86,400 Seconds In A Day

Eye Opener

When you wake up every morning what do you think to yourself? Crap I have to get up. I don’t want to get out of bed, I don’t want to go to work. I don’t want to do this or that. Whatever your reason is it doesn’t matter. You have 86,400 seconds a day and what you do with that time will be gone at the end of the day and you can never get it back.

The other week I was in a little funk for a couple of days and depressed a little bit. I think the main reason why is because I just published my book a little over a month ago. Which is still weird saying that. But yet at the same time, it’s pretty freaking sweet haha.

I worked on that book for 12 and a half days of my life in the last four years. Now like that I’m done with the writing and formatting and bringing that book to life. Now I’m in a different phase with it.

Amazing Support

I have sold over 50 books which is pretty crazy thinking about that still. I’ll be grateful for every book I ever sell, I know it will always be a blessing. But I know it’s not enough. I knew this was going to be a hard business to get into.

I’m beyond grateful that I have my wife and so many amazing people around me cheering me on and helping me achieve and do what I’m trying to do. I also put a lot of pressure on myself and sometimes, ok most of the time I over think things. I focus too much on the end goal and I miss the moment I’m in.

I’m Blessed

I was so focused on trying to sell my books and to share my story with people. Get on podcasts and do whatever I need to do, that I forgot one important detail. I forgot to enjoy what I accomplished and take in what I did and how rare it is to publish a book.

That’s where I am now. Every morning God wakes me up and I’m able to get out of bed is a blessing. Now every full day I see from the moment I wake up till the moment I go to sleep I should take that as a gift and a blessing. Because not everybody wakes up.

Yes, I might be a little stressed right now trying to figure out my website, selling my book and promoting it. Trying to turn a hobby into an actual business now.

Don’t Stop

I know in this funk I haven’t enjoyed those 86,400 seconds like I know I should. Now, will I always enjoy every second of course not? I will have good days and bad. I know I need to get back to where I was and where I know I should be. Enjoying my new life I entered in only a couple months ago.

I’m happily married. I’m now a published author. I have the opportunity to turn my dreams into a reality. How awesome is that? Now when I’m given the opportunity I need to make the most of it.

If they can’t see the passion and how serious I am in my voice or on my face then I messed up and failed. Yes, is this going to be fun absolutely, well I hope haha? Will I be terrified or freaked out if I talk to a group of people about my story or book? Yes, it will freak me out. But I didn’t say I won’t do it.

I Want To Help

Yes, it will scare me, but it’s because I care and I want to help people now. I’m an introvert at heart. My past, how can I say this? Well, it screwed me up. My battle that I have every single day between my ears the last 20+ years of my life has truly put a number on me and kept me down a long time.

I’m just being honest. I was broken for a long time, I didn’t think there was any light for me at the end of the tunnel. I always believed I was meant for something special. But in all reality, I always thought I was just blowing smoke and just hoping for something special to happen for me.

I Woke Up

Well, news flash people, that something special happened and it didn’t happen when I published my book. It didn’t happen when I married Lindsay, all though that truly was amazing and a blessing. That special moment happened when I stopped feeding myself lies every day and decided to make a change.

I decided to stop all of the lies and thinking I was a mistake that slipped through the cracks when God created me. The moment I realized I was created for a purpose, is the moment when I started to live again and taste purpose for the first time. Publishing my book and marrying Lindsay were my top two goals. But what woke me up is that one day everything came together I finally decide to change my life and make something of the remaining seconds I have left.

Start Living

I stopped worrying about the seconds I lost with all of the days and years behind me and started focusing on the new seconds that are waiting for me. There are a lot of people that I truly think my story could benefit them. Now, will it change their life, maybe, I don’t know? That’s not for me to decide that’s for that person to decide.

I don’t know how many seconds I have remaining. But I do know with my new mindset I never wanted to start living more than I do now. That’s why everything happens for a reason. This disability God gave me, I now feel like I’m using it the way he always intended. Sharing my unique story and helping kids and young adults to start living for the first time.

