Like to Win or Hate to Lose

What Are You

So do you like to win or hate to lose? Think back for a minute. When you were playing sports in school. Playing board games with your family, or whatever other activity you can think of. How did it feel when you won? How did it and you feel when you lost? Did one feel better or worse than the other?

I’m very competitive and hate losing. But dont get me wrong I love to win who doesn’t. Pingpong against my brother in law. Playing monopoly with my wife and two nieces the other day and I won and it felt great. So which one are you? It doesn’t matter what you’re doing. Do you like to win or hate to lose?

Losing Sucks

For me, I’m definitely a hate to lose kind of person. But my competitive nature in me loves to compete but the winner inside of me expects to win I guess and doesn’t accept losing. Even if it’s in a stupid board game or card game. Something so simple as playing in my backyard I still want to win.

I think what started me off in the hate to lose phase was when I was younger and struggling with school. Yes, I know “eye roll” it all goes back to school and being younger with me again. I struggled in school and never did that well with my dyslexia and always did horrible on tests. I was always scared about seeing my test when it gets handed back to me.

My Struggles

It all comes back to my struggles. I would always fail or do bad in school and that messed with me. Compared to athletics that was always easy for me. The school part for me made me feel like a loser and the anger and frustration inside of me whenever I had to take tests do homework and well anything else for school changed me and the hulk in me came out.

I wanted to win in school so bad. I remember thinking to myself about how athletic and good I was in sports. Thinking to myself I wish there was a way I could trade in some of my athleticism to do better in school. I know that sounds funny but I thought about that. I was willing to trade in or take away something I was very good at and thrived in just to help make up for in an area I wasn’t very good at and struggled with.


That’s how much losing bothers me. As great as winning is and as much as I love it, the losing sticks with me way more. All I ever wanted was to have confidence in myself, believe in myself, and believe I can and will do something special and great with my life and win. Thats why like to win or hate to lose sticks with me.

That mindset helped transition to my jobs and the work-life over the years and also writing now. I dont want any regrets before my time comes. I want to be proud and happy with what I did with my life over the years.

Don’t Give In

Who knows if I will be able to write and speak full-time down the road. Who knows if I will publish 10 or 20 books down the road and sell millions of copies and have some of those books turned into movies. For me, it’s, not the money that will come with publishing that many books or selling that many. For me, it all comes back to me from day one with where this all started.

This all started with a weakness of mine. For most of my life, I thought I was broken and I couldn’t do anything great with my life. Now say all of those things do come true. The writing, speaking, I publish 20 books and one or two of them become movies down the road. For me, it’s not about telling people what I did and what I worked for and dreamed for over the years. It’s about showing them firsthand what I did and proving and sharing with people it’s possible. I dreamed about it, worked hard, and didn’t settle or make excuses. I worked my tail off to chase after something and never stopped until I got there.

You Can Do It

It’s possible to change and get better. It’s possible to turn a weakness into a strength or into something better than it was. It’s about sharing my journey and sharing what I’ve gone through and struggled with over the years and sharing with others what I did. We all struggle with things, we all have our own weaknesses and issues. Some dont do anything with them, some just accept them, some change them and fix them for the better. What do you want?

For me, I did all three. I didn’t think I could do anything or fix anything. Then I slowly one step at a time started working on me and slowly changing me and my situation around me. Was it always fun, was it perfect and easy of course not? Did I enjoy every minute of it, of course not? Sometimes what you need to do is embrace the suck and keep going. In sports when your doing sprints. Did you stop before the line and cut it short, or sprint through and touch the line?

My Unique Story

Looking back I wouldn’t have changed a thing. Because I stopped making excuses and stopped settling in life. I stopped thinking to myself well this is what I was dealt with I can’t fix or change anything. No thats crap. You can change and get better, and you must change and get better. Not just for yourself but for those around you.

Now is the time to become a winner and stop settling for losing. There’s no right or wrong answer. Do you like to win or hate to lose? Whichever one it is focus on that. Focus on winning in life or do and give everything you got in life to prevent yourself from losing.

Your Mess Is Your Message


If I ask you about your life what would you say? If I asked you what you think of your life and what you’ve done with it so far what would you say? What if I say to you your mess is your message how would you react? That’s right its true, your mess is your message and we all have a mess.

Your message is the good, the bad, and the ugly you have gone or currently going through. Will it always be fun, no. Will it always be pretty and or exciting, no. But as long as you’re willing to work and work hard at it to overcome and do better then you were doing. Will it be worth it, the answer is a big fat YES?

What A Mess

My mess is my message and looking back at it right now, I’m proud, very proud of my mess. My mess of a life help brought me here to this very point right now. For years and far too long I didn’t like who I saw in the mirror. I didn’t like who I was and was judging myself and picking myself apart before others would have the chance to. I figured if I kept my distance they wouldn’t see the real me. The lost, the confused, and the broken.

