Month: November 2017

Finally Becoming A Dad

Dad

I cannot wait, until the day I become a father, and hear those words “Dad”. This is just something I have been thinking about a lot lately. All though, it scares the crap out of me, there is nothing I want more in life. Sure don’t get me wrong, I can’t wait to be married and be with my wife. Yes, I know I’m trying to build my website up, and finish the details on my books and trying to share my story with you. Yes, those are all great things in all, and I hope they all come true. I pray they will all come true. I just think becoming a father, is more important to me then everything else.

Now as much as I want to become a father, at the same time, nothing scares me more than having kids. I know it’s a catch 22. I pray for that moment to finally happen. Also, thinking to myself, will I be a good dad? My family all shared with me multiple times, that I will be a good dad one day. I mean they would know, with me having 10 nephews and nieces. I have had a lot of practice over the years. After all, I have been an uncle since I was 11 years old.

Thinking to myself

I still can’t help and wonder, what about my issues and faults? If you have read my earlier posts so far, you have figured out that I have had some personal issues that I have been battling for a while or still working on. Now it terrifies me to pass on my learning disabilities and all of the side effects that I picked up along the way. My anger issues, lack of confidence in myself, and everything else that follows. Now I have all of my own personal stuff I’m trying to figure out as well, it’s a lot.

That’s why after all of this time I’m nervous to become a father and a husband. Who knows what side effects I might pass to them? I don’t want them getting all of my bad traits? Sure there’s a chance that it might not even happen, this is true. Again how I said earlier, I’m always thinking a few moves ahead. This isn’t something that just popped into the back of my head recently. I have been thinking about this for years now. Probably going back to my early 20’s maybe, is when I started thinking about becoming a father. This has been in the back of my head for a long time now.

I’m sure I’m, not the first person to ever think this or be terrified. I’m sure it happens all of the time, I get that and I understand. Again I guess it’s just me looking at my history and everything that I went through. I just wouldn’t want my kids to be Dyslexic and have any of those issues that might follow. After all, I know firsthand what it was like. Feeling stupid, different, almost like an outcast most of my life. No kid should be having these thoughts and feelings.

Now at the same time, I think being Dyslexic and having my LD problems. Was the best thing that ever happened to me? I believe everything happens for a reason, that’s number one. So this is all planned out and a part of my journey here on earth. With having all of these issues and being down and in a dark place for so long. If my kid or any kid, which again is why I’m trying to do this. Help kids and make them happier and overcome these issues and problems they are battling every day. I think that is one of the reasons that give me hope that I will become a great father. Well, maybe not a great father, but you get the idea.

I have seen my sisters raise their kids; I see my parents be grandparents and parents sometimes. When my sisters had to discipline their kids and go through the bad times, even the good times. It might not look like I was interested or paying attention. But I was definitely taking it all in and soaking it up. Seeing how they handled the situation and what they did. Sure am I going to screw up and learn some stuff along the way? Of course, I will, I mean that’s going to happen with anything you do in life.

In the end

Even with all of my personal issues and baggage that I’m bringing to the table, I think the pros still outweigh the cons in this situation. When I get married, or if I’m lucky enough to ever get to that point. Once I’m ready and get that point in my life. Who knows, it might not be as bad and as scary as I’m picturing now? This could just be my mind, once again, playing tricks on me and looking at the bad more than the good.

With that, I’ll still take that chance with no hesitation. If you ask me if I want kids tomorrow or two years from now, the answer will always be yes. Sure, my mind will start wondering and racing thinking about this happening or that going wrong. But yet again, that’s just me. I’m always thinking a few steps ahead trying to prepare myself for what’s next. Until that time comes, I guess I just need to keep practicing being the best uncle, and brother and son I can be.

