Month: July 2019

Ups and Downs

Have you ever had bad days, what about good days? Have you ever had days that you wished lasted a little longer or maybe have gone by a little faster? I’m sure this next part you have NEVER done in your life. Have you ever compared yourself to somebody else? What if I told you that’s unfair and your only seeing half of the story? Would you believe me if I told you that you might be comparing your worst vs there best?

We all have bad days and good days welcome to life, my friends. It’s easy to want to quit sometimes. Unfortunately, I have thought that more times than I would like to admit when I was working on my books over the years.

I Changed

I can’t do this I’m dyslexic. I’m stupid and not smart. I have the same IQ as a kid half my age. If you couldn’t tell that doesn’t help with one’s confidence very well. It makes you want to climb into a hole and never come out. But here’s the thing if you go deep enough into the hole what do you think you will miss? The answer is everything.

I look back and think to myself why I’m home alone writing this. I hear the rain in the background and I think back to when I was a kid. Storms scared me when I was younger. Now I think they are awesome and I love hearing them. What do you think changed? The storms are the same, I matured and got older and realized the storms aren’t as bad as I thought.

Make The Most Of It

Just like in life and your storms you can look at the same way. Storms and your life are what you make of them. If you let storms and life scare you and control you, guess what will happen? You will be scared of life, you will be scared to live and be controlled by something more powerful than you. I’m not saying go jump in a storm to feel alive and start living, that’s not it. The point is recognizing what you’re going through and how it can make you better.

I’m letting you know if you’re in a slump and it’s raining, then make the most of your situation. Try and look at the glass half full and collect that water and maybe put it to good use. Don’t just compare yourself to what the world is showing you. Or that certain person your seeing and stocking on social media. You’re only seeing what they want you to see and what they are willing to share with you.

You’re Calling

Comparing yourself at your worst vs there best when they are on the top of their game is just not fair. Yes, it’s easy to get caught up and look at that person? Look how successful they are, I wish I had what they had. Heres the thing people you can have what they have, all you have to do is work for it.

Just because that person might be at the top of their game, it doesn’t mean you can’t be there one day. Now when I say one day that could be a year from now or five years. It all depends on what you decide to put into that dream of yours and opportunity that was placed in front of you.

What Are You Going To Do

If you feel a calling and you feel it down in your gut then please don’t brush that off. When I started writing at 21 the moment I started to move my pencil I started to get that special feeling in my gut thinking something is different right now, I never felt this feeling before. I didn’t know what it was but I kept writing and kept going with it.

Now at 29 I look back and realize what that feeling was. I know it’s still early and I have a lot more work to put in and a lot more growing to do. But that feeling was purpose and passion. I have been searching and searching for my reason to be alive. I have been searching for years for my WHY and questioning God for most of my life up to that point and now looking back I think I found it.

Your Story

Who would have thought writing would be the first stepping stone into my purpose? Not me haha. From a young age I always dreamed and felt in my gut I was going to do something special, I just didn’t know what that was. Now I’m human is it easy to compare yourselves to others, of course, and I’m wrong for that sometimes. Especially when it’s your worst vs there best then your not going to win.

I want to tell you it’s ok and you don’t have to do that. We all have different stories and different backgrounds. We all have different gifts and strengths that we were blessed with. Are some of us going to make a bigger impact in the world, yes some will? Are some going to die at a young age, and not be given the same amount of time here on earth yes, they will? I know it sucks but that’s just how it is, unfortunately.

It’s Up To You

Now that you know that. What are you going to do with your life and your time? Are you going to keep comparing your worst vs there best like most of us do, myself included sometimes? Or are you going to recognize we are only seeing half of the picture and half of their story? There is more out there to their story. Here’s the thing, theirs more in your story as well, it’s waiting to be shared with the world. Now keep going and finish your book of life and go take that chance and chase your dream and make the most of your short stint here on earth why you can.

