The Struggle Begins
I was listening to someone on Peptalk the other day. They talked about hitting goals. I would rather aim high and miss a goal and come a little short. Then aim low and hit a small goal and wonder what’s next? That’s what our life should be. That’s what my life has been building up to all of these years.
From ages 6-25 I was building my foundation and building who Peter is meant to become. It wasn’t always pretty, but I was doing the grunt work. For years and years, I hated myself, I still struggle with this. What could I really accomplish? How can I make a difference in the world? I always wondered and prayed about helping others somehow and making a difference, I just didn’t know how to.
I Couldn’t Stop
For years I was going back and forth, no I can’t accomplish anything. I’m just a mistake and I was the one oops that slipped by in the world. Wondering all of the years, why God gave me this disability and put all of this on my shoulders?
One day it hit me, I was reading a book about Tupac Shakur. He was talking about journaling and poems. I always thought journaling was for kids or something. Well if Pac is doing it, what do I have to lose haha?
I was journaling for a few weeks. Then one day something just clicked. Why don’t I do something with this, why don’t I create something from scratch? With no idea where to begin and what to do, and how to write a book. I did what you’re supposed to do in the beginning, I would write and write some more.
Shortly after writing for a while, this passion began to grow and take over. I now feel a purpose for the first time, I feel free now when I write. As stupid as it sounds, I was happy. How could something I hated in school so much make me feel so happy now? For starters, this attribute that I have never been good at before was not being forced on me now like it once was. My dyslexic mind and creative side of me took over and took off. I went all in, and 0-60 and writing as much as I could.
That’s when everything started to fall into place. I Peter Alexander Harrower am going to publish a book and become an author. My books are going to be turned into movies. More importantly, I want to help people just like me, especially kids. I think I need to share my story with the world and let them know what I’m trying to do.
When I first thought all of this, of course, I was thinking I’m losing my mind. How can this stupid kid who’s only 21 think he’s going to enter this field? Who would want to read his books? I can’t write, I can’t spell, or read fast or even enjoy reading for that matter? What kind of author has those faults and burdens weighing them down? I’ll tell you the kind of author that has those faults, that author is ME.
I was comparing myself to the best of the best. Looking at their background and what they went on to create and share with the world. What makes me different than every other author before me? Who cares what all of the other authors are saying and thinking. I’m not doing this for their praise or approval. I’m doing this because writing has given me more in life then I can ever give it back. Writing has brought meaning and passion to my life, more so than I ever could have imagined. Writing is giving me a way to share my story with you. I know I’m only begging and I haven’t done anything with my books yet.
Rolling The Dice
There’s a real possibility that my books and blog won’t live up to the potential that I think they could reach. If that turns out to be true, well that would suck. But I know at the end of my journey when it’s my time to go home. I know first-hand, that the goals I set out to reach and try and accomplish. The material I was trying to give to the world and help and entertain as many people as possible. If it turns out writing isn’t the career for me well then, I gave it my best shot.
I’m 28 at this very moment, and I know my writing and life goals are very high right now. To be honest, my goas scare the crap out of me. They are so big that when I start to talk about them and share what my goals are with writing. Sometimes I get embarrassed and think, wow these are big goals. You know what that’s the point of goals, they should be high and give you something to reach for. They should make you uncomfortable, that way they are taking you out of your comfort zone. Because what kind of life is it if you’re only living in your comfort zone?
When I started writing for the first time in my journal. August 6, 2011, I said to myself. Peter one day you’re going to publish this book and be able to call yourself an author. How cool is that? Here I am getting goosebumps as I’m writing this and thinking back to that summer day as I was writing the first page in my notebook.
Life is short, it’s about time we all start living it up. It’s about time we all start getting uncomfortable and taking a risk and going after something we love and want in life. Set those big scary goals, and embrace who you are. Who knows what you’re capable of doing? The only way to find out is taking that first step in that direction. From there you take another step, and another and keep going no matter what.