Little did I realize looking back now, I was clearly lost and I don’t disagree or deny that. But I wasn’t broken, I wasn’t a waste and I wasn’t a mistake. I was meant to be here for a reason. I was meant to go through my hard times in my school days and early 20s to help get me to where I am today.

You Get What You Put In

I’m sure if you ask some people if you could go back in time to change or fix anything, would you? Well, ask yourself that question. Would you go back and change anything? If someone asked me that question I would say no right away with no hesitation. Because I believe everything happens for a reason. I believe what you put into your life and the opportunities in front of you are what you get out of them. If they are bad situations and you don’t make the most of them well they will stay bad. If you made a bad decision and flipped it around into a good one or for the better. Well, then it would have been worth it.

For me, I don’t want to say I made bad decision after bad decision, that’s not true. Overall my life, I can’t say it enough I had it pretty easy I can’t lie. I can’t lie and say my parents got divorced or one of them died at a young age. Or I got in trouble with the law and so on and so on.


Looking back, I had a very easy life for the most part. The only hard part and the tricky part I battled and had to keep fighting was what was going on between my ears. That’s what made my life seem like it was hard or I had it worse than others. In all reality I didn’t, I had it much easier than most. But what I did have and struggle with even to this day at 30 is the belief in myself.

Over the years I struggled to believe in myself thinking I was a mistake and I won’t be able to do anything special. I’m not going to win in life or I won’t become the man and the person God wanted me to become. Well, what if these struggles and issues or battles I had over the years was meant to happen? What if I was meant to struggle in school and battle my dyslexia my whole life to help me build a better work ethic? What if me not being the smartest kid in school helped build a fire inside of me of wanting to win and better my self?

My Mess

That’s what I think is what happened. Yes, I believe everything happens for a reason. But I also believe God gives us the opportunity to make decisions and choices for ourselves. Did I make bad choices and go a different direction, I don’t think so? But what if making those choices myself help build me into the person I am today?

So, I will ask you again. If I say to you your mess is your message how would you react? I would say my message is unique and one of a kind. I’ve had a lot of ups and downs and low and high points overall. But in the end, this life and my mess is my message and I’m proud of it.

Still Learning

Yes, it’s easy now looking back once you got over that hump or a hard time to say ohh it was worth it. But it’s true looking back at where I was what I was doing and trying to figure out my plan next. I can now say I love my mess and my message its slowly turning into something great.

Now do I have everything figured out, of course not. I still have a lot of learning to do and a lot of growing to do. I always will be trying to improve and get better because that’s life. Getting better and growing is a daily habit that you must do every day.

Be Proud

Now I challenge you to not be ashamed of your mess and instead embrace your message. Will it be hard sometimes, of course, it will? Will you be uncomfortable sometimes, of course, welcome to life? Now is the time to not be ashamed of you or run away and give up.

Now is the time to stand up and embrace the suck you’re going through and more importantly embrace you. Your mess is your message and be proud and share it with the world and make a difference along the way.

Bella Louise

Sad Day

This is going to be a different kind of post today. This post is not meant to motivate you, inspire you, or help you. Well, I guess that will be your decision to decide if it will do any one of those or not.

This date was the day that Lindsay and I lost our pup, Bella Louise Harrower unexpectedly. It has been very hard especially for my wife. Those two had a very special and unique bond.

Bella’s Life

In case you don’t know who Bella Louise is, here is a quick recap. Bella was used as a bait dog for the first six months of her life. When they were done with her in the dogfighting ring, they left her tied to a tree in the middle of January outside for three days. Someone finally noticed her and called it in and a lady from a shelter came out and saved Bella. An hour later my wife came in and saw and rescued Bella and it’s been history ever since.

Bella was also diagnosed with cancer at five years old just a couple of years later. She is a fighter and a trooper and thanks to my wife, who did everything she could to help this dog. In case you didn’t know it wasn’t just Lindsay that saved Bella. Bella also saved Lindsay a couple of times from her past and that only helped their bond grow even more over the years.

A Unique Bond

Lindsay and Bella have such a unique bond and relationship, that after Bella beat cancer the team in Maryland where Bella had her surgeries wanted to study Lindsay and Bella’s relationship.

This dog was a fighter, this dog has been through so much in her almost nine years of life. She was a survivor. You should know, May 1st would have been her 9th birthday.

Bella Louise was beautiful and a one of a kind dog to me. I have only known Lindsay and Bella for a little over two years. Bella is by far one of the smartest dogs I have ever met. Yes, I know, she is my dog I’m sure everybody has said that. But it’s true, this dog acted like a human sometimes. If we said something she didn’t like she would huff at us and let us know.

A True Blessing

I have dozens of stories I could share with you and I know Lindsay has way more. Bella wasn’t just a dog to Lindsay and I. To Lindsay, she was her guardian angel that looked after Lindsay so much when it was just the two of them.

Bella opened up my eyes to how amazing and truly special this Pit Bull breed is and how misunderstood this beautiful breed is. I have had dogs my whole life growing up and I have never met and had a dog quite like Bella. Not just what she did as a dog playing and sleeping, you know the typical stuff dogs do.

