When One Door Closes

Open Doors

When one door closes, another opens, but we often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door that we do not see the one which has opened for us. We all have our moments that we are focused or interested in. Excited about a new opportunity that’s waiting for us on the other side of that door. What happens once we open the door? It’s not what we expected or it’s not as good as we had imagined? Are mind was thinking one thing. When in all reality, what was placed in front of us was something completely different.

Sure it sucks and it’s frustrating and every other emotion you would want to share or say. Just like the quote says. Why do we get so tied up and invested in the door that’s shut in front of us? Clearly, that moment or situation that was in front of us is now over. Why is it so hard to move on sometimes? Is it because we invested so much time into whatever was in front of us? Maybe because we were expecting one thing. Once the door swung open what we saw was completely different.

Your Reaction

It’s frustrating I know, why isn’t it easier to move on? Whether your in that moment or you’re upset or angry, for whatever your time frame is. We all handle life differently of course.

How do you handle these situations waiting for you? With the unknown staring, you down waiting and waiting for you. How you respond to that letdown and the negative news that might be waiting in front of you. It’s a stepping stone in what kind of person and difference your gonna make in people’s lives. How you react to whatever is placed in front of you. That’s what people are going to see and remember you by.

What if you really don’t know me, I mean let’s be real nobody really knows me. Just like I don’t really know you, or maybe your close friends don’t really know you. In some cases, I think we all keep a lot of stuff buried deep within us. I say that because I still have a lot deep inside of me, that not many people know to this day.

 Time For A Change

As much as it still terrifies me to open up and share my true self. I realize enough is enough if I want to get better and help fix my problems and issues. Then I need to open up that door in front of me and let everything out. As much as I don’t want to. Again it’s a 50-50 chance that it could come back to bite me in the butt with doing that. Then again it’s a 50% chance that I can let go of these burdens I have on my shoulders weighing me down after all of this time.

Being 27 still with no clue with what I want to do with myself. Having three part-time jobs at the moment. Of course, doing my blog and working on my books trying to get them out to the world. Now two of those jobs I’m getting paid in. One of those jobs is a hobby that I’m trying to turn into a career. Having three jobs and putting in hours beyond hours in a week, you have to give up certain things.

There is only so much free time I have during the week. Now the closer I get to publish my book, or once I’m done with a new post. Before I hit publish I look at the post button and imagine what good or bad that might come from it? In most cases, it will probably be more good than bad hopefully. It’s probably just my head playing mind games with me.

No

I emailed 300 agents about my books and received 105 responses saying no, they weren’t interested. Not looking for a pity party and anyone to feel bad for me. My whole life I have been getting rejected and used to hearing no.

I didn’t pass the military test three times to enlist in the military, that sucked. I already mentioned my emails. My dating history is kind of a joke, I don’t really have a history. In school and my early life, I had these dark clouds constantly over me all my life. Plus not to mention all of the side effects I developed from age six to this very moment as I’m sitting here writing this. Feeling stupid and useless and wondering why was I even born, and battling depression for years and years.

I’m not looking for you to feel bad for me. Honestly, that is the last thing I want with this. I’m just a guy who is trying to make it in life, and make a difference in people’s lives and make the most of my short stay here on earth. I know people have had a harder childhood or have been in worst situations than me, I get that and I completely agree with you. With all of my personal issues, I’m beyond blessed. I have a great family and people that care about me and love me.

Keep Going

I believe a number of doors in front of us are endless. If one door closes well then you move on and go to the next door and so on. With everything that happened to me, I can’t give up now, and neither can YOU. It doesn’t matter what situation you are in at the moment, just keep going and keep working as hard as you can. Some people have to work harder and think outside of the book.

If so then who cares, that’s what makes you and your story so special and so unique. Going through all of those hard times, again sucks at the moment and you can feel so weak and useless and wonder why should I bother. That moment once you figure it out, or you turn things around it makes everything totally worth it. So embrace your journey and make the most of it. Whatever you do, don’t stop. Just keep searching and looking for the next door ahead of you. If that doesn’t work, then make your own door.

Don’t Give Up

Keep Going

Why is it so easy to give up? Why do we usually give in, when things are not going our way or getting hard? Is it because we are weak and were not determined or hungry enough? Maybe we just don’t want it bad enough? Maybe we’re not willing to sacrifice enough to accomplish that ultimate goal you and I are so focused on. It doesn’t matter what situation you are in or how hard you are working for it. Once you get those negative thoughts in the back of your head. Once you start playing those mind games with yourself, it makes that hill your currently climbing that much harder. We just need to remember don’t give up.

