My Faults

Definition

Faults, is an unattractive or unsatisfactory feature, especially in a piece of work or in a person’s character. Unfortunately, we all have them, things we don’t like about ourselves things we wish we could change or do differently. Well, that’s maybe what you’re thinking, not me, I’m what they call perfect and have no faults, unlike YOU losers, haha kidding. Well, that’s a lie, I’m just trying to be funny. Of course, I have my faults I have a lot, that’s why I’m writing about it right now.

One of my worse faults, that really brings me down. Honestly, I think it has damaged me for so long because I have been doing it for so long. I’m so hard on myself and I’m such a tuff critic toward myself. On one side I expect perfection which isn’t the worse attitude I guess. On the flip side, If I mess up or do something wrong, I’m so hard on myself. Calling myself names, Iddiot, stupid, why did you say that or why didn’t you do this.

It Takes Time

I feel like I take it to another level, plus with me having that attitude and negative attitude toward myself for so many years now. Again establishing that mindset and demanding perfection at the young age of six and now being 27. You do the math, that is a long time of breaking myself down, day in and day out. As you can see It’s not something I can fix overnight or fix in a day or two. It will be hard, and it will certainly be a process.

Another fault of mine that I don’t like, Is I’m dyslexic and horrible at spelling, grammar and a slow reader and everything along that nature. Hence the reason why I didn’t like school and why it wasn’t fun and affected me for so long. So yes if you’re wondering, I have written three books now with a combined total of 250,000 words altogether. That is one of my many faults I have, and it bothers me every day and it’s something I have to deal with every day and the rest of my life.

Different

That’s why I’m a different person now, I have recognized my faults and weaknesses and are working to try and get better in them every day. That’s why I read so much now, that’s why I’m doing this blog, well one of the reasons. To show you that we’re all different, and we all have things about ourselves we don’t like.

If you read my posts and notice, maybe a misspelled word or punctuation or grammar is a little off. That’s because I want it to be real and not fake. I want you to know who I really am, and I’m trying to get better every day with my weaknesses and faults. If I had someone check my posts every time, then it would not be completely me, and I feel like I would be lying to you a little bit. When you read my posts and see the mistakes, and I’m sure there will be a lot, sorry. You know that I’m putting myself out there and trying to show you the real me and who I am.

Scary

Again it scares the crap out of me doing this, knowing what judgment might be coming my way and waiting for me. I want people to like me, I want to be everyone’s friend. Will that happen of course not, you can’t please everybody? Why do we have to hate someone because they are different than us, why can’t we accept it? Maybe instead of hating or laughing at someone because they can’t do something or maybe aren’t as good as you in something. Maybe you should offer your services to help them, help them get better and fix that weakness that’s holding them back from being a better version of themselves?

Looking at yourself now, standing in front of a full-length mirror of yourself. You can see your feet all the way to your head, what do you see? Are you proud of what you see? I’m not just talking your body, in general, I’m talking about all the above. Your attitude, your effort you give the world every day. Are you proud of it? Or are you embarrassed with the time you waste or the lack of effort you put in? I want you to actually try this, look at yourself in a mirror and seriously grade yourself. What do you see? If you don’t like the way your body looks, start eating right and working out. If you don’t like the effort that you have been putting in at work or every day, then fix it.

The Past

You can’t fix the past and what you did yesterday, last week, or even a year or two ago. That’s over you have to accept what you have done and what happened and move on. You are in the present, stop living in the past and start getting better now. Start preparing yourself for what’s to come and make your future better than your past. Time goes so fast, now is the time to start working and make yourself better.

Don’t waste any more time, decide to do it. Even if you’re scared or have a little fear and nervous about what you want to do. That’s normal if you’re nervous or have a little fear that’s good. Use that fear and nerves that you have, and flip it and turn it into something better. Stop wasting time, come up with a plan and make it happen. No more excuses, figure out the problem in front of you, and conquer it and better yourself.

My Regrets

Regret Is An Interesting Topic

Well at least for me it is maybe. For me, I have one regret and one regret only in my 27 years of existence so far. Sure there were moments I wish I did this or didn’t do that, but there is only one major thing I have to live with. Now the only downside to having this regret if I didn’t have it and go through what I did to get where I am now in life. Then where would I be? Would I be the same person, or even have the same mindset and drive that I have now?

You already know my background and my earlier years growing up. How I struggled with school and all my ups and downs. With all of that done now and looking back, it still bothers me thinking about my High School days. HS is supposed to be one of the best times of our lives, and it was for me.

