My Mask

Chapter 7

My mask is my protection.  A mask can be so many different shapes, sizes even colors. But yet the meaning behind the mask is far greater and means so much more then what it looks like. How we use it is what’s important and the reasoning behind our mask. Everyone has a different “Why” for the reasoning behind a mask and why we use it.

Maybe your ashamed of who you are, maybe you’re trying to hide something from others. Whatever your reason is it doesn’t matter. Of course, this is just my opinion. I think we all have a mask and have hidden behind it at one time or another in our life. Some may be more than others, some may be a little more frequently than others. Again it’s your mask you control it and whatever reasoning behind it is up to you.

My Reason

For me, I have had a mask going back over 20 years now. When I was diagnosed with my Learning Disability. Again, we all have different reasons to use it and hide behind. For me, I was embarrassed, ashamed, and wanted to hide who I really was. At the time I didn’t like who the real Peter A. Harrower was. I didn’t think I was good enough, and I didn’t like who I was becoming and the road and path I was walking on in front of me.

For a long time, it was scaring me and with the direction, I was heading in. As much as I looked for the pain and was searching for it. After a while, I started to love the pain and craved more of it. I wanted bad things to happen to me, I wanted my pity party to keep going. Plus, for so long It seemed like I wasn’t really feeling anything that pain and the hard times was all I could feel and look forward to.

Again we all use a mask differently, at times I still have a mask and hide behind it. When I’m feeling uncomfortable or my mind starts playing tricks on me. Saying I don’t belong here or what can I really accomplish and achieve? It’s a mindset and a lifestyle I have had for over 20 years now. It won’t be an easy or overnight fix. I get that now, I’m starting to look at my journey and life differently. I’m trying to enjoy the ride and make the most of it, why I’m still breathing and able to.

Dean

I just finished a book yesterday called, Ultra Marathon Man, by Dean Karnazes. This guy is Insanesome of his stories in that book are crazy. It was a good read I definitely recommend it. If you haven’t noticed I love quotes and I share a lot of them. One quote in this book it was from one of Deans friends. ” Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well-preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming”. This quote just kind of hit me. That’s why we shouldn’t be settling anymore and playing it safe and taking the easy road.

We need to start making the most of our lives and the time we have every day and enjoy the ride. With that, we need to stop worrying about what others think. Stop worrying about whatever mind games your playing with yourself, go after what you believe in. That feeling you have deep down within your gut, embrace it don’t run from it. Take a chance and a gamble, and play it out and see what happens. Who knows what might happen with that gamble? Maybe it will pay off, maybe it won’t. There is really only one way to find out?

Welcome

If I want to get rid of my mask and preach what I’m sharing, well then I have to fix my ways as well. I can’t share what I’m feeling, and then do nothing about it, right? That’s why I’m finally committed to sharing my story, my life with you. It’s time to open the doors and let everyone in. Now I’m not gonna lie, part of me doesn’t want that to happen. I’m not gonna apologize for that, after all, it is my life haha. I also know that my story and my secrets and feelings have been weighing me down for far too long. It’s time to share my story and remove my mask for good.

I have pictured and envisioned that feeling when my book finally gets published and it’s out for the world to read. Again it scares the crap out of me you have no idea. But it also fills me with joy and excitement. Who knows what doors will open up with it down the road. Maybe just maybe, and hopefully it will open up a new career for me. That’s the plan at least, fingers crossed haha.

Remove For Good

As you can see I’m just like you, trying to fix my issues and faults. Turn them into strengths ane better myself. I want to remove my mask from the world and just be Peter not my alter ego, (Fred). I want to be free of that burden, just like you. All you need to do is take it one step at a time, one day at a time. Search for what’s been holding you back and scaring you from moving on and bettering yourself.

Don’t be ashamed of who you are, were all different and unique. Embrace it and be proud of it, that’s your story and your life share it? Now, what are you going to do, let that stupid little mask that you could easily snap in half control you? Or are you finally going to take over and control who you really are, and who you can become? It’s time to throw away that mask, and start living and start enjoying the ride.