With that said, we all are going through different battles every day. Were all climbing different hills trying to reach the top? If you’re not trying to reach the top and working your hardest, then what are you doing? It’s 2017 now, even though there is a lot of evil and hate in the world right now. Unfortunately, everywhere you look it seems like something new is happening. It’s sad, it truly is sad that this is where the world is going.

Timing Won’t Always Be Perfect

It doesn’t matter what distractions you have or what burdens are placed in front of you. If you want to be successful, and publish that book. Accomplish that race you are training for or whatever your goal that your working towards. The timing to do that and prepare for that goal is never going to be perfect. That’s life, sometimes bad things happen and you have to adapt to what’s being placed in front of you.

Having my learning disability placed on my shoulders at a young age and sucks and I developed a lot of bad habits from it. After all these years now, I can’t keep using my LD as an excuse. Or maybe instead I can use it as a motivator to keep me going? A kid who barely graduated high school with a 2.0, lazy, and no care in the world. Using my weaknesses as an excuse.

Now I’m flipping the script and instead of running away from my fears, weaknesses, and faults I have. Now I’m starting to embrace them and try and conquer them and turn everything around. Yes, I’m always going to have my personal issues and having these burdens on my shoulders. I’m not proud of that, but unfortunately, I have to keep working as hard as I can till I take my last breath.

I Don’t Belong

With that said, I’m trying to enter a field that realistically I probably don’t belong in. I probably read my first cover to cover book at the age of 19. I’m trying to enter this field, with everything weighing me down and everything stacked against me.

Plus not to mention with a blindfold on. I don’t know what to do it’s all new to me. I’m trying to figure it out as I go, and figure out the best direction to go. With everything, I just said giving all the reasons why a publisher wouldn’t want me or my books, is the exact reason that is going to help me sell my books and share my story with the world. We all have a unique story, that is why I’m trying to share my story. Because you and the world need to hear my story, just like I need to hear your story.

I know what it’s like to fail, and I have failed more than enough. With all 105 emails of people passing on my book that still hasn’t stopped me. It’s only made me hungrier and more focused on my craft to keep working harder and trying to do a better job. That’s the reason why one day in the near future if that’s six months from now or two years from now. It doesn’t matter when it happens, I’m going to keep working as hard as I am now as I will six months or two years from now.

Life Can Be Ruthless

That’s life it’s not going to be easy, and sometimes life kicks our butt, and its hard sometimes. Yes, we might question why all of this happens and why does it have to happen this way. I would be lying if I didn’t wonder that and have those thoughts in the back of my head sometimes.

Life here on earth is so short and fly’s by. In May of 2018 will be 10 years I have been out of HS. It seems like just yesterday I was back in HS playing sports and counting the days till graduation. Well, time is up and I got my wish, I’m in the real world now and this is what I wanted. So it’s time to man up, or woman up. Go after what it is you want in life. Make the most of it and don’t give up or give in, and just settle for a 9-5 just because it’s safe and easy. Think outside of the box and keep chasing that dream of yours, keep working your butt off. Sacrifice what you need to make that dream of yours a reality.

You

The number of opportunities in front of us is more than enough. Stop making excuses for not being able to do this or that. Who cares what others think, stop living for them, and start living for you. Start working and going after what YOU want, not what you think others want for you or what you’re told to go after. Only you know what YOU want deep down within you. That sick feeling in your stomach, that scars the crap out of you and is freaking you out about chasing that dream of yours. Don’t be scared of it, embrace it, welcome it, and enjoy the ride.

Why

Chapter 1

Why are we here, why am I here, why are you here? That’s a question I ask myself every single day. This is Chapter 1 in my book. What is our purpose in life and our purpose here on Earth? That is the million-dollar question and the thing most people search for. I know that this question is on the top of my list. Why was I put here, why was I created the way I am? Why do I think the things I think, why do I do the things I do? Although I’m still trying to figure out myself and work on me, I now know it’s not a one-step process.

You will always be working on yourself, it’s a process we are always trying to improve. If you want to change or have to adapt to a bump in the road that comes your way, you have to adapt, or you will never get over that hump in front of you. I’m not here to tell you what you’re going to be, or what you should do in life. In the end, only you have that answer and can find that answer. The only thing I’m doing is to help you get to the path that you are destined for and searching for. My goal is to help give you some tips to move along the way and stay far away from the darkness and shadows.

