Don’t Give Up

Keep Going

Why is it so easy to give up? Why do we usually give in, when things are not going our way or getting hard? Is it because we are weak and were not determined or hungry enough? Maybe we just don’t want it bad enough? Maybe we’re not willing to sacrifice enough to accomplish that ultimate goal you and I are so focused on. It doesn’t matter what situation you are in or how hard you are working for it. Once you get those negative thoughts in the back of your head. Once you start playing those mind games with yourself, it makes that hill to climb that much harder. We just need to remember Don’t give up.

With that said, we all are going through different battles every day. Were all climbing different hills trying to reach the top? If you’re not trying to reach the top and working your hardest, then what are you doing? It’s 2017 now, even though there is a lot of evil and hate in the world right now. Unfortunately, everywhere you look it seems like something new is happening. It’s sad, it truly is sad that this is where the world is going.

Timing won’t Always Be Perfect

It doesn’t matter what distractions you have or what burdens are placed in front of you. If you want to be successful, and publish that book. Accomplish that race you are training for or whatever your goal that your working towards is. The timing to do that and prepare for that goal is never going to be perfect. That’s life, sometimes bad things happen and you have to adapt to what’s being placed in front of you.

Having this learning disability placed on my shoulders again sucks and I developed a lot of bad issues and habits from it. After all these years now, I can’t keep using that LD as an excuse. Or maybe I can use it as a motivator to keep me going. A kid who barely graduated High School with a 2.0 lazy and no care in the world. Using my weaknesses as an excuse. Now I’m flipping the script and instead of running away from my fears, weaknesses, and faults and issues I have. Now I’m starting to embrace them and try and conquer them and turn everything around. Yes, I’m always going to have my personal issues and having these burdens on my shoulders. I’m not proud of that, but unfortunately, I have to keep working as hard as I can till I take my last breath.

I Don’t Belong

With that said I’m trying to enter a field that realistically I probably don’t belong in. I probably read my first cover to cover book at the age of 19 or 20? I’m trying to enter this field, with everything weighing me down and everything stacked against me.

Plus not to mention with a blindfold on. I don’t know what to do it’s all new to me. I’m trying to figure it out as I go, and figure out the best direction to go. With everything I just said giving all the reasons why a publisher wouldn’t want me or my books. Is the exact reason that is going to help me sell my books and get a publisher to help me share my story with you and the world. We all have a unique story, that is why I’m trying to share my story. Because you and the world need to hear my story, just like I need to hear your story.

I know what its like to fail, and I have failed more than enough. With all 105 emails of people passing on my book that still hasn’t stopped me. It’s only made me hungrier and more focused on my craft to keep working harder and trying to do a better job. That’s the reason why one day in the near future if that’s six months from now or two years from now. It doesn’t matter when it happens, I’m going to keep working as hard as I am now as I will six months or two years from now.

Life Can Be Ruthless

That’s life it’s not going to be easy, and sometimes life kicks our butt and its hard sometimes. Yes, we might question why all of this happens and why does it have to happen this way. I would be lying if I didn’t wonder that and have those thoughts in the back of my head sometimes.

Life here on earth is so short and time fly’s by. In may of 2018 will be 10 years I have been out of HS. It seems like just yesterday I was back in HS playing sports and counting the days till graduation. Well, time is up and I got my wish, I’m in the real world now and this is what I wanted. So it’s time to man up, or woman up, haha. Go after what it is you want in life. Make the most of it and don’t give up or give in, and just settle for a 9-5 just because it’s safe and easy. Think outside of the box and keep chasing that dream of yours, keep working your butt off. Sacrifice what you need to make that dream of yours a reality.


The number of opportunities in front of us is more than enough. Stop making excuses for not being able to do this or that. Who cares what others think, stop living for them, and start living for you. Start working and going after what YOU want, not what you think others want for you or what you’re told to go after. Only you know what YOU want deep down within your gut. That sick feeling in your stomach, that scars the crap out of you and is freaking you out about chasing that dream of yours. Don’t be scared of it, embrace it, welcome it and enjoy the ride.


Chapter 1

Why are we here, why am I here, why are you here? That’s a question I ask myself every single day. This is Chapter 1 in my book. What is our purpose in life and our purpose here on Earth? That is the million dollar question and the thing most people search for. I know that this question is on the top of my list. Why was I put here, why was I created the way I am, why do I think the things I think, why do I do the things I do? Although I’m still trying to figure out myself and work on me, I now know it’s not a one-step process.

You will always be working on yourself, it’s a process we are always trying to improve. If you want to change or have to adapt to a bump in the road that comes your way, you have to adapt, or you will never get over that hump in front of you. I’m not here to tell you what you’re going to be, or what you should do in life. In the end, only you have that answer and can find that answer. The only thing I’m doing is to help you get to the path that you are destined for and searching for. My goal is to help give you some tips to move along the way and stay far away from the darkness and shadows.

