Not Good
Over the years I have developed a lot of bad habits. Some of those habits are, lacking confidence, thinking I’m a loser. Who would ever want to marry me? Always thinking I was stupid, you name it and I thought it. I learned from a young age what you say to yourself you are. What I have been saying to myself for most of my life was not good.
I never believed in myself from a young age and always thought I was a bum, and couldn’t accomplish anything without other people helping me. I always knew with my learning disability that was going to hold me back one day I just didn’t know how bad it would have been or how much of an impact it actually would have had on myself. Well let me tell you I was wrong and I completely miss judged that scenario haha.
Not Happening
At this point in my life, I never thought I would be in this situation that I’m in. This life I wake up to every day was always a dream, and I never thought I would have it. I know its wrong and not healthy and I know I need to fix it if I want to be happy and have a healthy life.
Having this heavy burden of thinking I was a mistake when God created me. Well, it’s not healthy and not good. From a young age, I always wanted to escape this pain I was putting myself through. I always thought I would die at a young age because of stress. For most of my life, I have always been my worst enemy and still struggle with this to this day sometimes.
What Do I Have
I know that mindset is wrong and again not healthy. I have so many amazing people around me and I’m truly blessed and I mean that I’m very lucky. But I have been broken for so long and still have my moments to this day.
I have been telling myself for a long time I don’t deserve Lindsay and I always think to myself why is she with me? Naturally, she doesn’t like hearing this haha. She has a successful career that she has been in for years and has a house, dog, and cats before I was even in the picture.
My Issues
I was living with my parents, no college degree and jumped from job to job trying to find my career and purpose. All I could think about is why me, what can I do for her? With my side effects and personal issues that I battle every day. Most people’s issues or problems they come across might be in there daily living. For me, that battle is inside my head daily.
That’s why it’s so important what you feed yourself daily. All I ever wanted was to be used for something positive and fulfill my destiny and purpose in life. I just didn’t know what that was. My whole life, I kept to myself because of embarrassment and being ashamed of my LD. That messed me up from a young age.
Look What You Can Do
Now, look at what I accomplished in the last seven years. I published a book and written and finished two other books. I’m in the rough draft stage of two more books. I have read over 55 books in a little over five years.
I’ll be honest I still don’t like reading and it’s still a struggle to this day. What I do like is finding out people’s story and where they came from and seeing what they accomplished.
Yes, I still have a lot of personal baggage and personal battles I’m still facing and trying to overcome at this moment. I’m stubborn and used my sarcasm and humor as a shield and a mask ever since I could remember. Seeing people laugh or helping make them laugh always made me happier because if they were happier than they would be less likely being down or upset like I was.
One Opportunity
In the end, I wouldn’t change a thing. We are only given one life and one chance to live. This was all put in front of me for a reason. I wouldn’t get rid of my LD because of the hard times I had. That helped turn me into the person I was always meant to become.
I’ve turned my biggest weakness into a new opportunity in life. I was scared of reading and writing for most of my life and now I’m trying to enter that field as my future career. What does that tell you? I’m very stubborn or crazy haha, news flash, I’m both.
That stubbornness of mine is what helped form me into who I am today. I’m not a quitter anymore like I once was. I do have a purpose and I was created for a reason. All of those lies I have been feeding myself my whole life was just that, LIES.
Healthy Thoughts
It’s time I stop listening to my brain that I’m still fighting and battling with daily. Now is the time I start listening to my heart and doing the things I want to do. I want to write books and help young people. I don’t have a college degree and I just squeaked by graduating from high school. Up till the time when I met Lindsay, I didn’t know if I had a future. The moment we met was the moment my life changed.
Now I want to help YOU. I’m not saying I have all the answers or I am the answer. All I’m trying to do and share with you is embrace YOU. You don’t have to hide anymore. If I can do it, so can you and If I can find happiness and love with how broken I was for so long, so can you. If I can feel purpose and meaning in my life for the first time, so can you and I believe I can help.