Finish That Project

Finish line

We have all at one time I’m sure, had a project we started and wanted to finish. Maybe kept putting it off for some reason. The timing wasn’t good, we had other tasks at hand we had to finish. Something came up, or family came over to hang out for a little bit. That’s always my problem, my family is always stopping by unannounced. Yes, I love my family and love hanging out with them. I’m probably just being selfish with my time I guess you could say.

Durning the week, I’m very busy with my crazy life and schedule. If I’m not working on the weekend I like to unwind and kind of relax and catch my breath and regroup. I mean, I’m still working on my website or books or whatever needs to be done. It’s a different kind of work you could say. Yes, it’s work, but I love doing this and it’s what I want to do. Work on my next blog post, or keep finding ways to make my website better and more enjoyable for you guys. There is still a lot of work I need to do, or new things I’m learning.

My story

What I’m trying to say here is this. I’m hopefully about a month away from publishing my book. As long as everything goes well and I have no hiccups. This will be a three-year project coming to a close, hopefully before the new years. Now to be fair, I don’t want to publish it just because and be done with it. It has to be perfect, or as close as possible haha. After all, it’s my memoir and my story. You guys need to have all the information you need to fully understand who I am. I want you to know who the real me is, and the message I’m trying to share here.

I would be lying if a few times I thought to myself, maybe this won’t work after all this time. After all, it’s been three years now? I know I’m in the home stretch here, but who cares if it takes a month or three years. This is something I have put so much time into, I don’t care how long it takes. This isn’t just a project I’m trying to make a quick buck off of here. This is my life, my very personal and private life that I’m letting the world into. I’m literally going to be an open book hopefully in the next month or two.

Goal

A goal of mine was to sell a million copies of my books. It doesn’t have to be just one of my books it could be a grand total it doesn’t matter. The point of this is a kid who hated school and couldn’t write and with all of my faults and issues, and my LD. I stopped using those as excuses and I woke up and decided and committed to making a difference. At the time when I started writing this, I was using this as a journal to vent and let out my frustrations. Then not far after I started writing this. I realized I could do so much more with this. I could reach so many people sharing my story, and letting the world know who I really am.

Even though my goal is to still sell 1 million copies of my book. My dad reminded me when I made my goals two years ago. It shouldn’t be about the money. It should be about the people, and the impact I might have on them? I don’t like admitting my parents are correct, but my old man was correct. It doesn’t matter if I make a penny or a dollar per book. If I could reach 1 million kids alone, and maybe play a small roll in there life and help them. That is way more important than any amount of money per book.

Fingers crossed

Honestly, who knows if my writing is even that good? I guess will find out in a month hopefully, fingers crossed haha. If it is or isn’t it doesn’t matter, I’m still going to try and do my part and finish this project that I started. I committed to this project over three years ago and I’m only getting started people.

Don’t get caught up in the time frame and so focused on that. Life is not a sprint and most projects we work on is not a sprint. Life is a marathon, it’s a long race and it takes hours and lots of practice. Just like life when we try different jobs or going to school to figure out what’s next. That’s life, you have to keep trying different things to find out what it is you want to do, and what your good at. Don’t be discouraged with what little progress you have made so far in life, or that day or week. Try your best and focus on the journey and enjoy the ride, and make the most of it? Commit to that project you want to finish. Don’t stop and make excuses, find a way and make it happen. Now is the time?

13 Hours

11:01 P.M.

I just finished watching 13 Hours. I’m still in awe and speechless with what these men and women do for us day in and day out. I shouldn’t have to give us all a reality check about how lucky and blessed we are to live in America. Not to mention, having these hero’s and people willing die for us when we have no idea what is going on.

Here I am on a Saturday night; I can give up two hours of my easy life and safe life to watch a movie. Nobody made me do it; I choose to do it because I wasn’t feeling good and have a sore throat and didn’t feel like working on my website at the moment. I was using that as an excuse and yes that excuse won. You know what; I didn’t care about my website in that moment. Here I am sitting in my room next to my comfy bed, listening to peaceful music as I write this post.

