Category: 31 Day Journey

Day 10

Yes, I’m dyslexic and have a learning disability. Yes, I’m still talking about that again haha sorry. If we’re being honest, I probably will be talking about it until the day I die. What can I say it has affected me a lot over these years and has played a big role in my life. Some of it has been good, but mostly bad. Like most things in life, what happens to us is what we make of it. If we can turn it into a good situation well that’s even better. This is my weaknesses into strengths.

If you can’t tell where I’m going with this, I turned it into a bad situation. Yes, it all started at a young age. I could use that as an excuse, but what good would that do? I could have turned my ways around and changed directions in high school when I was old enough. But I didn’t, I let my faults and weaknesses still control me and have the upper hand on me for far too long. Yes, I screwed up and I understand that now, I won’t lie and deny that.

Don’t Stop Working

As I’m writing this right now, I now know there is room for improvement. From where I was and where I’m currently standing in life, and where I want to go in my future. There is so much more freedom and room to travel heading towards my future. With that, I still must put in the work. I can’t just think about it and talk about it. I must roll up my sleeves and start working on my skills that are below par and fix them.

That’s why I started writing and writing till my arm started to hurt over the years. I wanted to become a better writer. All though I don’t think I’m there I think, I’m moving closer every day. I hated books and reading, I was slow and embarrassed to read. I could hardly read just by myself, now if I get called on in class a teacher expects me to read in front of everyone? That’s not happening, I’m going to look more like a loser, and feel even more stupid than I already do.

Now I’m committed to reading, I know I can read books I just need to pick the right ones. As the years went on so did the number of books I read each year. The last three years I read 37 books and listened to 10 audiobooks. This year I’m committed to reading 20 books. My end goal is to reach 120 by my 30th birthday, will that happen I don’t know that’s a lot of books haha. I think maybe it was a little too big, so my realistic goal is 100.

Surprise

If I only reach 100 books in five years, that comes out to 20 books over a five-year span. 42% of college graduates never read a book after college. 70% of adults have not been in a bookstore in the last five years? Now if you told me these numbers eight-plus years ago I would have been a part of those numbers. If I want to learn and become better and smarter, I need to learn from the successful people in front of me. They helped pave the way for me. I need to work on my weaknesses, especially with LD. Even if I want to stay average, I need to put in more work than others just to get by in life.

For years and years, nobody knew who I was and the kind of person I was. I finally realized a few short years ago when I started writing one of my books, that I have a unique story. Is my story better than others of course not? Is it different than most yes, probably a good percentage than most? I realized I need to stop hiding and search for that light at the end of the tunnel finally. For years I was on cruise control and just going at an easy pace in life just to get by. I was getting bored doing the same thing over and over, I needed something new in my life. I needed a change, writing this book changed me.

Lightbulb

Opening up about who I am to the world, and who I really was, scared me more than you can ever imagine. I was embarrassed about who I was and didn’t like who I was as a person. Why would I want to go write a book about my situation and start blogging about my life? That’s the dumbest thing I ever heard, and a waste of time. Well, I was wrong, before I started I only thought of where I was at the moment. I didn’t look to the end goal. I didn’t think about all the other kids that are dyslexic or confused and searching for a purpose like me.

It was like when Gru said lightbulb in Despicable Me. It just hit me, maybe the reason why I should do this is not just for me? Maybe I should do this for others and stop putting me first for once? Then I realized if I share my story so other kids will know that they aren’t alone and there are other people like them. If I could give them just a little hope knowing what you’re capable of doing if you keep working hard and keep trying your best. The sky is the limit for what you could accomplish, but don’t stop there, keep going. If a small percentage see what I’m talking about and it has the smallest impact on their life, then it’s totally worth it.

If my unique and crazy life so far helps them to keep going and realize we’re all different and all have weaknesses in life. Those weaknesses they thought they had maybe aren’t as bad as they used to think they were. Maybe one day they will look at it as a gift?

Day 9

If daydreaming was a grade in school I think it would have been my best grade every year. I know for a fact I would pass that class with flying colors every year. I have always had an imagination and always thought outside of the box. Daydreaming opened up my eyes toward something bigger. Even though dyslexia made school horrible for me and I developed a lot of side effects from it. It also helped me think differently than most people every day because I am different than most people.

