Month: February 2019

Just Being Me

It Will Happen

Just being me is a line from one of my favorite artists NF. I’d rather die than let this dream go to waste. You can tell that I ain’t playin’ by the look up on my face.

Whenever I hear this line, I always think back to when I told Lindsay for the first time what I wanted to do with my writing. I didn’t know it at the time but a couple of weeks later she told me what she thought. She knew how serious I was with the look on my face when I was telling her about my books and what I want to do.

Roll With It

From a young age, I wanted to make a difference and I always thought and believed that I would do something special and unique. The only problem was I didn’t know what that was haha. I knew with my disability that I saw the world differently than most. I knew my views and outlook towards the world are not like others and that’s ok. Well, now its ok at 28 saying that. I didn’t like it when I was younger.

Now just like NF said I’m Just Being Me and I’m ok with that. I’m different than most, I have a unique story compared to most. Now do I have days I get upset or mad when I don’t know what a word means or how to spell a certain word for example. Yes, I do, it sucks and I hate that moment that I’m in when I have to ask my wife or someone around me. It’s embarrassing, but this is just who I am and one of the issues I have to deal with and battle every day.

Embrace It

I’m not proud of that part with my disability but I guess in order to take the good you have to take the bad sometimes with it. Well, that’s my bad. When it comes to school I’m not on the same level as most. I am and will always be four or five grade levels behind everyone if not more.

Yes, that sucks and it’s embarrassing. But what helps me to feel better and make me get over my faults and those embarrassing moments of mine. Is that I’m not putting my weaknesses behind me like I once did when I was younger. I’m now embracing them and using them to help others and make a difference.

Slow Down

I never liked being a burden on others around me like my family or wife for example. I never wanted to be the one to slow somebody down in life. For years I wanted to die and end my life to take away the pain and to help escape from it. Now I realized how wrong that is. I don’t want to escape the pain anymore. I welcome it because I now believe God made me this way for a reason and put everything on me for a reason.

Personally, if you ask me, getting old still kind of freaks me out a little bit. Because time is going so fast. I’ll be 29 in a month. This May will be 11 years from when I graduated. In case you haven’t noticed people, time isn’t slowing down for us.

My True Intentions

I don’t want to be 80 years old or whatever the age and be a burden on my wife or family or hopefully future kids. To me by the time I get to 80 I want to look back and be proud and smile at what I have done and the impact I hopefully have on people. Do I need to be worth a million dollars or more, no, of course not? Do I need to be recognized around the world or the community for what I’m doing no?

The main people that I want to see what I’m trying to do and share from my heart, not my ego. Is my wife, family, and God? Because those are the most important people to me.

I want to make up for the time I lost when I was younger. I want to help the younger kids coming up and going through the fight and the struggles like I was going through a short time ago. I want to help them and be there for them if they need someone to talk to. That’s why I’m still blogging and trying to give you all the material you need.

Checked Off

I want to speak and share my unique story with kids around the world and share with them what I have learned in the last 10 years alone. I want them to know its ok to be different and different is not always a bad thing. Embrace being different and embrace who you are. Besides once you are ok with what you can do and can’t do that’s when life starts to become more fun and more enjoyable.

I dreamed and prayed for years that I would become a published author and get married. In a matter of 76 days, I check off both of those goals at the end of 2018. I was created for something special and it was just my mind telling me and filling me with those lies for years.

My Reason

I now recognized that and that’s what I want to share with YOU. Do I need to sell millions of books no? Do I need the publishing deal and the recognition no? I don’t need the fame or the money to feel like I accomplished something.

The reason how I’m going to know if I’m making a difference in people’s lives and getting through to them. Is if they were scared of something and now pursuing it like I am. They got out of there comfort zone and trying new things now and pursuing new opportunities in life and what’s ahead of them.

86,400 Seconds In A Day

Eye Opener

When you wake up every morning what do you think to yourself? Crap I have to get up. I don’t want to get out of bed, I don’t want to go to work. I don’t want to do this or that. Whatever your reason is it doesn’t matter. You have 86,400 seconds a day and what you do with that time will be gone at the end of the day and you can never get it back.

