Chapter 5
If you want to grow in life one of the ways I believe to do that is to face your fears. Now I had a lot of fears growing up. I’m not proud of that but what can I say, I was damaged at a young age and that was holding me back from really living and seeing life the way I see it now. One of my many fears was myself. Again, I hated myself for a long time and struggled with that for years. I never thought I was good enough.
Some time went by and I realized I can’t hide anymore. I believe that I have a unique story so why not do something with it. That’s when I decide to write The World Through My Dyslexic Eyes. I realized in the summer of 2014 It is time to share my story with the world. But there was one little problem with that. I didn’t want to share my story with the world and it scared the crap out of me. At the time that was probably one of the scariest things to me that I was doing. Letting YOU into my daily life and showing you what my world looks like regularly.
Look At The Positive
When I shared my blog for the first time and made it live. At the time that was probably the scariest thing, I have ever done. With doing that people are going to know your faults and what you’re not good at? How much anger you have inside of you how dark you were for a long time. All of the bad and negative stuff you were battling for years and that you were trying to hide from everybody.
Naturally that all crossed my mind thinking about that. Before I hit send to tell everyone on Facebook and Instagram what I was doing. As funny as it sounds I had to wait for a second or two and take it all in. Peter, I don’t think you understand the kind of backlash and the negative effect that might follow after doing this? But on the positive side, with me opening up more about it. Look at all of the good I can do with sharing my unique story with the world? This was a legitimate conversation and fear I had before I made my website live.
My Emotion
What if 50% or 60% of the people that read my blog posts or my book don’t believe me. Well, that will be too bad because I guess reading my content they can’t see the passion and the emotion that I’m spilling onto the paper in front of them. They will never understand what my life is like on a daily basis. They could never understand how embarrassing it was reading in front of my class in school. Not being able to read fast or spell words correctly. Or worse knowing that a kid four or five years younger or more are probably smarter than me.
If they can’t see how hard that is as a 28-year-old man, then maybe I’m not supposed to be writing anymore. Maybe I did something wrong with trying to share with the world that its ok if you’re not good at something.
The Smaller Percentage
Now, what if I’m able to connect with the remaining percentage of the people that understand my stuff? Connecting with the other 50% or 40% of the people that get what I’m trying to do and share with the world? It’s not about the money. It’s not about the fame and the recognition. I HATE being the center of attention. I’m not that confident in myself and still struggle with that. I realized that sharing my story that more good could come from it than bad.
Like I referenced in my book. If sacrificing myself to the wolves by sharing my inner darkest secrets and my side effects and what I struggle with every day. Then so be it who cares what the other percentage thinks of me and says. I’m not doing this for them.
My Purpose
What started this passion is I think I found something that I’m good at. Being very creative and writing stories and making stories up from the top of my head. I don’t need notes or an outline I’m different then most authors, I think I have made that clear by now haha. Once I figure out what topic I’m writing about, I go to work.
I let my mind take over and let my hands do the work. I put my headphones in listening to my music and could write for hours a day. What started out as a hobby, quickly turned into an obsession. Now I’m starting to turn my obsession into my future career.
Writing and doing what I’m doing now has given me purpose. Sharing my crazy story with the world with wanting to do some good with it for a change and helping kids like myself is all I want. To write full time as my career and help kids like myself. I know what that struggle is like. Not believing in yourself, lacking confidence or finding purpose.
Go All In
That was me every day for most of my life, till four years ago it changed. I decide I’m going all in I’m not trying I’m DOING this writing as a career. It might not happen in the next couple of years. Maybe it won’t happen till I’m 30 but I can’t give up now. I strongly believe God put this on my heart for a reason. I can’t stop now I’m only getting started.
Don’t be scared, believe in yourself. I didn’t fully believe in myself from a young age. But I was still doing it because it takes time and you have to be patient another thing I struggle with. Do the work take a chance and enjoy the ride. You only get one life, why not roll the dice and go all in for what you want to do?
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