Share Your Story

One major thing you have to realize is that I can tell you everything you need to hear. Your parents, friends, or mentors whoever can tell you everything you need to here, or want to here. It doesn’t work unless you believe it will. You have to put in the work and put in the effort and time. The more you put into life the more you can get out of it. You only have one shot at life, one chance here on planet Earth. All I’m trying to do is help you make your short stay here worthwhile and enjoyable. That’s what life is all about, enjoying your time here on Earth and making the best of what you can. Maybe after you figure that out, you can pay it forward and help others who are going through the same thing you were struggling with.

Unfortunately, the world can be a cold, cold place sometimes. Yes, I know it’s not all cold, some may think I’m naive about that. I do firmly believe it is still good for people and there are still plenty of good people. The way things are heading though, it’s not looking good and is changing quickly. It breaks my heart with all of the hate, anger and wasted death. There is so much death right now across the world. That’s why now is the time to change you and make a difference. Tomorrow and the future are not guaranteed to you, or anyone for that matter. Especially today who knows what’s going to happen in the near future.  So let’s start this journey and figure out what you’re “Why” is.


This doesn’t work if once you figure out your “Why” or your purpose, you don’t just stop after that. That is the time when you should keep pushing forward and get that fire to go after what it is you want. Destroy anything else that gets in front of you, or prevents you from moving forward. Do whatever it is you have to do to get what you want out of life, and your time here. It’s time to put in the work because no one is going to do it for you. Read books, listen to those motivational songs or podcasts, go to the gym at 5 am every day before work. If it’s important to you then two things will happen.

First, you will make time for it and sacrifice anything for your dream. Second, if it’s not important you will make an excuse for why you can’t do it or why you won’t do it. If it’s important enough to you, even if you are at the lowest of lows and you literally hit rock bottom, make a change for the better. If there is no one else to help you, then you just have to close your eyes, have faith, and just push forward. Don’t give up, your life will be changed forever!


Who Are You

Think About It

Who are you? Have you ever really thought about it before? Are you embarrassed about which group you fall under, or do you embrace it and are proud of it? There’s nothing to be ashamed or embarrassed about, we are all different. We all have unique and special talents, or quirks we wish were a little different or we could change.

For me personally, it might surprise most of you but when it all comes down to it, I’m an introvert. Going back to first grade when everything started to change for me. From that point and going forward I have always kept to myself. I have always had feelings and embarrassment and being ashamed of everything I have been dealing with. I kept it all to myself and was ashamed and embarrassed by who I really was.

Naturally, I would always be thinking and talking to myself. This all gets tied in to being self-conscious about myself. It’s only fitting when it get’s broken down, that If I had to pick one or the other I’m an introvert. Now I didn’t choose to be this way, it wasn’t like picking a sports team to follow. It’s just who we are, and how we react and respond to situations we are placed in.


Now in some cases, I’m more along the lines of an Ambivert. Honestly, I just found out about Ambivert like a month ago haha. I never heard of it before. I love having fun and hanging out with people and making people laugh and having a good time. So naturally I enjoy talking to people and meeting new people, and I don’t mind going up to a stranger and talking to them. I might not always want to do it, or maybe be a little hesitant to do it but I will if need be.

I love my alone time and quiet time. Sometimes I enjoy it too much. The last few years when I had my battles with depression, and in those shadows for a few years. Being alone and by yourself for too long can be very bad, and not healthy. You need a happy medium and a healthy mix of both. I was in a dark place for far too long. I’m now paying the price for it. I’m trying to get out now and looking for the light at the end of the tunnel.

I know what it’s like to be angry, upset, sad you name it I probably felt it. Honestly, it sucks, and it’s not fun. I don’t want people to feel useless and feel like they don’t belong or a nobody. I wouldn’t wish that on anybody. Well, except for maybe to my sister’s ex-boyfriend’s haha. But that’s, of course, being the protector I am and looking out for my sister’s.

Never Judge A Book By Its Cover

Again this might be surprising to most of you. It’s true I might seem happy or like I have it all together all the time. If you knew me in high school or even now for example. I hate to break it to you people, but I don’t. I’m trying to find my purpose and direction just like you. The only thing is I’m not begging for attention like some of you. I don’t like being the center of attention.

Sure if I make a joke in front of a crowd or something that’s one thing. But if its all eyes on me, no I’m not a fan and try to avoid that. I don’t like that feeling of being ashamed and angry, so why would you? That’s why I put on that mask and try and do my part to make you and everyone else I can happy. Sure I’m very sarcastic, I know I’m sorry. It’s not always my intention, It’s just a bad habit I picked up.