The Struggle

Have you ever been scared of something? Dumb question of course you have. Have you ever been so scared of something that you didn’t want to do that thing and regretted not trying? For me, I have been walking in fear for most of my life. But in my mid 20s, some things started to change for me.

Going back, I was so focused on graduating from high school and thinking it would get easier, I was wrong. I started working and trying to figure out what was next and who Peter was and is supposed to become. I was scared to take chances because it seemed like I failed and kept falling so much when I was younger. What if I succeeded and everything changes for me? That would be awesome but it would be different, it would be new. Who am I kidding, I can’t succeed. My messed up mind has a controlled me for so long.

I’m Very Stubbern

My walk along this journey has been a lonely walk. Here’s the thing, I was never really by myself that whole time when I felt alone. I’ve never been alone, it was my mind telling me that. I have had my parents, family, and friends with me the whole time. The only difference they were behind me why I was walking in fear. All I had to do was stop and wait for them to catch up, but I didn’t want to, my stubbornness kept pushing me. I felt like I had to take on this journey by myself.

In most cases, I have been my worst enemy and biggest opponent. I’m not proud of that, but I think that mindset helped me to overcome and realize it was my mind feeding me these lies my whole life. None of it is true. I wasn’t a mistake. I do have potential.

What’s Confidence

When I hear the word confidence, I know that word doesn’t belong next to my name. I don’t have much confidence in myself. That’s been a struggle my whole life. I’ve always struggled to believe in myself. Even with that struggle and lack of belief in myself, I never stopped working. Now, look at what I’m doing? I don’t say that to brag, I say that because it’s real and shows just how wrong I am.

Everything I have in my life I had to work for. I always thought God screwed me up, nope, he just made me a little different. If I wanted to ask a girl out. I would picture who I was and see what I saw through her eyes and didn’t like it. Now I’ve been married for over nine months to my beautiful wife.

Mind Games

I still have my struggles and I hope and pray I can concur these struggles one day. I’m lucky to have Lindsay in my life and I know I don’t say it enough. Some days I wonder why me, what did she see in me that first time we met at Starbucks? I always go to the negative and look at my fears, my faults or failures. In most cassese, I try and be a glass half full kind of guy. But when it comes to myself, it’s a half-empty point of view.

Seeing myself from her eyes, what did she see? A 28-year-old who didn’t go to college barely graduated high school. Went from job to job over the years searching for his why. One day when we have kids they will need help with homework or need help studying for a test. What if they need help spelling words. Hearing those words, dad can you help me with my homework? That scares the crap out of me and makes me want to run away. Because I already know what I’m going to say. Go ask your mom, she will do a better job.

My fears kick in again. In the back of my mind, I’m thinking Peter don’t you help your kids, what if you spell a word wrong because you suck at spelling and that affects their grade? I struggled enough in school, I don’t want them to take after me in that category.

The Real Me

That’s just a few different examples of walking in fear and how toxic it is. Are those happy examples, no, of course not? Do they put me in a good mood, no. I get pissed off thinking about it and that’s when my anger comes out and I need to let out my frustration?

We handle every situation differently. Even with me walking in these fears. I have never felt prouder and more motivated to keep doing what I’m doing. What I’m trying to do now with my books, speaking or just sharing what I’m doing. What you get from me and what I’m sharing with you is how real I am and not just my best moments.

Dont Settle

I never thought I would have the life I have right now. Well, news flash Peter, it’s here and I have never been happier. I don’t want to lose what I have been trying to build for years and now with Lindsay’s help. She believes in me more than I do. I can’t fail her and let her down. That’s more than enough motivation I need. That gives me the courage to not suck it up and tuck away my fears and struggles as I used to when I was younger. I’m recognizing what I’m struggling with and still struggle with. But here I am world and I’m not quitting and leaving. I’m still walking and will always be moving forward, even if I have to crawl.

Those people that I could hopefully help one day, are also helping me. Those are the people that are helping me to walk with peace through my fears. I still might be scared somedays, but I’m not giving up and neither can you. Embrace walking in fear, that might mean your getting close toward your purpose?