Share Your Story

One major thing you have to realize is that I can tell you everything you need to hear. Your parents, friends, or mentors whoever can tell you everything you need to here, or want to here. It doesn’t work unless you believe it will. You have to put in the work and put in the effort and time. The more you put into your life the more you can get out of it. You only have one shot at life, one chance here on earth. All I’m trying to do is help you make your short stay here worthwhile and enjoyable. That’s what life is all about, enjoying your time here on earth and making the best of what you can. Maybe after you figure that out, you can pay it forward and help others who are going through the same thing you were struggling with.

Unfortunately, the world can be a cold, cold, place sometimes. Yes, I know it’s not all cold, some may think I’m naive about that. I do firmly believe there is still good in the world and there are good people. The way things are heading though, it’s not looking good and is changing quickly. It breaks my heart with all of the hate, anger, and wasted death. That’s why now is the time to change you and make a difference. Tomorrow and the future are not guaranteed to you, or anyone for that matter. Especially today who knows what’s going to happen in the near future.  So let’s start this journey and figure out what you’re why is.

Sacrifice

This doesn’t work if once you figure out your why or your purpose, you don’t just stop after that. That is the time when you should keep pushing forward and get that fire to go after what it is you want. Destroy anything else that gets in front of you, or prevents you from moving forward. Do whatever it is you have to do to get what you want out of life, and your time here. It’s time to put in the work because no one is going to do it for you. Read books, listen to those motivational songs or podcasts, go to the gym at 5 am every day before work. If it’s important to you then two things will happen.

First, you will make time for it and sacrifice anything for your dream. Second, if it’s not important you will make an excuse for why you can’t do it or why you won’t do it. If it’s important enough to you, even if you are at the lowest of lows and you literally hit rock bottom, make a change for the better. If there is no one else to help you, then you just have to close your eyes, have faith, and just push forward. Don’t give up, your life will be changed forever and it will be worth it. Never stop searching for your Why and trying to master it.

Who Are You

Think About It

Who Are You? Have you ever really thought about it before? Are you embarrassed about which group you fall under, or do you embrace it and are proud of it? There’s nothing to be ashamed or embarrassed about, we are all different. We all have unique and special talents, or quirks we wish were a little different or we could change.

For me personally, it might surprise most of you but when it all comes down to it, I’m an introvert. Going back to first grade when everything started to change for me. From that point and going forward I have always kept to myself. I have always had feelings and embarrassment and being ashamed of everything I have been dealing with. I kept it all to myself and was ashamed and embarrassed by who I really am.

Naturally, I would always be thinking to myself and talking to myself. This all gets tied in to being self-conscious about myself. It’s only fitting when it gets broken down, that if I had to pick one or the other I’m an introvert. Now I didn’t choose to be this way, it wasn’t like picking a sports team to follow. It’s just who we are, and how we react and respond to situations we are placed in.

Ambivert

Now in some cases, I’m more along the lines of an Ambivert. Honestly, I just found out about Ambivert like a month ago haha. I never heard of it before. I love having fun and hanging out with people and making people laugh and having a good time. So naturally I enjoy talking to people and meeting new people.

I love my alone time and quiet time. Sometimes I enjoy it too much. The last few years when I had my personal battles and battled depression, and in those shadows for a few years. Being alone and by yourself for too long can be very bad, and not healthy. You need a happy medium and a healthy mix of both. I was in a dark place for far too long. I’m now paying the price for it. I’m trying to get out now and looking for the light at the end of the tunnel.

I know what it’s like to be angry, upset, and sad. You name it and I probably felt it. Honestly, it sucks, and it’s not fun. I don’t want people to feel useless and feel like they don’t belong or a nobody. I wouldn’t wish that on anybody. Well, except for maybe to my sister’s ex-boyfriend’s haha. But that’s, of course, being the protector I am and looking out for my sister’s.

Never Judge A Book By Its Cover

Who Are You? It’s true I might seem happy or like I have it all together all the time. If you knew me in high school or even now for example. I hate to break it to you people, but I don’t. I’m trying to find my purpose and direction just like the next person. The only thing is I’m not begging for attention like some of you. I don’t like being the center of attention.

Sure if I make a joke in front of a crowd or something that’s one thing. But if it’s all eyes on me, no, I’m not a fan of that and try to avoid that. I don’t like that feeling of being ashamed and angry. That’s why I put on that mask and try and do my part to make you and everyone else I can happy. Sure I’m very sarcastic, I know, I’m sorry. It’s not always my intention, it’s a bad habit I picked up.

