Month: January 2019

Face Your Fear

Chapter 5

If you want to grow in life one of the ways I believe to do that is to face your fears. Now I had a lot of fears growing up. I’m not proud of that but what can I say, I was damaged at a young age and that was holding me back from really living and seeing life the way I see it now. One of my many fears was myself. Again, I hated myself for a long time and struggled with that for years. I never thought I was good enough.

Some time went by and I realized I can’t hide anymore. I believe that I have a unique story so why not do something with it. That’s when I decide to write The World Through My Dyslexic Eyes. I realized in the summer of 2014 It is time to share my story with the world. But there was one little problem with that. I didn’t want to share my story with the world and it scared the crap out of me. At the time that was probably one of the scariest things to me that I was doing. Letting YOU into my daily life and showing you what my world looks like regularly.

Look At The Positive

When I shared my blog for the first time and made it live. At the time that was probably the scariest thing, I have ever done. With doing that people are going to know your faults and what you’re not good at? How much anger you have inside of you how dark you were for a long time. All of the bad and negative stuff you were battling for years and that you were trying to hide from everybody.

Naturally that all crossed my mind thinking about that. Before I hit send to tell everyone on Facebook and Instagram what I was doing. As funny as it sounds I had to wait for a second or two and take it all in. Peter, I don’t think you understand the kind of backlash and the negative effect that might follow after doing this? But on the positive side, with me opening up more about it. Look at all of the good I can do with sharing my unique story with the world? This was a legitimate conversation and fear I had before I made my website live.

My Emotion

What if 50% or 60% of the people that read my blog posts or my book don’t believe me. Well, that will be too bad because I guess reading my content they can’t see the passion and the emotion that I’m spilling onto the paper in front of them. They will never understand what my life is like on a daily basis. They could never understand how embarrassing it was reading in front of my class in school. Not being able to read fast or spell words correctly. Or worse knowing that a kid four or five years younger or more are probably smarter than me.

If they can’t see how hard that is as a 28-year-old man, then maybe I’m not supposed to be writing anymore. Maybe I did something wrong with trying to share with the world that its ok if you’re not good at something.

The Smaller Percentage

Now, what if I’m able to connect with the remaining percentage of the people that understand my stuff? Connecting with the other 50% or 40% of the people that get what I’m trying to do and share with the world? It’s not about the money. It’s not about the fame and the recognition. I HATE being the center of attention. I’m not that confident in myself and still struggle with that. I realized that sharing my story that more good could come from it than bad.

Like I referenced in my book. If sacrificing myself to the wolves by sharing my inner darkest secrets and my side effects and what I struggle with every day. Then so be it who cares what the other percentage thinks of me and says. I’m not doing this for them.

My Purpose

What started this passion is I think I found something that I’m good at. Being very creative and writing stories and making stories up from the top of my head. I don’t need notes or an outline I’m different then most authors, I think I have made that clear by now haha. Once I figure out what topic I’m writing about, I go to work.

I let my mind take over and let my hands do the work. I put my headphones in listening to my music and could write for hours a day. What started out as a hobby, quickly turned into an obsession. Now I’m starting to turn my obsession into my future career.

Writing and doing what I’m doing now has given me purpose. Sharing my crazy story with the world with wanting to do some good with it for a change and helping kids like myself is all I want. To write full time as my career and help kids like myself. I know what that struggle is like. Not believing in yourself, lacking confidence or finding purpose.

Go All In

That was me every day for most of my life, till four years ago it changed. I decide I’m going all in I’m not trying I’m DOING this writing as a career. It might not happen in the next couple of years. Maybe it won’t happen till I’m 30 but I can’t give up now. I strongly believe God put this on my heart for a reason. I can’t stop now I’m only getting started.

Don’t be scared, believe in yourself. I didn’t fully believe in myself from a young age. But I was still doing it because it takes time and you have to be patient another thing I struggle with. Do the work take a chance and enjoy the ride. You only get one life, why not roll the dice and go all in for what you want to do?