That’s why it’s so hard for me to stay focused when I’m sitting down during school. If I have no idea what the person is talking about, I’m lost. My mind just shuts off from reality and I go off into my story and my life I created. The nice thing about this and when it happens there are no rules and no right or wrongs. I don’t need to worry about my learning disability. I can’t really screw up or do anything bad or stupid.

When it comes to daydreaming, I think that’s one of the reasons what got me so interested in writing and coming up with new ideas for books. At the time, these ideas and thoughts would just be running through my mind every day. At the time, I didn’t know what to do with those ideas or thoughts I had? I hated writing at the time and wasn’t good at it. I couldn’t fathom writing down my ideas because why would I want to put myself through more of something I sucked at?

Help Me

At this point in my life, I still suck at spelling and grammar and everything else that has to do with that. In the end, I’m not saying this is a good attitude and this will work the rest of my life. For the short time and for the time being. I think if my words and ideas are good enough, then people will forgive and ignore my lack of English skills?

Daydreaming has always been something that has brought me peace. Some days, more importantly, it helped me escape reality and my situation. At times and more times than I would like to admit, I hated my life and who I was and well everything about me. Daydreaming helped me, even though it was for a short time, helped me escape the hard times and issues I was battling every day.

I didn’t like my life I was in and I wanted something better. At the time, I was too young to know how to fix it. Instead of fixing the problem and finding a way, I’ll just put it to the side and create something different. I know not the best attitude and way to go about it haha. At the time, I didn’t care I was just trying to do and focus on what made me happy.

My Pain

When you hear about people, for example, the issues they are going through or battling in life. Usually, they end up turning to something else to ease the pain and help them get through those hard times they are battling. Some people might pick drugs, alcohol, gambling there’s so many examples you could pick.

I never really got into any of those things, I never understood what the big deal was with them? Now I understand the concept of it and taking away the pain, and making you feel better and numbing whatever is hurting you. For me, my drugs and coping mechanism you could say at the time through school was my imagination. I thought about anything and everything you could probably think of. Anything to distract me from class. I would think about anything that would hide the fact that I felt like a loser and was stupid in school, I needed to numb the pain.

I Can Make It

With my daydreaming and imagination even with the lack of confidence, I have in myself. I always envisioned and would see myself being successful somehow someway. Someday I would have an impact on people’s lives. I had no idea how I would do it or when it would happen. But I never stopped seeing it and thinking about it.

Now here we are my crazy imagination helped me to create three books to this day. It helped me build a website from scratch and enter a field I know nothing about. I’m trying to build a career on something that this dyslexic kid maybe doesn’t belong in. For a while, that would scare the heck out of me and I wouldn’t even want to try or would even bother trying. Now, why not give it a try, and take a chance?

If these people can make it maybe I can. Who cares how smart I am or what personal issues I have or battle with every day. If I have a good idea and people want to hear it or maybe it could benefit others, then who cares what I think. Maybe I shouldn’t do it for me this time, maybe I should do it for those that need to hear my story?

You Can Do It

At the time, what seems like a stupid and pointless idea. If you don’t take the chance then you never know what it might lead to? You never know when a good idea might hit, or when you might come up with the next big thing.

Maybe I’m not going to cure cancer or become a doctor in my life. But sharing my story and my ideas I have with my writing or blog posts. I’m not saying that’s going to have an impact on future doctors or anything like that. Maybe it will just be a start to help you keep going and try and learn from what I went through and what I battled over the years. In the end, you can do it, and don’t let anyone tell you that you can’t do it.

Day 8

Not living up to my potential is one of my biggest fears in life. If we don’t live our life to the fullest then we are wasting our life and our time here. The reason why I believe that and I’m saying that now, is because I wasted part of my life. I had plenty of low points. Maybe wasting is the wrong word to use. Maybe it wasn’t so much a waste more along the lines of still learning.

After high school and in my early 20’s I had no idea what was next for me. Its such a hard age and there’s a lot of pressure around those few years before and after. Figuring out what you want to do after high school and then after college. I know first hand what it’s like because I was apart of that system. Those stressful days of not knowing what I wanted to do and what was next for me. That was my life for years. I still don’t know what’s next? Now I think I might have a better idea of what I’m meant to do. Well, I have an idea of what I would love to do. Now I just need to put in the work and turn it into something bigger.

