The World Through My Dyslexic Eyes

What Are You

So do you like to win or hate to lose? Think back for a minute. When you were playing sports in school. Playing board games with your family, or whatever other activity you can think of. How did it feel when you won? How did it and you feel when you lost? Did one feel better or worse than the other?

I’m very competitive and hate losing. But dont get me wrong I love to win who doesn’t. Pingpong against my brother in law. Playing monopoly with my wife and two nieces the other day and I won and it felt great. So which one are you? It doesn’t matter what you’re doing. Do you like to win or hate to lose?

Losing Sucks

For me, I’m definitely a hate to lose kind of person. But my competitive nature in me loves to compete but the winner inside of me expects to win I guess and doesn’t accept losing. Even if it’s in a stupid board game or card game. Something so simple as playing in my backyard I still want to win.

I think what started me off in the hate to lose phase was when I was younger and struggling with school. Yes, I know “eye roll” it all goes back to school and being younger with me again. I struggled in school and never did that well with my dyslexia and always did horrible on tests. I was always scared about seeing my test when it gets handed back to me.

My Struggles

It all comes back to my struggles. I would always fail or do bad in school and that messed with me. Compared to athletics that was always easy for me. The school part for me made me feel like a loser and the anger and frustration inside of me whenever I had to take tests do homework and well anything else for school changed me and the hulk in me came out.

I wanted to win in school so bad. I remember thinking to myself about how athletic and good I was in sports. Thinking to myself I wish there was a way I could trade in some of my athleticism to do better in school. I know that sounds funny but I thought about that. I was willing to trade in or take away something I was very good at and thrived in just to help make up for in an area I wasn’t very good at and struggled with.

Believe

That’s how much losing bothers me. As great as winning is and as much as I love it, the losing sticks with me way more. All I ever wanted was to have confidence in myself, believe in myself, and believe I can and will do something special and great with my life and win. Thats why like to win or hate to lose sticks with me.

That mindset helped transition to my jobs and the work-life over the years and also writing now. I dont want any regrets before my time comes. I want to be proud and happy with what I did with my life over the years.

Don’t Give In

Who knows if I will be able to write and speak full-time down the road. Who knows if I will publish 10 or 20 books down the road and sell millions of copies and have some of those books turned into movies. For me, it’s, not the money that will come with publishing that many books or selling that many. For me, it all comes back to me from day one with where this all started.

This all started with a weakness of mine. For most of my life, I thought I was broken and I couldn’t do anything great with my life. Now say all of those things do come true. The writing, speaking, I publish 20 books and one or two of them become movies down the road. For me, it’s not about telling people what I did and what I worked for and dreamed for over the years. It’s about showing them firsthand what I did and proving and sharing with people it’s possible. I dreamed about it, worked hard, and didn’t settle or make excuses. I worked my tail off to chase after something and never stopped until I got there.

You Can Do It

It’s possible to change and get better. It’s possible to turn a weakness into a strength or into something better than it was. It’s about sharing my journey and sharing what I’ve gone through and struggled with over the years and sharing with others what I did. We all struggle with things, we all have our own weaknesses and issues. Some dont do anything with them, some just accept them, some change them and fix them for the better. What do you want?

For me, I did all three. I didn’t think I could do anything or fix anything. Then I slowly one step at a time started working on me and slowly changing me and my situation around me. Was it always fun, was it perfect and easy of course not? Did I enjoy every minute of it, of course not? Sometimes what you need to do is embrace the suck and keep going. In sports when your doing sprints. Did you stop before the line and cut it short, or sprint through and touch the line?

My Unique Story

Looking back I wouldn’t have changed a thing. Because I stopped making excuses and stopped settling in life. I stopped thinking to myself well this is what I was dealt with I can’t fix or change anything. No thats crap. You can change and get better, and you must change and get better. Not just for yourself but for those around you.

Now is the time to become a winner and stop settling for losing. There’s no right or wrong answer. Do you like to win or hate to lose? Whichever one it is focus on that. Focus on winning in life or do and give everything you got in life to prevent yourself from losing.