My Definition

The definition of Keystone is “a central stone at the summit of an arch, locking the whole together”. Maybe another keystone you thought of was Pennsylvania back in the day. Now I’m going to share with you what my keystone is.

If I had to pick one or two words that describe my keystones in my life, I would probably pick determination and passion. I think those would be the top choices for me. 15 plus years ago. I didn’t have much determination or passion in my life. I had a passion for sports, I’m very athletic and that was something I always looked forward to doing. But looking back now, I don’t think I tried as hard as I could have.

I Get It Now

I didn’t like school, I didn’t know what I wanted to do after graduation. The only thing I knew was I wasn’t going to college and I couldn’t wait to get out of graduation. I was so uncomfortable, I felt like a loser and I just wanted to get my diploma and keep walking right out the door.

I’m very lucky, I have had amazing people around me when I was in school. I was very lucky and I get it now, I didn’t back then. I had both parents and a great family. I never had a teacher that said you will never grow up to achieve anything special or great with your life. You will be a loser and you will fail and your dyslexia will always hold you back. Thankfully I never had that. But in my mind and the back of my head, I wish I would have.

I Wasn’t Ready

I didn’t want to go back to my school or a reunion because I felt like a loser and I was worthless. Maybe other people didn’t feel that way about me, but it doesn’t matter. In this case, it matters what I think. I didn’t feel good enough for the world and felt like a waste to society. If I wanted to be successful and I wanted to be. Then I need to work harder and change some things, so I did.

In my early 20’s I wanted money because I thought that’s what defined your worth and your success. Yes, it might play a small part, and be one of the sides on your plate, but that’s not the main dish. I created in the back of my head the kind of story that athletes or self-made successful people have. Some of them had the people around them say they wouldn’t do anything great, then what, they went on to do smooth great. I didn’t have that, but I used my mindset to create a life with those words spoken to me.

I Finally Found It

I was my own critic and biggest enemy against myself. I pushed myself to do something with my life. If I wanted to be successful then I have to change a lot, and it won’t be easy. If I want to be a published author then I have to work. If I want to be successful then I have to do the stuff I don’t like or am not very good at or enjoy. I had to grow and get out of my comfort zone. This bubble of mine I was in that was protecting me from the real world. I had to pop that sucker and take a chance and free myself.

That’s why my keystone is so important. My passion is what helped me take my writing more seriously and try and take it down a path I never expected in my life. Now I’m a published author and will be publishing my second book with my wife later this year.

Determination is the other part of my keystone in my life. My passion helped me to get a taste for writing and how free and alive I felt for the first time in a long time. When I was writing I was happy, I was creating something and using my God-given talent that I believe he gave me. When I was writing in my early 20’s that is the first time I think I had that feeling that this is what my calling is and what God wants me to do. My determination helped push me towards a career that I never thought would actually happen. It helped push me to do stuff I never thought I would be doing in my life.

Never Pictured This

A few weeks ago, I spoke at Lindsay’s old church that she grew up in. Now if you remember I had three main goals that I had in my life. The first was to get married I never thought that would happen. A few days ago, I just celebrated nine months. Now I just spoke at my wife’s old church, how crazy is that? The second was to become an author. 76 days after getting married in 2018 I published my first book. My top two goals in a matter of almost three months. My third goal is to become a dad, well hopefully one day if I’m lucky but not yet haha. That scares me more than my first two goals combined.

With that, I challenge you to find your keystone. It doesn’t have to just be one thing, I picked two. This is for you. The point of this is to challenge you and find what helps you every day to keep going and what’s important to you in life. My determination and passion are key ingredients in pushing me in life and pushing me out of my comfort zone. If I don’t have those two then I feel I don’t have purpose and meaning in life. I finally feel like I’m living now and I don’t feel like a zombie anymore. Those two words were the backbone for helping me improve and better my life. What’s your keystone?