To me, it was the little things she did that got me. When it was getting late and she was tired she would come to the top of our bed and whine to go under our sheets and would want us to lift them up so she could go to bed. Her pissy attitude when her bone would fall or go under something and would look up at us to get our attention (most of the time she would push it under on purpose so we would give her attention haha.)

What A Year

Bella was unique and she was beautiful. Not just her beautiful red fawn-like hair. It was her personality and how much she loved people, even strangers she never met if they came over to the house. If we let you inside she would feel you out and once we gave her the ok it was like she had known you her whole life and jumping on you trying to make you happy and give you kisses.

Around May of 2019, Lindsay and I came up with an idea that would forever change our lives going forward. For Lindsay, it was a chance to share her and Bellas’s story and to try and put a good, happy, and healthy story out into the world especially about Pit Bulls.

Bella Is Famous

For me, it gave me a chance to cross something off my bucket list. To write a kid’s book, and like I said the rest is history. We published The World Through Bella’s Eyes: A Pit Bull’s Story, September 10th, 2019.

From that day to now, opened opportunities in my eyes that only seemed like they would be dreams and never become a reality. We went to a school and talked to 60 4th graders about writing, publishing, and sharing Bella’s story. We also had a chance to go on the news on Good Day PA and share her unique story.

Beautiful Breed

Our main goal with writing her book was to bring light and show a different side of this beautiful misunderstood breed. We’re not here to judge and blame anyone or media or anything like that. All we want to share with you is that some of the stories you hear might not be completely true. To also let you know that in the end, a dog is still a dog.

They don’t have human instincts and they are in the end just a dog. If they are surrounded by the wrong type of people they might be taught the wrong thing just like you and me if we grew up in a bad family or neighborhood. All we wanted to do was bring light and bring a real TRUE story to this beautiful breed.

RIP Beautiful

To Bella Louise, which means beautiful protector. We love you, we miss you, and we will never forget you. You were a protector to your mom and me just as much as we tried to protect you. Thank you for all of the great memories over the years. You left us far too soon. You will always be in our hearts and we will not stop trying to help Pitties the rest of our lives because of you. We will always try our best to help and rescue other pups that need a forever home just like you.

Goals vs Growth

Which One

If I ask you how to define goals what would you say? What if I ask you to define growth? What if I ask you what the difference of goals vs growth is? If you can’t answer that’s ok. Someone who’s a lot smarter and more successful than me took care of that, John Maxwell. In one of John’s books he talks about growth, that’s the whole point of the book. This part he compares the two and gives examples.

  • Goals – focuses on a destination, motivates you, seasonal, challenges you, stops when a goal is reached.
  • Growth – focusses on the journey, matures you, lifelong, changes you, keeps you growing beyond the goal.

Growth over Goals

For me especially the last five years goals were all I was focused on. I figured if I want to be successful I need goals and big ones. If I want my dreams to come true then I need to set goals to help reach and accomplish those goals. Well, that last sentence is true. You still need goals to help push you and keep you focused. But what if I tell you that’s, not the only thing?

I would say the last year especially the last few months after reading this book. Growth and the journey seemed to catch my attention a lot more. Seeing where I was five-plus years ago to now is cool. Seeing what I have accomplished in the last five years, especially the last two. But overall the growth that I have seen is way sweeter than the goals.

Different Phases

Now, look at my past, or past blog posts. I have a handful of posts talking about goals. I’m not saying they are bad that’s far from it. All I’m saying is for me I thought it was an end goal and destination I have been searching for over the last few years. But if you ask me and what I have seen and learn over that same time, it’s the journey that was more memorable and better.

Seeing where I was freshman year to senior year in high school. From 18 years old to 21 years with very little change and growth. Just going through life and paving the way for what’s next. 22 years old to 24 going through a lot of hard times and struggling and searching and slowly and I mean slowly starting to change. 25 too present time right now, I’m a whole new person.

Part Of the Journey

Like always I don’t say all of this to brag and pat myself on the back. That’s far from what I’m trying to do. Like always I’m trying to give you a better example of what I was going through and use that example for your own life.

I have battled weaknesses, embraced the suck, trying to take in my accomplishments and enjoy the journey so far along the way. That my friends that’s what’s been the biggest thing I have learned so far. It’s not publishing multiple books and having a handful of speaking engagements and going on tv and everything else in between. That’s all part of the ride I was on every day to get me here.

Just Beginning

The biggest thing is I didn’t settle. I didn’t just pick something and ride it out and roll with it. I did what I had to do every day going through my life of course. But in the back of my mind, I knew there was something else out there. Something bigger and especially bigger than me.

I’m not done yet and I have said it before. I feel like my journey is only beginning if you ask me. But what I haven’t figured it out yet is if that’s a good thing or bad thing? I guess you could look at it either way. But if you ask me I think it’s a good thing because I already went through everything I went through to get me here. Now I know where I was and I don’t want to go back. I’ve learned and grew and battled with goals vs growth and now I know what I’m focused on.