Life

If I ask you about your life what would you say? If I asked you what you think of your life and what you’ve done with it so far what would you say? What if I say to you your mess is your message how would you react? That’s right its true, your mess is your message and we all have a mess.

Your message is the good, the bad, and the ugly you have gone or currently going through. Will it always be fun, no. Will it always be pretty and or exciting, no. But as long as you’re willing to work and work hard at it to overcome and do better then you were doing. Will it be worth it, the answer is a big fat YES?

What A Mess

My mess is my message and looking back at it right now, I’m proud, very proud of my mess. My mess of a life help brought me here to this very point right now. For years and far too long I didn’t like who I saw in the mirror. I didn’t like who I was and was judging myself and picking myself apart before others would have the chance to. I figured if I kept my distance they wouldn’t see the real me. The lost, the confused, and the broken.

Little did I realize looking back now, I was clearly lost and I don’t disagree or deny that. But I wasn’t broken, I wasn’t a waste and I wasn’t a mistake. I was meant to be here for a reason. I was meant to go through my hard times in my school days and early 20s to help get me to where I am today.

You Get What You Put In

I’m sure if you ask some people if you could go back in time to change or fix anything, would you? Well, ask yourself that question. Would you go back and change anything? If someone asked me that question I would say no right away with no hesitation. Because I believe everything happens for a reason. I believe what you put into your life and the opportunities in front of you are what you get out of them. If they are bad situations and you don’t make the most of them well they will stay bad. If you made a bad decision and flipped it around into a good one or for the better. Well, then it would have been worth it.

For me, I don’t want to say I made bad decision after bad decision, that’s not true. Overall my life, I can’t say it enough I had it pretty easy I can’t lie. I can’t lie and say my parents got divorced or one of them died at a young age. Or I got in trouble with the law and so on and so on.

Easy

Looking back, I had a very easy life for the most part. The only hard part and the tricky part I battled and had to keep fighting was what was going on between my ears. That’s what made my life seem like it was hard or I had it worse than others. In all reality I didn’t, I had it much easier than most. But what I did have and struggle with even to this day at 30 is the belief in myself.

Over the years I struggled to believe in myself thinking I was a mistake and I won’t be able to do anything special. I’m not going to win in life or I won’t become the man and the person God wanted me to become. Well, what if these struggles and issues or battles I had over the years was meant to happen? What if I was meant to struggle in school and battle my dyslexia my whole life to help me build a better work ethic? What if me not being the smartest kid in school helped build a fire inside of me of wanting to win and better my self?

My Mess

That’s what I think is what happened. Yes, I believe everything happens for a reason. But I also believe God gives us the opportunity to make decisions and choices for ourselves. Did I make bad choices and go a different direction, I don’t think so? But what if making those choices myself help build me into the person I am today?

So, I will ask you again. If I say to you your mess is your message how would you react? I would say my message is unique and one of a kind. I’ve had a lot of ups and downs and low and high points overall. But in the end, this life and my mess is my message and I’m proud of it.

Still Learning

Yes, it’s easy now looking back once you got over that hump or a hard time to say ohh it was worth it. But it’s true looking back at where I was what I was doing and trying to figure out my plan next. I can now say I love my mess and my message its slowly turning into something great.

Now do I have everything figured out, of course not. I still have a lot of learning to do and a lot of growing to do. I always will be trying to improve and get better because that’s life. Getting better and growing is a daily habit that you must do every day.

Be Proud

Now I challenge you to not be ashamed of your mess and instead embrace your message. Will it be hard sometimes, of course, it will? Will you be uncomfortable sometimes, of course, welcome to life? Now is the time to not be ashamed of you or run away and give up.

Now is the time to stand up and embrace the suck you’re going through and more importantly embrace you. Your mess is your message and be proud and share it with the world and make a difference along the way.

Sad Day

This is going to be a different kind of post today. This post is not meant to motivate you, inspire you, or help you. Well, I guess that will be your decision to decide if it will do any one of those or not.