In The End

What are you, who are you? It doesn’t matter what category you fall under. You can either be ashamed of it and hide in the shadows like I did for far too long. Or you just accept it and embrace it, and try and change and move your way toward the middle like I did. You can stay one side and stay on one path your whole life if you want. If that’s you and your ok with that, well then keep going. If you want a new challenge and try and better yourself and embrace something new and try a different path to see whats out there then do something about it.

Now embrace you and realize you are who you are, it’s true there is only so much you can change about yourself. Don’t forget, something you can change. You don’t have to stay in that rut you are in or hiding in. You can step out of the dark and not be ashamed. Who know’s what kind of an impact you might have on others. Sharing your story or giving that advice you have, could be a massive turning point for that special person. Again don’t be ashamed of who you are, embrace it and keep doing the best you can day in and day out.



A feeling of self-assurance arising from one’s appreciation of one’s own abilities or qualities. Self-conscious definition- feeling an undue awareness of oneself, one’s appearance, or one’s actions. Which one are you? In some cases, I’m the confident one. In most cases and about 75% of the time, I’m the self-conscious side. What can I say we all have our flaws, and again sorry for repeating myself but most of my flaws go back to when I was diagnosed at a young age.

I realize being young and not knowing any better, it was easy to get upset and angry at my situation. Even young kids at a young age, they aren’t stupid they notice things and they catch things adults do. Now with my nephews and nieces when I do or say something around them. I really have to be careful with what I say and do. I don’t want to get that mom look from my three sisters let alone my own mother haha.

A young age

I always wondered and thought why I’m not smart, why am I stupid and different than everyone else? That was a question I asked my parents on a regular basis. Imagine a young kid asking you that question hundreds and hundreds of times? What do you say to a little kid, when you are put on the spot like that?

My parents did the best they could and I’m not mad at them. I’m grateful for everything they did for me. Again having that burden for so many years weighing you down. A lack of confidence can really mess with you. It can prevent you from being productive and accomplishing your goals and doing big things in life.

At 27

I’m still self-conscious, I’ll admit it. I don’t like saying that but I’m not going to sit here and lie about it and wear a mask and hide like I have been hiding my whole life. I told you from day one I was going, to be honest, and let you in on who I really am. Well, by now you should start to understand who I really am and why I am like I am. Lacking confidence is not good, shocking I know haha. It can prevent you from living your life and making the most of it and the opportunities you have or are placed in front of you.

Honestly, It doesn’t matter what example you use. It can affect anything you’re doing and hold you back from seeing and chasing new opportunities ahead of you. It doesn’t matter what those opportunities are. Leaving your 9-5 job to become an artist and share your artwork with the world. Or finally get the courage to talk to that girl you have been wanting to talk to for weeks now. Any example will work and you get the point I’m trying to make.

Now is the time

Stop wondering what if, and be hesitant and scared to do something. Now is the time to roll the dice and go for it. What’s the worst that happens she says no to going out, so you move on? Maybe it takes you a year and a half to sell your first piece and to help get your name out there. It doesn’t matter, you took that chance and it doesn’t matter how it turned out. Either good or bad, you learn from it and keep going. Who knows what other doors that situation might open up for you down the road. In most cases, you did more than most, who don’t even do anything.

For me, One of my many struggles in this department is I don’t think I’m smart enough or good enough. Another one is when I’m in a room with five people or 20 people it doesn’t matter. I wonder what the other people are doing and how they got so successful and curious to see what they did to get there? Then I wonder and look at my situation and see where I am and what I have done? I realize we all go on different paths and have different destinations we are working toward and chasing.

What about you

I know what I need to work on, and I’m working on it as I’m writing this and opening up to you and trying to share my story with you. Again it doesn’t matter what you’re lacking and struggling with. Look at your situation and recognize it, next come up with a plan and do something about it.

I want to publish my books and become a published author. With no experience in that subject and I don’t know what to do to make that happen. I did the research and tried something and did something about it. Emailing agents to represent me, well that hasn’t worked out so far, and it sucks. Now I’m blogging and have my website to try a different approach to it. This way might work, it might I don’t know yet. What I do know is, I’m still trying and doing the best I can and adapting to whatever speedbumps are placed in front of me.

What do you need to change or fix in your own life? You can try and act all cool, saying I don’t need to do anything. Well, I hate to break it to you, but that’s crap and a lie. If you are not constantly changing and trying to better yourself and learning, then what are you doing with yourself and your life? It doesn’t matter how old or young you are, as long as you are still breathing then you still have time to do something about it.

Scared Of Success

Scardy Cat

I know this may be a little surprising and you may be thinking a fear of success, who would be scared of success? Well, it’s true it is a fear and probably more common than you think as funny as that sounds. Again thinking and writing it down, it still seems funny to me. How could you fear success? Everyone wants to be successful or should want to be, so why be scared? I think it has to do with a few things for me.

