My Obituary

Your Obituary

Thinking about my obituary is not fun, or should it be? If you’re at the end of your life and looking back at the last 70 or 80 years of your life what do you want to see? I’m guessing it’s something along the lines of success, accomplishments, family, hard worker things along that? Yes, those would be good, but what else do you want your obituary to say?

For me and what I think about my obituary, honestly, I don’t really care all that much. I only care about what my wife, family and the close people around me think of me. Do I want my life resume to say multiple times published author? Solid millions of books, fiction series turns into movie series. Do I want my writing career to be turned into my fulltime job and a hobby at the same time? Absolutely, that would be a dream come true. I want my wife to not have to worry about having to work overtime so we can make money. I want her right by my side working on this business with me.

Priorities

Getting married, becoming a father and publishing a book were my ultimate goals in life. They are still my top goals and priorities and they always will be. But I have been having this feeling in my gut over the last couple of years. I need to share my story, from what I went through over the years to what I’m doing now. What I did do is probably the craziest thing I ever imagined in my life up to this point at 29. I embraced my biggest weaknesses and imperfections about myself. Now I turned them around and sharing them with you.

I’m nobody special, I’m not a household name, I don’t ever want to be in the spotlight or “famous” I don’t care about that. What I do care about is making the most of the only life I was given. On top of that, a goal I have had for years is to try and make the world a better place than when it was when I was born into it. Now that’s no small goal, and if you have gotten to know me over the last few years I don’t have small goals. I have big goals, that for years it scared me to share them with people. Big goals that when I talk about them it freaks me out and makes me start to think if it’s even possible.

Possibilities

Maybe all of my goals won’t come true? But here’s the thing what if they do come true? I want to publish over 10 books in my life and have my fiction series get turned into movies. I want to sell over a million copies of my books. More importantly, like my dad told me years ago I want to impact a million people or kids and young adults.

I know I won’t be able to write my obituary and say hey Lindsay when I die I want it to say this. No, it doesn’t work like that, at least I don’t think? All I care about is what I do in the meantime leading up until my obituary is printed.

My Struggle

My focus and goal with my books, my blog, and speaking are very simple. I want to entertain and teach people either in person or through my books. If it’s my fiction series I want to entertain people and give them something that will help them escape a bad day or give them something they won’t want to put down. If it’s my memoir just because you think there is something wrong with you doesn’t always mean that it’s true. That might be your opinion but not the reality.

For most of my life, I HATED myself. The only thing I liked was I was athletic and I could make people laugh. For years and years, I thought is this all I’m good for? Then I read a book at 21 and everything started to change. I started writing, and for the first time in a long time, I felt a weight lifted off my shoulders. I could write to myself about myself and I was able to embrace who I am. It wasn’t always easy and I had my bad days but it saved my life.

Still Going

That’s what I want to be remembered for. I don’t care what a stupid newspaper says about me or what’s printed. What matters is what I do why I’m still breathing and able to connect with people.

That’s how we should be looking at this. Not worrying about what the paper says. We should be worrying about what are life says and what we’re doing with it. I have goals and big plans. I’m a goal-oriented person, I need goals and direction and purpose to keep pushing me and to keep me going.

What Will You Do

That’s what I want to share with you now. Don’t focus on what doesn’t matter and what you want to be remembered for or what you want people to remember you by. Just focus on living your life doing the right thing and making a difference why you’re still able to. When it’s all said and done if you go about it the right way that’s all that matters and that’s how people will remember you.

I decided one day I couldn’t be controlled anymore by my Learning Disability and Dyslexia. Now I’m a two-time published author and sharing my unique story with the world and letting them know what it’s like living through my eyes.

You will find your way one day. It took me years and years and I never thought it would happen, but then it did. Sometimes it’s easier said than done. Be patient and never stop working every day. One day it will all make sense. Till that day comes, keep working hard every day and never quit.

First Year of Marriage

First Year of Marriage

I can’t believe I have been married for one year already. Not only that it’s been a busy first year. Lindsay and so many close friends have said we have done so much in the first year of marriage. Me, I think it’s been a great year, don’t get me wrong. But I think the Harrowers are only getting started.

Lindsay and I started talking online on January 26th, 2018. Our first date was February 11th. I popped the question June 9th and we got married on October 6th. I never thought this day would actually happen.

Then we went to Mexico for our honeymoon and it was beautiful. We spent a week in paradise, literally it was the best trip I and Lindsay have ever been on.

Goal #2

Exactly 76 days later after my number one goal in life was checked off. My number two goal in life got a checkmark. I published my first book. I spent over four years writing and working on this book. But really this book has been in the works from age six to 28 when I published it. The World Through My Dyslexic Eyes came to life and is now out there in the world. I’m a published author is this really happening?

My wife is now a published author and I’m a two-time published author. HOLD ON, back up. I’m married and now writing a book with my wife this is crazy and can’t be real? This is how my old self would look at this. So, what a bunch of people have published a book before? I still have this battle to this day and you can ask Lindsay. It’s still a struggle and still a huge dark cloud over me.