Then again it was also one of the worst times too. I used my disability and having dyslexia as an excuse going through school, and I paid the price for it. With where I am now in life, did I really pay for it? I have never been more hungry and determined to achieve this goal of mine. Maybe it was a sacrifice I had to pay, in the end, wouldn’t you sacrifice something to make a difference or achieve that goal and purpose you have been dreaming and searching for?

Being Lazy

Not just in school anymore, I think it carried over to what I thought was going to take me somewhere, sports. Growing up baseball and basketball were my spots all my earlier years. When I was younger playing baseball. Getting double plays and I even got a handful of triple plays. School dominated me and had my number and I couldn’t focus on it. When it came to sports I felt like Einstein. I was so good and looking ahead and seeing the game from a different angle and always quick and ready for the next play. With basketball when I would be playing defense. I loved defense shutting down the other person preventing them from scoring. With defense, I was smart with it.

I’m defending my guy and someone comes to screen me or I get tangled up. Rushing and pushing to get through it quickly, I look for my man and the ball. The point guard dribbles over to my guy, so I have time now. I start to slow down on purpose. When the PG motions his hands and starts to pass the ball. I quickly speed up to cut off the pass and jump in front of it, and I’ve stolen the ball and on a breakaway.

I Miss It

In school I wasn’t a big-time scorer, in HS I maybe averaged 10-15 points something like that. When it came to defense It was easier for me and came more natural than becoming a scoring threat. I also loved passing, I would rather get 10 dimes a game, then averaging 20 points. It was more enjoyable controlling the game and where the ball was going. I controlled it and had the power, instead of me working for it and getting open. It didn’t hurt having the accuracy and strength to make the hard passes also.

What made the basketball side the worse was my senior year. Last year and usually everyone’s best hopefully of course. Wanting to do your best and go out on top. One day I was struggling or just in my head not doing that good I don’t remember exactly. One of my coaches came up to me, long story short. He said Peter you have the talent and you are one of the best players in the league if not the best.

Before I Tell You

I knew I had the physical talent and I knew I could play. I could do everything, I was the whole package. Not being cocky, but I could shot, pass, defend, I was fast, quick and had long arms. Now for some reason my body just couldn’t keep up, my mind and body just seems to be on two different levels. It was very frustrating, I think that’s part of the reason why he said that. He noticed something was up, or I wasn’t playing to my full potential.

Once he said that I felt honored first that somebody thought that. Then after awhile, I was thinking, crap why aren’t I playing to my full potential then? Why am I holding back, what’s the point? I have nothing to lose what am I afraid of? The next thing I knew graduation came and I received my piece of paper and walking down the stage and that was it.

With All Of That Said

The point I’m trying to make here is this. Even though I didn’t play my full 100% potential and didn’t try as hard as I could have, or should have in sports and school. I WOULD NOT CHANGE A THING, going through those moments and four years. It helped make the person I am today, sure I would have loved playing a sport in college and getting a taste of that life. Then thinking about it now, school wasn’t for me so in order for me to go, it would have to be a perfect fit. Nobody’s story is going to be perfect and glorious as the movies.

Honestly, who would want a perfect life like that? For me everything that I have battled or dealt with the last 27 years. It all played a part in who I am today, and brought me to this very moment and made me the awesome, funny, and sexy person I am today haha.

Your Life Is A Book

Each chapter is a year, and once it’s December 31st its over and a new chapter begins January 1st. After my earlier years in my twenties, I just got sick of the same thing. Enough was enough, feeling guilty and showing pity for myself. Yes it sucks, and I can’t go back and its almost been 10 years since I graduated, that all is horrible and feels weird saying that.

A few good things about that is this, first I’m not dead, my heart is still beating and I’m breathing so I have another chance. With my life and what I did, and the attitude and mindset I chose to have in HS. Unfortunately, I learned the hard way, sometimes though I think we have to learn the hard way. It makes us stronger and a better person for it.

Give Back

Now I can help kids not make the same mistakes I made. Try harder in school as much as you hate it, I get it most of us hated it. Life goes so fast, and this should be the BEST times of your life. Not up and down, and ok or below par times for the most part like it was for me. I missed my chance to play for Duke and under Coach K. One good thing with my story and what I have learned and sharing with you all now. Who knows maybe that will make a difference in a kids life that was struggling. Maybe it was that little push they needed to keep going and not give up.

Goals

What Are Your Goals

People I have talked to, books I have read, or podcasts I have listened to within the last few years. It’s unbelievable the number of people that don’t have goals or kind of just roll with whatever it is they want to do or are aiming for in life. They might say, ooh that would be cool to do that or maybe one day I hope to have this or that. I don’t think that’s a goal, you have heard that statement hundreds of times.