This date was the day that Lindsay and I lost our pup, Bella Louise Harrower unexpectedly. It has been very hard especially for my wife. Those two had a very special and unique bond.

Bella’s Life

In case you don’t know who Bella Louise is, here is a quick recap. Bella was used as a bait dog for the first six months of her life. When they were done with her in the dogfighting ring, they left her tied to a tree in the middle of January outside for three days. Someone finally noticed her and called it in and a lady from a shelter came out and saved Bella. An hour later my wife came in and saw and rescued Bella and it’s been history ever since.

Bella was also diagnosed with cancer at five years old just a couple of years later. She is a fighter and a trooper and thanks to my wife, who did everything she could to help this dog. In case you didn’t know it wasn’t just Lindsay that saved Bella. Bella also saved Lindsay a couple of times from her past and that only helped their bond grow even more over the years.

A Unique Bond

Lindsay and Bella have such a unique bond and relationship, that after Bella beat cancer the team in Maryland where Bella had her surgeries wanted to study Lindsay and Bella’s relationship.

This dog was a fighter, this dog has been through so much in her almost nine years of life. She was a survivor. You should know, May 1st would have been her 9th birthday.

Bella Louise was beautiful and a one of a kind dog to me. I have only known Lindsay and Bella for a little over two years. Bella is by far one of the smartest dogs I have ever met. Yes, I know, she is my dog I’m sure everybody has said that. But it’s true, this dog acted like a human sometimes. If we said something she didn’t like she would huff at us and let us know.

A True Blessing

I have dozens of stories I could share with you and I know Lindsay has way more. Bella wasn’t just a dog to Lindsay and I. To Lindsay, she was her guardian angel that looked after Lindsay so much when it was just the two of them.

Bella opened up my eyes to how amazing and truly special this Pit Bull breed is and how misunderstood this beautiful breed is. I have had dogs my whole life growing up and I have never met and had a dog quite like Bella. Not just what she did as a dog playing and sleeping, you know the typical stuff dogs do.

To me, it was the little things she did that got me. When it was getting late and she was tired she would come to the top of our bed and whine to go under our sheets and would want us to lift them up so she could go to bed. Her pissy attitude when her bone would fall or go under something and would look up at us to get our attention (most of the time she would push it under on purpose so we would give her attention haha.)

What A Year

Bella was unique and she was beautiful. Not just her beautiful red fawn-like hair. It was her personality and how much she loved people, even strangers she never met if they came over to the house. If we let you inside she would feel you out and once we gave her the ok it was like she had known you her whole life and jumping on you trying to make you happy and give you kisses.

Around May of 2019, Lindsay and I came up with an idea that would forever change our lives going forward. For Lindsay, it was a chance to share her and Bellas’s story and to try and put a good, happy, and healthy story out into the world especially about Pit Bulls.

Bella Is Famous

For me, it gave me a chance to cross something off my bucket list. To write a kid’s book, and like I said the rest is history. We published The World Through Bella’s Eyes: A Pit Bull’s Story, September 10th, 2019.

From that day to now, opened opportunities in my eyes that only seemed like they would be dreams and never become a reality. We went to a school and talked to 60 4th graders about writing, publishing, and sharing Bella’s story. We also had a chance to go on the news on Good Day PA and share her unique story.

Beautiful Breed

Our main goal with writing her book was to bring light and show a different side of this beautiful misunderstood breed. We’re not here to judge and blame anyone or media or anything like that. All we want to share with you is that some of the stories you hear might not be completely true. To also let you know that in the end, a dog is still a dog.

They don’t have human instincts and they are in the end just a dog. If they are surrounded by the wrong type of people they might be taught the wrong thing just like you and me if we grew up in a bad family or neighborhood. All we wanted to do was bring light and bring a real TRUE story to this beautiful breed.

RIP Beautiful

To Bella Louise, which means beautiful protector. We love you, we miss you, and we will never forget you. You were a protector to your mom and me just as much as we tried to protect you. Thank you for all of the great memories over the years. You left us far too soon. You will always be in our hearts and we will not stop trying to help Pitties the rest of our lives because of you. We will always try our best to help and rescue other pups that need a forever home just like you.

