Category: Learning Disability

Confidence

Confidence

Confidence definition – a feeling of self-assurance arising from one’s appreciation of one’s own abilities or qualities.

Self-conscious definition- feeling undue awareness of oneself, one’s appearance, or one’s actions. Which one are you? In some cases, I’m the confident one. In most cases and about 75% of the time, I’m the self-conscious side. What can I say we all have our flaws.

I realize being young and not knowing any better, it was easy to get upset and angry at my situation. Even young kids at a young age, they aren’t stupid they notice things and they catch things adults do. Now with my nephews and nieces when I do or say something around them. I really have to be careful with what I say and do. I don’t want to get that mom look from my sisters let alone my own mom haha.

Tough Question

I always wondered and thought why I’m not smart, why am I stupid and different than everyone else? That was a question I asked my parents on a regular basis. Imagine your kid asking you that question hundreds of times? What do you say to your kid, when you are put on the spot like that?

My parents did the best they could and I’m not mad at them. I’m grateful for everything they did for me. Again having that burden for so many years weighing you down. A lack of confidence can really mess with you. It can prevent you from being productive and accomplishing your goals and doing big things in life.

At 27

I’m still self-conscious, I’ll admit it. I don’t like saying that but I’m not going to sit here and lie about it and wear a mask and hide like I have been hiding my whole life. I told you from day one I was going, to be honest, and let you in on who I really am. Well, by now you should start to understand who I really am and why I am like I am. Lacking confidence is not good, shocking I know. It can prevent you from living your life and making the most of it and the opportunities you have or are placed in front of you.

Honestly, It doesn’t matter what example you use. It can affect anything you’re doing and hold you back from seeing and chasing new opportunities ahead of you. It doesn’t matter what those opportunities are. Leaving your 9-5 job to become an artist and share your artwork with the world. Or finally, get the courage to talk to that girl you have been wanting to talk to for weeks now.

Now Is The Time

Stop wondering what if, and be hesitant and scared to do something. Now is the time to roll the dice and go for it. What’s the worst that happens she says no to going out, so you move on? Maybe it takes you a year and a half to sell your first piece of art. It doesn’t matter, you took that chance and it doesn’t matter how it turned out. Either good or bad, you learn from it and keep going. Who knows what other doors that situation might open up for you down the road. In most cases, you did more than most people who don’t even do anything. You compare yourself to that persona and your already winning. Because at least you tried and put yourself out there. Why that person was too scared to try.

For me, One of my many struggles in this department is I don’t think I’m smart enough or good enough. Another one is when I’m in a room with five people or 20 people it doesn’t matter the number. I wonder what the other people are doing and how they got so successful and curious to see what they did to get there? Then I wonder and look at my situation and see where I am and what I have done? I realize we all go on different paths and have different destinations we are working toward and chasing.

What About You

I know what I need to work on, and I’m working on it as I’m writing this and opening up to you and trying to share my story with you. Again it doesn’t matter what you’re lacking and struggling with. Look at your situation and recognize it. Next, come up with a plan and do something about it.

I want to publish my books and become a published author. With no experience in that subject and I don’t know what to do to make that happen. I did the research and tried something and did something about it. Emailing agents to represent me, well that hasn’t worked out so far, and it sucks. Now I’m blogging and have my website to try a different approach to it. This way might work, it might not I don’t know yet. What I do know is, I’m still trying and doing the best I can and adapting to whatever speedbumps are placed in front of me.

What do you need to change or fix in your own life? You can try and act all cool, saying I don’t need to do anything. Well, I hate to break it to you, but that’s crap and a lie. If you are not constantly changing and trying to better yourself and learning, then what are you doing with yourself and your life? It doesn’t matter how old or young you are, as long as you are still breathing then you still have time to do something about it.

Learning Disability

Chapter 3

My learning Disability is probably the worst thing that has ever happened to me. At the same time, one of the best things that have ever happened to me. I was diagnosed in 2nd-grade. 

School

School through those years, was HELL for me. Sure, there were good days and good times, of course, no question about it. If I had a few good days or a week, the following week or month would be worse. It felt like a giant roller coaster, going up and down, twist and turns bouncing all over the place.

As the years went on, my issues and LD problem seem to get worse. Now that I was getting older, and school got harder and I was getting farther and farther behind. Even though I had a handicap that didn’t matter. I still had to keep up with the homework and the tests.

Embarrassment

If I was in middle school 7th or 8th grade. My reading level was a 3rd or 4th-grade level. I couldn’t spell, I was very slow at reading. I just struggled all around with everything that had to do with school. Even with getting extra help from the teachers, I still struggled. The teachers would always make sure I had a seat upfront. Just so I would be closer and maybe that would help me pay attention better. News flash it didn’t help.

Sometimes I would get an extra day or two if we had a big project. If we had a test and I didn’t finish by the end of the class. I could stay and finish it, or go to another room and finish it. I would get extra time on big tests, or a teacher would read the questions to me. Imagine how I felt with that, having a “special” teacher in the room with me with my whole class. I would just get so embarrassed and felt stupid. I just wanted to crawl into a hole. They tried everything to help me. I’m beyond grateful for all the help from all of my teachers over the years.

