Safe Room

My Safe

A safe room is a room we build to protect us from someone, something or even sometimes our selves. To each of us, we all have our own and different meaning behind it. We all go through different battles in our lifetime.

I’m a private person and I don’t like being open and sharing who I really am. If you haven’t noticed, the last few posts all tie into each other. We all have a mask or used a mask at some point in our life. If you can honestly tell me you never used a mask in your life, well then I guess I’m sorry haha.

From an early age, with everything I was going through. All of my faults dealing with my LD, wearing my mask. Having anger issues and a lack of confidence and not to mention being my worst critic. I have always been scared to talk to people, I always felt like an outcast. I knew I was different almost like I didn’t belong with others. Especially at a young age. That’s why I built this wall so I could hide from everyone. That wall quickly changed from one wall to a whole room protecting me. I can hide my true self from others. It wasn’t just to protect me from others, it was also to protect others from myself.

Scared

The last maybe six-seven years. I wondered a few things. First, what do people think of me and the person they see and communicate with every day? Second if only they knew the real me, what would they think of me?

I was afraid if people knew the real me, they wouldn’t like me or maybe it would push me or them farther away. Being a hard enough critic to myself already, and I held myself to high enough standards. I didn’t need more judgment and people holding more stuff over me. Already judging them and thinking in my mind what they might be thinking or would say. Naturally, a confused and lost kid with his mind running 100MPH I jumped to the wrong conclusion.

Maybe If I would have been more open from the beginning a lot of my issues could have been avoided? Yes, a lot of my issues would have definitely been avoided, I already know that. If I could have gotten the right help at an early age it would have saved so much hassle. Now I’m not blaming anyone for that. Nobody knew I’m just looking back to where I was and where I am now.

Real Me

This is who I am people this is the real me. Like him or not I’m here. I have come to the conclusion that if people don’t like me and understand who I really am. How broken and fragile I was for far too long. Well if they can’t see that then screw it, it’s that simple. That is my response to being a human and being filled with emotion. Thanks to my three sisters and mother, what can I say being around four women my whole life made me an emotional wreck. Thanks a lot, guys, it’s all your fault haha, kidding.

Now me being a Christian I realize that is not the right mindset. I realize that, trust me I do and that’s what makes it such a hard battle sometimes. Being filled with so much emotion and fire and rage from a young age. Most times it’s hard to control myself and what I say. That’s why I was scared and had to make this room, and protect all of us. If I were to share my true self and colors, unfortunately, I’m not sure how many people would really like me?

Walking through my dark tunnel for far too long, maybe if I was more open. Sharing what I was truly thinking and sharing how I truly felt. Maybe people could relate to me more that way? Who knows, maybe a lot more people are broken just like me? If only I removed my mask from a young age, maybe it could have benefited them?

It’s A Gift

What matters is I’m trying to make up for the time I lost NOW. I have wasted so much of this beautiful gift that we call LIFE for far too many years. It’s time to make up for what I lost. That’s why I’m doing this. If people don’t like the real me and my true self, well, it is what it is I guess. I think it’s about time we stop kidding are selfs and unlock the door or throw away our mask’s. Embrace who you are and be proud. If you don’t be your real self and open up, you could be doing more harm then good?

I know there are kids and even adults just like me out there. They are thousands of people who knows maybe even millions of people scared and hiding just like me. Maybe my story will help push them to take the first step, just like I did. At that point maybe the pros will outweigh the cons, so who cares what the haters will be saying. There will be more light around me for a change, then darkness. Let’s be real the light and good always out weights the darkness and bad.

In your case, your darkness is still weighing over you and blocking the light from shining into your tunnel. All you have to do is take it one step at a time and keep fighting. Keep battling and keep being you and doing your best. Don’t give in to the darkness that’s holding you back people. Unlock that door and threw away the key and embrace who you are. You never know whose watching you and looking up to you?