Which One

If I ask you how to define goals what would you say? What if I ask you to define growth? What if I ask you what the difference of goals vs growth is? If you can’t answer that’s ok. Someone who’s a lot smarter and more successful than me took care of that, John Maxwell. In one of John’s books he talks about growth, that’s the whole point of the book. This part he compares the two and gives examples.

• Goals – focuses on a destination, motivates you, seasonal, challenges you, stops when a goal is reached.
• Growth – focusses on the journey, matures you, lifelong, changes you, keeps you growing beyond the goal.

Growth over Goals

For me especially the last five years goals were all I was focused on. I figured if I want to be successful I need goals and big ones. If I want my dreams to come true then I need to set goals to help reach and accomplish those goals. Well, that last sentence is true. You still need goals to help push you and keep you focused. But what if I tell you that’s, not the only thing?

I would say the last year especially the last few months after reading this book. Growth and the journey seemed to catch my attention a lot more. Seeing where I was five-plus years ago to now is cool. Seeing what I have accomplished in the last five years, especially the last two. But overall the growth that I have seen is way sweeter than the goals.

Different Phases

Now, look at my past, or past blog posts. I have a handful of posts talking about goals. I’m not saying they are bad that’s far from it. All I’m saying is for me I thought it was an end goal and destination I have been searching for over the last few years. But if you ask me and what I have seen and learn over that same time, it’s the journey that was more memorable and better.

Seeing where I was freshman year to senior year in high school. From 18 years old to 21 years with very little change and growth. Just going through life and paving the way for what’s next. 22 years old to 24 going through a lot of hard times and struggling and searching and slowly and I mean slowly starting to change. 25 too present time right now, I’m a whole new person.

Part Of the Journey

Like always I don’t say all of this to brag and pat myself on the back. That’s far from what I’m trying to do. Like always I’m trying to give you a better example of what I was going through and use that example for your own life.

I have battled weaknesses, embraced the suck, trying to take in my accomplishments and enjoy the journey so far along the way. That my friends that’s what’s been the biggest thing I have learned so far. It’s not publishing multiple books and having a handful of speaking engagements and going on tv and everything else in between. That’s all part of the ride I was on every day to get me here.

Just Beginning

The biggest thing is I didn’t settle. I didn’t just pick something and ride it out and roll with it. I did what I had to do every day going through my life of course. But in the back of my mind, I knew there was something else out there. Something bigger and especially bigger than me.

I’m not done yet and I have said it before. I feel like my journey is only beginning if you ask me. But what I haven’t figured it out yet is if that’s a good thing or bad thing? I guess you could look at it either way. But if you ask me I think it’s a good thing because I already went through everything I went through to get me here. Now I know where I was and I don’t want to go back. I’ve learned and grew and battled with goals vs growth and now I know what I’m focused on.

It’s Been A Crazy Ride

My growth is way more important than the individual goals that I set for myself. I still have goals and am still pushing to accomplishing those goals and I always will set goals. But now what I’m starting to realize and see is it’s not just the goals in front of me and where I want to go. Its where I was and what I overcame and accomplished along the way to get me there.

Now I still struggle with taking in my accomplishments. I have published two books in a year. Read probably 95 books in about six years. I have written the first draft to four other books and have three other books in the back of my mind that I want to write down the road. One of my books hit #1 on Amazon’s new releases in three different categories. I was on tv with my beautiful wife and dog talking about that same book.

Keep Going

I have done a lot and my wife’s proud and happy and so is my family. But this is where I will get into trouble haha. I feel like I haven’t done that much, YET. Its because I’m hard on myself and my toughest critic, bad habit. I put these expectations on myself and pushing myself trying to improve and grow and get better that sometimes I get so focused on goals and not growth.

I know what you’re supposed to do but I fall for my own tricks sometimes. Now I’m trying to enjoy the last 30 years of my life and looking where I was and now where I am going. But especially the last eight years were the most special. Looking back the goals vs growth outlook helped get me to where I am today. These last eight years helped create the person I am today and I wouldn’t change, a thing.