Team Effort

Even since I started writing in my early 20s I wanted to write a kid’s book, I just didn’t know what about. I know it’s a very hard and competitive category to write in I just needed the right story. Then I met Lindsay. She always wanted to share her and now my dog’s story. So around April of this year, that story started to come to life. The World Through Bella’s Eye’s is now available.

It’s not just another story that Lindsay and I wrote. This story was written and told by Bella. She tells the story and shares the story through her eyes to you. It’s a story about her journey and what she went through in her past to where she is now and everything she battled within that time. Beating cancer, being abused and left in the woods for three days and much more.

Dream Chaser 

Now my wife is a published author and doing something she never dreamed of doing. Myself, on the other hand, I published two books in less than nine months. If I look to my left where my desk is I can see my book and Bella’s book on the top of my bookcase. Sometimes I look at them and think those are cool covers. Wait those are my books, crap I wrote those. Well, Lindsay helped with Bella’s but you know what I mean.

Then I wonder how did I get here? Just a few short years ago I never thought I would be getting married. Still living in my parent’s house with a dry erase board filled with some goals and dreams. Now those dreams are slowly coming true. I’m at 77 books read and my goal is to get 100 by March 25th. I have published two books and I just need to publish one more to accomplish my two big goals by the time I’m 30.

Hard Work Pay’s Off

It wasn’t easy getting to this point. I never thought I would ever get to this point. Now that I’m here it almost seems to easy. Of course, it wasn’t that easy but looking back and reflecting. Look at what I’m doing, look at what Lindsay is doing? Look at what were both doing together now with are books?

I’m not saying what we’re doing is better than what you are doing. Please understand I’m not bragging and saying we’re better than you. All I’m saying is we’re all on different paths in our lives. There’s nothing wrong with that and that’s ok. All you need to worry about is your path and the journey you’re on. I just never thought this would happen. I always figured it would be a dream.

Perfect Combo

Was it worth all of the years being single and wondering if I will ever get married of course it was worth it? I never dated that much and the saying I would rather have loved and lost than never have loved always seemed so stupid to me. Thinking about it if you didn’t love then you wouldn’t be sad if something happened or you lost your spouse.

On the flip side if you didn’t love in the first place then you will never know what it was like to be so connected to another person’s heart and soul. Lindsay and I have been married for 382 days and we dated for eight months before that. But I swear we have known each other for years.

Don’t Stop Searching

Now I understand that phrase and you know what it’s true. The only reason I never understood that phrase was because I never loved someone and cared about someone before. If you ask me it’s worth the battle and the pain and suffering to find your soul mate. Some days I swear she knows me better than me.

After our first year of marriage, I can now say I would rather have loved and lost than never have loved before. If I never met Lindsay then I wouldn’t be where I am today. More importantly, I wouldn’t have had Lindsay by my side. If you ask me it’s worth it to keep searching and fighting for the one you love. Life is short, enjoy the time you have now because who knows how long till your time runs out.

After the first year of marriage, I’m excited for year two. Love you, babe.

Shopping Cart

Laziness

Yes, you read the title correct. Shopping cart, it will make sense soon enough. Lately, I have been struggling with this. Now I like to think I’m not a lazy person. Now, do I have my moments I just want to lay on the couch with my girl and dog and watch a movie or some football, of course? I won’t lie that sounds amazing.

For the most part, I don’t like lazy days or its hard for me to not want to keep moving and doing something active or productive. I think one of the main reasons is I work from home. Lindsay is out in the real world and out and about all day when she’s working. Its a completely different story and scenario, so I think that’s the difference between us. Now I’m not saying Lindsay is lazy of course, that’s not what I mean. She works very hard in her job. So somedays she wants to take it easy and just relax. I get that and completely understand.

The Right Thing

The reason why I brought up lazy is this. We live about five minutes away from Walmart. It’s very close and very convenient in case we need something and its also right next to my gym so it’s even easier. I can pick stuff up after working out if I need to. Lately, though I have been seeing it alot and it bothers me. I guess I never really thought about it that much till one day a few months ago I saw the President of 1stPhorm Sal, talk about it.

He talked about doing the small things in life. It doesn’t matter what your title is if you see trash you pick it up. If you see something that doesn’t belong you put it away. Again I’ve been seeing this alot but it never registered. But whenever I go to Walmart or leave. Have you ever noticed a random shopping cart next to polls or in parking spots? It might not be at Walmart but I’m sure it happens all over the place.

Perspective

Well, I think it’s safe to say, ladies and gentlemen. Those people that don’t take those carts back or put them back are really starting to bother me. Now I don’t know their situation maybe they are sick or missing a leg or something I don’t know. I get it, maybe it’s hard or you had a long day whatever the reason. I’m human I’m not heartless I understand.