In The End

What are you, Who Are You? It doesn’t matter what category you fall under. You can either be ashamed of it and hide in the shadows like I did for far too long. Or you just accept it and embrace it, and try and change and move your way toward the middle like I did. You can stay on one side and stay on one path your whole life if you want. If that’s you and your ok with that, well then keep going. If you want a new challenge and try and better yourself and embrace something new and try a different path to see what’s out there then do something about it and fight back.

Now embrace you and realize you are who you are, it’s true there is only so much you can change about yourself. Don’t forget, you don’t have to stay in that rut you are in or hiding in. You can step out of the dark and not be ashamed. Who knows what kind of an impact you might have on others. Sharing your story or giving that advice you have, could be a massive turning point for that special person. Don’t be ashamed of who you are, embrace it, and keep doing the best you can day in and day out.

Confidence

Confidence

Confidence definition – a feeling of self-assurance arising from one’s appreciation of one’s own abilities or qualities.

Self-conscious definition- feeling undue awareness of oneself, one’s appearance, or one’s actions. Which one are you? In some cases, I’m the confident one. In most cases and about 75% of the time, I’m the self-conscious side. What can I say we all have our flaws.

I realize being young and not knowing any better, it was easy to get upset and angry at my situation. Even young kids at a young age, they aren’t stupid they notice things and they catch things adults do. Now with my nephews and nieces when I do or say something around them. I really have to be careful with what I say and do. I don’t want to get that mom look from my sisters let alone my own mom haha.

Tough Question

I always wondered and thought why I’m not smart, why am I stupid and different than everyone else? That was a question I asked my parents on a regular basis. Imagine your kid asking you that question hundreds of times? What do you say to your kid, when you are put on the spot like that?

My parents did the best they could and I’m not mad at them. I’m grateful for everything they did for me. Again having that burden for so many years weighing you down. A lack of confidence can really mess with you. It can prevent you from being productive and accomplishing your goals and doing big things in life.

At 27

I’m still self-conscious, I’ll admit it. I don’t like saying that but I’m not going to sit here and lie about it and wear a mask and hide like I have been hiding my whole life. I told you from day one I was going, to be honest, and let you in on who I really am. Well, by now you should start to understand who I really am and why I am like I am. Lacking confidence is not good, shocking I know. It can prevent you from living your life and making the most of it and the opportunities you have or are placed in front of you.

Honestly, It doesn’t matter what example you use. It can affect anything you’re doing and hold you back from seeing and chasing new opportunities ahead of you. It doesn’t matter what those opportunities are. Leaving your 9-5 job to become an artist and share your artwork with the world. Or finally, get the courage to talk to that girl you have been wanting to talk to for weeks now.

Now Is The Time

Stop wondering what if, and be hesitant and scared to do something. Now is the time to roll the dice and go for it. What’s the worst that happens she says no to going out, so you move on? Maybe it takes you a year and a half to sell your first piece of art. It doesn’t matter, you took that chance and it doesn’t matter how it turned out. Either good or bad, you learn from it and keep going. Who knows what other doors that situation might open up for you down the road. In most cases, you did more than most people who don’t even do anything. You compare yourself to that persona and your already winning. Because at least you tried and put yourself out there. Why that person was too scared to try.

For me, One of my many struggles in this department is I don’t think I’m smart enough or good enough. Another one is when I’m in a room with five people or 20 people it doesn’t matter the number. I wonder what the other people are doing and how they got so successful and curious to see what they did to get there? Then I wonder and look at my situation and see where I am and what I have done? I realize we all go on different paths and have different destinations we are working toward and chasing.

What About You

I know what I need to work on, and I’m working on it as I’m writing this and opening up to you and trying to share my story with you. Again it doesn’t matter what you’re lacking and struggling with. Look at your situation and recognize it. Next, come up with a plan and do something about it.

I want to publish my books and become a published author. With no experience in that subject and I don’t know what to do to make that happen. I did the research and tried something and did something about it. Emailing agents to represent me, well that hasn’t worked out so far, and it sucks. Now I’m blogging and have my website to try a different approach to it. This way might work, it might not I don’t know yet. What I do know is, I’m still trying and doing the best I can and adapting to whatever speedbumps are placed in front of me.

What do you need to change or fix in your own life? You can try and act all cool, saying I don’t need to do anything. Well, I hate to break it to you, but that’s crap and a lie. If you are not constantly changing and trying to better yourself and learning, then what are you doing with yourself and your life? It doesn’t matter how old or young you are, as long as you are still breathing then you still have time to do something about it.