Be Careful What You Complain About

Again if you don’t know what I’m getting at, watch 13 Hours. Go watch ANY military movie or read a book. Then maybe you will understand what I’m talking about. I’ll admit I get caught up in my own issues. Trying to work on my website build that up and share my story with you. Trying to place the finishing details on my book and hopefully publish it by the end of the year. My other jobs are working for my dad part time, and not to mention my regular job at my gym. Yes, I’m busy I won’t deny that. The difference is I choose to do all of this and I’m able to do all of this every day. Yes, it’s frustrating and stressful at the moment, I won’t lie. That’s probably part of the reason why I’m getting sick.

You know what; it was a reality check I needed to have. I didn’t want to watch the movie that much because I have seen it before and heard the story. I said I’ll watch for a few minutes then go back to work. After five minutes, I knew I wasn’t going anywhere. It might sound stupid and funny. Again, If I can’t give up two hours of my FREE time to watch this movie and witness the sacrifices that they give every day. How selfish am I? I’m guilty of that I won’t lie I get distracted living in my life and thinking my goals our more important than others sometimes.

Reality Check

I’ll admit it; I’m not saying they are better than anyone else or I’m more important than anyone else. In all reality compared to these people that fight for us every day. Going to places and countries that hate Americans and fighting for YOU and ME. I’m a nobody, compared to them. I don’t deserve to be on the same level with them, with all of the sacrifices they give. That might sound harsh but I don’t care, this is my post. If you don’t like it then you can stop reading.

We need to start treating the people that protect us every day better, it’s that simple. It shouldn’t be that hard and complicated. That could be donating money, time, or helping out families that have loved ones fighting for us. Even go as far as saying thank you if you see someone in the military walking by. If you don’t have the time or spare money at the moment then simply say thanks, it’s better than nothing. I’m not perfect I have missed out on a lot of opportunities thanking people that are in the military that fight for us.

Just Do It

I use the excuse I’m busy or they look busy. I don’t want to interrupt them or whatever the reason is. That’s just stupid and I know I’m wrong for thinking that, I’ll admit it. That’s why I need to change; this reality check goes beyond just posting on my blog and website. Yes, my message that I’m trying to share with kids and young adults is to keep going and fighting. Just like the men and women in 13 hours. Now please don’t misinterpret that statement, my battle is not anywhere close to the battle they were fighting. That’s not what I’m saying please, don’t twist my words.

All I’m trying to say is we all are fighting our own battles every day. How we choose to respond to those battles and issues that are coming our way, is how we figure out what we’re made of? Again my battle realistically is nothing compared to a military battle. We’re all trying to find our own way and our own path here in life. We all take different paths and roads every day. Once again that’s what makes all of us unique and special.

What Now

How are you going to respond to those battles and roadblocks standing in front of you? I’m not going to let a stupid simple sore throat keep me down. Or the fact that I’m working three plus jobs at the moment hold me back from chasing a dream. That’s only going to keep me going. All the stuff I’m trying to do on the side is funding this little project of mine I’m trying to turn into a permanent gig.

Now I’m not trying to make anyone feel bad about how lucky they have it or anything like that. Actually no I am going to make you feel bad. I needed a reality check and so do you. Start giving back and playing your part in the world, it’s time for us all to make a change.

Before you say something to think you have it worse than everyone else. Think to yourself real quick tonight before you go to bed. Is anyone else shooting at you, do you have a comfy bed to sleep in? What’s it like to walk around in your own home with your family? It’s not a bad thing to think before you speak sometimes. Be grateful for what you have. Because so many people probably have it worse than you?

Your Life Clock Is Ticking

Dwight Bain

Before I get started and too far into this post. I wish I thought about this, but this was not from me. This was from his book, Destination Success. This is one of my favorite books I have read in my life so far. Your life clock is ticking?