But really think about it. If your to busy to take the extra couple of steps to take the cart back into the store or to the drop off point that’s probably closer to you then what are you doing wrong in your everyday life? If you’re that lazy that you can’t take the 30 seconds to put the cart back then what else are you skimping on in your life? What are you trying to take the shortcut from in your everyday living thinking it will help you get an edge over someone? In all reality its really hurting you in the long run and your future. It’s also kind of sad if you ask me.

The Easy Way

If you use that shopping cart metaphor for a second and look in your life what are you taking the easy approach to in your life? For me, it’s not making enough sales calls sometimes for my job. I get distracted sometimes working on other documents for clients and doing other stuff when thats something I could be doing at the end of the day. So what I need to do is get better with prioritizing. That goes with juggling everything with my writing career and sales job.

The flexibility I have with working from home makes it so easy to do both or go back and forth if something comes up. It’s not like I’m on the road traveling or don’t have regular access to a computer like I always do.

Listen & Learn

What I’m trying to explain is this. Do you have examples or certain things you do regularly that you know you shouldn’t do or maybe you should be doing? Now it happens I have some and look at the one I just gave you above. Now the next most important question you need to ask yourself is this. What are you doing about it? Are you trying to fix it or just brushing it under a rug and leaving it for later and hiding it from others?

Depending on how you answer those questions and what your actions are shows the kind of person you are and also what kind of work ethic you have. Now here’s the awesome thing, you still have time to fix it and do the right thing. Do you want to get better at your time management or your to-do list? Well, read about the successful people that have been doing that for years. Do the research and learn from others and see what works for them. What works for them might not work for you, but it could lead you to the thing that does.

What Will You Choose

Just because you were doing something in your past doesn’t mean that it controls you and your outcome for the rest of your life. Your past is over and yes you can’t do anything about that. But today is a new day and once you wake up you can decide what you want to do with what’s in front of you today. What is your mindset going to be happy or angry? Are you willing to put the shopping cart back even when you don’t feel like it? Or are you just going to take the easy approach and be average and leave it? The choice is yours and your mindset is what decides that.

Remember whether you think you can or can’t, you’re right.

Aging = A Slow Death

My Purpose

So, I have some Fears, am I proud of them no of course not. Do I have a couple yes? But here’s the thing. I feel if you don’t have fears then you’re not living or pushing yourself enough in life. Right now, I’m going to focus on one fear and why aging = a slow death.

First, I know that sounds kind of dramatic, but stick with me. One of my biggest fears is getting older and not living up to my potential. But if I were to break it down its really two fears in one. Getting older and not feeling accomplished, like I didn’t do anything great or special with my life. I just lived and that’s it. God put me in every situation for a reason good or bad. If I don’t choose wisely or make the best decision then I failed to live up to his purpose and dreams that he had for Peter.

Work Everyday

I think some of those fears are pretty common and healthy. But just because you have those fears doesn’t give you an excuse to just live and go with the flow. You can’t just say I have these six fears or whatever the number it doesn’t matter. You actually have to do something about those fears and try and fix them and turn them around and get better. Just talking about them isn’t going to cut it you have to work on those fears.

At six years old I made a wish, but it was my first big mistake that I can never get back. Now I’m 29, all though I’m very happy and blessed and living a great life I feel like I still messed up when I was six. I wished to get older and graduate high school and move on to the real world.

Why can’t I get older and graduate now? Now I’m in middle school, awesome I have two more years in middle school then four in high school and I’m free. Wow, I can’t believe this is the first day of high school I’m so close to being done. Four more years and I’m free.

Now What

Graduation day comes and I didn’t feel excited really. I was excited about not going to school anymore and not having homework or have to study anymore. I was ecstatic about that, but everything else I wasn’t that excited.

My number one goal and priority is finally here and it’s not a big deal. I think because I realized I don’t know what the heck I’m doing next. I’m not going to college or military-like most of my friends. I was looking forward to being done with school and never going back.

I Was Wrong

Look I get it, aging = a slow death is dramatic but I wanted to get your attention. I’m still figuring out my place in this world and still searching for my purpose in the world. I was a late bloomer compared to some people in the world and that’s ok. Well, I can say it’s ok now, but it’s not fun when you’re going through that moment, it sucks I’ll say it. But now I have never felt more alive and more excited about my future.

The potential and the future that is in front of me is bigger than I ever expected. I never thought I would be in this situation that I am in. Well, I proved myself wrong, it seems like I have been proving myself wrong a lot lately. As much as I don’t like admitting I’m wrong, I was DEAD WRONG, and I’m so happy about that.

Top Three

My three biggest goals were to get married♠ publish a book♠ and become a father. Sorry, I couldn’t find a checkmark so a spade it is. The first two were always dreams and visions I had but never pictured they would become a reality. I pray and hope I will be a father one day but not yet, hopefully, someday soon.

Lindsay knows how much I love her and care about her. I know how lucky and blessed I am to have her in my life. I don’t say it enough and I’m sorry, babe I love you and I’m so grateful for you.