Scared Of Success

Scardy Cat

I know this may be a little surprising and you may be thinking a fear of success, who would be scared of success? Well, it’s true. It is a fear and probably more common than you think as funny as that sounds. Again thinking and writing it down, it still seems funny to me. How could you fear success? Everyone wants to be successful or should want to be, so why be scared? I think it has to do with a few things for me.

The fact that my mentality is set so high. That I will be successful, and I fully believe that. I WILL BE SUCCESSFUL, whether it’s good or bad, positive or negative. Whatever you feed yourself, the thoughts and your mindset you have, that’s what’s gonna make the difference in the end. In the end, that’s what is going to separate those that are hungry and want to turn a dream or goal into a reality. Or there is the other half, that will have that dream and goal, simply just a dream and goal, and nothing else. They will realize that it’s impossible or too hard to reach, and can’t fathom it.

Cruise Control

All these years I’ve kind of been going with the flow of things, just coasting along basically waiting for what comes next. What happens when I finally overcome those hurdles and speed bumps of mine and I can finally say, “I’m successful” and I made it? That should be a dream for everybody, saying those words. Think about this for a minute. If you have a dream and a goal, it will take some work to accomplish, correct? Maybe a little extra effort, some blood maybe sweat or anything else you have to give to complete it?

Just picture what that feeling would be like after you work your tail off, and finally achieve your dream goal? Close your eyes right now, well, finish reading this part first then try it. It will be kind of hard to read what’s next with your eyes closed. Picture what your number one goal is or your dream in life? Now picture yourself accomplishing that goal and doing what it is you want to achieve, close your eyes again and think about that for a minute?

Do You Want More

Personally, I think everyone should want more than just money. They should want a passion or a dream job and want to accomplish something worthwhile. Having a big bank account isn’t enough for me. If money is honestly your number one goal and main priority and you want to swim in it, like the duck swimming in his gold from duck tales. If you can honestly say that’s you then, I guess I’m wrong, sorry. Go swim and get yourself a pool full of gold. I don’t want to accomplish my dreams and goals just to be wealthy, that’s not why I’m doing this.

If you ask me, why was I scared of success? Why do I even think about it all the time? I’ll tell you why, even though I know I am meant for something bigger, and I truly believe that. I’m not saying I’m going to cure cancer or bring peace on earth by stopping a war. I certainly wouldn’t turn down the chance to help accomplish those things. I do believe, I’m meant to help people somehow some way. Who knows as long as I keep my faith and with God, on my side, it will happen. If I keep working and putting in the effort to try to accomplish and conquer those goals and dreams of mine than anything is possible.

Take The Chance

Trust me, I have my bad days still and want to give up, and just say forget it. I’ll just be average and stay scared of success, I can make that work. That’s good enough for me and better than nothing. It’s fine to just be a pawn in this chess game that we call life. I hear these success stories and all the good some people are doing in this world, that has so much evil and I think to myself.

Why not just go for it, why not me, why not you? I want to do that, I am going to do that, I’m going to do something with myself and with my life. I’m not going to be scared of success anymore. Anything you or I do that’s helping someone throughout the day will help make the difference that we need right now. Even if it’s as simple as opening a door for someone to let them go in first. It’s simple I know, but think about it, you have to start somewhere right? You don’t just automatically just accomplish your goals right away, you have to take it one step at a time.

Keep Working

Another reason why success scares me, I would be committed to something greater than what I had before. It may be stupid, but I want to be as successful as possible. I want to make my family proud and be able to help people. The ultimate thing that drives me is, I want to hear the words “BECAUSE OF YOU” I didn’t give up, or I kept going and didn’t stop. Changing lives is what I’m about, it’s what I want to do.

That will be the start of my success, I’ll say it again and for the last time. What drives me is to hear the words “BECAUSE OF YOU” I did this or that or whatever. That’s the end goal people, I have said it before. If putting myself out there and opening up, for the greater good and to help others then it’s worth it. I’m willing to sacrifice my privacy and be vulnerable for the greater good and push people to keep going like I needed a push in my past.

Live Your Dash

My Dash

Live your dash, what does that mean is probably what you’re thinking. The dash represents your life that you live. For example, I was born in 1990-. It’s from a poem by Linda Ellis, and with only using 239 words. The message is so deep and means so much, with such little words used.