“If life is a clock and you are born at 12:00 A.M. and die at midnight, you have 24 hours. If the average lifespan is 72 years, each hour represents 3 years. For instance, if you are 39, it is 1 P.M. If you are 51, it is 5 P.M. and if you are 60, it’s already 8:00 P.M. If you measure life like a clock, it passes rather quickly. So where are you on the “clock” life”?

What’s Your Time

For me personally, it would be 9:00 A.M. already. Now yes, I have more time ahead of me then the time that has already passed, this is true. Thinking about it I still have 27 years under my belt already, or 9 hours so far on my clock. If 72 is just the average age people reach before they die. If you do it right that should still is enough time to live a full life and enjoy yourself. Just think if you make it to 90 years? That’s 18 extra years of life to live and make the most of it and enjoy your time. If you’re a glass half full person, that’s 18 bonus years that you get to live. If you’re a glass half empty that might be 18 years too long haha.

Life should not just be lived to get by and just squeak by. Once it’s your time and you hit the end of your road. I don’t think we should be saying, I’m not ready to die yet? There is still so much I want to do, and what about this and that I wanted to accomplish? Now maybe you’re like me and hold yourself to high standards and trying to push yourself to do the best you can. Maybe at the end of your time, you might say something like that. Or maybe, you will be completely ok with it and except it.

Hopefully One Day

Until that day comes, again who knows when it might be? How are you going to continue to live your life? When you hit 72 years do you want to be proud of what you did, or filled with regrets and disappointments? Right now at the moment being single and not tied down. Mostly because I haven’t had much luck in that department, but that’s a topic maybe for another day haha. With me, all I have is my work right now.

Yes don’t get me wrong, I have my big family and could not be more excited and blessed to have them all. What I’m trying to say is. Besides them and some close friends, what do I have? All I have is my work, my goals and dreams I’m working towards trying to accomplish. You might not agree, but for me right now with where I am in my life, I’m ok with that.

When the time comes, to find a girl and hopefully get married and have kids in the near future. I cannot wait for that moment, and it will be one of the happiest moments in my life. Until then, and till that moment happens, all I have is my work and what I’m trying to accomplish. I’m trying to help people and share my story with you and have an impact on kids and young adult’s lives.

Time’s Ticking

Until my personal life changes and there are other people involved then I have to keep working as hard as I can to get better and grow. If not just for my own personal goals and dreams I have. Then for the kids that I want to impact and help them grow and become better than they were.

That’s why time is against US. 2017 is almost over people and 2018 is around the corner. Time is not going to slow down for us, that’s the one thing in life we can’t control, is time. Everything else we have a part in controlling and playing a roll in. Our work ethic and the changes we want to make. Either it’s good or bad, the choice is up to you?

I have made my changes and of course still working on them and trying to get better. I mean that’s a constant goal we all should be working on and trying to get better in. That’s life; you live and learn every day? What you do after those moments good or bad, are what’s going to help make you into the person you are meant to become?

Running Out Time

What is your time on your clock? How much time do you have left? For me whenever it is my time to go, I’ll accept it and I’ll be ok with that. After all, it’s not like I can run from it or hide from death? Until that time comes, I’m going to keep working and doing the best I can for me, my family, and YOU. The question is what are you going to do with your reaming time you have left?

How many hours do you have till it’s your time to punch out and you’re done, and have to go home? I have made up my mind to make the most of the time I have left. The question is, did you? The even bigger question you have to ask yourself is, will you make the changes and do better?

Determined

Determined

Making a firm decision, and not change it. When my book gets officially published, hopefully by the end of the year. No matter what, once I finally share this news with the world. I can honestly say, that this will be the biggest and greatest moment in my 27 years of existence. No disrespect to my family and some of the great memories I have had in my life. This had been a goal I have been working on for over six years now. A goal to publish a book, and with more down the road hopefully. I have never felt so Determined and hungry before in my life.  Never have I ever given so much effort to something before, and been filled with so much emotion in my life.