Make A Difference

Lindsay knows that I want more in life than the three goals above. Now those three goals especially Lindsay and my kids one day will always be at the top of my list always. Nothing could replace my wife and kids.

But I also believe that God put all of us here for a reason. He gave us all our strengths and weaknesses for a reason. I also believe he wants us to make a difference why we are here on earth. I believe he put on my heart to help kids all the way up to my age or older.

Negatives To Positives

Helping people could just be by me being a nice guy. Lending a hand or helping somebody out if they need help. Or sharing my crazy story with them. Me getting older and aging is a friendly reminder to keep kicking butt and pushing myself every day. I don’t want to play it safe on Earth. I WANT TO LIVE and enjoy this one and only life I was given. Why not live it up and make a difference and have fun along the way?

It might be different for you and that’s ok. But whatever you do, don’t get caught up in your fears. If you let your fears win then you lose, and your life is over. Use your fears as a positive to start living and pushing yourself. Once you recognize your human and you have faults and decide to turn them around into a positive. That my friends, that’s when you escape your fears and looking at life like aging = a slow death. Now you can start living and welcome what comes in front of you and not be scared.

A Fear For Me Part 2

Part 2

When I say all of this please understand me and what I’m trying to say. Lindsay my future kids and our family will always come first no matter what. But that feeling that has been forming in my gut from six years old to now hasn’t stopped. Always thinking I was going to accomplish and do something unique and special has never disappeared. 

I still feel that and I feel like I’m only begging and in the last few years, I feel like my life is only beginning and starting. When I say that I don’t want it to sound like I had a bad childhood that is far from the truth. I had an amazing childhood and blessed and lucky and more than I deserve. I have amazing parents that helped me whenever they could and did the best they could during my school years helping me with this learning disability and dyslexia I have.

She Can Read My Mind

This next part might bother some people and upset some. As much as I love Lindsay and I thank God for putting her in my life and I can’t say that enough. Even on the days we might argue or have a bad day or get upset. I want to give her the life that she deserves. But Lindsay knows my heart and I think knows me better than me most of the time. Which is scary because we haven’t known each other that long yet haha. We have only known each other for a little more than a year and a half.

Linsay knows what I struggle with every day. She knows the lack of confidence I have in myself and how hard I am on myself. Lindsay knows I’m a private person and it’s like pulling teeth trying to get me to open up sometimes. I’m a private person and the lies I told myself from a young age screwed me up. I never thought I would be good enough for the world and for a woman.

My Challenge

That’s why it’s hard for me to open up. It’s easy for me spilling out my emotions and writing them out like this. Writing with my heart and my head and having my hands put everything together for me on my blog is the easy part. But when it comes to me saying the words myself and speaking that way in front of people, it’s hard for me. 

I want more in life than being a good husband, father, son, brother, uncle, friend and whatever other words you can use. Those things are very important to me no question about it. But I truly believe God gave me this disability and dyslexia to do something positive with it.

Blamed The Wrong Person

For most of my life ages 6-25, I blamed God. I was jealous of people and of the world. I’m not smart like that person. I don’t have the bank account of that person and so on. Now from 25 maybe 26 to now I realized how wrong I was with my poor attitude and how I missed the big picture.

Getting diagnosed at age six, well I was a young kid when everything changed for me and when my struggles started to come alive. Now with going through school and battling everything I battled and struggled with. I now feel God put this disability on me for a reason now. What if instead of running from my weaknesses I embrace them? 

New Perspective

That’s when everything started to change. Now I want to help kids young adults and whoever needs help. My focus is on kids and young adults, but I’m 29 and an adult I still have my fair share of problems, we all do. 

Now I’m embracing my weaknesses and trying to turn them into positives and share that with the world and make a positive and healthy impact in the world. I want to leave the world a better place than when it was when I came into it. Is that going to be challenging ABSUTLEY is it going to be hard, of course. Will it suck somedays and I might question why am I doing this and am I doing the right thing? Yes, I might think that and wonder that maybe from time to time. But if I get an opportunity to help a young kid struggling in school or a 21-year-old struggling in life. Then I know I’m doing the right thing.

One Step At A Time

I’m not saying I’m going to change their lives or be the answer. If sharing my unique story helps and gives them a little motivation to keep going through the struggle. It makes them feel a little better. If I can tell them to embrace the suck and enjoy it because that pain and struggle they are going through right now will be the backbone that helps push them to be successful later in life then I’m going to open up and get out of my comfort zone because I feel it in my gut and in my heart that that’s why I was placed here on earth.

I feel if I don’t help enough people and open up more every day I’m falling.  I feel like I might be letting God down, Lindsay and you down but most of all myself. This wasn’t an overnight flip of a switch change in my life. Like everything it takes time and it wasn’t easy. It will take time and it won’t be easy for you either.

What Will You Do

No matter where you were at one point in your life. Whatever happened in your past doesn’t determine your future. Your life can change and it all starts with one decision. 