The Foundation

Laying down the foundation and doing the groundwork is always the hardest and the most time-consuming in the beginning. You’re trying to figure out your plan and figure out what’s next. This might be surprising but sometimes it’s hard and it’s not fun. Finally, after all of this time, I feel like my potential is there and it’s all up to me. I believe I can make all of my goals and dreams become a reality. I strongly agree I can turn my writing into a career and I definitely believe in my story and how unique it is and how I need to share it with the youth and other people like me.

Even though my story is not normal and not your average story, I will agree with that. My story is special and you know what so is yours. It’s January 8th, 2018 and I still have no idea what my future holds or where I belong. I’m still trying to figure that out.

What I do know is I know how hard I work every day searching for it. Once I find that area and that field that I think I belong in I will be working nonstop. I will do and sacrifice whatever it is to win and do well in that area. In my earlier years, I was lazy and I didn’t try very hard and used my disability as an excuse. Now I have matured and recognized yes I have these issues and problems there’s nothing I can do about that. I can keep working every day to try and make them better, but they are always going to be with me.

Determined

I can’t fail anymore I have failed far too much in my earlier years. It’s time to change my mindset and attitude towards life and everything else. That’s why I can’t slow down and that’s why I will always be working as hard as I can now. I have so much to prove, not so much to other people but mostly to myself. I’m the one that has to deal with my issues every day. I know what it was like growing up and going through this issues that I have. I’m not doing this for other people to like me or for the glory or even people to feel bad for me. I don’t want or need your pity. If I didn’t ask for it when I was younger and really struggling, I’m definitely not asking for it now.

Even with being dyslexic and not having much confidence in myself or even being very smart in school. It doesn’t mean I cant be successful in life and I know that now. It’s one thing to say it and really believe it, it’s another just to feed another lie to me. I have been feeding lies to myself for far too many years. Telling myself I can’t do it and I’m a loser and this and that. Somedays I still feel like a loser. I get caught up in the moment and start to feel bad for myself for the situation that I’m in and going through.

Sky Is The Limit

Then it hits me, I’m still breathing and a lot of people have it way worse than me. Again the issues and struggles I have at hand, are not toward the world it’s toward myself. It’s an inner battle that I’m going through. That’s why sometimes those battles can be the worse, because of how we feel on the inside and what were going through, good or bad. It all can leak out to the outside and it depends on how good or bad were feeling.

In the end, this is what motivates me to keep going. I don’t think I’m even close to my full potential and how good I could be feeling. I think I’m only getting started. Once my books start to get published and I start sharing more about my life and why I’m doing this. The sky is the limit and who knows what my potential could be then? That’s why you can’t give up and regardless of what you’re going through, never stop living and working.

Through it all, I hated my self and was always negative toward myself probably for over half my life. That’s why it has been a bumpy ride over the years, I never stopped believing in my potential. I believed it when I was at my worst, and I’m slowly starting to get better with it. Really it can only go up from here? Where do you stand with our potential and the effort you give every day?

 Day 7

My reality check is here, it’s a week into the new year and time isn’t slowing down. Regardless of what happens today tomorrow or next week. Time will still be moving on regardless if I’m ok with it or not, it won’t stop for me and it won’t stop for you.

Going into this new year I was committed to make it my best year ever. I know it’s only been a week so far, but I still truly believe that. My plan is to publish two books this year, and continue to keep blogging and keep sharing why I’m doing this and what’s my purpose behind all this madness.

I want to become a published author and share my story with the world, that hasn’t changed. I want to turn my three-book series into movies and take it to Hollywood. That was the plan once I started writing the series. I pictured it in my head as I was writing and I thought to myself. You know this could be good, I think I might be on to something. Of course, I’m going to favor a dream of mine and going to think positive about my work. I truly think it’s entertaining and it will sell and it can be turned into something.

New Year

Those are just some of my goals I have talked about. They are big goals and dreams, I won’t disagree with that. I’m sure you have heard it before and I know I have said it before if you’re going to dream then dream BIG. It should be big enough that it scares you and your embarrassed to share it with people. Well, surprise, sharing who I really am and sharing private details about my life growing up about my issues. Well, that scared the crap out of me, and here we are. About five months later and this will be my 45th post now. I feared this and freaked out about it multiple times. I realized enough is enough, I think this could be good and it could benefit people. So, I took the chance and decided to share my story, and who knows where this might go.