Now this book alone I have been working on for over three years now. Publishing this book especially, The World Through My Dyslexic Eyes. Has been at the top of my goals list ever since I made my goal’s list a little over two years ago now. This is my story, the real me, written out and told the only way I knew how. Flipping the script and turning a weakness and something I wasn’t good at, into not just a hobby and an activity. But turned it into an obsession and something I can’t stop thinking about.

I’m determined

I want to stop making excuses and get out of my funk that I was in. If I want to be successful and make a difference in my life. Then I think this is the right start in moving in that direction. Who knows maybe this will lead to something bigger than I ever could have imagined. Maybe I’ll just sell 1,000 copies and that’s it. Now, of course, I’m hoping and praying for the first one haha. If it turns out to be the second one, well then so be it. It wasn’t meant to be and I move on to the next thing in my life. I still managed to share my story with 1,000 people by writing a book. How cool is that? If a dyslexic kid who can’t spell, read fast and struggled in school can do it, so can you?

The beautiful thing about being determined. All of the sudden finding this work ethic and hunger for doing something bigger, I never knew I had. It is going to motivate me to keep going and keep working hard. I’m entering a field, realistically I probably don’t belong in. Trying to become a published author and who knows, maybe hitting the New York Times Best Sellers list. Is it a big goal absolutely I won’t deny that. What’s the point of going through life every day if we’re not working hard for something and just coasting by?

Finally

I now have found my second win in life to keep going and keep working towards something bigger than just me. Sharing my story, and up and downs with you. I’m a mess and have my faults, just like you weirdos haha. Nobody’s perfect and we all are different and unique. We all have a different story. We all should chase that dream, and check off our goals on our list. You know, the crazy thing is if you work hard enough. This might be a surprise, but you just might be able to do it as long as you keep working.

It all started when I was 21 years old. A kid well technically a (man) I didn’t feel like a man. I was lost confused, and unmotivated feeling hopeless with no direction. Starting out as a hobby to unleash his anger with the life he was living. A place where he could share his deepest darkest secrets and felt safe. Fast forward six years later, now feeling confident in calling himself a man now. He has written three books now in that time. He’s determined to not just share his story and life with you just to fill his pockets. But to make an impact and be apart of something bigger. Sure years ago I wanted to do it for the money and thinking how rich I could be?

Impact

Don’t get me wrong I hope it brings a lot of money in, I won’t lie about that. Now the only reason why I hope it brings in a lot of money? That means people are reading my story and I’m having an impact on their lives, especially kids are my main focus. Maybe just maybe, my story and struggles will keep them away from my path and they will stay focused and not miss the opportunities that I missed. That’s why I’m doing this. I don’t want people, especially kids, and young adults to struggle like I did.

Will I be the next John Grisham or J. K. Rowling, selling millions of books? Maybe, maybe not only time will tell. What I do know is I’m going to be the first Peter A Harrower, and there is nobody like me, I’ll be the first. It all started with a joke saying how cool would it be to write a book and publish it?

Here we are people, I’m hoping a few short months away from publishing my first book? It all started out as a joke for a short time. Then turned into a Dream and an obsession. Don’t be afraid of that hobby you thought might not turn into something. You never know if you don’t try? Embrace who you are, keep working hard and doing the best you can every day. If you’re crazy enough just like me. Who knows, maybe just maybe if it’s something you want. You just might turn a weakness into a career that you didn’t think you belonged in a few short years ago.

Safe Room

My Safe

A safe room is a room we build to protect us from someone, something or even sometimes our selves. To each of us, we all have our own and different meaning behind it. We all go through different battles in our lifetime.

I’m a private person and I don’t like being open and sharing who I really am. If you haven’t noticed, the last few posts all tie into each other. We all have a mask or used a mask at some point in our life. If you can honestly tell me you never used a mask in your life, well then I guess I’m sorry haha.