A Fear For Me

Can Fears Be Healthy

I know I have talked about fears a lot. But I think it’s normal to have fears and a good thing. I think fears help you to feel alive and help you to keep living and moving forward. If you don’t fear anything, then what are the chances of you wanting to pursue something new or challenge yourself to get better and grow in life?

A fear for me that popped in my head recently and don’t ask me where this came from. One day this thought just hit me. What if I publish all the books I was meant to create and write. I made enough money to have writing and speaking be my full-time job. Even though I don’t think I can call it a job, I would call it a blessing and an awesome opportunity. I finally accomplish my third big goal in life and become a father.

Blessed

After accomplishing those goals that I have been so focused on and had tunnel vision on for so many years. What if after accomplishing all of this and I still don’t feel accomplished or I feel I have more to prove to myself or the world? The next question is who do I need to prove this to? Myself, the world, my peers that didn’t believe in me? Which I don’t think I know many people that didn’t believe in me. They might have thought my dreams and goals were big and crazy, well they aren’t wrong they are big and crazy.

This is why this thought bothers me and I’m not sure how to take it. Right now, I’m a very lucky man. I’m married to my beautiful wife, I have a great family on both sides. I have 20 nephews and nieces, I think, I dont know it’s alot. I have amazing people around me. A job that I make a decent income, not great but enough that helps us pay off some debt and helps Lindsay and our future look a little better and more promising. She has an amazing job and makes good money and we have a house and an awesome Pit Bull name Bella. Now we have a new book out about Bella and I helped my wife pursue something she never could have pictured, becoming an author.

I’m A Lucky Man

The reason why I feel so lucky and blessed is that I look at my past and where I was and where I am now. I never thought I would get here. I never thought I would get married, and in two weeks Lindsay and I will be celebrating our one year anniversary.

With that said I have an amazing life and excited about the future. But why do I put all of this pressure on me and keep telling myself I have something to prove to people? I know it’s in my head. Like I said I never had a teacher or someone tell me, Peter, there is no way you could ever publish a book in your life. You’re stupid you have Dyslexia and when you graduated high school you know you probably have the same IQ of a middle school kid? I didn’t have any of that negative feedback.

Me vs Me

Do you know the biggest person I have to prove that I have to be successful is myself? By proving myself, Peter Alexander Harrower that I so-called “made it in life” was always something I was searching for from a young age. I put all of this pressure on me when I was younger. I don’t need to consider myself successful by how big my bank account is. When I was younger I thought that determined it, but that’s not true and I was wrong. Do I want money and want to make enough money to have writing provide a great life for my family absolutely? But I dont think I should have to apoligize about that. Money is not what got me into writting all of those years ago.

I feel like I need to prove to my old self that it doesn’t matter where you were at one point in your life. It doesn’t matter what you struggled with or still struggle with. I’m dyslexic and still hate reading, and slow with it. But now I’m a two time published author and can put that on my life resume.

Work Hard

If people would ask me before what I do for a living. I would just say I work for my dad and I write on the side. Now, if they ask me that question, I can say I’m an author and I also work for my dad. I’m not saying that to brag and think I’m a big shot, that’s not it at all. If you read my book you will understand why I say that now.

I never thought I would become an author, it took four years working on my book. I have been working on my first book on and off for over eight years now. This wasn’t something I picked up yesterday. I’m trying to push myself so much and so far, to prove not to myself now but to the world and kids that with a little hard work and determination. The opportunities in front of them are endless. They can accomplish whatever they want in life.

Just Getting Started

The thing I struggle with the most sometimes or most times, is not enjoying the moment and the accomplishment. I always thought I would cry when I healed my book in my hands for the first time. The first time that happened I didn’t feel anything, it made me so mad and it scared me. That’s why I feel like I’m only beginning. I feel like I have a lot to prove and there is a lot more I can do in my life now and in the future.

Part 2 next week, stay tuned.

I Was Blind

Missed Out

I can’t say when this thought first popped up in my mind, but I would say from an early age. I always wondered what it would be like to be blind or deaf. If I had to pick one I would think being blind would be the hardest one. But I guess realistically the hardest one would be the one you have it doesn’t matter which one. But here’s the kicker, for most of my life, looking back I was blind and didn’t even know it. Not the normal blind you think, I was blind from the world and not taking advantage of it. I was blind and let the world past by me more then I would like.

I can’t say this enough. When I vent and talk to you about my struggles my negative mindset or the dark parts of my life. Everything I share with you is what was going on between my ears. All of those bad thoughts and my poor attitude was inside of my head. Growing up I had an amazing family and had both parents. How many people can say they had both, unfortunately, not many. I can’t stress how lucky and blessed I am for our relationship.

Mind Tricks

Ever since I was a kid in the back of my mind I tried making my life, my story, worse off than it actually was. It’s unusual and sad, I know. I thought if I had people telling me I won’t be successful then that would motivate and push me more in life to make something of myself. Thinking to myself that I could turn a negative and bad situation into a better one and use all of the negativity around me to push me to be better. But instead, I didn’t have that. I had great people around me and supporting me. Things had to change and I had to be the bad person and that negative person to push me and make myself believe I wouldn’t be successful and help push me out of my comfort zone myself.