New

Bring on freshman year, I’m at a new school and finally in High School. Only four more years Peter and you are free, from this prison. That’s all I kept telling myself. On the flip side, only four more years and then WHAT is all I kept telling myself? It was a catch 22, I will be done with school. I’m sure as heck not going to college, what will I do then? All of these thoughts were going through my head, almost every day of HS.

Every day I got closer to my ultimate goal of getting that stupid piece of pepper and graduating. I had NO clue what to do next? I was so focused on graduating and reaching that milestone that was my one and only goal at the time. The only problem with that attitude and focus day in and day out. I focused on the future too much and missed out on my present as the days went by? The next thing I knew, graduation morning was here and I just squeaked by with a 2.0 GPA. I’m not proud of it, but I passed I didn’t care. 

My Issues

To this day, and every day that follows I will always have trouble, and my issues will always hang over me like a cloud where ever I go. Now at the age of 28, I’m starting to get better with it every day. I’m getting to the point, I have this disability and this handicap and it won’t change, I just have to roll with it. For the longest time I would Pray and a plea to God, why me, why did you do this?

I still don’t have the answer and I still don’t know what my purpose is. In the meantime, maybe I could turn this weakness of mine into something better? Maybe I could turn this, stupid disability into something bigger and better and try and make a difference with it?

Big Names

Did you know there are a lot of big names that are Dyslexic? Albert Einstein, Richard Branson, The Wright Brothers, Henry Winkler, Henry Ford, Thomas Edison, Alexander Graham Bell, Steve Jobs, Ludwig Van Beethoven, Walt Disney, John F. Kennedy, Tom Cruise. As you can see they all went on to accomplish amazing things.

That’s why I can’t use it as an excuse anymore. I may not become a president, or an actor, to name a few. That doesn’t mean I can’t be successful. It just means I need to work a little harder. Get up a little earlier than the average person to get ahead. The good thing is, I don’t want to be average and just fit in anymore. That’s not me anymore, there’s a new Peter in town. I want to stand out and make a difference in the world. Having an impact on people’s lives is what I want. Every day I want to do the best I can until I take my last breath.

Mindset

If I want to publish my books. That means I’m going to have to work harder than most, just to keep up with people around me. I want to make the most of my life now and make an impact on people’s lives.

With all of that said I can’t keep moping about with this cloud hanging over me. These were the cards I was dealt with. I need to make it work and keep going. My LD is stuck with me, I have to accept that now. I can’t change that, it’s who I am. Even though that’s who I am, it doesn’t mean I can’t put it to good use. With my new mindset, I have started to build the last few years. It’s an easy answer, challenge excepted. 

My First Post

Welcome

Welcome to my first post The World Through My Dyslexic Eyes. This is the real Peter A Harrower. One of the reasons why I’m doing this is to get my name out there. To share with people who I really am, and what I’m really about. I’ve kept so much inside of me and kept a lot of my life private. It’s time to share that with the world and try and turn it into something positive.

My goal is to become a published author and to share my writing with the world. We all have our gifts and talents. Of course, we all have our weaknesses or even things we wish we could change. That’s what makes every one of us special, we are all unique and special in our own way. This is my first post and all new to me. Be patient why I try and figure this out haha. 

Like me for example, I guess this is my blog so of course it will be about me a little bit. A positive, I was athletic all my life, sports were very easy for me to play or pick up. A negative, I have a Learning Disability so I was not good at school. School was very hard for me and a struggle, it was hell all those years I won’t lie.

Dyslexia

I was diagnosed at a young age, with that in the back of my head. Let’s just say growing up through the years with school and my personal life. I developed a lot of personal issues, it all started at a young age. I have been dealing with or battling since I was six years old, it hasn’t always been easy. Of course, at a young age going through all of these difficulties, I didn’t have much confidence in myself. I was always talking negatively toward myself, things along that.

With that said, I realized that I had this disability and I have to deal with it. There’s nothing I can do about it. That’s life; it was the cards I was dealt with. If I want to be successful and win in life, like I know I’m capable of. Then I have to change my ways and the lifestyle I’m living now. I can’t make excuses anymore and blame my disability. Just because I’m dyslexic or different from everyone else doesn’t mean I can’t do anything or be successful? It just means it might take me a lot longer. If it takes me a few extra turns to get to my destination or going at a slower speed. It is something I’m used to and have been dealing with my whole life.

My Comfort Zone

With my new mindset, I decided to enter a field that scared the CRAP out of me. A field that would take me way out of my comfort zone. I want to become a writer, not a one and done like some music artists. I don’t want one published book and that’s it and I move on. No, I have BIG goals; I want to share my story with the world. If you’re going to dream for something and work towards something, you might as well make it big. It should be big enough that you’re nervous about telling people. Expect them to laugh at you for chasing that goal, or judge you for pursuing that. If you don’t have that feeling, then honestly maybe those goals aren’t as big as they should be?

Welcome to my life, and my first post. All though it’s not perfect, let’s be real what life is perfect? Except for maybe in a video game or movie? We all have our ups and down’s some more than others, or some have it easier than others. Yes, that might suck sometimes, or most times. It won’t do you any good sitting around crying about it anymore. I’ve had more than enough moments like that in my life now. I’m 27, it’s time to do something with myself, and stop complaining about it. Welcome to my world, The World Through My Dyslexic Eyes.