From an early age, with everything I was going through. All of my faults dealing with my LD, wearing my mask. Having anger issues and a lack of confidence and not to mention being my worst critic. I have always been scared to talk to people, I always felt like an outcast. I knew I was different almost like I didn’t belong with others. Especially at a young age. That’s why I built this wall so I could hide from everyone. That wall quickly changed from one wall to a whole room protecting me. I can hide my true self from others. It wasn’t just to protect me from others, it was also to protect others from myself.

Scared

The last maybe six-seven years. I wondered a few things. First, what do people think of me and the person they see and communicate with every day? Second if only they knew the real me, what would they think of me?

I was afraid if people knew the real me, they wouldn’t like me or maybe it would push me or them farther away. Being a hard enough critic to myself already, and I held myself to high enough standards. I didn’t need more judgment and people holding more stuff over me. Already judging them and thinking in my mind what they might be thinking or would say. Naturally, a confused and lost kid with his mind running 100MPH I jumped to the wrong conclusion.

Maybe If I would have been more open from the beginning a lot of my issues could have been avoided? Yes, a lot of my issues would have definitely been avoided, I already know that. If I could have gotten the right help at an early age it would have saved so much hassle. Now I’m not blaming anyone for that. Nobody knew I’m just looking back to where I was and where I am now.

Real Me

This is who I am people this is the real me. Like him or not I’m here. I have come to the conclusion that if people don’t like me and understand who I really am. How broken and fragile I was for far too long. Well if they can’t see that then screw it, it’s that simple. That is my response to being a human and being filled with emotion. Thanks to my three sisters and mother, what can I say being around four women my whole life made me an emotional wreck. Thanks a lot, guys, it’s all your fault haha, kidding.

Now me being a Christian I realize that is not the right mindset. I realize that, trust me I do and that’s what makes it such a hard battle sometimes. Being filled with so much emotion and fire and rage from a young age. Most times it’s hard to control myself and what I say. That’s why I was scared and had to make this room, and protect all of us. If I were to share my true self and colors, unfortunately, I’m not sure how many people would really like me?

Walking through my dark tunnel for far too long, maybe if I was more open. Sharing what I was truly thinking and sharing how I truly felt. Maybe people could relate to me more that way? Who knows, maybe a lot more people are broken just like me? If only I removed my mask from a young age, maybe it could have benefited them?

It’s A Gift

What matters is I’m trying to make up for the time I lost NOW. I have wasted so much of this beautiful gift that we call LIFE for far too many years. It’s time to make up for what I lost. That’s why I’m doing this. If people don’t like the real me and my true self, well, it is what it is I guess. I think it’s about time we stop kidding are selfs and unlock the door or throw away our mask’s. Embrace who you are and be proud. If you don’t be your real self and open up, you could be doing more harm then good?

I know there are kids and even adults just like me out there. They are thousands of people who knows maybe even millions of people scared and hiding just like me. Maybe my story will help push them to take the first step, just like I did. At that point maybe the pros will outweigh the cons, so who cares what the haters will be saying. There will be more light around me for a change, then darkness. Let’s be real the light and good always out weights the darkness and bad.

In your case, your darkness is still weighing over you and blocking the light from shining into your tunnel. All you have to do is take it one step at a time and keep fighting. Keep battling and keep being you and doing your best. Don’t give in to the darkness that’s holding you back people. Unlock that door and threw away the key and embrace who you are. You never know whose watching you and looking up to you?

My Mask

Chapter 7

My mask is my protection.  A mask can be so many different shapes, sizes even colors. But yet the meaning behind the mask is far greater and means so much more then what it looks like. How we use it is what’s important and the reasoning behind our mask. Everyone has a different “Why” for the reasoning behind a mask and why we use it.