I was so focused on figuring out what God wanted me to do. Thinking to myself what’s my purpose in life and what does he have planned for me. Now having that mindset is not a bad thing and I won’t apologize about thinking that way and having that attitude towards life. But I will say one thing with having that tunnel vision and searching for my ultimate purpose. It did prevent me from enjoying the moment and enjoying the ride alot more.

Wouldn’t Change A Thing

I didn’t enjoy the moment as much as I should have or could have. But overall it was a bumpy ride and I wasn’t happy. I hated who I was and the person I was. I was a loser trying to search for my ultimate purpose and start fulfilling Gods plan for me.

How I saw my world and my version of it was a dark tunnel. I was at one point and at the other end was God’s plan and purpose for me. So why wouldn’t I want to go find it? I did want to find it, but the only thing is I wanted it now and my way and wanted to start living it right away and start enjoying myself more. Little did I know in my early 20s was the hardest couple of years of my life and it was all a part of the journey I was supposed to be on.

Part Of The Journey

I was so focused on finding the light at the end. Looking for that big red exit sign for my purpose and calling, I missed one important thing, I missed life, I missed living and enjoying the ride. I only figured it out a few years ago but everything I went through was all part of my journey that I was supposed to go on. For years I thought I screwed up and missed something or messed something up. Everything I went through I now know was all part of my journey.

Now looking back could I have made some better decisions, well, of course, we all could play that game. The what-if game, but what good really comes out of doing that? Is it natural to play that game and wonder, of course, it is? Is it wrong to play that game, sometimes and I think it has the potential to end up hurting us more than doing good?

Turn The Light On

I was blind for so long and was caught up in my little world. In my head, I never thought I could find a way out. Thinking that tunnel I was in was going to go on and on for the rest of my life. I never thought I was going to get out. I didn’t know which way was the correct way I kept getting turned around and it felt like I was backtracking.

But that’s life sometimes we don’t know which way is the right way, which decision or opportunity is going to be best. Sometimes you have to go with your gut and think which feels right. Now I can happily say I can see now and its amazing what I see but it’s also a little sad.

Part of me wanted to be mad with my poor attitude towards life. Thinking at everything I missed or didn’t do. But the other side of me is thinking, there is so much darkness in the world and its sad. What’s also sad is there is also so much good in the world. But for some reason, the bad is more interesting to people and sticks with us more sometimes. I think it’s about time we start turning some lights on in the world and make that darkness disappear for good. That last line is a line from The World Through Bella’s Eyes, coming out soon.

Work On Yourself

What Do You Want

Work on yourself is very simple and straightforward. But how come for some, it’s so hard to do and it’s like pulling teeth to work on yourself? Now if you would have asked me when I was younger, working on my weaknesses and trying to get better. I would have been in that pulling teeth category unless it was sports then I might do it. I’m not saying I’m anything great but everything changed, now look at what I’m doing? I’m embracing my weaknesses and faults and my work ethic has changed.

If I hated working on myself and trying to talk about my flaws and weaknesses for most of my life growing up. How did I change, or more importantly what changed and why? Again I’m not saying I’m anything great or anything special I’m just talking out loud and trying to figure it out.

My Reality

I think it all started because I didn’t like myself. Sorry, that’s an understatement I hated myself. I thought I was a loser, not successful, no potential and thought God made a mistake in creating in me. Is this a stretch with what I thought, no this is the honest truth? These thoughts flood through my veins from ages 6-25. Now I’m not saying this for a pity party or for you to feel bad for me. This is what happened and I need to fix it, simple as that. I chose to have this mindset and think this way, now I need to fix it.

When I started writing over eight years ago. I started writing for one thing and one thing only. Writing gave me hope, writing gave me a feeling and purpose that I never felt before doing anything else. From 21 until now all I thought about was writing and becoming an author and doing that full time.

My Vision

What didn’t drive me and push me into the writing world was money and fame? I don’t like being the center of attention and I hate speaking and talking to others because I’m very self-conscious about my flaws and what I struggle with to this day and I don’t think I’m good enough.

Now did I dream and imagine what it would be like to create a career like John Grisham or J.K. Rowling, your absolutely right I did? But it wasn’t for the money and my own pockets. It was because I wanted to entertain others and help others and if money followed and it paid me enough to do this full time then that is an added blessing and bonus if you ask me.

Priorities

I want to entertain people, and I believe I can with my “flaw” of mine. That “flaw” you could say helped put this crazy idea that my dyslexic self could become a published author and go and write books for a living. Well, I have published one and it was the second greatest moment in my life. It was very close but getting married and finding Lindsay will still always be number one in my books, pun intended haha. Then if we’re lucky enough and we have kids one day, then it will go Lindsay, Kids then writing at number three.