Dream Chaser vs Dreamer

Dreamer

If you asked me when I was back in high school or a little younger what a dreamer was. I would have said somebody who has a dream or goal they want to pursue or accomplish in their life. Something big they want to do to feel an achievement or proud of themselves for pursuing something bigger. Now I’m going to tell you why a dream chaser is way better than a dreamer.

Here we are 2019. I’ll be 29 at the end of March. I’ve been married for a couple of months. My new book has been out for over a month, it’s still crazy saying that haha and probably always will be.

Dream Chaser

If you asked me the same question when I was around 21 or 22. I would have told you something completely different than just a couple of years before. I have been writing for over a year, and I know what my dreams are. To get married, which I never thought that would happen. Publish a book and share my story with the world and make a difference by helping people.

Well, first things first. I have been married for a couple of months. This time last year I was single and just starting to talk to Lindsay for the first time. I never pictured where I would be today. Now I’m happily married, one goal and dream done♠ (I couldn’t find a check mark, so a spade it is haha.)

Keep Going

Next publishing a book. What a kid with an LD and dyslexia how can he publish a book? Well if you were thinking that, or you weren’t. Just pretend you were please so I can answer that question. The answer is this guy with the LD and dyslexia. Or another way you can answer it is, so can YOU.

For years I never thought I could accomplish anything with this baggage over me and weighing me down in life. Until I finally realized a couple of years ago, how stupid and wrong that is. Just because I read slow and not good with spelling and grammar and everything else in school. That doesn’t mean I can’t write a book. I could have some awesome book ideas, but I just need help with the editing.

More To Come

Personally, I do feel like I have a lot of good ideas. Also, I think I’m a pretty good writer. By writer, I mean coming up with different ideas and using my imagination. As far as the editing and grammar and punctuation side of it, well let’s just move on, it will be easier haha.

Now, look where we are. I published my first book♠. I have written three other books. I have a couple more books that I know I want to write at some point.  Now I’m just trying to enjoy the ride and take in what I accomplished.

A Little Hard Work

I can finally tell people I’m not just a dreamer anymore like most of the world. Now, this isn’t a shot at them or a negative statement at them it’s just my opinion and an observation. I used to be just a dreamer. Now it’s amazing if you switch some things around and change a little of this and that, look at what can happen? You become what you have been searching for a dream chaser, and now you’re no longer a dreamer.

As much as I prayed and hoped I could publish a book. A small percent of me never thought it would actually happen, as sad as that is. It took a lot longer than I would have liked and I was expecting. But now that I went through it and saw what I battled to get to where I am now holding my book that I brought to life. I know first-hand that with a little hard work, anything is possible.

It’s Possible

A dyslexic kid becoming an author is that possible? A girl taking a chance on a guy who was broken for so long and needed a lot of help and giving him hope is that possible? A guy who hated his life for years. A guy who never thought he could accomplish anything or be successful in life. Can now officially share with the world that he crossed off his top two goals in a three-month span. So, can you?

All you have to do is keep working and keep going. I’m here to tell you that you can do it. Yes, I know as lame as that might sound haha. Ohh sure you can do this or that or whatever it is you want to do. But it’s true, accomplishing these two dreams and goals of mine, has given me more hope and purpose than I ever imagined.

Focused

I found a woman to love me for me no matter what I struggle with or am not good at. I turned a weakness of mine and a lot of stuff I’m not good at or struggle with daily into something positive hoping to make a difference in people’s lives.

Do I have my off days and not feeling up to it or proud of what I’m trying to do? Of course, and most likely I will always have days like that. But in the end what brings me back to reality is what I have in front of me and what I can touch and see in front of me now.

Keep Going

What I saw was hope and purpose. I feel more alive than I ever did. Now if my book, blog or story doesn’t make as big of an impact as I thought it would. Well that will be unfortunate and maybe it wasn’t meant to be, but at least I tried my best and gave it my all. I didn’t just stop and take in what I accomplished and smiled. Yes, I enjoyed it and I’m still enjoying it. But I kept working and I didn’t give up.