In some cases, I have already or will repeat myself, as far as what I’m trying to do with this website. Again my goal is to become a published author and share my story with you, and the world. We all have a unique story and something to share. Unfortunately, most people won’t share it or do anything about it. Honestly, that’s a waste and a shame if you ask me. I went years and years depressed, angry, pissed not just at myself and who I was and why I was this stupid kid with a Learning Disability.

Me Against The World

I was also against the world. I felt like it was impossible to succeed and be successful and make something of myself with this weakness and faults I was born with. Little did I know at six years old when I was diagnosed with this disability. A little over 20 years later I will have created my own website and sharing my story with the world.

If you didn’t know, I have two sides to me and I think that’s normal to an extent. For me, for example, it was two completely different people living in my body. Who people thought I was and who they saw in person and around others. I tried to be a good person and be happy and helpful to others. But when I was by myself, that’s when the real Peter A Harrower came out and my true self was free. I was an angry kid, I’m still angry and again I think I’ll always have that rage to an extent. Over the years I just found a way to kind of control it, and tame it I guess you could say.

Who Cares

With everything, I’m trying to say here and share with you. It doesn’t matter what your background is or where you came from or what you did or used to do. You can always turn your life around. Not just because you should do it for yourself and maybe you will feel better. Who knows what impact you might have on somebody else? That’s what I’m trying to do here, share my life and world with you.

Sure I’m also trying to build a following so I have enough support behind me to help pursue a career in writing and maybe get a book deal out of it. I’m not going to apologize about that, yes it’s my choice to pursue that field. It’s also my choice to share my story, just like it’s your choice. Now I know first hand if you keep everything to yourself, you’re wasting a lot of good opportunities to help others and make a difference. I realized that the hard way and I paid the price for it. I don’t want you to waste your life and make the wrong choices like I did. My childhood is clearly over and I’m 27 now. My opportunity is long gone, but yours isn’t.

Listen Kid’s

I’m talking to you stubborn kids these days, that think they know everything. You don’t know anything yet, I know that because I used to be like you. All of this is being shared with love, of course, haha. I thought I had all the answers and everything figured out. Enjoy your childhood, and teenage years. Because when it’s over, it’s over there is no going back. This isn’t a video game or a movie, this is real life.

As I’m sitting here writing this right now, let me ask you. What are you going to do with your dash? With everything I have shared with you so far, and the inside look at who the real Peter is so far. I’m sure a lot of you had no idea I had all of these issues, or maybe thought this way, or even had these goals. Well surprise, and this is all coming straight from yours truly. My goal from day one was to be as real as possible and show you who I really am. No, I’m not perfect and neither are you, but really who is? I’m asking you, what will you do with your Dash?

Make The Most Of It

It doesn’t matter what year you were born and what number comes first before the dash. What matters most is, you keep working your hardest and doing the best you can before that end number shows up. If that doesn’t scare you, then you’re not taking this serious enough it’s that simple. I don’t want to die anymore like I used to a few years ago. Now If I die well then so be it, I know where I’m going. Now I want to live, the last few years have been hard. I’m not just living for myself anymore, I’m living for my family, friends and all of you.

I have to keep going and keep pushing myself and bettering myself every day. As long as you are still breathing then you have a chance to make a difference, no matter what everyone else says to you. If you believe in yourself then that’s all that matters. Life is too short, live it up and make the best use of that Dash, don’t waste it anymore. After all, you only get one life, and one Dash so enjoy it and have fun. Now is the time to Live Your Dash.

Do You Know Who’s Watching

Surprise

Do you know who’s watching you or looking up to you?  When I was a kid growing up, with dyslexia I had an imagination. I was always looking at things differently than most. I would watch a show for example. They would be talking to the camera on the show or they would just be going on with their everyday life doing whatever it was they were doing. After seeing this, I thought it would be cool to be in a show or movie.

I then really started thinking, as some of the reality stars how cameras follow them through everything. The good the bad they are there, day in and day out. I wondered what that would be like, everyone following you? For me, it was not so much trying to get famous and make money or anything along those lines. It was more about thousands or millions of people are going to know who I am. I need to start changing my ways and make my life a little better and more entertaining. For a while, I would pretend I was on a show, this was all in my head just imaging whatever I was doing there would be people watching me.

Actor

Fast forward a number of years, I still kind of kept that mindset and imagination in the back of my head. If I was going to be on a show, then I would have to make my life a little more entertaining and enjoyable. I started to treat my life like I was on a show. Except with no cameras following me, it was my family, friends and everyone else in the world. What I did with myself day in and day out, I pretend people were watching me. At the time my life was boring I wasn’t doing anything really exciting with it.