I always thought getting married and having kids was going to be way harder for me than publishing a book. I didn’t like myself, I didn’t believe in myself, I hated and resented myself. From a young age, I always believed I was going to do something special, I just didn’t know what.

Real Life

Now my writing is opening up doors I never could have dreamed. For starters this coming year I will be going back to my old high school and working with some kids like me. That alone I can’t even fathom thinking about. Now I’m going to be going back and talking to kids about my story my experience and what I have learned. I feel like it was only yesterday I graduated from high school. Now I’m going back 11 years later as a friend, to try and help kids just like myself. Kids who might be in similar situations like I was at there age.

In about a week, I will be publishing my second book that I co-wrote with my beautiful wife. That’s something I never could have dreamed about, a lot of this I never dreamed about. None of this wouldn’t have happened if I didn’t keep working hard every day. Some days sucked, some days were hard, but others were great days and I’m grateful for all three.

Work Is A Must

I know it’s easy to focus on the bad and the bad sometimes always outweighs the good. Wait, that’s an interesting phrase, that would be a good blog post, ohh wait I did that. Don’t worry, it will be posted soon.

As long as you’re still breathing then you should always work on yourself every day, it should be a priority. Will it always be fun, no it won’t. Will it be hard and uncomfortable, of course? That’s why they call it work, it’s not always going to be fun. But it will make a bigger difference than you ever could have imagined.

Now Is The Time

That’s why I challenge you to always work on yourself. This phrase work on yourself came from Trent Shelton a great guy that I have been following for a while now. Never stop working on yourself. The moment you stop to work on yourself, I believe is the moment you give up on yourself and you don’t care anymore and are checked out.

That my friends is a sad way to go out. Just imagine if you worked a little harder, tried a little harder and gave a little more effort? Just imagine where you could have gone and what you could have done. Now is the time to stop imagining about it and start making it happen.

Discipline Vs Regrets

What Would You Pick

If your life was filled with one thing which would you pick discipline vs regrets? The choice should be obvious, but we all know and you’re smarter than that. The obvious choice doesn’t always happen. It’s discipline vs regrets, what are you going to do?

I’ll be honest now at 29 the last few years I became a very self-motivated person. Do I have my off days absolutely? I still have days that I feel like I didn’t do enough? Do I have days that I think I suck and I didn’t work hard enough and I could have done better, absolutely?

Choices

Here’s the thing, I didn’t just wake up one day and say you know what, I’m going to be more self-disciplined and then you go on and take on the world. Yes, you might say the words and realize you want to better yourself and do better. But it’s not that easy, depending on how old you are. You have probably been living bad for years or you weren’t the most disciplined person in the world.

It takes time people and it takes work, don’t beat yourself up. I know it’s hard. Because I beat myself up and I rip myself apart far too much. I get so mad and feel like a failure. Am I really a failure in life because I didn’t get two things done on my list for the day, no. But that mindset of holding myself to a higher standard is what’s going to help me do better, and be a better person. Will I want to do it, no some days I want to just play video games like the old days and kick my feet up and chill.

Push Yourself

Is inflicting pain on myself why working out fun, yes, it is. I love it! Why would I want an easy workout, why would I just want to coast through it, how does that benefit me by doing easy stuff or the same thing day after day? The answer you’re looking for is it won’t benefit you at all. It will actually hurt you in the long run.

Why and how would it hurt me in the long run, great question thanks for asking? It’s going to hurt you because you’re potentially missing out on your future you that you were destined to become. That’s how it’s going to hurt you. If it’s just you, well then, it’s going to hurt your future self and the person you were meant to become. Say you’re married it will hurt your spouse. If you have kids it’s going to hurt them because they see the effort you put in.

Perspective

This poor mindset has been a battle my whole life. Some days I wanted to quit and not pursue writing anymore. I thought it was going to be too hard to publish my book and become a published author. My negative mindset and lack of confidence in myself almost prevented me from pursuing this dream of mine and turning it into a reality.

Imagine if I quit, what would I be doing. Honestly, I don’t even know and the scares the crap out of me even more than what I’m pursuing right now. I have no idea what I would be doing, who knows if I would even be alive. But I do know, I am alive and still breathing and happier then I have ever been in my life.

Stay Tuned

I’m now pursuing a career that always was a vision and dream in my head. It was a dream I have been looking at on my dry erase board for over five-plus years now. I wanted to be a published author when I started writing in the summer of 2012.

Now here I am at 29 and about a month away from publishing my second book with my wife. It was a project that we have been working on for the last couple of months. I can’t wait for the world to read this story that Lindsay and I have been working very hard on.

Enjoy the Small Wins

Another reason why I know I’m hard on myself or so focused and tunnel vision is because Lindsay tells me and people tell Lindsay how much we have done in the first 10 months of our marriage. She says we have done a lot, friends have said we have done a lot. I feel like we have done well and trying to prevent an argument, I say we have done a decent amount haha.