It’s Been A Crazy Ride

My growth is way more important than the individual goals that I set for myself. I still have goals and am still pushing to accomplishing those goals and I always will set goals. But now what I’m starting to realize and see is it’s not just the goals in front of me and where I want to go. Its where I was and what I overcame and accomplished along the way to get me there.

Now I still struggle with taking in my accomplishments. I have published two books in a year. Read probably 95 books in about six years. I have written the first draft to four other books and have three other books in the back of my mind that I want to write down the road. One of my books hit #1 on Amazon’s new releases in three different categories. I was on tv with my beautiful wife and dog talking about that same book.

Keep Going

I have done a lot and my wife’s proud and happy and so is my family. But this is where I will get into trouble haha. I feel like I haven’t done that much, YET. Its because I’m hard on myself and my toughest critic, bad habit. I put these expectations on myself and pushing myself trying to improve and grow and get better that sometimes I get so focused on goals and not growth.

I know what you’re supposed to do but I fall for my own tricks sometimes. Now I’m trying to enjoy the last 30 years of my life and looking where I was and now where I am going. But especially the last eight years were the most special. Looking back the goals vs growth outlook helped get me to where I am today. These last eight years helped create the person I am today and I wouldn’t change, a thing.

2018 What A Year

2018 What A Year

Sitting here reflecting on the last year of my marriage celebrating our first anniversary last month. Its been a great year which started back in early January. It’s a new year. I wonder what God has planned for me this year. At this point in my life, I don’t know what the heck I’m doing or where I’m going in my life. I only know two things.

First, I leave for Europe in a few months backpacking for two weeks. Second, I’m going to the Outer Banks with my family for the first time. Other than that, I’m not sure what I’ll be doing this year.

That Was  A Good Day

February 11th, was when I met Lindsay for the first time. I went backpacking across Europe for two weeks and roughly two weeks later purposed to Lindsay. I went to the Outer Banks with my family. Then a month later I went to the Outer Banks with Lindsay’s family. I was lucky and went twice that summer. 2018 what a year so far and it’s only August.

A month and a half later I married my better half. It was a quick eight-month time frame from the first date to saying I do. Then two days later we went to Mexico for are a honeymoon for a week and it was beautiful. We had a room overlooking the water seeing the sunrise and sunset. It was beautiful, what an amazing resort. By far the best vacation I have ever been on.

76 days later after getting married, I published my first book. After living and doing the research and building my story for this book for 28 years. I have been writing and working on creating the book for over four years and bringing it to life. I can’t believe I’m married and I’m a published author now.

Me Vs My Insecurities

So that was a little background as to why 2018 was a great year. But it also shows you how blessed I am. But on the flip side, I still can’t believe all of what happened. It’s still amazing and crazy looking back a short time ago and seeing where I was.

Now I have an amazing wife and some days I feel with my insecurities I don’t deserve her. Lindsay hates hearing that. It’s a battle I constantly have between my ears.

Mind Games

At 29 this might surprise you but I don’t have everything figured out. Shocking I know. I’m still trying to figure it out and you know what I think I always will be. For my whole life and even dating Lindsay and the first eight months of our relationship to now. I never thought I was good enough for the world. I never thought Peter could go and accomplish anything special in the world.

Now when I was younger I knew I was different my learning disability and dyslexia made that clear. But in the back of my mind, I always felt like I was going to do something special, I just didn’t know what that was. It took years and years of living and going through the ups and downs of life. I was on my life rollercoaster seeing the world and trying to figure it out.

Look Out World

I still have my moments and I know I still have a problem. It’s sad I know and I don’t know how to shake it and overcome it if I’m being very honest. I feel like I still haven’t accomplished enough. It’s crazy, right? I went backpacking across Europe twice and have been to almost 15 countries in my life. I’m a happily married man and a two-time published author. The most recent book I published with my wife was number 1 on Amazon’s new releases in five different categories in the first two months.

Even with all of those things I still feel like I have a lot to prove. Now, who do I need to prove myself to? It’s not to the world, my wife or family. Don’t get me wrong I want them to be proud of me especially my wife. I want her to feel safe and know I’m trying to work hard for us and to have and build a great life together. But more importantly, I feel like I have a lot to prove to myself.

New Mindset

I wrote some goals down when I was 25. Read 100 books, publish three books, own my own business and a few others. I wasn’t always motivated and pushing myself this much. For a good chunk of my life, I was the complete opposite that’s the reason why I started these goals. It’s not to say look at me look at what I’ve done and all of that. I don’t care about that. It’s for my own personal growth and trying to get the best out of myself.

Look at everything I did in 2018. This also ties into the first year of my marriage. It truly was the best year of my life and I’m grateful for everything that happened good and bad.

Just Getting Started

But I’m not done yet I’m only getting started. That’s what I want you to get out of this. It’s not me bragging about what I did and where I went. I’m trying to share with you that yes take in what you accomplished and what you did that’s very important, that’s something I still struggle with. I’m always moving and ready for the next thing.