The other week I was in a little funk for a couple of days and depressed a little bit. I think the main reason why is because I just published my book a little over a month ago. Which is still weird saying that. But yet at the same time, it’s pretty freaking sweet haha.

I worked on that book for 12 and a half days of my life in the last four years. Now like that I’m done with the writing and formatting and bringing that book to life. Now I’m in a different phase with it.

Amazing Support

I have sold over 50 books which is pretty crazy thinking about that still. I’ll be grateful for every book I ever sell, I know it will always be a blessing. But I know it’s not enough. I knew this was going to be a hard business to get into.

I’m beyond grateful that I have my wife and so many amazing people around me cheering me on and helping me achieve and do what I’m trying to do. I also put a lot of pressure on myself and sometimes, ok most of the time I over think things. I focus too much on the end goal and I miss the moment I’m in.

I’m Blessed

I was so focused on trying to sell my books and to share my story with people. Get on podcasts and do whatever I need to do, that I forgot one important detail. I forgot to enjoy what I accomplished and take in what I did and how rare it is to publish a book.

That’s where I am now. Every morning God wakes me up and I’m able to get out of bed is a blessing. Now every full day I see from the moment I wake up till the moment I go to sleep I should take that as a gift and a blessing. Because not everybody wakes up.

Yes, I might be a little stressed right now trying to figure out my website, selling my book and promoting it. Trying to turn a hobby into an actual business now.

Don’t Stop

I know in this funk I haven’t enjoyed those 86,400 seconds like I know I should. Now, will I always enjoy every second of course not? I will have good days and bad. I know I need to get back to where I was and where I know I should be. Enjoying my new life I entered in only a couple months ago.

I’m happily married. I’m now a published author. I have the opportunity to turn my dreams into a reality. How awesome is that? Now when I’m given the opportunity I need to make the most of it.

If they can’t see the passion and how serious I am in my voice or on my face then I messed up and failed. Yes, is this going to be fun absolutely, well I hope haha? Will I be terrified or freaked out if I talk to a group of people about my story or book? Yes, it will freak me out. But I didn’t say I won’t do it.

I Want To Help

Yes, it will scare me, but it’s because I care and I want to help people now. I’m an introvert at heart. My past, how can I say this? Well, it screwed me up. My battle that I have every single day between my ears the last 20+ years of my life has truly put a number on me and kept me down a long time.

I’m just being honest. I was broken for a long time, I didn’t think there was any light for me at the end of the tunnel. I always believed I was meant for something special. But in all reality, I always thought I was just blowing smoke and just hoping for something special to happen for me.

I Woke Up

Well, news flash people, that something special happened and it didn’t happen when I published my book. It didn’t happen when I married Lindsay, all though that truly was amazing and a blessing. That special moment happened when I stopped feeding myself lies every day and decided to make a change.

I decided to stop all of the lies and thinking I was a mistake that slipped through the cracks when God created me. The moment I realized I was created for a purpose, is the moment when I started to live again and taste purpose for the first time. Publishing my book and marrying Lindsay were my top two goals. But what woke me up is that one day everything came together I finally decide to change my life and make something of the remaining seconds I have left.

Start Living

I stopped worrying about the seconds I lost with all of the days and years behind me and started focusing on the new seconds that are waiting for me. There are a lot of people that I truly think my story could benefit them. Now, will it change their life, maybe, I don’t know? That’s not for me to decide that’s for that person to decide.

I don’t know how many seconds I have remaining. But I do know with my new mindset I never wanted to start living more than I do now. That’s why everything happens for a reason. This disability God gave me, I now feel like I’m using it the way he always intended. Sharing my unique story and helping kids and young adults to start living for the first time.

