Not Living Up To My Potential

Day 8

Not living up to my potential is one of my biggest fears in life. If we don’t live our life to the fullest then we are wasting our life and our time here. The reason why I believe that and I’m saying that now, is because I wasted part of my life. I had plenty of low points. Maybe wasting is the wrong word to use. Maybe it wasn’t so much a waste more along the lines of still learning.

After high school and in my early 20’s I had no idea what was next for me. Its such a hard age and there’s a lot of pressure around those few years before and after. Figuring out what you want to do after high school and then after college. I know first hand what it’s like because I was apart of that system. Those stressful days of not knowing what I wanted to do and what was next for me. That was my life for years. I still don’t know what’s next? Now I think I might have a better idea of what I’m meant to do. Well, I have an idea of what I would love to do. Now I just need to put in the work and turn it into something bigger.

The Foundation

Laying down the foundation and doing the groundwork is always the hardest and the most time-consuming in the beginning. You’re trying to figure out your plan and figure out what’s next. This might be surprising but sometimes it’s hard and it’s not fun. Finally, after all of this time, I feel like my potential is there and it’s all up to me. I believe I can make all of my goals and dreams become a reality. I strongly agree I can turn my writing into a career and I definitely believe in my story and how unique it is and how I need to share it with the youth and other people like me.

Even though my story is not normal and not your average story, I will agree with that. My story is special and you know what so is yours. It’s January 8th, 2018 and I still have no idea what my future holds or where I belong. I’m still trying to figure that out.

What I do know is I know how hard I work every day searching for it. Once I find that area and that field that I think I belong in I will be working nonstop. I will do and sacrifice whatever it is to win and do well in that area. In my earlier years, I was lazy and I didn’t try very hard and used my disability as an excuse. Now I have matured and recognized yes I have these issues and problems there’s nothing I can do about that. I can keep working every day to try and make them better, but they are always going to be with me.

Determined

I can’t fail anymore I have failed far too much in my earlier years. It’s time to change my mindset and attitude towards life and everything else. That’s why I can’t slow down and that’s why I will always be working as hard as I can now. I have so much to prove, not so much to other people but mostly to myself. I’m the one that has to deal with my issues every day. I know what it was like growing up and going through this issues that I have. I’m not doing this for other people to like me or for the glory or even people to feel bad for me. I don’t want or need your pity. If I didn’t ask for it when I was younger and really struggling, I’m definitely not asking for it now.

Even with being dyslexic and not having much confidence in myself or even being very smart in school. It doesn’t mean I cant be successful in life and I know that now. It’s one thing to say it and really believe it, it’s another just to feed another lie to me. I have been feeding lies to myself for far too many years. Telling myself I can’t do it and I’m a loser and this and that. Somedays I still feel like a loser. I get caught up in the moment and start to feel bad for myself for the situation that I’m in and going through.

Sky Is The Limit

Then it hits me, I’m still breathing and a lot of people have it way worse than me. Again the issues and struggles I have at hand, are not toward the world it’s toward myself. It’s an inner battle that I’m going through. That’s why sometimes those battles can be the worse, because of how we feel on the inside and what were going through, good or bad. It all can leak out to the outside and it depends on how good or bad were feeling.

In the end, this is what motivates me to keep going. I don’t think I’m even close to my full potential and how good I could be feeling. I think I’m only getting started. Once my books start to get published and I start sharing more about my life and why I’m doing this. The sky is the limit and who knows what my potential could be then? That’s why you can’t give up and regardless of what you’re going through, never stop living and working.

Through it all, I hated my self and was always negative toward myself probably for over half my life. That’s why it has been a bumpy ride over the years, I never stopped believing in my potential. I believed it when I was at my worst, and I’m slowly starting to get better with it. Really it can only go up from here? Where do you stand with our potential and the effort you give every day?