Somedays I Feel Like A Fraud

Day 20

Somedays I feel like a fraud, especially when I’m having a bad day. When I started this blog, my intentions were to share my story with the world. About five months later 57 posts and 1,356 views later here we are. I’m still sharing my story, and trying to have a positive impact on people. I have said hundreds of times already, I still have my faults and I’m not perfect. I have had my low days and a lot of personal issues I’m working on.

The reason why I feel like a fraud and why some days I feel fake and my mask is taking over. The real Peter has been in a dark tunnel for years, and far too long. My mask on the other side protected me when I went out in public and I didn’t want people to know who I really was. I didn’t want them to know the mindset and kind of personal issues I had. I don’t want them to know how angry I get. Or how lost and confused I am not knowing what’s next and where to go. Hence the reason why my mask become my best friend all these years.

I’m Different

I’m trying to share my story with kids and people. I know what it’s like to feel different or feel alone and confused. I wasted a lot of precious time pouting or depressed, that I can never get back in my life. Even though that time is long gone and I can’t get it back, in the end, those hard times helped turn me into the person I am today. Those hard times helped me build a tougher skin to keep going and keep fighting every day. Instead of hiding behind my mask for my whole life. It slowly started to help me to get out of my comfort zone.

I realized if I want to grow in life then I need to keep going and not stop. Now here we are its 2018 and January is almost over already. Time didn’t stop when I was down and upset or confused, and it certainly didn’t stop when I was happy. Time was going to pass whether I liked it or not, time doesn’t care how I’m feeling every day.

Why Bother

Somedays when I’m in a funk and thinking negatively about myself. Who would even want to hear my story? I tried I don’t even know how many jobs, and at 27 I still don’t know what’s next or where to go? I was just a kid with dyslexia and used his learning disability as an excuse for far too long. It’s hard not to think my story isn’t that special, and the only people that will really care are just my family and friends.

I want more with my life, I want to be greedy now. Even though some days I feel like a fraud or feel fake. I’m not happy, how can you be happy in the situation you are in life Peter? Are you even doing anything special right now? Here you’re trying to motivate others and help them out and try and motivate people to keep going in life. What are you even doing in your life? How can you tell people one thing and somedays turnaround and feel fake and a phony? I have those thoughts and that’s my mindset some days. It’s not healthy and I know they’re not real thoughts or what I’m really thinking. I’m just trying to talk myself down from trying because I have tried so many things before. I failed so many times before, look where that got me?

Yes I Can

My alter ego Fred, is just trying to keep me down and stay depressed because its easier and I can just settle. To answer the title in my post, yes somedays I feel like a fraud. I think why should people listen to me or kids read my books or posts? Could I really do any good or help them at all or even help lift them out of that funk they are in? The answer is YES, I truly think I can and I truly think I’m meant to do this. Somehow someway I’m going to help people and have a positive impact on people in my life.

My mindset and my actions and what I’m doing every day are seeing the world through two different sets of eyes. The first is my mindset preventing me from trying to do the best I can and just settle in life because it’s safer. The real me had to go through my whole life all the way up to this point looking at everything differently than others. That’s because I am different than most people. My dyslexia gave me the mindset to see the world differently than others.

Keep Trying

If my books don’t have the kind of impact I think they can and I hope they can. Well then that will suck and I’ll be very sad I won’t lie about that. But I know I gave it my absolute best every day and did the best I could. I went down swinging and kept fighting to better my craft. It just wasn’t what I was meant to do with my life.

I’m not giving up yet, I’m still only beginning. My eyes are only starting to open up to the world. I’m now just starting to live my life as a vacation. Even though I know I have my off days and my mindset might be wrong or fighting me. What’s important is I keep going and keep trying my best every day. Just like life, some days life knock’s us down and we get hit hard. All you need to do is get up and keep going and keep moving. Embrace the suck and whatever gets thrown your direction. Keep giving it your all every day, and don’t give up.

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