As of right now Sunday, January 7th, I’m still stuck and here we are. I don’t know what’s next for Peter, and I have no way of knowing if my books or website will blow up as much as I think and know they can. Outside of my two-part time jobs, I have right now, and my third part-time job working on my books and website whenever I have free time. Other than those two jobs I’m not making the money that I probably should be. I’m just making enough to squeak by, and well it sucks living paycheck to paycheck.

What’s Next

This is my life’s work and I don’t know what my purpose is or what I meant to do? I think it was to share my story about my life with you and with kids that need to hear it. I’m nobody special and my unique story is nothing special. I just finally got tired of living the boring and lame life I was living.

Reality smacked me in the face and I finally woke up. I finally snapped and started living for once after all these years. Maybe writing won’t be a full-time job like I hope and pray for every day. Maybe I won’t be the next big-name writer and selling millions of books, and honestly, I’m fine with that. What I hope to gain out of this, is the opportunity to share my story and help people and kids along the way. I want to help people that felt like an outcast and felt different like me. Those people who have a learning disability or are dyslexic like me.

It doesn’t matter who you are and what you are going through or went through. Everything happens for a reason, and it’s all planned out. I still wouldn’t change anything about my past or what happened earlier, because that past brought me to this point. It gave me this drive and hunger for success and trying to build something from scratch and be a part of something that’s bigger than me. When I started writing, this was not what my intentions were. I just wanted to write books and make enough to have writing be my full-time job and entertain people.

Glass Half Full

I know what I want, it’s not money and to fill my pockets. I want to make enough so I could continue to pursue this full time. More importantly now, I want to talk with people that are just like me and who are going through their own dark tunnel right now. I have been there I lived it, I’m still living it to this day. I know what those dark days were like.

Now I see the light shining, and I know what’s around the corner. What’s around that corner is the WORLD, and now I’m finally ready to start living for the first time ever in my 27 years. I have seen what my future is, and what I saw is the world and anything I want? It’s up to me what I want and what I want to go after. It’s time for us ALL to get out of our comfort zone and make this the best year ever.

I finally recognized where I am in life, and it’s not enough I want more. I want to be a part of something bigger than me, I need to give back more and play a bigger role in people’s lives. What’s your reality look like after a week into the new year? What is it you want or have been wanting to pursue after all this time? Remember to look at that glass half full now and not half empty.

Day 6

If you know me then you knew I’m very sarcastic. For 20 years my sarcasm was a shield for me. For years I didn’t like who I was and the person I was. I thought if I didn’t like me then who would like me for the real me?

In my earlier years, I didn’t like who I was as a person. From an early age, I put on a mask and tried sharing the side that people might like more. I used my sense of humor and sarcasm to mess with people and try and make them laugh.

Robin Williams

“I think the saddest people always try their hardest to make people happy. Because they know what it’s like to feel absolutely worthless and they don’t want anybody else to feel like that – Robin Williams The first time I heard this quote, It smacked me right in the face. As cliché as it sounds, I feel like this quote was for me. There was something about this quote that just stayed with me. This was how I felt my whole life, this was part of the reason I always tried to be funny and sarcastic and make people laugh. I know what it’s like to feel like a loser, alone and all the other words you want to say. I don’t want anyone else to feel this way. Hence, part of the reason why I’m blogging.

I have said hundreds of times over the years, we are all meant for something special. Were all capable of doing great things, some might be a little bigger or smaller of course. But with that, it doesn’t mean that person is better or below you, just different. Even when I was going through my troubled days, I never stopped believing I’m going to be successful and I’m going to do something special. I always wanted to leave a positive impact and help people in a positive way, somehow someway. At the time, I had no idea how I was going to do that. Yes, some days and for a long time, I would lie to myself saying and still believing those words. Even though some days I thought it was a complete lie, some days I thought who am I? I’m a nobody what can I really accomplish?

Tough Times

Through those hard days and years, my mask became my best friend I was always wearing it. Somedays I was always fake and never let anyone know the real me, I was too embarrassed and ashamed. Even though my real feelings I had, I still would put on my mask and try and make people smile and laugh and have fun. I would try and treat it like a game, I would win or get a point if I got somebody to laugh or smile. For that short time when I was alone in my safe room and hiding from the real world, I felt free for that short time I was around people.