Maybe your ashamed of who you are, maybe you’re trying to hide something from others. Whatever your reason is it doesn’t matter. Of course, this is just my opinion. I think we all have a mask and have hidden behind it at one time or another in our life. Some may be more than others, some may be a little more frequently than others. Again it’s your mask you control it and whatever reasoning behind it is up to you.

My Reason

For me, I have had a mask going back over 20 years now. When I was diagnosed with my Learning Disability. Again, we all have different reasons to use it and hide behind. For me, I was embarrassed, ashamed, and wanted to hide who I really was. At the time I didn’t like who the real Peter A. Harrower was. I didn’t think I was good enough, and I didn’t like who I was becoming and the road and path I was walking on in front of me.

For a long time, it was scaring me and with the direction, I was heading in. As much as I looked for the pain and was searching for it. After a while, I started to love the pain and craved more of it. I wanted bad things to happen to me, I wanted my pity party to keep going. Plus, for so long It seemed like I wasn’t really feeling anything that pain and the hard times was all I could feel and look forward to.

Again we all use a mask differently, at times I still have a mask and hide behind it. When I’m feeling uncomfortable or my mind starts playing tricks on me. Saying I don’t belong here or what can I really accomplish and achieve? It’s a mindset and a lifestyle I have had for over 20 years now. It won’t be an easy or overnight fix. I get that now, I’m starting to look at my journey and life differently. I’m trying to enjoy the ride and make the most of it, why I’m still breathing and able to.

Dean

I just finished a book yesterday called, Ultra Marathon Man, by Dean Karnazes. This guy is Insanesome of his stories in that book are crazy. It was a good read I definitely recommend it. If you haven’t noticed I love quotes and I share a lot of them. One quote in this book it was from one of Deans friends. ” Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well-preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming”. This quote just kind of hit me. That’s why we shouldn’t be settling anymore and playing it safe and taking the easy road.

We need to start making the most of our lives and the time we have every day and enjoy the ride. With that, we need to stop worrying about what others think. Stop worrying about whatever mind games your playing with yourself, go after what you believe in. That feeling you have deep down within your gut, embrace it don’t run from it. Take a chance and a gamble, and play it out and see what happens. Who knows what might happen with that gamble? Maybe it will pay off, maybe it won’t. There is really only one way to find out?

Welcome

If I want to get rid of my mask and preach what I’m sharing, well then I have to fix my ways as well. I can’t share what I’m feeling, and then do nothing about it, right? That’s why I’m finally committed to sharing my story, my life with you. It’s time to open the doors and let everyone in. Now I’m not gonna lie, part of me doesn’t want that to happen. I’m not gonna apologize for that, after all, it is my life haha. I also know that my story and my secrets and feelings have been weighing me down for far too long. It’s time to share my story and remove my mask for good.

I have pictured and envisioned that feeling when my book finally gets published and it’s out for the world to read. Again it scares the crap out of me you have no idea. But it also fills me with joy and excitement. Who knows what doors will open up with it down the road. Maybe just maybe, and hopefully it will open up a new career for me. That’s the plan at least, fingers crossed haha.

Remove For Good

As you can see I’m just like you, trying to fix my issues and faults. Turn them into strengths ane better myself. I want to remove my mask from the world and just be Peter not my alter ego, (Fred). I want to be free of that burden, just like you. All you need to do is take it one step at a time, one day at a time. Search for what’s been holding you back and scaring you from moving on and bettering yourself.

Don’t be ashamed of who you are, were all different and unique. Embrace it and be proud of it, that’s your story and your life share it? Now, what are you going to do, let that stupid little mask that you could easily snap in half control you? Or are you finally going to take over and control who you really are, and who you can become? It’s time to throw away that mask, and start living and start enjoying the ride.

Through Someone Else’s Eyes

What Do You See

Every day we see the world through our own eyes, and every day we all see something a little different. Of course, that’s a given were all in different cities, states even countries. As I was growing up I always wondered what people thought of me? This concept and me wondering goes way beyond me hoping they liked me. For me it was on another level, I wondered what kind of person do they think I am? Am I nice, do I seem sad, two-faced whatever the word you want to use. What If I could see Through Someone Else’s Eyes? Hense the title of my website and book, The World Through My Dyslexic Eyes.