The fact that my mentality is set so high. That I will be successful, and I fully believe that. I WILL BE SUCCESSFUL, whether it’s good or bad, positive or negative. Whatever you feed yourself, the thoughts and your mindset you have, that’s whats gonna make the difference in the end. In the end, that’s what is going to separate those that are hungry and want to turn a dream or goal into a reality. Or there is the other half, that will have that dream and goal, simply just a dream and goal, and nothing else. They will realize that it’s impossible or too hard to reach, and can’t fathom it.

Cruise Control

All these years I’ve kind of been going with the flow of things, just coasting along basically waiting for what comes next. What happens when I finally overcome those hurdles and speed bumps of mine. I can finally say, “I am successful” and I made it? That should be a dream for everybody, saying those words. Think about this for a minute. If you have a dream and a goal, it will take some work to accomplish, correct? Maybe a little extra effort, some blood maybe sweat or anything else you have to give to complete it?

Just picture what that feeling would be like after you work your tail off, and finally achieve your dream goal? Close your eyes right now, well, finish reading this part first then try it. It will be kind of hard to read what’s next with your eyes closed. Picture what your number one goal is or your dream in life? Now picture yourself accomplishing that goal and doing what it is you want to achieve, close your eyes again and think about that for a minute?

Do You Want More

Personally, I think everyone should want more than just money. They should want a passion or a dream job and want to accomplish something worthwhile. Having a big bank account isn’t enough for me. If money is honestly your number one goal and main priority and you want to swim in it, like the duck swimming in his gold from duck tales. If you can honestly say that’s you then, I guess I’m wrong, sorry. Go swim and get yourself a pool full of gold or money. I don’t want to accomplish my dreams and goals just to be a millionaire, that’s not why I’m doing this.

If you ask me, why does success scare me? Why do I even think about it all the time? I’ll tell you why, even though I know I am meant for something bigger, and I truly believe that. I’m not saying I’m going to cure cancer or bring peace on earth by stopping a war. I certainly wouldn’t turn down the chance to help accomplish those things. I do believe, I’m meant to help people somehow some way. Who know’s as long as I keep my faith and with God, on my side, it will happen. If I keep working and putting in the effort to try to accomplish and conquer those goals and dreams of mine than anything is possible.

Take The Chance

Trust me, I have my bad days still and want to give up, and just say forget it. I’ll just be average and just find a good job and take care of my family, and call it a day. That’s good enough for me and better than nothing. It’s fine to just be a pawn in this chess game that we call life. I hear these success stories and all the good some people are doing in this world, that has so much evil and I think to myself.

Why not just go for it, why not me, why not you? I want to do that, I am going to do that, I’m going to do something with myself and with my life. Anything you or I do that’s helping someone throughout the day will help make the difference that we need right now. Even if it’s as simple as opening a door for someone to let them go in first. It’s simple I know, but think about it, you have to start somewhere right? You don’t just automatically just accomplish your goals right away, you have to take it step by step.

Keep Working

Another reason why success scares me, I would be committed to something greater than what I had before. It may be stupid, but I want to be as successful as possible. I want to make my family proud and be able to help people. The ultimate thing that drives me is, I want to hear the words “BECAUSE OF YOUI didn’t give up, or I kept going and didn’t stop. Changing lives is what I’m about, it’s what I want to do.

That will be the start of my success, I’ll say it again and for the last time. What drives me is to hear the words “BECAUSE OF YOU” I did this or that or whatever. That’s the end goal people, I have said it before. If putting myself out there and opening myself up, for the greater good and to help others then it’s worth it. I willing to sacrifice my privacy for the greater good, and help nudge people along like I needed a nudge for years.

Live Your Dash

My Dash

Live your dash, what does that mean is probably what you’re thinking. The dash represents your life that you live. For example, I was born in 1990-2020 I don’t know when I will die I just put a year to show you, sorry mom. It’s from a poem by Linda Ellis, and with only using 239 words. The message is so deep and means so much, with such little words used.

In some cases, I have already or will repeat myself, as far as what I’m trying to do with this website. Again my goal is to become a published author and share my story with you, and the world. We all have a unique story and something to share. Unfortunately, most people won’t share it or do anything about it. Honestly, that’s a waste and a shame I went years and years depressed, angry, pissed not just at myself and who I was and why I was this stupid kid with a Learning Disability.

Me Against The World

I was also against the world. I felt like it was impossible to succeed and be successful and make something of myself with this weakness and faults I was born with. Little did I know at six years old when I was diagnosed with this disability. A little over 20 years later I will have created my own website and sharing my story with the world.

If you didn’t know, I have two sides to me and I think that’s normal to an extent. For me, for example, it was two completely different people living in my body. Who people thought I was and who they saw in person and around others. I tried to be a good person and be happy and helpful to others. But when I was by myself, that’s when the real Peter Alexander Harrower came out and my true self was free. I was an angry kid, I’m still angry and again I think I’ll always have that rage to an extent. Again over the years I just found a way to kind of control it, and tame it I guess you could say.

