If you know me then you knew I’m very sarcastic. For 20 years my sarcasm was a shield for me. For years I didn’t like who I was and the person I was. I thought if I didn’t like me then who would like me for the real me?
In my earlier years, I didn’t like who I was as a person. From an early age, I put on a mask and tried sharing the side that people might like more. I used my sense of humor and sarcasm to mess with people and try and make them laugh.
“I think the saddest people always try their hardest to make people happy. Because they know what it’s like to feel absolutely worthless and they don’t want anybody else to feel like that – Robin Williams The first time I heard this quote, It smacked me right in the face. As cliché as it sounds, I feel like this quote was for me. There was something about this quote that just stayed with me. This was how I felt my whole life, this was part of the reason I always tried to be funny and sarcastic and make people laugh. I know what it’s like to feel like a loser, alone and all the other words you want to say. I don’t want anyone else to feel this way. Hence, part of the reason why I’m blogging.
I have said hundreds of times over the years, we are all meant for something special. Were all capable of doing great things, some might be a little bigger or smaller of course. But with that, it doesn’t mean that person is better or below you, just different. Even when I was going through my troubled days, I never stopped believing I’m going to be successful and I’m going to do something special. I always wanted to leave a positive impact and help people in a positive way, somehow someway. At the time, I had no idea how I was going to do that. Yes, some days and for a long time, I would lie to myself saying and still believing those words. Even though some days I thought it was a complete lie, some days I thought who am I? I’m a nobody what can I really accomplish?
Through those hard days and years, my mask became my best friend I was always wearing it. Somedays I was always fake and never let anyone know the real me, I was too embarrassed and ashamed. Even though my real feelings I had, I still would put on my mask and try and make people smile and laugh and have fun. I would try and treat it like a game, I would win or get a point if I got somebody to laugh or smile. For that short time when I was alone in my safe room and hiding from the real world, I felt free for that short time I was around people.
We all have our flaws and weaknesses we battle or fighting with all the time. I wouldn’t change anything because those flaws of mine helped bring me to this point. It helped turn me into the person that I am today. We all have different shields we put up or walls we use when we are feeling attacked or vulnerable. That’s a normal reaction to have, and that’s completely natural. If you know what you’re doing and you have been living that life or doing the same thing for far too long. Then do something about it?
I still use my sarcasm as a defensive mechanism sometimes. Now to this day, I feel like it’s more real now. I’m not so much trying to hide who I really am, well not all the time haha. I’m just trying to be a happier person now and pass that vibe onto others.
If I want to leave this world a better place than it was when I came into it, then I must keep going. That’s big shoes I need to fill and no easy task. I need to keep working hard every day and trying to do the best I can and keep working hard. I have wasted far too many years mopping around and feeling bad for myself, what has that brought me? The answer is NOTHING. It hasn’t done anything good for me, it just made me resent myself even more. It made me work that much harder to get out of the deep hole I was in. Not to mention I’m still in that dark tunnel, searching for the light at the end, so the fight can’t stop.
It doesn’t matter how young or old you are, who knows how many more days or weeks we have left. I’m not trying to scare you or look at the glass half empty. I’m trying to look at the glass I now have as half full, and keep working harder with those remaining days I have left. I need to keep going and keep working harder for the kids that I think need to hear my story. Is my way better or perfect of course not? I believe how I see the world through my dyslexic eyes, can benefit the young kids today. Not just young kids but everyone that ever felt like an outcast or alone. We all have a story to share, and we all should share that story.
Ladies and gentlemen, I challenge you to get out of your comfort zone this year. It’s time we all start sharing who we really are and start helping each other. Sharing how you feel and what you went through. I know you will be terrified I get that, but you never know what kind of impact you might have. If you keep it bottled up inside your whole life, you are wasting a great opportunity of giving back. Are you up for this challenge?