All my life growing up, I felt like I looked at the world, my world differently than most. I mean I had to, with my faults and disabilities growing with me as I would grow through the years. I then flipped the script and wondered. Who am I really? If I could see myself through someone else’s eyes what would I see? Would I like what I saw? Do I even know how I carry myself day in and day out? Would I be impressed or disgusted? So many questions you would be asking yourself and wondering. But first the biggest question of them all. It’s a yes or no question. Would you want to know, and see yourself through someone else’s eyes?

Would You Be Happy

I would want to know in a heartbeat, no hesitation. Honestly though, if you’re doing it right and you take in what you say and what you’re doing on a regular basis. Then you shouldn’t have to look through someone else’s eyes, to know who you really are. You should already know, who you are. The next part with that is, would you like what you see? Would you be embarrassed and disgusted? Maybe impressed or happy with what you see?

Using me for example, in my early years leading all the way up to graduation. I would see a kid trying to find himself, struggling with his faults and the cards he was dealt with. Trying to figure out who he is, and what’s next for him.

Open

Ages 19-25 I would see the same thing, but worse and on a whole different level. As this young man was growing up, searching and lost and confused. His eyes open to the real world now and overwhelmed and feeling the pressure of growing up. He was in awe and curious as to why growing up and why life had to be this hard and stressful? It shouldn’t be this hard, life should be fun and enjoyable. Not filled with darkness and sadness and living in the shadows, hiding your true self from others. Well, unfortunately, that’s the world we live in now. Were embarrassed to show who we really are and what our true self really looks like.

Enough was enough, this kid had to grow up. Things had to change for him, or else he wasn’t going to be around much longer. Something, someone had to give in and loose. You could tell this kid was in a battle. The battle he was in, was against himself which can be the trickiest of them all sometimes. It was time for a change and a change for the better.

Success

Looking around seeing how everyone else was living, older and younger there were so many success stories. All with different backgrounds, if they can do it why can’t he, why can’t I? It was time for a change, and sacrifices had to be made. So, sacrifices were made, his lifestyle changed and for the better.

Two years later and after changing his lifestyle and for the better. Making goals and changing his ways and views toward the world and how he lived every day. Things have never looked better and more promising, I think he’s on to something finally. Reading 35 books in a little over three years, written three books totaling a little under 250,000 words. He realized if he wants to grow then there must be server changes.

We’re always gonna have weaknesses and things and skills were not crazy about ourselves. Unfournatley, that’s life, there is only so much we can control, but with that comes a choice. You can stay mad about that, and keep hiding in the corner and under the shadows being embarrassed. Or you can do something about it, and change your way’s.

Don’t Be Afraid

Everything, I’m trying to tell you and share today. Don’t be afraid of your true self and who you really are. Again there’s only so much we can control, again like my learning disability for example. I can’t change that it’s who I am, and it’s something I’m gonna be battling and working with until the day I die.

What I can control though, is how much it affects me and how much I use it as an excuse. Playing that game of looking at me through someone else’s eyes changed me. I didn’t like the person I was and the direction I was heading. Now that was just what I saw, looking through my own eyes. If that’s what I saw, imagine what kind of vibe I was giving off to my family, friends, heck even people I don’t know? Something had to be done and something had to change.

This little test or trick whatever you want to call it was one of the many things that opened up my eyes. I challenge you to try it, and really think about who you are and what people see every day. Is there stuff I’m still working on and things I want to change, of course, there always will be haha. Again that’s life and it’s all apart of our journey. We are all on different paths and look at things differently every day. So how do you want to be viewed every day, and what do you want people to see? Just remember you never know whos watching, or whos looking up to you?