We all have our flaws and weaknesses we battle or fighting with all the time. I wouldn’t change anything because those flaws of mine helped bring me to this point. It helped turn me into the person that I am today. We all have different shields we put up or walls we use when we are feeling attacked or vulnerable. That’s a normal reaction to have, and that’s completely natural. If you know what you’re doing and you have been living that life or doing the same thing for far too long. Then do something about it?

Defense

I still use my sarcasm as a defensive mechanism sometimes. Now to this day, I feel like it’s more real now. I’m not so much trying to hide who I really am, well not all the time haha. I’m just trying to be a happier person now and pass that vibe onto others.

If I want to leave this world a better place than it was when I came into it, then I must keep going. That’s big shoes I need to fill and no easy task. I need to keep working hard every day and trying to do the best I can and keep working hard. I have wasted far too many years mopping around and feeling bad for myself, what has that brought me? The answer is NOTHING. It hasn’t done anything good for me, it just made me resent myself even more. It made me work that much harder to get out of the deep hole I was in. Not to mention I’m still in that dark tunnel, searching for the light at the end, so the fight can’t stop.

My Challange

It doesn’t matter how young or old you are, who knows how many more days or weeks we have left. I’m not trying to scare you or look at the glass half empty. I’m trying to look at the glass I now have as half full, and keep working harder with those remaining days I have left. I need to keep going and keep working harder for the kids that I think need to hear my story. Is my way better or perfect of course not? I believe how I see the world through my dyslexic eyes, can benefit the young kids today. Not just young kids but everyone that ever felt like an outcast or alone. We all have a story to share, and we all should share that story.

Ladies and gentlemen, I challenge you to get out of your comfort zone this year. It’s time we all start sharing who we really are and start helping each other. Sharing how you feel and what you went through. I know you will be terrified I get that, but you never know what kind of impact you might have. If you keep it bottled up inside your whole life, you are wasting a great opportunity of giving back. Are you up for this challenge?

Day 5

This is my version of an outcast, and how I see it. When you hear outcast what do you think? A person who is different or by themselves and alone maybe? That’s what I think when I hear outcast, and that’s what I am. The biggest bully and the main person that treated me like an outcast the most was the person that knew me best, me. I was my worst enemy and worst critic over the years, it was all me and nobody else. I did this to myself and caused and inflicted probably 95% of the pain myself.

If you read my last post about school and dyslexia, well now you have a better idea of who I am and why I’m like this. Again, everything I talk about and everything I will ever talk about goes back to age six when my life would have changed forever. Now that I figured out what my issues were with school and we finally put a label on it. It’s all smooth sailing from here of course, right, WRONG? It only went downhill from that day forward. As the days and years passed me by, I started to adapt to life and changed my ways, and it was not good.

Mindset Is Key

This mindset I brought on to myself, the pain and side effects were all self-inflicted. How could I do this to myself, why did I do this to myself? It’s because I was confused and lost, I didn’t know what to do and how to respond to what I was going through. At age six and so on, I chose my fate before I even knew it. I chose this life for myself, I expected the fact that I am a little different and learn differently than everyone else.

Who cares were all different anyway, that shouldn’t matter. Some people might be better than me in school. I feel I was blessed with athleticism, so maybe I’m better than them in that area. I was always jealous of how easy everything was for them. Not knowing what they might be struggling with, I might be better at them this time. I never thought about it like that until I got older.

With having this mindset, I always felt alone and kept to myself. I didn’t like talking about my issues or how I was really felling. I always kept to myself, I would talk to myself all the time over the years or would journal about how I was feeling. It was always easier keeping how I felt or who the real Peter is to myself. I was always embarrassed and ashamed enough of who I was, why would I want to open myself up more for who knows what criticism or whatever might come my way next?

Inner Battles

Did I jump to conclusions and judge people for what they thought, absolutely? Was I wrong for that, absolutely I was I’ll admit that? Admitting that now I have said it before if only I was more open from the begging. Maybe a lot of my issues and inner battles could have been avoided. Then again if they were avoided, who knows where I would be today? If that’s the case, maybe I wouldn’t have had this fire and gone through the experiences to help me build my fire and help me get refocused like I am today.

Like I said before, I would not change a thing because it helped turn me into the person I am today. Do I wish some situations and issues I was in might have gone a different way, of course, I would. Thinking to myself making fun of me, calling myself names and everything else I did.