2018 What A Year

Sitting here reflecting on the last year of my marriage celebrating our first anniversary last month. Its been a great year which started back in early January. It’s a new year. I wonder what God has planned for me this year. At this point in my life, I don’t know what the heck I’m doing or where I’m going in my life. I only know two things.

First, I leave for Europe in a few months backpacking for two weeks. Second, I’m going to the Outer Banks with my family for the first time. Other than that, I’m not sure what I’ll be doing this year.

That Was  A Good Day

February 11th, was when I met Lindsay for the first time. I went backpacking across Europe for two weeks and roughly two weeks later purposed to Lindsay. I went to the Outer Banks with my family. Then a month later I went to the Outer Banks with Lindsay’s family. I was lucky and went twice that summer. 2018 what a year so far and it’s only August.

A month and a half later I married my better half. It was a quick eight-month time frame from the first date to saying I do. Then two days later we went to Mexico for are a honeymoon for a week and it was beautiful. We had a room overlooking the water seeing the sunrise and sunset. It was beautiful, what an amazing resort. By far the best vacation I have ever been on.

76 days later after getting married, I published my first book. After living and doing the research and building my story for this book for 28 years. I have been writing and working on creating the book for over four years and bringing it to life. I can’t believe I’m married and I’m a published author now.

Me Vs My Insecurities

So that was a little background as to why 2018 was a great year. But it also shows you how blessed I am. But on the flip side, I still can’t believe all of what happened. It’s still amazing and crazy looking back a short time ago and seeing where I was.

Now I have an amazing wife and some days I feel with my insecurities I don’t deserve her. Lindsay hates hearing that. It’s a battle I constantly have between my ears.

Mind Games

At 29 this might surprise you but I don’t have everything figured out. Shocking I know. I’m still trying to figure it out and you know what I think I always will be. For my whole life and even dating Lindsay and the first eight months of our relationship to now. I never thought I was good enough for the world. I never thought Peter could go and accomplish anything special in the world.

Now when I was younger I knew I was different my learning disability and dyslexia made that clear. But in the back of my mind, I always felt like I was going to do something special, I just didn’t know what that was. It took years and years of living and going through the ups and downs of life. I was on my life rollercoaster seeing the world and trying to figure it out.

Look Out World

I still have my moments and I know I still have a problem. It’s sad I know and I don’t know how to shake it and overcome it if I’m being very honest. I feel like I still haven’t accomplished enough. It’s crazy, right? I went backpacking across Europe twice and have been to almost 15 countries in my life. I’m a happily married man and a two-time published author. The most recent book I published with my wife was number 1 on Amazon’s new releases in five different categories in the first two months.

Even with all of those things I still feel like I have a lot to prove. Now, who do I need to prove myself to? It’s not to the world, my wife or family. Don’t get me wrong I want them to be proud of me especially my wife. I want her to feel safe and know I’m trying to work hard for us and to have and build a great life together. But more importantly, I feel like I have a lot to prove to myself.

New Mindset

I wrote some goals down when I was 25. Read 100 books, publish three books, own my own business and a few others. I wasn’t always motivated and pushing myself this much. For a good chunk of my life, I was the complete opposite that’s the reason why I started these goals. It’s not to say look at me look at what I’ve done and all of that. I don’t care about that. It’s for my own personal growth and trying to get the best out of myself.

Look at everything I did in 2018. This also ties into the first year of my marriage. It truly was the best year of my life and I’m grateful for everything that happened good and bad.

Just Getting Started

But I’m not done yet I’m only getting started. That’s what I want you to get out of this. It’s not me bragging about what I did and where I went. I’m trying to share with you that yes take in what you accomplished and what you did that’s very important, that’s something I still struggle with. I’m always moving and ready for the next thing.

There is a saying. The talent is God’s gift to you. What you do with it is your gift back to God. This is why I feel like I’m only getting started. There is more work to be done, more kids to connect with and a lot more goals to accomplish and pursue. It freaks me out sometimes but I never have been so excited to see what the years ahead look like.