Without a plan and just going with the flow or whatever it is you are doing day in and day out. If that’s your attitude, then what you think are “goals” are actually just dreams and you’re just blowing smoke. If you’re not going after it with everything you have and giving it your all, then what are you really accomplishing? Honestly, it almost seems kind of pointless, if you are not fully committing to it.

I Think I Understand

Again how I said I think I’m starting to put everything together, and starting to understand life a little bit? Well, this is just my opinion, and what I think of course. I mean it’s my website it’s all my opinions haha. With me being a Christian and believing in something bigger than myself, we were all put here for a reason. I also believe why we are on earth and living out a purpose and are duties that are already planned out for us. I believe that God gives us some choices that will lead to whatever it is we are destined to do or follow through with.

With that said, with whatever time you and I have left on Earth. Don’t you think it’s time to change your ways and start trying to better yourself and make the most of it? My earlier years, I was lazy and like I said earlier I just rolled with whatever came my way. I complained about it and didn’t do anything about it. I just let that cloud hang around and stay with me for far too long. It’s too late now to go back in time to fix my mistakes and fix my attitude I had in school all of those years. If I could go back in time, would I change it?

Write It Out

With everything I said, I’m not perfect I miss writing down my goals some days I’ll admit it. Even If I miss a day or two of writing them down. Next, to my bedroom door, I have my list. At the top it’s marked March 25, 2020, so if you’re wondering what that day is? That’s the day I turn 30 and that’s the day that I want to accomplish all of my goals. I have about five or six that are my main focus and what I’m really working towards. Then I have a few others that I want to accomplish. They are more physical so if my body holds up and I’m healthy, then I’ll go for it.

Here are my goals, and they have been on my board next to my door since July 12, 2015. That’s when I decided to do this, and that’s really when my new mindset began to shift. Enough was enough, one day it just hit me. It was about time I do something with my life and started working towards something. You can be a new person like I’m trying to be, all you have to do is decide right now? It really is that simple, decide what it is you want in life. Come up with a plan and do something about it.

Time

Stop wasting time, every day is special and WE all, I definitely included. Start showing this gift that we are given every day that we call TIME, some respect. We need to start making the most of our life. Stop taking advantage of this beautiful gift we get every day. What are you going to do about it? Make something of yourself or just say screw it and just keep wasting time? If that’s what you want, then keep doing the same thing and living the same life.

Learning Disability

Chapter 3

My learning Disability is probably the worst thing that has ever happened to me. At the same time, one of the best things that have ever happened to me. I was diagnosed in 2nd-grade. 

School

School through those years, was HELL for me. Sure, there were good days and good times, of course, no question about it. If I had a few good days or a week, the following week or month would be worse. It felt like a giant roller coaster, going up and down, twist and turns bouncing all over the place.

As the years went on, my issues and LD problem seem to get worse. Now that I was getting older, and school got harder and I was getting farther and farther behind. Even though I had a handicap that didn’t matter. I still had to keep up with the homework and the tests.

Embarrassment

If I was in middle school 7th or 8th grade. My reading level was a 3rd or 4th-grade level. I couldn’t spell, I was very slow at reading. I just struggled all around with everything that had to do with school. Even with getting extra help from the teachers, I still struggled. The teachers would always make sure I had a seat up front. Just so I would be closer and maybe that would help me pay attention better. News flash it didn’t help.

Sometimes I would get an extra day or two if we had a big project. If we had a test and I didn’t finish by the end of the class. I could stay and finish it, or go to another room and finish it. I would get extra time on big tests, or a teacher would read the questions to me. Imagine how I felt with that, having a “special” teacher in the room with me with my whole class. I would just get so embarrassed and felt stupid. I just wanted to crawl into a hole. They tried everything to help me. I’m beyond grateful for all the help from all of my teachers over the years.

New

Bring on freshman year, I’m at a new school and finally in High School. Only four more years Peter and you are free, from this prison. That’s all I kept telling myself. On the flip side, only four more years and then WHAT is all I kept telling myself? It was a catch 22, I will be done with school. I’m sure as heck not going to college, what will I do then? All of these thoughts were going through my head, almost every day of HS.

Every day I got closer to my ultimate goal of getting that stupid piece of pepper and graduating. I had NO clue what to do next? I was so focused on graduating and reaching that milestone that was my one and only goal at the time. The only problem with that attitude and focus day in and day out. I focused on the future too much and missed out on my present as the days went by? The next thing I knew, graduation morning was here and I just squeaked by with a 2.0 GPA. I’m not proud of it, but I passed I didn’t care. 