Maybe that’s part of the reason why I’m scared of commitment and why I never had much luck in dating haha. I just never felt like I was good enough to be with someone. On the flip side thinking who would want to date me? Most of the time, I was looking at what I saw and did every day I judged myself already for them. I knew what I was like and I knew who the real me was. I guess that’s the introvert inside of me. I’ve been so used to being alone and being by myself, it just became normal for me over the years.

Introvert

At times, it might not seem like I’m an introvert, but it’s true I am. In the end, even to this day I still struggle some days with being dyslexic even though I think it was a blessing like I have said before and I truly believe that. It helped me view the world and see it differently than most. I have always been different than most I have come to grips and excepted that now.

I’m still human and still filled with emotion, I hate not being able to spell and read fast and anything else that goes along the lines of school. Heres an example for you. Say I become the most successful writer in history, I finally get married and have four kids. Having a family and a wife and finally becoming a dad is and will always be my number one goal. If all of that happens, I will still be embarrassed and be battling who I really am. Unfortunately, its always going to be an inner battle I will be battling every day of my life.

Don’t be afraid of who you really are. Don’t be afraid of taking a chance and getting out of your comfort zone. Yes, I’m different, you are different, were all different. If we were all the same, life would be boring and the same thing every day. That will get old after a while, so if you don’t like who you are then do something about it. Don’t think about it anymore, just do it and keep going.

 

Day 4

I remember at six years old after just starting the new year and a few weeks into the year. They finally diagnosed me with Dyslexia. I was told I’m going to a different school because the current school I was attending couldn’t help me and give me enough support. I was a mess, I remember crying and crying. Leaving all my friend’s I had, all because I was different.

I don’t know how many times I would ask my parent’s, why am I stupid? Why am I different from everyone else? Why can’t I be normal like everyone else? What do you say to that, what do you say to a little kid? They did their best of course and I’m grateful for everything they did. I was six years old, how was I supposed to understand what they were telling me.

As the years went on and still struggling with school, things never changed. Everything around me was changing and were growing up, except for me when it came to school, I was the same still struggling. I was near the end of elementary school and in middle school, say 7^th grade. My reading level and everything else was still stuck in elementary school a few grades behind me. That’s going to mess with a little kid, how do you teach that and explain to a little kid? It’s ok Peter you will understand and figure it out soon enough.

So It Begins

I didn’t believe those lies and that crap people were filling my head with. I knew I was stupid and different and I hated it. How embarrassing and how much of a loser am I? I’m now in 8^th grade, or just starting freshman year in high school. My reading and spelling were still stuck in middle school. How much longer till I graduate and finally free from this prison and hell I was in?

In high school it was different, I still was dealing with the same issues as the years before. I used my Dyslexia as an excuse, I didn’t care anymore I gave up and was lazy. I tried sometimes, but I didn’t care I didn’t know what was next for me after I graduate. All I knew is I was not going to college, you couldn’t pay me enough to go through four more years of this.

Once graduation day came and I officially got my diploma, was of course very exciting for me. Now on the flip side, it was also very terrifying for me. I had no idea what was next or what direction I was supposed to head in. It was dark out and I was walking blind into this tunnel in front of me, I couldn’t see anything. I didn’t like where I was, so I decided to keep walking blindly into more darkens ahead of me.

Side Effects

With my issues in school and now officially being diagnosed with Dyslexia. With that, I developed a lot of personal issues over the years. Now with where I am looking back, I can say it was a blessing in disguise.It took a long time to finally think that, and some days I still struggle with thinking it’s a gift and not calling myself stupid again and trying to pity myself.

At a young age with feeling embarrassed and ashamed of who I am. Let’s just say I struggled in a lot of areas in life, even outside of school. I was always angry and developed a temper from this. I had no confidence and was very self-conscious in myself over the years. Again, with being embarrassed and thinking as the years went on. What did I do wrong, why am I being punished? I would rip myself apart numerous times a day.

If I spelled something wrong or messed up in school whatever the situation was I would get so angry at myself. I would call myself all kinds of names. All I would see is red, and snap. Good job stupid you can’t even spell that or why are you so dumb? What can you really accomplish in life? Who would want to date me you with these issues anyway? This mindset all started at a very young age, that’s why it hasn’t been an easy fix.