Dream Chaser vs Dreamer

Dreamer

If you asked me when I was back in high school or a little younger what a dreamer was. I would have said somebody who has a dream or goal they want to pursue or accomplish in their life. Something big they want to do to feel an achievement or proud of themselves for pursuing something bigger. Now I’m going to tell you why a dream chaser is way better than a dreamer.

Here we are 2019. I’ll be 29 at the end of March. I’ve been married for a couple of months. My new book has been out for over a month, it’s still crazy saying that haha and probably always will be.

Dream Chaser

If you asked me the same question when I was around 21 or 22. I would have told you something completely different than just a couple of years before. I have been writing for over a year, and I know what my dreams are. To get married, which I never thought that would happen. Publish a book and share my story with the world and make a difference by helping people.

Well, first things first. I have been married for a couple of months. This time last year I was single and just starting to talk to Lindsay for the first time. I never pictured where I would be today. Now I’m happily married, one goal and dream done♠ (I couldn’t find a check mark, so a spade it is haha.)

Keep Going

Next publishing a book. What a kid with an LD and dyslexia how can he publish a book? Well if you were thinking that, or you weren’t. Just pretend you were please so I can answer that question. The answer is this guy with the LD and dyslexia. Or another way you can answer it is, so can YOU.

For years I never thought I could accomplish anything with this baggage over me and weighing me down in life. Until I finally realized a couple of years ago, how stupid and wrong that is. Just because I read slow and not good with spelling and grammar and everything else in school. That doesn’t mean I can’t write a book. I could have some awesome book ideas, but I just need help with the editing.

More To Come

Personally, I do feel like I have a lot of good ideas. Also, I think I’m a pretty good writer. By writer, I mean coming up with different ideas and using my imagination. As far as the editing and grammar and punctuation side of it, well let’s just move on, it will be easier haha.

Now, look where we are. I published my first book♠. I have written three other books. I have a couple more books that I know I want to write at some point.  Now I’m just trying to enjoy the ride and take in what I accomplished.

A Little Hard Work

I can finally tell people I’m not just a dreamer anymore like most of the world. Now, this isn’t a shot at them or a negative statement at them it’s just my opinion and an observation. I used to be just a dreamer. Now it’s amazing if you switch some things around and change a little of this and that, look at what can happen? You become what you have been searching for a dream chaser, and now you’re no longer a dreamer.

As much as I prayed and hoped I could publish a book. A small percent of me never thought it would actually happen, as sad as that is. It took a lot longer than I would have liked and I was expecting. But now that I went through it and saw what I battled to get to where I am now holding my book that I brought to life. I know first-hand that with a little hard work, anything is possible.

It’s Possible

A dyslexic kid becoming an author is that possible? A girl taking a chance on a guy who was broken for so long and needed a lot of help and giving him hope is that possible? A guy who hated his life for years. A guy who never thought he could accomplish anything or be successful in life. Can now officially share with the world that he crossed off his top two goals in a three-month span. So, can you?

All you have to do is keep working and keep going. I’m here to tell you that you can do it. Yes, I know as lame as that might sound haha. Ohh sure you can do this or that or whatever it is you want to do. But it’s true, accomplishing these two dreams and goals of mine, has given me more hope and purpose than I ever imagined.

Focused

I found a woman to love me for me no matter what I struggle with or am not good at. I turned a weakness of mine and a lot of stuff I’m not good at or struggle with daily into something positive hoping to make a difference in people’s lives.

Do I have my off days and not feeling up to it or proud of what I’m trying to do? Of course, and most likely I will always have days like that. But in the end what brings me back to reality is what I have in front of me and what I can touch and see in front of me now.

Keep Going

What I saw was hope and purpose. I feel more alive than I ever did. Now if my book, blog or story doesn’t make as big of an impact as I thought it would. Well that will be unfortunate and maybe it wasn’t meant to be, but at least I tried my best and gave it my all. I didn’t just stop and take in what I accomplished and smiled. Yes, I enjoyed it and I’m still enjoying it. But I kept working and I didn’t give up.