I was in a slump for so long, I didn’t care at the time. Not many people would want to be following my life when I was struggling and in a dark place for days, months and even going on for years. That’s not entertaining it’s sad, who would want to watch that? It would just make them depressed or sad. It wouldn’t be motivating to them or inspiring them like I was hoping.

I changed my ways, if I want to work hard and make a difference then I had to start working like I’m being watched 24/7. My work ethic had to change, I had to get more focused on my craft and start working harder than I ever have before. If I had a goal in mind and something to shoot for, then I had to actually work for it. If I just say I want to do something and never do anything about it what good would that really be? That wouldn’t accomplish anything, and my dreams and goals I have would just be that, dreams and goals.

New Me

What benefit would that have to myself and you guys? That’s why anything and everything I do now, I’m imagining people are watching me with everything I do. Whether that’s being kind to a stranger, opening a door for someone anything simple along that, it doesn’t matter. Am I the best uncle, brother, or friend I could be. Maybe I might be, I don’t know, that’s not my decision to evaluate myself. That’s everyone else’s job to decide. I feel like I can do better in everything I do. We all can do better in everything we do every day.

From now on no matter what you are doing and whatever you say. Maybe we should all start slowing down a little bit more and think about what we’re doing? What actions were doing and following through with every day. Maybe we all should start working a little harder and imagining people are constantly watching us. Do you know who’s watching you, if not then maybe you should pay attention? You should start looking at what you’re doing and how your acting daily.

Keep that in mind, even if people aren’t around and watching. You should still do the right thing and keep working hard no matter what. Either for your family, friends or just yourself. It doesn’t matter who you’re doing it for, just decide, commit and do something about it. No more talking, follow through with something you committed to and make it happen already. Do you know who’s watching is not meant to scare you and bring you down? It’s meant to remind you of your actions and what you are doing daily.

Legacy

My Legacy

Legacy is something that has always been important to me ever since I could remember going back to being a kid. I want to leave a legacy and leave something behind me when I take my last breath. I want to impact people, kids and everyone I can to do the best they can. Looking back I felt like I always thought differently than most, even at a young age. Being dyslexic has that effect we all have to think differently and look at things differently than most.
That’s why I want to have an impact on people’s lives and help them. As cool as it would be to have people and strangers come up to me and say because of you I did this or I took a gamble like you and went after my dream. Hopefully, that doesn’t sound cocky or me trying to sound full of myself. I just know where I was when I was younger. All the low points I had and how useless I felt. I don’t want people especially kids to go through what I went through. Unfortunately, sometimes we all have to go through roadblocks and hiccups sometimes to find us and figure out who we are and what we’re capable of doing when our backs are against a wall.

Against A Wall

If you’re you’re stuck and the walls are closing in on you, what are you going to do? You have two options, one your ok with what happens and let whatever is closing in on you conquer you and take over. Or you say screw it, and you go out swinging and fighting your way through whatever it is that’s holding you down? Again I would rather go out swinging and die young making the most of my life than playing it safe and living in a bubble that most people live in every day.
If this sounds harsh and if you take it the wrong way or like I’m coming after you and calling you out. Well good, that’s what I’m doing. I’m not going to apologize for this. Stop being scared and excepting what happens to you, and let it beat you and conquer you. We all have our hard times and moments in life, that’s what makes life so beautiful. That was my life for 20 years, and enough was enough. I had to make a change not just for my family and future family if I’m lucky enough to get married or have kids one day. I had to do it for myself, and I and you shouldn’t apologize for that.
If you are on a plane and the air mask falls down what do they tell you to do first? They tell you to put your mask on first, then help your kids or whoever else is around you. Just like yourself or myself for an example. What good am I to the world or family, or my friends if I can’t even take care of myself? You need to figure out why you’re doing this? What it is you want to leave behind when it’s your time? Some people are fine with just doing their thing, and not really worrying about much. Rolling with whatever comes their way. If that’s you then cool, you do you. There’s nothing wrong with that and that’s ok. For me, I wanted something more and to do something different.

For Me

I want more as a Christian and as a human here on earth. With whatever time I have left, I want to make the most of it and have an impact on others. I want to leave something behind that’s bigger than me and has an impact on others and help people. I have received so much help in my life that it’s time I return the favor and help others.
A goal for me is to leave the world a better place then it was when I came into it. That’s definitely a big goal I have with wanting to make that much of an impact. Whether I make that much of a difference or not or even get a chance. At least I’m trying something and willing to fail and take a gamble to help others. What are you going to do with your life? What kind of impact do you want to leave behind?