I think it’s just my mindset, somedays I’m so focused on the end result and kicking butt every day trying to get to the finish line. That I struggle to enjoy the moments when we’re going through them. It takes me some time to catch my breath and look back and think, wow look at what I did or we did together. I know it’s not the best mindset and view, but I’m working on it, sorry babe.

Flaws

I know I have my faults and my weaknesses that I’m still working on. But here’s the thing I’m always going to be working on those and trying to get better every day. The time I die, I’m not going to have any regrets, because I’m working my tail off to fulfill my purpose and what I believe God put me here on earth to do.

Now if I die a year from now, then yes, I’ll have a lot of regrets I would only be 30. But I’m talking about 50 plus years down the road. 50 years might sound like a lot, but it will come faster than you think. In the next 50 years. Do you want to work hard and live a good life? Or play it safe and just live and put your dreams and goals on the side because you’re scared of taking a risk? The answer should be obvious, it’s about time we start building some discipline and take are regrets and turn them into realities.

Preparing For Life

Ask Yourself

Have you ever prepared for anything really important before? Say studying for a test, practicing before the championship game the day before? Preparing For Life is vital to living your life. 

I read a book a few months ago. He talked about preparing for life. Some of the examples he mentioned were before a storm hits you have batteries for flashlights. Your practicing foul shots before the championship game. Studying before a big test. 

What’s Ahead

If you’re not preparing for the big event coming up what usually happens? You lose the game, you fail the test, you have flashlights but with dead batteries. We’ll none of that dose you much good. But sometimes I think it’s important for us to go through those tough obstacles and struggles in life. Going up those hills, climbing that steep mountain when were very vulnerable and feel lost and lonely is what helps turn us into the person we are meant to become. 

Life is the same thing. If you’re not preparing yourself and getting ready for what life might throw at you one day then you will be in trouble. Will it always be bad stuff, no. But in most cases, if you aren’t prepared it can turn into bad situations.

I Learned The Hard Way

How I prepared for life is the complete opposite of what you want. You don’t want to just go with the flow and let whatever happens good or bad happen to you. Now in some situations and circumstances that might be your only option. But in most cases, that’s not good or healthy.

But what I did was just that, I didn’t follow what I just told you. Then again, I’m 29 now and have gone through a lot of different situations in my life. Now is there more for me to learn, absolutely I have a lot more to go through. That’s a good thing because if you’re not growing you’re not pushing yourself and not getting better then you were? Your content and playing it safe. Also known as dying and not living up to your potential and that my friends is a shame and a waste of a life.

Don’t Do This

When I was younger and searching for my potential and waiting on God to give me a sign I realized what I was doing wrong. Now having some help from family over the years and having conversations with different members of my family I realized that was the wrong mindset. Waiting for God to make the next move was wrong. In some cases, that’s what you’re supposed to do. But I have been waiting long enough and not doing anything why I was waiting.

In all reality, I was doing the complete opposite of that. But that’s life, you learn from your mistakes, you grow and start all over the next day. Now is it frustrating and hard sometimes, absolutely and it sucks and I just want to break something or punch something like when I was younger and I would get upset? I would want to run away thinking that would help my situation and life get easier.

Your Outlook Towards Life

The examples you read above never helped my situations that I have been in over the years. Honestly, I think it hurt me sometimes. I was looking for a mask, I was looking for a way to cover and hide the issues that I have been struggling with for so long. The biggest and best way to learn from your issues and mistakes you go through is to stand up, dust yourself off and take that first step.

If you stay on the ground and pout and cry and pity yourself, what good comes from that? But, if you stand up then you count that as a win and a good first step. Then you go to the next thing and so on. Next thing you know you won’t just be walking. You will be sprinting and more excited about what’s in front of you and waiting.

Never Stop Working

Who knows if you keep sprinting and working hard you might be doing stuff you never expected. Maybe publish a book and overcome a weakness that you struggled with as a kid.

You never know if just being a little vulnerable and getting out of your comfort zone what it will do for you personally but also for the person or people your talking to? What if they are struggling like you were at one time in your life? Now you can’t do the work for them. Not because your bitter and nobody did the work for you. It’s because how will they learn and get better unless they do the work themselves?

Preparing For Life is a never ending project that you are on every day. It will be challenging, it will be frustrating but when it’s all said and done. If you do it right and your heart is in the right place. I think there is no other feeling compared to it.

Keep Your Head Up  

Lindsay knows how much I love her and that I have thanked God I don’t even know how many times for putting her in my life. But if I’m given the opportunity to help a kid or adult that is struggling and down and searching like I was or still am a little bit. If I’m able to lend a hand somehow and help them to get better and climb out of that funk. I don’t think there are many other things in the world that could top that.

That’s why if your down and struggling, that’s ok that’s normal. I still have my days even now. But the biggest thing you have to remember. Is to try and stay positive, it’s not always going to be easy. Pick yourself up again and take that first step and never stop Preparing For Life. If you do it right, who know’s what it will bring you?