Who Cares

With everything, I’m trying to say here and share with you. It doesn’t matter what your background is or where you came from or what you did or used to do. You can always turn your life around. Not just because you should do it for yourself and maybe you will feel better. Who knows what impact you might have on somebody else? That’s what I’m trying to do here, share my life and world with you.

Sure I’m also trying to build a following so I have enough support behind me to help pursue a career in writing and maybe get a book deal out of it. I’m not going to apologize about that, yes it’s my choice to pursue that field. It’s also my choice to share my story, just like it’s your choice. Now I know first hand if you keep everything to yourself, you’re wasting a lot of good opportunities to help others. I realized that the hard way and I paid the price for it. I don’t want you to waste your life and make the wrong choices like I did. My childhood is clearly over and I’m 27 now. My opportunity is long gone, but yours isn’t.

Listen, Kids,

I’m talking to you stubborn kids these days, that think they know everything. You don’t know anything yet, I know that because I used to be young and stupid like you. All of this is being shared with love, of course, haha. I thought I had all the answers and everything figured out. Enjoy your childhood, and teenage years. Because when it’s over, it’s over there is no going back. This isn’t a video game or a movie, this is real life.

As I’m sitting here writing this right now, let me ask you. What are you going to do with your dash? With everything I have shared with you so far, and the inside look at who the real Peter is so far. I’m sure a lot of you had no idea I had all of these issues, or maybe thought this way, or even had these goals. Well surprise, and this is all coming straight from yours truly. My goal from day one was to be as real as possible and show you who I really am. No, I’m not perfect and neither are you, but really who is? I’m asking you, what will you do with your Dash?

Make The Most Of It

It doesn’t matter what year you were born and what number comes first before the dash. What matters most is, you keep working your hardest and doing the best you can before that end number shows up. If that doesn’t scare you, then you’re not taking this serious enough it’s that simple. I don’t want to die anymore like I used to a few years ago. Now If I die well then so be it, I know where I’m going. Now I want to live, the last few years have been hard. I’m not just living for myself anymore, I’m living for my family, friends and all of YOU.

I have to keep going and keep pushing myself and bettering myself every day. As long as you are still breathing then you have a chance to make a difference, no matter what everyone else says to you. If you believe in yourself then that’s all that matters. Life is too short, live it up and make the best use of that Dash, don’t waste it anymore. After all, you only get one life, and one Dash so enjoy it and have fun. Now is the time to Live Your Dash.

Do You Know Who’s Watching


Do you know who’s watching you or looking up to you?  When I was a kid growing up, again with being Dyslexic I had an imagination and always looking at things differently than most. I would watch a show for example. They would be talking to the camera on the show or they would just be going on with their everyday life doing whatever it was they were doing. After seeing this, I thought it would be cool to be on a show or movie.

I then really started thinking, like some of the reality stars how cameras follow them through everything. The good the bad they are there, day in and day out. I wonder what that would be like, everyone following you? For me, it was not so much trying to get famous and make money or anything along those lines. It was more about thousands or millions of people are going to know who I am. I need to start changing my ways and make my life a little better and more entertaining. For a while, I would pretend I was on a show, this was all in my head just imaging whatever I was doing there would be people watching me.


Fast forward a number of years, I still kind of kept that mindset and imagining all of this in the back of my head. If I was going to be on a show, then I would have to make my life a little more entertaining and enjoyable. I started to treat my life like I was on a show. Except with no cameras following me, it was my family, friends and everyone else in the world. What I did with myself day in and day out, I pretend people were watching me. At the time my life was boring I wasn’t doing anything really exciting with it.

I was in a slump for so long, I didn’t care at the time. Not many people would want to be following my life when I was struggling and in a dark place for days, months and even going on for years. That’s not entertaining it’s sad, who would want to watch that? It would just make them depressed or sad, not be motivating to them and be inspiring to them like I wanted to do.

I changed my ways, If I want to work hard and make a difference then I had to start working like I’m being watched 24/7. My work ethic had to change, I had to get more focused on my craft and start working harder than I ever have before. If I had a goal in mind and something to shoot for, then I had to actually work for it. If I just say I want to do something and never do anything about it what good would that really be? That wouldn’t accomplish anything, and my dreams and goals I have would just be that, dreams and goals.

New Me

What benefit would that have to myself and you guys? That’s why anything and everything I do now, I’m imagining people are watching me with everything I do. Whether that’s being kind to a stranger, opening a door for someone anything simple along that, it doesn’t matter. Am I the best uncle, brother, or friend I could be. Maybe I might be, I don’t know, that’s not my decision to evaluate myself. That’s everyone else’s job to decide. I feel like I can do better in everything I do. We all can do better in everything we do every day.