New You

If I knew what I knew now at age six. If I knew where I would be and what I would be doing 20 years later, I would die laughing and thinking that’s hilarious and not true. Peter A Harrower, has written three books and now has a website and blog about his life and sharing it with the world, no way that’s a lie? I’m a very private person and always have been there’s no way he’s sharing how he really feels and who he really is with the world? There’s no way he has read almost 40 books in three years? In my school career, I could probably count the number of books I read on one hand.

It’s true, I would never have imagined I would be chasing some of the goals and dreams I have to this day. Every once and awhile I still catch myself laughing about it thinking it’s fake and not real. I’m not saying all this looking for praise or pity, or whatever you want to call it. I’m saying all this because it doesn’t matter where you came from or what happened in the past.

If you keep working and keep going the sky is the limit with what you can accomplish and do. I’m living proof of that, and I know first-hand what you’re capable of doing if you put your mind to something. If I can do it and take a risk and gamble on something far out of my reach, so can you. Who know’s if this little dream of mine will even work. What I do know is, there’s only one way to find out.

Day 3

Instead of focusing on how each year we are adding another chapter to our life book. First, you must write something, and come up with a plan. That’s what we are doing here, you are the author of your life. What do you want to write this year?

Were all different authors, and were all writing different stories. Every day it’s a new page in our life, don’t get too caught up in what other people are writing. Were all chasing and searching for different paths and all are working towards different goals in our life. That’s why all of us are so unique, that’s what makes our stories so special.

What is it your searching for? We are all on different levels and in different phases of our life. Are you looking for purpose and direction in life? Do you feel like you have a purpose but not quite sure what it is yet? Maybe you have purpose, direction and finally, have an idea of what it is you want to do. You’re just not sure how to get there, maybe your scared because what you think you’re meant to do and put hours and hours and money into that craft. What if it doesn’t turn out and it backfires? Well if any of these are you or close enough to you well then you know how I feel.

Don’t stop working

Sometimes I think what am I really doing, will this work? If this doesn’t work out, then what am I going to do, what’s next? I have no idea what’s next, if this book thing works out or it doesn’t I have no clue. The only thing I know and can control is how hard I work and the effort I put into it.

I don’t know what’s next for me, or what the future holds. What I do know is, I know the person who is in control and decides what I want to do in life. That person is me, and YOU. As a Christian, I believe in the end God is in control and he has planned everything out. I also think we have some say in deciding what is it we want to do. As scary as that power can be, it is also very exciting. Even though I don’t know what’s next for me or what will happen this year. All I can do is keep working hard and try and create and bring to life what I’m writing and sharing every day.

It might not seem like it or might be hard to imagine, but we are all author’s. Maybe you’re not trying to create something from scratch with words like what I’m doing every day with my website and books. Every morning you have a blank canvas to work on. How you decide to decorate that canvas and what you decide to create is up to you?

Mindset Is Key

That’s another example of what drives me and what helps me get out of bed in the morning. Even though I’m going into a new day or week blind with no idea what’s next. What I do know is I’m in control and I play a major part in what I want to create and bring to life. That’s how we need to start looking at the days in front of us. Not so much thinking and looking at life. Crap, I still work here? If that’s how your feeling or your attitude behind something, you need to reevaluate what you’re doing with yourself? Life is to short to have those kinds of regrets. You and I are only wasting this precious gift of life that we are given every day.

If you agree or not, were all authors. Maybe you don’t quite see it like me, but ask yourself this. Did you decide what you want to do today, where you want to work for example? Most likely the answer is yes. If that’s the case then you can decide to change your life for the better and create something special and better this year. Don’t play the what if game, or thinking what if it doesn’t work? Well, it doesn’t work out then and you will find another way.

What Are You Going To Create

Looking at my life I’m used to getting rejected, and I have gotten rejected a lot over the years. I sent over 300 emails for my books and received over 105 responses saying no. I took a chance on a goal and something I have given hours and days into trying to create something from scratch. Finally, I feel like I have a purpose for once, and I was terrified. Maybe I’m not as good as I think if I have received these many rejections?

Maybe my writing and ideas are good I just didn’t find the right agent? I took matters into my own hand, I created my website and now I’m trying a different approach. The thing is I didn’t stop I kept going and trying to make it work. I took that canvas in front of me and decided to create something special myself. I don’t want people to do the work for me anymore. If I want to become the author I think I’m capable of becoming, then I must put in the work every day. I need to keep pursuing this hobby and turn it into a career. I have given six-plus years of my life to this craft, and have never been so determined and focused in my life.