298 Hours Till Completion

Number 1 Goal

If you would have told me back in August 2014 that all I would have to do is work for a total of 298 plus hours to publish my book. I probably would have laughed at you. That is almost 12 and a half days of my life I worked on this book. Who would have thought only 298 hours till the completion of my book and I would become a published author?

I’ve been dreaming of this day for over seven years. Now that it’s finally here it feels surreal and hasn’t really kicked in yet. You have to understand over four years this book has been in the back of my head taunting me for that time. Wondering if I will ever publish it and share it with the world. Thinking sometimes it’s going to be a bust and I won’t sell any copies or help anybody. Thinking I will chalk it up as another failure for Peter.

Between My Ears

Yes, it can be very draining living inside of my mind. I don’t want to be this way, I don’t want to be this negative or this down all of the time. It’s a consistent game I’m playing all of the time. It’s like tennis going back and forth with positive vs negative.

Even if this book would have taken 1,000 hours I wouldn’t have cared. If the average book from start to finish takes a couple of months or 100 hours it doesn’t matter. What matters is I made up my mind on my goal and I was committed to seeing it through till the end no matter what.

In my 28 years of life, I have never been more committed and more focused in my life. August 6th, 2011, I made a commitment that day when I started my first novel. That was the first book in my fiction series. From that day till December 21st, 2018 my main focus was to finish what I had started. Publish my first book.

Determined

I have lived most of my life without goals and motivation and drive in my life, and look where that got me? Yes, do I believe that all played a factor in my life to bring me to this point absolutely. But that doesn’t mean I couldn’t have made that path I was on for over seven years a little easier. Yes, everything happens for a reason. But I believe we have the opportunity to control some of the things that come up in our life and control that outcome.

When I started my first novel seven years ago. I knew it wasn’t going to be easy and it was going to be hard. Especially with how much I struggle with reading and writing I knew it would be challenging. But I didn’t care what the time frame was or how long it took me. I started writing and never looked back.

New Challange

Now I didn’t publish the first book I started but that’s ok. Things change and new things came up for me over that time.  A few years ago, I just switched my focus to my memoir. I felt like sharing my unique story was more important at the time than a fiction series I created.

My book has only been out for about a week so far. There hasn’t been a crazy number of books sold so far. Which is about what I expected. Every day I move forward this business is still all new to me. I’m trying to take in the fact that I finally published my first book, I should be happy. I’m now a published author. But I’m now a business owner and now I have to take care of everything. This is where the real fun begins and my inner Entrepreneur comes out and is ready for a new challenge.

My Objective Changed

Yes, it’s a lot but this is what I signed up for. I’m excited about this and looking forward to pursuing this new career and path I’m on now. Will it be scary yes, it already is haha? People are buying my book and reading about me that’s still an adjustment. I have always been a private person and always kept to myself. Now I went the complete opposite direction and wrote a book about my dyslexic world.

This started out as a journal and sharing my faults and weaknesses with my dyslexia and how much I have struggled over the years. But then as I was writing it transitioned into wanting to help kids and young adults like myself.

I don’t want to sell books for a living. I want to sell my unique life and what I have learned along the way and how I see the world. Now I’m not saying my views are all correct and you have to follow me or you will lose and fail. That’s not it at all obviously.

You Never Know

All I’m trying to share with the world and YOU. I know what it’s like to be confused, feeling alone and searching for meaning in life. I always believed I was different and meant for something special from a young age I just never knew what that was. Now I think I found it. To share my dyslexic story with those that are like me and searching for meaning and purpose.

It took me 298 hours to finish this book. It was worth every minute typing on my computer. When I was writing and bringing this book to life it gave me a purpose in life. It helped me feel alive for the first time in a long time. That’s why my story is so unique.

Who would have thought a dyslexic kid would want to and could read 50 books in almost five years and finished writing three books, published one and now starting his fourth book? That’s why life is so precious. You never know where you might end up in the world. Never stop fighting and never give up on your dream and passion.