There is a saying. The talent is God’s gift to you. What you do with it is your gift back to God. This is why I feel like I’m only getting started. There is more work to be done, more kids to connect with and a lot more goals to accomplish and pursue. It freaks me out sometimes but I never have been so excited to see what the years ahead look like.

Aging = A Slow Death

My Purpose

So, I have some Fears, am I proud of them no of course not. Do I have a couple yes? But here’s the thing. I feel if you don’t have fears then you’re not living or pushing yourself enough in life. Right now, I’m going to focus on one fear and why aging = a slow death.

First, I know that sounds kind of dramatic, but stick with me. One of my biggest fears is getting older and not living up to my potential. But if I were to break it down its really two fears in one. Getting older and not feeling accomplished, like I didn’t do anything great or special with my life. I just lived and that’s it. God put me in every situation for a reason good or bad. If I don’t choose wisely or make the best decision then I failed to live up to his purpose and dreams that he had for Peter.

Work Everyday

I think some of those fears are pretty common and healthy. But just because you have those fears doesn’t give you an excuse to just live and go with the flow. You can’t just say I have these six fears or whatever the number it doesn’t matter. You actually have to do something about those fears and try and fix them and turn them around and get better. Just talking about them isn’t going to cut it you have to work on those fears.

At six years old I made a wish, but it was my first big mistake that I can never get back. Now I’m 29, all though I’m very happy and blessed and living a great life I feel like I still messed up when I was six. I wished to get older and graduate high school and move on to the real world.

Why can’t I get older and graduate now? Now I’m in middle school, awesome I have two more years in middle school then four in high school and I’m free. Wow, I can’t believe this is the first day of high school I’m so close to being done. Four more years and I’m free.

Now What

Graduation day comes and I didn’t feel excited really. I was excited about not going to school anymore and not having homework or have to study anymore. I was ecstatic about that, but everything else I wasn’t that excited.

My number one goal and priority is finally here and it’s not a big deal. I think because I realized I don’t know what the heck I’m doing next. I’m not going to college or military-like most of my friends. I was looking forward to being done with school and never going back.

I Was Wrong

Look I get it, aging = a slow death is dramatic but I wanted to get your attention. I’m still figuring out my place in this world and still searching for my purpose in the world. I was a late bloomer compared to some people in the world and that’s ok. Well, I can say it’s ok now, but it’s not fun when you’re going through that moment, it sucks I’ll say it. But now I have never felt more alive and more excited about my future.

The potential and the future that is in front of me is bigger than I ever expected. I never thought I would be in this situation that I am in. Well, I proved myself wrong, it seems like I have been proving myself wrong a lot lately. As much as I don’t like admitting I’m wrong, I was DEAD WRONG, and I’m so happy about that.

Top Three

My three biggest goals were to get married♠ publish a book♠ and become a father. Sorry, I couldn’t find a checkmark so a spade it is. The first two were always dreams and visions I had but never pictured they would become a reality. I pray and hope I will be a father one day but not yet, hopefully, someday soon.

Lindsay knows how much I love her and care about her. I know how lucky and blessed I am to have her in my life. I don’t say it enough and I’m sorry, babe I love you and I’m so grateful for you.

Make A Difference

Lindsay knows that I want more in life than the three goals above. Now those three goals especially Lindsay and my kids one day will always be at the top of my list always. Nothing could replace my wife and kids.

But I also believe that God put all of us here for a reason. He gave us all our strengths and weaknesses for a reason. I also believe he wants us to make a difference why we are here on earth. I believe he put on my heart to help kids all the way up to my age or older.

Negatives To Positives

Helping people could just be by me being a nice guy. Lending a hand or helping somebody out if they need help. Or sharing my crazy story with them. Me getting older and aging is a friendly reminder to keep kicking butt and pushing myself every day. I don’t want to play it safe on Earth. I WANT TO LIVE and enjoy this one and only life I was given. Why not live it up and make a difference and have fun along the way?

It might be different for you and that’s ok. But whatever you do, don’t get caught up in your fears. If you let your fears win then you lose, and your life is over. Use your fears as a positive to start living and pushing yourself. Once you recognize your human and you have faults and decide to turn them around into a positive. That my friends, that’s when you escape your fears and looking at life like aging = a slow death. Now you can start living and welcome what comes in front of you and not be scared.

A Fear For Me Part 2

Part 2

When I say all of this please understand me and what I’m trying to say. Lindsay my future kids and our family will always come first no matter what. But that feeling that has been forming in my gut from six years old to now hasn’t stopped. Always thinking I was going to accomplish and do something unique and special has never disappeared. 

I still feel that and I feel like I’m only begging and in the last few years, I feel like my life is only beginning and starting. When I say that I don’t want it to sound like I had a bad childhood that is far from the truth. I had an amazing childhood and blessed and lucky and more than I deserve. I have amazing parents that helped me whenever they could and did the best they could during my school years helping me with this learning disability and dyslexia I have.