From now on no matter what you are doing and whatever you say. Maybe we should all start slowing down a little bit more and think about what we’re doing? What actions were doing and following through with every day. Maybe we all should start working a little harder and imagining people are constantly watching us. If you didn’t know, they probably are watching you. Keep that in mind, even if people aren’t around and watching. You should still do the right thing and keep working hard no matter what. Either for your family, friends or just you. It doesn’t matter who you’re doing it for, just decide, commit and do something about it. No more talking, follow through with something you committed to and make it happen already.


My Legacy

Legacy is something that has always been important to me ever since I could remember going back to being a kid. I want to leave a legacy and leave something behind me when I take my last breath. I want to impact people, kids, strangers and everyone I can and do the best I can. Looking back I felt like I always thought different than most, even at a young age. Being dyslexic has that effect we all have to think differently than most and look at things differently than most.
That’s why I want to have an impact on people’s lives and help them. As cool as it would be to have people and strangers come up to me and say because of you I did this or I took a gamble like you and went after my dream. Hopefully, that doesn’t sound cocky or me trying to sound full of myself. I just know where I was when I was younger. All the low points I had and how useless I felt. I don’t want people especially kids to go through what I went through. Unfortunately, sometimes we all have to go through roadblocks and hiccups sometimes to find us and figure out who we are and what we’re capable of doing when our backs are against a wall.

Against A Wall

If you’re you’re stuck and the walls are closing in on you, what are you going to do? You have two options, one your ok with what happens and let whatever is closing in on you conquer you and take over. Or you say screw it, and you go out swinging and fighting your way through whatever it is that’s holding you down? Again I would rather go out swinging and die young making the most of my life than playing it safe and living in a bubble that most people live in every day.
If this sounds harsh and if you take it the wrong way or like I’m coming after you and calling you out. Well good, that’s what I’m doing. I’m not going to apologize for this. Stop being scared and excepting what happens to you, and let it beat you and conquer you. We all have our hard times and moments in life, that’s what makes life so beautiful. That was my life for 20 years, and enough was enough. I had to make a change not just for my family and future family if I’m lucky enough to get married or have kids. I had to do it for myself, and I and you shouldn’t apologize for that.
If you are on a plane and the air mask falls down what do they tell you to do first? They tell you to put your mask on first, then help your kids or whoever else is around you. Just like yourself or myself for an example. What good am I to the world or family, or my friends if I can’t even take care of myself? You need to figure out why you’re doing this? What it is you want to leave behind when it’s your time? Some people are fine with just doing their thing, and not really worrying about much. Rolling with whatever comes their way. If that’s you then cool you do you.

For Me

I want more as a Christian and as a human here on earth. With whatever time I have left, I want to make the most of it and have an impact on others. I want to leave something behind that’s bigger than me and has an impact on others and help people. I have received so much help in my life that it’s time I return the favor and help others.
A goal for me is to leave the world a better place then it was when I came into it. That’s definitely a big goal I have with wanting to make that much of an impact. Whether I make that much of a difference or not or even get a chance. At least I’m trying something and willing to fail and take a gamble to help others. What are you going to do with your life? What kind of an impact do you want to leave behind?

The Past

Time Machine

I have two questions for you, first, if you could go back in time, would you? Second, if you decide to go back in time what would you do differently? What would you say to your younger self, in the past? Let’s pick this apart a little bit real quick, I mean I guess it’s all about me. Let’s use me as an example haha. If you have read my earlier posts, then you remember my background and struggles. This is a question I asked myself a lot the last few years. Lately, I have been going back and forth on which side I would choose, it’s 50-50.

The reasons why I’m 50-50 are because let’s just said I redo high school again. Going back to the first day of 9th grade, if I could go back that’s where I would start. I would tell myself, Peter, God made you who you are for a reason. For the longest time, I thought he screwed up on me and he made a mistake creating me. It was all a mental game, I was just trying to hurt myself and also try and pity myself at the same time, again 50-50. My life was already planned out years in advance. If I were to go back and start all over. I would have tried harder in high school of course and I would have had a better experience.


If I went back and tried a little harder maybe I would be more proud of myself? If that’s the case then who knows where I would be now at 27? I can’t imagine what I would be doing or where I would be If I changed a few things? Maybe I would have had a 3.0 GPA and then went to college. Even with being dyslexic, I didn’t use that as an excuse I powered through anyway and tried my hardest. If only I tried harder in sports and not just rely on my God-given abilities. If only I put in the extra effort in the weight room and in the offseason. Who knows maybe I could have been a 1,000 point scorer for my school or could have played a sport in college.

