It Will Happen
Just being me is a line from one of my favorite artists NF. I’d rather die than let this dream go to waste. You can tell that I ain’t playin’ by the look up on my face.
Whenever I hear this line, I always think back to when I told Lindsay for the first time what I wanted to do with my writing. I didn’t know it at the time but a couple of weeks later she told me what she thought. She knew how serious I was with the look on my face when I was telling her about my books and what I want to do.
Roll With It
From a young age, I wanted to make a difference and I always thought and believed that I would do something special and unique. The only problem was I didn’t know what that was haha. I knew with my disability that I saw the world differently than most. I knew my views and outlook towards the world are not like others and that’s ok. Well, now its ok at 28 saying that. I didn’t like it when I was younger.
Now just like NF said I’m Just Being Me and I’m ok with that. I’m different than most, I have a unique story compared to most. Now do I have days I get upset or mad when I don’t know what a word means or how to spell a certain word for example. Yes, I do, it sucks and I hate that moment that I’m in when I have to ask my wife or someone around me. It’s embarrassing, but this is just who I am and one of the issues I have to deal with and battle every day.
I’m not proud of that part with my disability but I guess in order to take the good you have to take the bad sometimes with it. Well, that’s my bad. When it comes to school I’m not on the same level as most. I am and will always be four or five grade levels behind everyone if not more.
Yes, that sucks and it’s embarrassing. But what helps me to feel better and make me get over my faults and those embarrassing moments of mine. Is that I’m not putting my weaknesses behind me like I once did when I was younger. I’m now embracing them and using them to help others and make a difference.
I never liked being a burden on others around me like my family or wife for example. I never wanted to be the one to slow somebody down in life. For years I wanted to die and end my life to take away the pain and to help escape from it. Now I realized how wrong that is. I don’t want to escape the pain anymore. I welcome it because I now believe God made me this way for a reason and put everything on me for a reason.
Personally, if you ask me, getting old still kind of freaks me out a little bit. Because time is going so fast. I’ll be 29 in a month. This May will be 11 years from when I graduated. In case you haven’t noticed people, time isn’t slowing down for us.
My True Intentions
I don’t want to be 80 years old or whatever the age and be a burden on my wife or family or hopefully future kids. To me by the time I get to 80 I want to look back and be proud and smile at what I have done and the impact I hopefully have on people. Do I need to be worth a million dollars or more, no, of course not? Do I need to be recognized around the world or the community for what I’m doing no?
The main people that I want to see what I’m trying to do and share from my heart, not my ego. Is my wife, family, and God? Because those are the most important people to me.
I want to make up for the time I lost when I was younger. I want to help the younger kids coming up and going through the fight and the struggles like I was going through a short time ago. I want to help them and be there for them if they need someone to talk to. That’s why I’m still blogging and trying to give you all the material you need.
I want to speak and share my unique story with kids around the world and share with them what I have learned in the last 10 years alone. I want them to know its ok to be different and different is not always a bad thing. Embrace being different and embrace who you are. Besides once you are ok with what you can do and can’t do that’s when life starts to become more fun and more enjoyable.
I dreamed and prayed for years that I would become a published author and get married. In a matter of 76 days, I check off both of those goals at the end of 2018. I was created for something special and it was just my mind telling me and filling me with those lies for years.
I now recognized that and that’s what I want to share with YOU. Do I need to sell millions of books no? Do I need the publishing deal and the recognition no? I don’t need the fame or the money to feel like I accomplished something.
The reason how I’m going to know if I’m making a difference in people’s lives and getting through to them. Is if they were scared of something and now pursuing it like I am. They got out of there comfort zone and trying new things now and pursuing new opportunities in life and what’s ahead of them.