She Can Read My Mind

This next part might bother some people and upset some. As much as I love Lindsay and I thank God for putting her in my life and I can’t say that enough. Even on the days we might argue or have a bad day or get upset. I want to give her the life that she deserves. But Lindsay knows my heart and I think knows me better than me most of the time. Which is scary because we haven’t known each other that long yet haha. We have only known each other for a little more than a year and a half.

Linsay knows what I struggle with every day. She knows the lack of confidence I have in myself and how hard I am on myself. Lindsay knows I’m a private person and it’s like pulling teeth trying to get me to open up sometimes. I’m a private person and the lies I told myself from a young age screwed me up. I never thought I would be good enough for the world and for a woman.

My Challenge

That’s why it’s hard for me to open up. It’s easy for me spilling out my emotions and writing them out like this. Writing with my heart and my head and having my hands put everything together for me on my blog is the easy part. But when it comes to me saying the words myself and speaking that way in front of people, it’s hard for me. 

I want more in life than being a good husband, father, son, brother, uncle, friend and whatever other words you can use. Those things are very important to me no question about it. But I truly believe God gave me this disability and dyslexia to do something positive with it.

Blamed The Wrong Person

For most of my life ages 6-25, I blamed God. I was jealous of people and of the world. I’m not smart like that person. I don’t have the bank account of that person and so on. Now from 25 maybe 26 to now I realized how wrong I was with my poor attitude and how I missed the big picture.

Getting diagnosed at age six, well I was a young kid when everything changed for me and when my struggles started to come alive. Now with going through school and battling everything I battled and struggled with. I now feel God put this disability on me for a reason now. What if instead of running from my weaknesses I embrace them? 

New Perspective

That’s when everything started to change. Now I want to help kids young adults and whoever needs help. My focus is on kids and young adults, but I’m 29 and an adult I still have my fair share of problems, we all do. 

Now I’m embracing my weaknesses and trying to turn them into positives and share that with the world and make a positive and healthy impact in the world. I want to leave the world a better place than when it was when I came into it. Is that going to be challenging ABSUTLEY is it going to be hard, of course. Will it suck somedays and I might question why am I doing this and am I doing the right thing? Yes, I might think that and wonder that maybe from time to time. But if I get an opportunity to help a young kid struggling in school or a 21-year-old struggling in life. Then I know I’m doing the right thing.

One Step At A Time

I’m not saying I’m going to change their lives or be the answer. If sharing my unique story helps and gives them a little motivation to keep going through the struggle. It makes them feel a little better. If I can tell them to embrace the suck and enjoy it because that pain and struggle they are going through right now will be the backbone that helps push them to be successful later in life then I’m going to open up and get out of my comfort zone because I feel it in my gut and in my heart that that’s why I was placed here on earth.

I feel if I don’t help enough people and open up more every day I’m falling.  I feel like I might be letting God down, Lindsay and you down but most of all myself. This wasn’t an overnight flip of a switch change in my life. Like everything it takes time and it wasn’t easy. It will take time and it won’t be easy for you either.

What Will You Do

No matter where you were at one point in your life. Whatever happened in your past doesn’t determine your future. Your life can change and it all starts with one decision. 

I Was Blind

Missed Out

I can’t say when this thought first popped up in my mind, but I would say from an early age. I always wondered what it would be like to be blind or deaf. If I had to pick one I would think being blind would be the hardest one. But I guess realistically the hardest one would be the one you have it doesn’t matter which one. But here’s the kicker, for most of my life, looking back I was blind and didn’t even know it. Not the normal blind you think, I was blind from the world and not taking advantage of it. I was blind and let the world past by me more then I would like.

I can’t say this enough. When I vent and talk to you about my struggles my negative mindset or the dark parts of my life. Everything I share with you is what was going on between my ears. All of those bad thoughts and my poor attitude was inside of my head. Growing up I had an amazing family and had both parents. How many people can say they had both, unfortunately, not many. I can’t stress how lucky and blessed I am for our relationship.

Mind Tricks

Ever since I was a kid in the back of my mind I tried making my life, my story, worse off than it actually was. It’s unusual and sad, I know. I thought if I had people telling me I won’t be successful then that would motivate and push me more in life to make something of myself. Thinking to myself that I could turn a negative and bad situation into a better one and use all of the negativity around me to push me to be better. But instead, I didn’t have that. I had great people around me and supporting me. Things had to change and I had to be the bad person and that negative person to push me and make myself believe I wouldn’t be successful and help push me out of my comfort zone myself.

I was so focused on figuring out what God wanted me to do. Thinking to myself what’s my purpose in life and what does he have planned for me. Now having that mindset is not a bad thing and I won’t apologize about thinking that way and having that attitude towards life. But I will say one thing with having that tunnel vision and searching for my ultimate purpose. It did prevent me from enjoying the moment and enjoying the ride alot more.