That’s what I think I would say to myself, or another option of how my life could have turned out. If that is what happened and how it worked out, and the effort I put into school and sports. Then again who knows where I would be, or what I would be doing. Regardless it’s a gamble which direction I would be heading in. As much as I would like to go back and change what I did, and maybe put a little more effort into school. It’s easy to say that and go a different direction when I know the road I have been on the last few years and how hard it has been.

If Only

Trying not to make it sound as cliché as it sounds, if only I knew then what I knew now. I just wished I would have had more confidence to go after whatever was in front of me and not be hesitant or scared. I’m still hesitant and scared sometimes, again afraid of either getting rejected or looking stupid saying the wrong thing. Realistically, I have been saying or doing the wrong thing my whole life when it came to school and life. I have been dealing with a lack of confidence since I was six years old, so again I know what it’s like so what does it really matter anymore? You think I would have learned and thought I know what it feels like, it can’t get much worse, can it?

If it was a life and death situation, someone said I have to choose right now. I wouldn’t change a thing when it’s all said and done. As much as it pains me knowing I could have done better in school and sports I could have tried harder, and pushed myself a little harder. Sure it’s easy to play the, what if game, and if only this happened or I did that. In the end, playing that game is stupid, because the situation is over and it’s in the past now.


There is nothing we can do about it, we just need to accept it and move on. That’s what I’m trying to do, look at everything I have shared with the world so far. A few years ago, I wouldn’t be sharing any emotions I had or struggles I had. I kept trying to be strong not just for myself but for my family. Trying to be brave with the situation I was in and to show them that I can do it.

In all reality, and on multiple occasions I was close to ending it myself and taking matters into my own hand. Yes, you read that correct, I contemplated suicide hundreds of times. Taking the coward’s way out of life and excepting the fact that it beat me and I was ok with it. I didn’t care anymore I was done, waving the white flag I give up.

That’s why in the end, I know I wasn’t a mistake you and I were all placed here for a reason. God didn’t mess me up or screw anything up; it was a mental battle I was in every day for years. I just finally accepted it after all this time, yes I’m different; I’m slow when it comes to learning and I look at situations differently. Being slow, not being able to spell and read fast, and thinking outside of the box has brought me to this point in my life.

New Me

I now have my own website, I’m blogging and putting my faults out to the public. Trying to give back and help others that are like me. I have now written three books totaling close to 250,000 words between the three. Working on new ideas for books, or projects I want to do.

I have the third book in my trilogy and have thought of two other book ideas. I’m not done, I can’t be done there is too much work to do still and not enough of time. Feeling bad for me after all of these years is just wasting time and draining me more and more every day. I’m not getting any younger and as much as it pains me to say, I’m going to be 30 in a few years.

I have a lot of work to do, and a lot of people to connect with in this process and share my story with. Again please don’t take this the wrong way or in a cocky matter in any way, that is defiantly not my intention. I know what it’s like to lose and feel like a loser, with no direction and no fight left in him. Again it was bad and ugly for a number of years; I was in a dark, dark place.


Now like I have said before I see light at the end of the tunnel, and I’m starting to feel the warmth of the sunlight shining in on me. I finally feel close to what I think it is that I’m meant to do. Could I be wrong, well of course, but if I am then so what? I readjust and keep going; besides all of this could just be another step taking me to what I’m meant to do. It would be worth it in the end, so I don’t care I have to keep going and fighting through the roadblocks ahead of me.

That’s why I don’t think I would go back in time anymore to change anything. I believe if I did that I would lose my fight and my hunger to keep going and pursuing the unknown and what I can’t see or what’s out in front of me now. If you want to go back, then that’s fine that’s your call. Who am I to say you’re wrong, and I’m correct? We have all been placed in different situations and scenarios so this option for me I think is the best.

Now Is The Time

I don’t know what’s in front of me and what’s waiting for me outside of that tunnel. What I do know is I know what I went through in the tunnel just to get where I am now to only start seeing the little light that I see now. I don’t want to go back; I’m scared to go back to the dark and living in the shadows I was in for so long. Yes, I’m going to the unknown, but look at what everything I have been through. Look at the change that I have made physically and mentally. What you need to do is the same thing, dig deep and focus on you. For the short time period and find you, and figure out what you want. You can’t be scared anymore. Close your eyes grind your teeth squeeze your hands, do whatever you need to do.

Just take that leap of faith and go, life is too short to waste any more time. The world is massive, it’s 2017. We have more than enough money in the world and opportunities to do what you believe in. Now is the time to do something about it, quit making excuses and focusing on what happened in the past. “Home is behind you, the world is ahead of you” – Gandalf


My Anger

Anger a strong feeling of annoyance, displeasure, or hostility. Anger is I don’t want to say a skill or talent I have mastered at a young age. More along the lines of a bad habit and a burden I guess you could say. Now yes there can be some pros to having anger or an angry mindset, I’ll explain don’t worry. Really it’s very limited; the cons definitely outweigh the pros in this category.

