and smacked me in the face again. But it’s what I needed to wake me up.

If you are settling down with where you are in life, whether that’s in your career or in a relationship it doesn’t matter it can be anything. Well, then you’re wasting your time and a great opportunity in front of you. The opportunities are endless and there are so many opportunities in life now. You can do it. You can win in life and be successful and you deserve to win and be happy in life.

The Switch

I made the transition and the switch because I didn’t like where I was. Now you need to ask yourself where you are in your life and how you feel about your situation? If you’re ok with where you are, well then, I’m happy for you. But if you have to think about it longer then five seconds to answer if your happy or not, then most likely you’re not happy.

There is always room for improvement and there is always room to get better and for new challenges to be placed in front of you. But here’s the thing, you’re not going to grow in life and get better by waiting around for them to come to you. That’s where I screwed up I was waiting and waiting, alright God I’m ready whenever you are. Sometimes you have to make the first move in life. Maybe he wants us to try something new and figure it out ourselves first before he comes in and helps. Sometimes you have to put yourself in an uncomfortable situation and go over some hurdles to get to where you want to get to in life.

A little fun fact for you, my grandfather made this board back in 1986.