You Are The Author Of Your Life

Do you know what you want to create this year? If not then maybe you need to reevaluate what you’re doing with your life, and not wait any longer. The time will pass, no matter what you decide. Either you go with the time you have and make the most of it, or the time is going to leave you regardless. What’s it going to be?

Day 2

It’s January 2^nd of 2018, and this is my recap of 2017. I think in most cases when the New Year comes around, it’s natural to think of what we did, or didn’t do in the year before. Good or bad, I think we all do it and should do this.

For me looking back through 2017, and what that year was like for me. For starters, I went backpacking across Europe for two weeks. I would say that was probably the highlight of my year. I was very nervous and hesitant about this trip, but in the end, it all worked out. It was an amazing experience I had the opportunity to go on.

I went to the Poconos for the first time and went kayaking 9 miles down the river with my brother in law. We flipped about five times each, and thankfully we didn’t die. I read 8 books, and that brings my total to 37 books, and 10 audiobooks in three years.

New Goals

I started a new job working for my dad doing sales. Last but certainly not least, I took another giant leap of faith and created my own website and started blogging. As much as this terrifies me opening up, I realized it won’t do any good keeping all of this inside of me. Trying to share my story with the world, and leave a positive impact on people’s lives. Also, part of me is trying to change my life for the better as well. Of course, it won’t happen overnight, but hey you must start somewhere. Even though it’s been a few months now I’m still learning and trying to figure it all out. I posted 38 posts and had 1,056 views in the first four months.

Looking back. If I’m being honest right now. It’s not enough, not even close. I need to do more in 2018, I want to do more. I want to double the number of books I read. Continue to keep trying to build my website and make it bigger. Plus, not to mention my number one goal is to finally publish my book this year. The plan is to publish two books this year. I haven’t told anyone that yet, so surprise haha. My memoir and the reason behind why I built this website and started blogging. Next, I’m going to publish book one in my fiction series that I have been working on for over six years now. Within that time, I have finished the first two books. All I need to do is finish number three, but that’s farther down the road.

Laying The Foundation

Realistically 2017 wasn’t a bad year, I mean it wasn’t great. In the end, I’m alive and still breathing, and as far as I know, I’m still healthy. God gave me another year to live, and I added another chapter to my book of life. Even though I’m not where I want to be yet, I feel like I’m still building the foundation and trying to get everything set up. Still, at 27, it’s very frustrating because this foundation has taken a long time, and it’s been a bumpy ride over the years. I don’t want to sit here as I’m writing this at 8:15 pm Monday night and complain about what happened to me in the past. That’s not what I’m trying to do here.

I’m just exhausted and worn out, it’s been a long road and finally, finally, I’m so close to the finish line of publishing my book. I can finally see the light at the end of the tunnel. The warmth from the sun is starting to touch my skin. I just need to keep going, once I publish my book that will only be the beginning. Even though 2017 wasn’t as successful or as productive as I would have liked. Again, I’m laying the foundation and getting everything ready for 2018.

This will be the best year of my life I can feel it. The last year, especially the last few months. I have never been so motivated and focused in my life before. That’s why I can’t slow down anymore, I must keep going. Even if I’m having an off day, which I still have plenty and not feeling great about myself. I just need to continue to trust God and keep going. I have made it this far, I might as well continue and see what happens.

2018

With that said if you weren’t pleased with the effort or what you accomplished in 2017. Don’t let that frustrate you too much and distract you for too long. You don’t want to start off bad going into your best year you’re going to have in your life? Don’t forget what happened and what you did in 2017. Never forget what happened in the past, always keep that close to you. Everything that happened good or bad, that made you and brought you to this point for a reason. All you need to do is get refocused and keep going. Looking back to last year, what did you accomplish in 2017?

Were you proud of everything you did and accomplished, or disappointed in your effort? Ask yourself that, and be honest and answer these questions. Did you do enough, did you wish you did more? No matter what you said or how you feel about 2017, you can do better. I can do better, we all can do better. Do you want to hear something amazing? It’s 2018, it’s a new year and full of new opportunities. It doesn’t matter what regrets you might have from your past. What matters is what you do from this moment going forward. Only you can decide what you want to do, nobody else can answer this question. With that, what do you want your 2018 to look like?