F.E.A.R.
What’s Your Definition Of F.E.A.R? Forget Everything and Run, or Face Everything and Rise. If you asked me when I was growing up and in my early years. I would lie and say, of course, face everything. But on the inside, I was scared I feared everything, that’s why I created my mask.
I was scared I wasn’t going to be able to accomplish anything, and that I didn’t have a purpose in life. I feared that my disability will control my life and how I lived and what was in front of me. It was all mental and it was my mindset I had to fix, not the actual roadblock in front of me. Most of the time if you think about it, its what’s inside of our head is the biggest problem. Not what actually is in front of us and trying to stop us. We see this roadblock or wall in front of us and think to ourselves, well I can’t get through that or get over that, and just turn around.
My Failures
That’s where I failed so many times, and for most of my earlier years. I let my disability and the few weaknesses I had, control and overpower the strengths that I had. All through my strengths and our strengths outweigh and are bigger than our weaknesses. It’s easy to let the bad outweigh the good when we are down and feeling upset and vulnerable. Why do we always do that, why isn’t it easier to fight and control?
Is it because we are weak and we don’t have the strength to fight, of course not. We all have the strength and are all capable to keep fighting and keep going every day. We just chose to let the few hiccups and faults we have control are life and outcome that’s in front of us. Are mind already made up its decision to waive the white flag and give up? We already decided our fear was going to control our outcome.
My Dark Cloud
For me, I was ashamed and embarrassed for what cloud was over my head for the last 20 years of my life. That little cloud that was hanging over me, and following me where ever I would go every day. I kept getting so distracted with where I was in the moment, and not looking at where I could be in the near future? I didn’t want to try, I didn’t want to fail any more than I already did in my past. So, I just set up shop and accepted my path and let my fear control me and that was it. Not knowing when I accepted my fear and stayed where I was. I was scared to face what was in front of me, and what was holding me back.
Now at 27 and within the last few years, my mindset has changed. At 25 I finally started living for the first time in my life. Do I wish it was earlier, well duh who wouldn’t? But if it would have been earlier, who knows where I would be now? Everything happens for a reason, so that’s why I believe my past and my life helped build me and turned me into the person I am today.
Being dyslexic, was a blessing in disguise and a gift I never thought I would be happy to have. Now I’m grateful to be a part of this unique dyslexia club. Sure, I still have my moments and flows with my LD every once and awhile. Honestly, I always will till I take my last breath.
Time To Take A Stand
After all this time, I decide it’s time to stand and stop running. If you know me you know I hate running. I run now because it’s disciplining me to accomplish something that’s bigger than me. I want to finish an Ironman, but it goes more beyond my own physical goals in my life. When I take my final breath at the end of the road, whenever that might be. Looking back, I want to be proud of what I did, and I want to look back and be happy with the person I was and what I accomplished.
My first 20 years was my foundation and help build me into the person I am today, and who I was meant to become. But my first 20 years of my life, I was scared of life, I was scared to live. That’s not me anymore, that can’t be me anymore. After all this time, I’m finally starting to like the person that God created, and who I’m starting to turn into. Trust me it has been a long road to finally like the real Peter A. Harrower.
My Next 20 Years
Now I feel like my life is only begging. Of course, if I’m lucky enough to be around that long, I need to make them better than my first 20. Not just for me now, but for you, for the outcasts or the kids that ever felt different and alone. That’s why I need to rise and keep going and why I can’t ever waive that white flag and give up again. The number of people, and kids that need help or that need a friend or whatever you want to call it. That number is getting bigger and bigger every day.
If my unique story and putting myself out there can help them, well then it will be worth getting out of my comfort zone and helping others. It will be a job well done if kids can start living a better and healthy life for a change. That’s what I’m about now, that’s who the new Peter is. It’s about helping the kids that need it and showing them no matter what, they can win in life. All they have to do is decide and stop running. We all need to start living life to the fullest and Face Everything and Rise.