Wouldn’t Change A Thing

I didn’t enjoy the moment as much as I should have or could have. But overall it was a bumpy ride and I wasn’t happy. I hated who I was and the person I was. I was a loser trying to search for my ultimate purpose and start fulfilling Gods plan for me.

How I saw my world and my version of it was a dark tunnel. I was at one point and at the other end was God’s plan and purpose for me. So why wouldn’t I want to go find it? I did want to find it, but the only thing is I wanted it now and my way and wanted to start living it right away and start enjoying myself more. Little did I know in my early 20s was the hardest couple of years of my life and it was all a part of the journey I was supposed to be on.

Part Of The Journey

I was so focused on finding the light at the end. Looking for that big red exit sign for my purpose and calling, I missed one important thing, I missed life, I missed living and enjoying the ride. I only figured it out a few years ago but everything I went through was all part of my journey that I was supposed to go on. For years I thought I screwed up and missed something or messed something up. Everything I went through I now know was all part of my journey.

Now looking back could I have made some better decisions, well, of course, we all could play that game. The what-if game, but what good really comes out of doing that? Is it natural to play that game and wonder, of course, it is? Is it wrong to play that game, sometimes and I think it has the potential to end up hurting us more than doing good?

Turn The Light On

I was blind for so long and was caught up in my little world. In my head, I never thought I could find a way out. Thinking that tunnel I was in was going to go on and on for the rest of my life. I never thought I was going to get out. I didn’t know which way was the correct way I kept getting turned around and it felt like I was backtracking.

But that’s life sometimes we don’t know which way is the right way, which decision or opportunity is going to be best. Sometimes you have to go with your gut and think which feels right. Now I can happily say I can see now and its amazing what I see but it’s also a little sad.

Part of me wanted to be mad with my poor attitude towards life. Thinking at everything I missed or didn’t do. But the other side of me is thinking, there is so much darkness in the world and its sad. What’s also sad is there is also so much good in the world. But for some reason, the bad is more interesting to people and sticks with us more sometimes. I think it’s about time we start turning some lights on in the world and make that darkness disappear for good. That last line is a line from The World Through Bella’s Eyes, coming out soon.

Preparing For Life

Ask Yourself

Have you ever prepared for anything really important before? Say studying for a test, practicing before the championship game the day before? Preparing For Life is vital to living your life. 

I read a book a few months ago. He talked about preparing for life. Some of the examples he mentioned were before a storm hits you have batteries for flashlights. Your practicing foul shots before the championship game. Studying before a big test. 

What’s Ahead

If you’re not preparing for the big event coming up what usually happens? You lose the game, you fail the test, you have flashlights but with dead batteries. We’ll none of that dose you much good. But sometimes I think it’s important for us to go through those tough obstacles and struggles in life. Going up those hills, climbing that steep mountain when were very vulnerable and feel lost and lonely is what helps turn us into the person we are meant to become. 

Life is the same thing. If you’re not preparing yourself and getting ready for what life might throw at you one day then you will be in trouble. Will it always be bad stuff, no. But in most cases, if you aren’t prepared it can turn into bad situations.

I Learned The Hard Way

How I prepared for life is the complete opposite of what you want. You don’t want to just go with the flow and let whatever happens good or bad happen to you. Now in some situations and circumstances that might be your only option. But in most cases, that’s not good or healthy.

But what I did was just that, I didn’t follow what I just told you. Then again, I’m 29 now and have gone through a lot of different situations in my life. Now is there more for me to learn, absolutely I have a lot more to go through. That’s a good thing because if you’re not growing you’re not pushing yourself and not getting better then you were? Your content and playing it safe. Also known as dying and not living up to your potential and that my friends is a shame and a waste of a life.

Don’t Do This

When I was younger and searching for my potential and waiting on God to give me a sign I realized what I was doing wrong. Now having some help from family over the years and having conversations with different members of my family I realized that was the wrong mindset. Waiting for God to make the next move was wrong. In some cases, that’s what you’re supposed to do. But I have been waiting long enough and not doing anything why I was waiting.

In all reality, I was doing the complete opposite of that. But that’s life, you learn from your mistakes, you grow and start all over the next day. Now is it frustrating and hard sometimes, absolutely and it sucks and I just want to break something or punch something like when I was younger and I would get upset? I would want to run away thinking that would help my situation and life get easier.

Your Outlook Towards Life

The examples you read above never helped my situations that I have been in over the years. Honestly, I think it hurt me sometimes. I was looking for a mask, I was looking for a way to cover and hide the issues that I have been struggling with for so long. The biggest and best way to learn from your issues and mistakes you go through is to stand up, dust yourself off and take that first step.

If you stay on the ground and pout and cry and pity yourself, what good comes from that? But, if you stand up then you count that as a win and a good first step. Then you go to the next thing and so on. Next thing you know you won’t just be walking. You will be sprinting and more excited about what’s in front of you and waiting.

Never Stop Working

Who knows if you keep sprinting and working hard you might be doing stuff you never expected. Maybe publish a book and overcome a weakness that you struggled with as a kid.