My Issues

To this day, and every day that follows I will always have trouble, and my issues will always hang over me like a cloud where ever I go. Now at the age of 28, I’m starting to get better with it every day. I’m getting to the point, I have this disability and this handicap and it won’t change, I just have to roll with it. For the longest time I would Pray and a plea to God, why me, why did you do this?

I still don’t have the answer and I still don’t know what my purpose is. In the meantime, maybe I could turn this weakness of mine into something better? Maybe I could turn this, stupid disability into something bigger and better and try and make a difference with it?

Big Names

Did you know there are a lot of big names that are Dyslexic? Albert Einstein, Richard Branson, The Wright Brothers, Henry Winkler, Henry Ford, Thomas Edison, Alexander Graham Bell, Steve Jobs, Ludwig Van Beethoven, Walt Disney, John F. Kennedy, Tom Cruise. As you can see they all went on to accomplish amazing things.

That’s why I can’t use it as an excuse anymore. I may not become a president, or an actor, to name a few. That doesn’t mean I can’t be successful. It just means I need to work a little harder. Get up a little earlier than the average person to get ahead. The good thing is, I don’t want to be average and just fit in anymore. That’s not me anymore, there’s a new Peter in town. I want to stand out and make a difference in the world. Having an impact on people’s lives is what I want. Every day I want to do the best I can until I take my last breath.

Mindset

If I want to publish my books. That means I’m going to have to work harder than most, just to keep up with people around me. I want to make the most of my life now and make an impact on peoples lives.

With all of that said I can’t keep moping about with this cloud hanging over me. These were the cards I was dealt with. I need to make it work and keep going. My LD is stuck with me, I have to accept that now. I can’t change that, it’s who I am. Even though that’s who I am, it doesn’t mean I can’t put it to good use. With my new mindset, I have started to build the last few years. It’s an easy answer, challenge excepted.

First Post

Welcome

Welcome to The World Through My Dyslexic Eyes. This is the real Peter A. Harrower. One of the reasons why I’m doing this is to get my name out there. To share with people who I really am, and what I’m really about. I’ve kept so much inside of me and kept a lot of my life private. It’s time to share that with the world and try and turn it into something positive.

My goal is to become a published author and to share my writing with the world. We all have our gifts and talents. Of course, we all have our weaknesses or even things we wish we could change. That’s what makes every one of us special, we are all unique and special in our own way. This is my first post and all new to me. Be patient why I try and figure this out haha. The goal is to post 2-3 times a week, about random topics and thoughts. 

Like me for example, I guess this is my blog so of course it will be about me haha. A positive I was athletic all my life, sports were very easy for me to play or pick up. A negative, I have a Learning Disability so I was not good in school. School was very hard for me and a struggle, it was Hell all those years I won’t lie.

Dyslexia

I was diagnosed at a young age, with that in the back of my head. Let’s just say growing up through the years with school and my personal life. I developed a lot of personal issues, it all started from a young age. I have been dealing with or battling since I was six years old, it hasn’t always been easy. Of course, at a young age going through all of these difficulties, I didn’t have much confidence in myself. I was always talking negatively toward myself, things along that.

With that said, I realized that I had this disability and I have to deal with it. There’s nothing I can do about it. That’s life; it was the cards I was dealt with. If I want to be successful and win in life, like I know I’m capable of. Then I have to change my ways and the lifestyle I’m living now. I can’t make excuses anymore and blame my disability. Just because I’m dyslexic or different than everyone else doesn’t mean I can’t do anything or be successful? It just means it might take me a lot longer. If it takes me a few extra turns to get to my destination or going at a slower speed. Is something I’m used to and have been dealing with my whole life.

My Comfort Zone

With my new mindset, I decided to enter a field that scared the CRAP out of me. A field that would take me way out of my comfort zone. I want to become a writer, not a one and done like most music artist. I don’t want one published book and that’s it and I move on. No, I have BIG goals; I want to make the New York Times Best Sellers List and share my story with the world. If you’re going to dream for something and work towards something, you might as well make it big. It should be big enough that you’re nervous about telling people. Expect them to laugh at you for chasing that goal, or judge you for pursuing that. If you don’t have that feeling, then honestly maybe those goals aren’t as big as they should be?

Welcome to my life, all though it’s not perfect, let’s be real what life is perfect? Except for maybe in a video game or movie? We all have our up’s and down’s some more than others, or some have it easier than others. Yes, that might suck sometimes, or most times. It won’t do you any good sitting around crying about it anymore. I’ve had more than enough moments like that in my life now. I’m 27, it’s time to do something with myself, and stop complaining about it. Welcome to my world, The World Through My Dyslexic Eyes.