Embrace your unique story and share it with the world

Take In What You Accomplished

The Struggle

Every now and then I think it’s important that we take in what you accomplished. Not in an, I’m better than you kind of way. It’s more of a reality check and a refresher you could say. Thinking wow did I really do that? Thinking to yourself how crazy it is as you smile thinking of what you just accomplished now.

For me, there’s a lot to look back on and take a second and think to myself. I have written four books in seven years and read 52 books in five years. I started my own website and have been blogging for almost two years. I’m starting to come out of my comfort zone and safe zone and sharing with the world a day in the life of an LD kid.

Opening Up

Sharing my story and my background with my disability throughout my life was not easy to do. Honestly, I did not want to do this. I was very hesitant and scared to do it. Scared is an understatement, I was freaking out and it scared the crap out of me.

My disability has turned me into an introvert from a young age. Yes, I have some extrovert qualities but at the end of the day, I’m an introvert. I decided as I was journaling about my life and experience in Peru over four years ago. I should turn this into something. My book was born and here we are over four years later. Honestly, I was more scared about publishing my book and blog then I was purposing to Lindsay and on our wedding day as funny as that is.

When I made my website go live and I told people at that time almost two years ago that was the scariest thing I have ever done in my life. Now when I upload my book to Amazon that was the new scariest thing I have ever done in my life. Yes, it freaks me out, but I’m also excited and pumped for people to read my story.

I’m Different

Now when I say my story I’m not saying my story is better or more interesting than yours. Well in all reality it probably is HAHA just kidding. My story is just different and unique just like yours. We all have a unique story and it’s all a one of a kind. I’m just excited finally to share my faults and issues with the world and try and turn those negatives and burdens I have into positives.

Taking a second and looking back at what I have done. I sucked in school just snuck by with a C and D average if I was lucky. Struggling in life searching for meaning or purpose. Battling the ups and the downs of the world.

New Me

It’s 2019 I’m married to the love of my life. I have a house, a dog and a cat. This dyslexic what started out as a young boy to now 28 is now a published author. How cool is that? I took a weakness that I sucked at in school and was not fast or good with reading or writing. School was hell for me for my whole life. I have said it before school felt like a prison for me. Doing the same thing every day for years. Having the same negative attuited and mindset through every grade. I suck at school I’m not smart I’m stupid what’s the point?

With all of the issues I have, somehow someway I managed to turn my life around and pursued the one thing that scared me the most in my life. Pursue and chase my now dream career of becoming an author and sharing my personal story with the world. How funny is that?

My Calling

I tried avoiding reading and writing for as long as I could. In that time frame, it was like pulling teeth trying to get me to read and write. Now I have written four books totaling over 200,000 words. I have read 52 books in five years. This will be my 113 blog post. All of those posts I shoot for no more than 1,000 words per post. Now writing 1,000 words is a breeze for me. Even if I don’t have a topic I just start typing and go with the flow. That’s how I do my posts most of the time. Once I figure out my topic I don’t plan anything out. I just think about that topic, write and go.

The reason why this post is so personal for me is I still struggle with this to this day. Yes, I have done a lot in the last couple of years and or working on a lot also. It’s because I felt like I wasted so much time in my earlier years. Yes I know I was a kid and in my earlier 20’s trying to find myself and figure out what’s next. Even going through school, I used my LD as a get out of jail free card and treated it like I had a free pass to graduate. I now realized how lazy I was at times and now I know what I did wrong. That’s why I’m working so hard to make up for the time I lost.

Don’t Stop

I have a lot of big things I want to accomplish. I can’t slow down anymore and just try and sneak by like the old days. I’m dreaming big and whatever comes my way now I want to tackle it head on and not be afraid anymore like my past.

There’s no more coasting anymore. I have more books to publish and more books to write. There are millions of kids and young adults just like me. I think they need to hear my story. Not to impress them or say look at me. They need to know and finally understand what they are truly capable of doing themselves. Seeing what I did or am doing will hopefully be used as there guidance and help if they need it.