You never know if just being a little vulnerable and getting out of your comfort zone what it will do for you personally but also for the person or people your talking to? What if they are struggling like you were at one time in your life? Now you can’t do the work for them. Not because your bitter and nobody did the work for you. It’s because how will they learn and get better unless they do the work themselves?

Preparing For Life is a never ending project that you are on every day. It will be challenging, it will be frustrating but when it’s all said and done. If you do it right and your heart is in the right place. I think there is no other feeling compared to it.

Keep Your Head Up  

Lindsay knows how much I love her and that I have thanked God I don’t even know how many times for putting her in my life. But if I’m given the opportunity to help a kid or adult that is struggling and down and searching like I was or still am a little bit. If I’m able to lend a hand somehow and help them to get better and climb out of that funk. I don’t think there are many other things in the world that could top that.

That’s why if your down and struggling, that’s ok that’s normal. I still have my days even now. But the biggest thing you have to remember. Is to try and stay positive, it’s not always going to be easy. Pick yourself up again and take that first step and never stop Preparing For Life. If you do it right, who know’s what it will bring you? 

Your Worst Vs There Best

Ups and Downs

Have you ever had bad days, what about good days? Have you ever had days that you wished lasted a little longer or maybe have gone by a little faster? I’m sure this next part you have NEVER done in your life. Have you ever compared yourself to somebody else? What if I told you that’s unfair and your only seeing half of the story? Would you believe me if I told you that you might be comparing your worst vs there best?

We all have bad days and good days welcome to life, my friends. It’s easy to want to quit sometimes. Unfortunately, I have thought that more times than I would like to admit when I was working on my books over the years.

I Changed

I can’t do this I’m dyslexic. I’m stupid and not smart. I have the same IQ as a kid half my age. If you couldn’t tell that doesn’t help with one’s confidence very well. It makes you want to climb into a hole and never come out. But here’s the thing if you go deep enough into the hole what do you think you will miss? The answer is everything.

I look back and think to myself why I’m home alone writing this. I hear the rain in the background and I think back to when I was a kid. Storms scared me when I was younger. Now I think they are awesome and I love hearing them. What do you think changed? The storms are the same, I matured and got older and realized the storms aren’t as bad as I thought.

Make The Most Of It

Just like in life and your storms you can look at the same way. Storms and your life are what you make of them. If you let storms and life scare you and control you, guess what will happen? You will be scared of life, you will be scared to live and be controlled by something more powerful than you. I’m not saying go jump in a storm to feel alive and start living, that’s not it. The point is recognizing what you’re going through and how it can make you better.

I’m letting you know if you’re in a slump and it’s raining, then make the most of your situation. Try and look at the glass half full and collect that water and maybe put it to good use. Don’t just compare yourself to what the world is showing you. Or that certain person your seeing and stocking on social media. You’re only seeing what they want you to see and what they are willing to share with you.

You’re Calling

Comparing yourself at your worst vs there best when they are on the top of their game is just not fair. Yes, it’s easy to get caught up and look at that person? Look how successful they are, I wish I had what they had. Heres the thing people you can have what they have, all you have to do is work for it.

Just because that person might be at the top of their game, it doesn’t mean you can’t be there one day. Now when I say one day that could be a year from now or five years. It all depends on what you decide to put into that dream of yours and opportunity that was placed in front of you.

What Are You Going To Do

If you feel a calling and you feel it down in your gut then please don’t brush that off. When I started writing at 21 the moment I started to move my pencil I started to get that special feeling in my gut thinking something is different right now, I never felt this feeling before. I didn’t know what it was but I kept writing and kept going with it.

Now at 29 I look back and realize what that feeling was. I know it’s still early and I have a lot more work to put in and a lot more growing to do. But that feeling was purpose and passion. I have been searching and searching for my reason to be alive. I have been searching for years for my WHY and questioning God for most of my life up to that point and now looking back I think I found it.

Your Story

Who would have thought writing would be the first stepping stone into my purpose? Not me haha. From a young age I always dreamed and felt in my gut I was going to do something special, I just didn’t know what that was. Now I’m human is it easy to compare yourselves to others, of course, and I’m wrong for that sometimes. Especially when it’s your worst vs there best then your not going to win.

I want to tell you it’s ok and you don’t have to do that. We all have different stories and different backgrounds. We all have different gifts and strengths that we were blessed with. Are some of us going to make a bigger impact in the world, yes some will? Are some going to die at a young age, and not be given the same amount of time here on earth yes, they will? I know it sucks but that’s just how it is, unfortunately.

It’s Up To You

Now that you know that. What are you going to do with your life and your time? Are you going to keep comparing your worst vs there best like most of us do, myself included sometimes? Or are you going to recognize we are only seeing half of the picture and half of their story? There is more out there to their story. Here’s the thing, theirs more in your story as well, it’s waiting to be shared with the world. Now keep going and finish your book of life and go take that chance and chase your dream and make the most of your short stint here on earth why you can.