I’m My Own Beast
When you hear Beast what do you think? Something big and scary, something that might frighten you? Now the definition might be similar, but what beast we see could be very different in everyone’s eyes. Some might be intimidated by something in front of them, that has control over you every day.
Who is my beast it’s simple, me? I have been avoiding the beast that had my number for years. I was always scared to face him and fight back because I was so weak mentally. Looking in the mirror was always hard because I didn’t like who I was looking at. Until I decided enough is enough, it’s time to face my beast once and for all and do something about it. My shadow always controlled me all of these years. Following me and constantly staring me down every day. It was time to face my beast and face my toughest opponent in my life, me.
In the back of my mind, I kept hearing from a young age. I’m not good enough to play basketball and make it to the NBA. I’m just squeaking by in school, that’s because my parents and teachers did most of the work for me. I can’t win and be successful in life, what’s the point in even trying and living? I wanted to give up before I really even started. Waving the white flag and already saying uncle, I just gave up.
I failed so much in my past and felt alone and useless over the years, I thought what can I accomplish? Who would want to date me or possibly marry me with the issues and baggage I’m dragging behind me every day? It was easy thinking of all of the negatives because I felt like I hadn’t done much in my life up to this point. I was an easy target for myself to attack.
Now here we are, going from most of my life not wanting to live feeling useless and embarrassed for who I am. Now wanting to live and proud of who I am and for what I’m trying to accomplish. I now know why God put this disability on my shoulders. Of course, I could be wrong, haha, but I truly think it’s to help kids. Help kids and young adults like me who feel different and unique and alone. Kids who are searching and confused as to why they are here and who they are.
My disability which I thought at the time was a curse helped me to see the world and everything differently in my life. Welcome to The World Through My Dyslexic Eyes. This is my story, I just happened to be dyslexic. We all have a story, and it’s unique and different. That’s what makes all of us so special and life so precious.
Time For A Change
I was sick of who I was and the fact that my shadow and other side kept controlling me all of these years. It was time for a change and I had to do something about it. It was time to shut up, and for once in my life let my actions talk for me.
It’s halfway through 2018. I have written three books and at the moment I have four more books that I want to write. I have read almost 50 books in the last four years, and now blogging. At 21 I decided I’m going to try and enter a field I never thought I could or should be in. Now at 28, there is no trying anymore. I’m determined and there is no hesitation about becoming a published author. When it’s all said and done I don’t have an end goal of how many books I want to sell or how big of a writer I want to be. I could care less about that part of the business, that’s not why I want to be a writer and publish books. I have said that hundreds of times and I will keep saying it.
You Are Driving Me
What’s driving me now to become the best writer and Peter I can be. It’s easy, yes, I have personal goals I’m trying to hit and some fun goals that would be awesome to hit. In the end, it’s one thing and one thing only. It’s you, it’s the kid’s that are like me and have a similar background like me. That’s it there’s no if’s and’s or butts about it.
The only reason why I want to sell millions of copies of books is for potentially the millions of kids I could be talking to. It doesn’t matter if I make $3 a book or a penny a book I DONT CARE. Some people do it for the money and that’s fine, that’s their choice.
Life is short, life is a gift. Far too many of us take advantage of that and abuse it every day. Myself included, I have my off days. We only get one life and one chance to live, when we die it’s GAME OVER. There are no do-overs, no second chances its checkmate.
That’s why the last few years my mindset changed, I was looking at life all wrong. It was a rude awakening but I finally get it now. That’s why it was time to fight back, not because I had to and it’s the correct thing to say. It’s because I was sick of losing and scared of the road I was going down. It was time for a change and to get out of the shadows. All of these years I have been searching, praying, and looking for the light at the end of the tunnel. It was a long journey and a hard battle every day over the last 28 years. I’m not done yet, and I feel like I’m only getting started.