Embrace your unique story and share it with the world

Take In What You Accomplished

The Struggle

Every now and then I think it’s important that we take in what you accomplished. Not in an, I’m better than you kind of way. It’s more of a reality check and a refresher you could say. Thinking wow did I really do that? Thinking to yourself how crazy it is as you smile thinking of what you just accomplished now.

For me, there’s a lot to look back on and take a second and think to myself. I have written four books in seven years and read 52 books in five years. I started my own website and have been blogging for almost two years. I’m starting to come out of my comfort zone and safe zone and sharing with the world a day in the life of an LD kid.

Opening Up

Sharing my story and my background with my disability throughout my life was not easy to do. Honestly, I did not want to do this. I was very hesitant and scared to do it. Scared is an understatement, I was freaking out and it scared the crap out of me.

My disability has turned me into an introvert from a young age. Yes, I have some extrovert qualities but at the end of the day, I’m an introvert. I decided as I was journaling about my life and experience in Peru over four years ago. I should turn this into something. My book was born and here we are over four years later. Honestly, I was more scared about publishing my book and blog then I was purposing to Lindsay and on our wedding day as funny as that is.

When I made my website go live and I told people at that time almost two years ago that was the scariest thing I have ever done in my life. Now when I upload my book to Amazon that was the new scariest thing I have ever done in my life. Yes, it freaks me out, but I’m also excited and pumped for people to read my story.

I’m Different

Now when I say my story I’m not saying my story is better or more interesting than yours. Well in all reality it probably is HAHA just kidding. My story is just different and unique just like yours. We all have a unique story and it’s all a one of a kind. I’m just excited finally to share my faults and issues with the world and try and turn those negatives and burdens I have into positives.

Taking a second and looking back at what I have done. I sucked in school just snuck by with a C and D average if I was lucky. Struggling in life searching for meaning or purpose. Battling the ups and the downs of the world.

New Me

It’s 2019 I’m married to the love of my life. I have a house, a dog and a cat. This dyslexic what started out as a young boy to now 28 is now a published author. How cool is that? I took a weakness that I sucked at in school and was not fast or good with reading or writing. School was hell for me for my whole life. I have said it before school felt like a prison for me. Doing the same thing every day for years. Having the same negative attuited and mindset through every grade. I suck at school I’m not smart I’m stupid what’s the point?

With all of the issues I have, somehow someway I managed to turn my life around and pursued the one thing that scared me the most in my life. Pursue and chase my now dream career of becoming an author and sharing my personal story with the world. How funny is that?

My Calling

I tried avoiding reading and writing for as long as I could. In that time frame, it was like pulling teeth trying to get me to read and write. Now I have written four books totaling over 200,000 words. I have read 52 books in five years. This will be my 113 blog post. All of those posts I shoot for no more than 1,000 words per post. Now writing 1,000 words is a breeze for me. Even if I don’t have a topic I just start typing and go with the flow. That’s how I do my posts most of the time. Once I figure out my topic I don’t plan anything out. I just think about that topic, write and go.

The reason why this post is so personal for me is I still struggle with this to this day. Yes, I have done a lot in the last couple of years and or working on a lot also. It’s because I felt like I wasted so much time in my earlier years. Yes I know I was a kid and in my earlier 20’s trying to find myself and figure out what’s next. Even going through school, I used my LD as a get out of jail free card and treated it like I had a free pass to graduate. I now realized how lazy I was at times and now I know what I did wrong. That’s why I’m working so hard to make up for the time I lost.

Don’t Stop

I have a lot of big things I want to accomplish. I can’t slow down anymore and just try and sneak by like the old days. I’m dreaming big and whatever comes my way now I want to tackle it head on and not be afraid anymore like my past.

There’s no more coasting anymore. I have more books to publish and more books to write. There are millions of kids and young adults just like me. I think they need to hear my story. Not to impress them or say look at me. They need to know and finally understand what they are truly capable of doing themselves. Seeing what I did or am doing will hopefully be used as there guidance and help if they need it.