The Past

Time Machine

I have two questions for you, first, if you could go back in time, would you? Second, if you decide to go back in time what would you do differently? What would you say to your younger self? Let’s pick this apart real quick. If you have read my earlier posts, then you remember my background and struggles. This is a question I asked myself a lot the last few years. Lately, I have been going back and forth on what I would do.

Let’s just say I redo high school again. Going back to the first day of 9th grade, if I could go back that’s where I would start. I would tell myself, Peter, God made you who you are for a reason. For the longest time, I thought he screwed up on me and he made a mistake creating me. It was all a mental game, I was just trying to hurt myself and pity myself. My life was already planned out in advance. If I were to go back and start all over. I would have tried harder in high school of course and I would have had a better experience.

Maybe

If I went back and tried a little harder maybe I would be more proud of myself? If that’s the case then who knows where I would be now at 27? I can’t imagine what I would be doing or where I would be If I changed a few things? Maybe I would have had a 3.0 GPA and then went to college. Even with being dyslexic. What if I didn’t use that as an excuse and powered through anyway and tried my hardest.

That’s what I think I would say to myself. If that is what happened and how it worked out, and the effort I put into school and sports. Then again who knows where I would be, or what I would be doing. Regardless it’s a gamble which direction I would be heading in. As much as I would like to go back and change what I did, and maybe put a little more effort into school. It’s easy to say that and go in a different direction when I know the road I have been on the last few years.

If Only

Trying not to make it sound as cliché as it sounds. If only I knew then what I knew now. I just wished I would have had more confidence to go after whatever was in front of me and not be so scared. I’m still scared sometimes.

If it was a life and death situation and someone said I had to choose right now. I wouldn’t change a thing when it’s all said and done. As much as it pains me knowing I could have done better in school and sports I could have tried harder, and pushed myself a little harder. Sure it’s easy to play the, what if game. If only this happened or I did that. In the end, that situation is over and it’s in the past now.

Reality

There is nothing we can do about it, we just need to accept it and move on. That’s what I’m trying to do, look at everything I have shared with the world so far. A few years ago, I wouldn’t be sharing any emotions or struggles I had.

That’s why in the end, I know I wasn’t a mistake you and I were all placed here for a reason. God didn’t mess me up or screw anything up; it was a mental battle I was in every day for years. I just finally accepted it after all this time. Yes, I’m different. I’m slow when it comes to learning and I look at situations differently then most. Being slow, not being able to spell and read fast, and thinking outside of the box has brought me to this point in my life.

New Me

I now have my own website, I’m blogging and putting my faults out to the public. Trying to help others that are like me. I have now written three books totaling close to 250,000 words between the three. Always working on new ideas for books, or projects I want to do.

I’m not done, I can’t be done there is too much work to do still. Feeling bad for me after all of these years is just wasting time and draining me more and more every day. I’m not getting any younger and as much as it pains me to say, I’m going to be 30 in a few years.

I have a lot of work to do, and a lot of people to share my story with. I know what it’s like to lose and feel like a loser, with no direction and no fight left in him. It was bad and ugly for a number of years and I was in a dark, dark place.

Negative

Now like I have said before I see light at the end of the tunnel, and I’m starting to feel the warmth of the sunlight shining on me. I finally feel close to what I think it is I’m meant to do. Could I be wrong, well of course, but if I am then so what? I keep going. Besides, all of this could just be another step taking me to what I’m meant to do. I have to keep going and fighting through the roadblocks ahead of me.

That’s why I don’t think I would go back in time anymore to change anything. I believe if I did that I would lose my fight and my hunger to keep pursuing myself to get better. If you want to go back, then that’s fine that’s your call. Who am I to say you’re wrong, and I’m correct?

Now Is The Time

I don’t know what’s waiting for me outside of that tunnel. What I do know is I know what I went through in the tunnel just to get where I am now to only start seeing the little light that I see now. I don’t want to go back. I’m scared to go back to the dark and living in the shadows. Yes, I’m going to the unknown, but look at what everything I have been through. Look at the change that I have made physically and mentally.

What you need to do is the same thing, dig deep and focus on you. For the short time period and find you, and figure out what you want. You can’t be scared anymore. Close your eyes and do whatever you need to do to keep going.

Just take that leap of faith and go. Life is too short to waste any more time. The world is massive, it’s 2017. There is more than enough money in the world and opportunities to do what you believe in. Now is the time to do something about it, quit making excuses and focusing on what happened in the past.