I’ll save you the details but if you haven’t noticed there’s a trend here. All of my issues that I have developed over the years. My anger started when I was six. Not far behind a lack of confidence, bad attitude and sarcasm all were building up and trailing. It all began when I found out I was different and I had a disability. Again I’m trying not to complain here. More along the lines of just opening up about it from a different perspective.


As far as the pros with anger and having that attitude and roughness that comes with it. If that’s what you’re wondering this is what I’m talking about. Having this cloud over me and being different my whole life. When it was time for me to work and I actually put in the effort. I had to work harder than everyone else. In order to just keep up with the class, I had to work twice as hard and I would still get a worse grade than everyone else. With that work ethic, I had developed at a young age that carried over to me now. Being in the best shape I have ever been, the smartest and most determined I have ever felt. For once now, I feel a purpose and somewhat of direction for me.

The twenties is a hard age group, you’re just finishing up college or you have been out of high school for a few years. You are trying to find yourself, trying to find direction and what it is you want to do and where you want to go. For me, the last six or seven years have been harder than my prior 20 years. Now where I am in life, my determination and anger that I have are what helped take me over the edge. Again if you use anger the right way, to help drive you to be successful and push yourself to better yourself. It can be a great attribute to have, as long as you are holding the strings and controlling it.


On the flip side, if you let it and your emotions get the best of you then it can be one of your worst enemies. In my early years, my anger definitely got the best of me and had control over me. I was a puppet to anger; if it told me to do this do that, jump here. Following those directions, no hesitation I couldn’t help it. I was weak and soft and at a low point, I was vulnerable to what I was going through that I was broken and beaten down. No strength, I couldn’t control it and try and counter it and fight back. It was a battle day in and day out, and a battle I lost on a regular basis.

There were times when my anger got so bad, all I wanted to do was break stuff, hit something and I would just freak out. My parents noticed it and I’m sure they were worried for a while because they saw it from a different perspective then I did. What they saw was a more controlled version of who I really am. Just imagine if they knew what was really going on in my head, they would have been a lot more concerned.

My Release

Finally, they got me a punching bag for one Christmas and it was awesome. I had an excuse to hit something and let out that rage that was building and forming within me. I would picture what or who I wanted to hit, and not get in trouble for breaking anything or punching a wall. It was a battle against my mind, even though I was punching the bag. I felt like I was punching and fighting my faults and my frustrations that was controlling me and getting the best of me.

As I’m writing this, I can’t say I have concurred my anger. To be honest, I don’t think I ever will. I think deep down I’m always going to have that rage and anger deep within me. Now one plus about it is, I’m starting to hold the strings and starting to take control. I’m still human and not trying to use that as an excuse. I still have emotions and being the only brother and trying to be the best brother, uncle and son I could to my family. I don’t like it when one of my sisters gets hurt for an example.

Spidey Sense

Say something happens to a family member because of somebody else making a stupid mistake. They get hurt for what the other person did, it’s natural and our instinct to want to do whatever we can and protect the ones we love. It doesn’t matter who you are, as human’s men, women, Christians or non-believers. Deep down we all have that instinct to help those that are down and vulnerable in a situation. The thing is what will you do about it when the time comes to use your power to help others and make a difference? Some will act and try to help, some will just roll by and pretend like it never happened or they didn’t see anything.

I get sidetracked a little when I’m writing sometimes if you haven’t noticed already I apologize. With everything I said, using me as an example in this. Where do you stand on this subject, are you the one being held by the strings, or are you the one controlling the strings? We have our faults and we get caught up in the moment when we are being backed into a corner. Again were human it happens, not using it as an excuse or a reason to go out and start throwing haymakers or anything like that haha.

Take A Chance

Life is like a chess game, have you ever thought about it like that? We start taking little steps in life trying to find our feet and figure things out. As life goes on we get older and start to get farther into the game we’re playing. Things start to happen, roadblocks come along we start to get bills and stress is starting to build up. How we react to everything that’s being placed on our lap or in front of us, is just how you respawn with your next move in chess.

Are you going to take a gamble and a risk sometimes or just play it safe and take the easy route and step by step? There’s no right or wrong answer here, only you can answer for yourself. We each have are on board and making our own moves in our game that we call life. What are you going to do with your life bored? I’ve taken the easy route for far too long, and look where it got me? Now I’m picking it up a notch and changing my approach. I have become more aggressive and willing to take chances. Take those aggressive moves and leaps of faith to pursue new things.

Again as much as it scares the crap out of me, and trust me it does. I would rather take a gamble and risk it. Try and do something worthwhile with the reaming time I have left. Now my anger is driving me and helping to push me and guide me. When I don’t feel motivated or feel like doing something. Whenever I start to change directions and veer of course. My anger and determination give me a good slap in the face to remind me what the goal is. Do you know what you’re doing, and the direction your heading?