Face Your Fear

Chapter 5

If you want to grow in life one of the ways I believe to do that is to face your fears. Now I had a lot of fears growing up. I’m not proud of that but what can I say, I was damaged at a young age and that was holding me back from really living and seeing life the way I see it now. One of my many fears was myself. Again, I hated myself for a long time and struggled with that for years. I never thought I was good enough.

Some time went by and I realized I can’t hide anymore. I believe that I have a unique story so why not do something with it. That’s when I decide to write The World Through My Dyslexic Eyes. I realized in the summer of 2014 It is time to share my story with the world. But there was one little problem with that. I didn’t want to share my story with the world and it scared the crap out of me. At the time that was probably one of the scariest things to me that I was doing. Letting YOU into my daily life and showing you what my world looks like regularly.

Look At The Positive

When I shared my blog for the first time and made it live. At the time that was probably the scariest thing, I have ever done. With doing that people are going to know your faults and what you’re not good at? How much anger you have inside of you how dark you were for a long time. All of the bad and negative stuff you were battling for years and that you were trying to hide from everybody.

Naturally that all crossed my mind thinking about that. Before I hit send to tell everyone on Facebook and Instagram what I was doing. As funny as it sounds I had to wait for a second or two and take it all in. Peter, I don’t think you understand the kind of backlash and the negative effect that might follow after doing this? But on the positive side, with me opening up more about it. Look at all of the good I can do with sharing my unique story with the world? This was a legitimate conversation and fear I had before I made my website live.

My Emotion

What if 50% or 60% of the people that read my blog posts or my book don’t believe me. Well, that will be too bad because I guess reading my content they can’t see the passion and the emotion that I’m spilling onto the paper in front of them. They will never understand what my life is like on a daily basis. They could never understand how embarrassing it was reading in front of my class in school. Not being able to read fast or spell words correctly. Or worse knowing that a kid four or five years younger or more are probably smarter than me.

If they can’t see how hard that is as a 28-year-old man, then maybe I’m not supposed to be writing anymore. Maybe I did something wrong with trying to share with the world that its ok if you’re not good at something.

The Smaller Percentage

Now, what if I’m able to connect with the remaining percentage of the people that understand my stuff? Connecting with the other 50% or 40% of the people that get what I’m trying to do and share with the world? It’s not about the money. It’s not about the fame and the recognition. I HATE being the center of attention. I’m not that confident in myself and still struggle with that. I realized that sharing my story that more good could come from it than bad.

Like I referenced in my book. If sacrificing myself to the wolves by sharing my inner darkest secrets and my side effects and what I struggle with every day. Then so be it who cares what the other percentage thinks of me and says. I’m not doing this for them.

My Purpose

What started this passion is I think I found something that I’m good at. Being very creative and writing stories and making stories up from the top of my head. I don’t need notes or an outline I’m different then most authors, I think I have made that clear by now haha. Once I figure out what topic I’m writing about, I go to work.

I let my mind take over and let my hands do the work. I put my headphones in listening to my music and could write for hours a day. What started out as a hobby, quickly turned into an obsession. Now I’m starting to turn my obsession into my future career.

Writing and doing what I’m doing now has given me purpose. Sharing my crazy story with the world with wanting to do some good with it for a change and helping kids like myself is all I want. To write full time as my career and help kids like myself. I know what that struggle is like. Not believing in yourself, lacking confidence or finding purpose.

Go All In

That was me every day for most of my life, till four years ago it changed. I decide I’m going all in I’m not trying I’m DOING this writing as a career. It might not happen in the next couple of years. Maybe it won’t happen till I’m 30 but I can’t give up now. I strongly believe God put this on my heart for a reason. I can’t stop now I’m only getting started.

Don’t be scared, believe in yourself. I didn’t fully believe in myself from a young age. But I was still doing it because it takes time and you have to be patient another thing I struggle with. Do the work take a chance and enjoy the ride. You only get one life, why not roll the dice and go all in for what you want to do?

298 Hours Till Completion

Number 1 Goal

If you would have told me back in August 2014 that all I would have to do is work for a total of 298 hours and I will publish my book. I probably would have laughed at you. That is almost 12 and a half days of my life I worked on this book. Who would have thought only 298 hours till the completion of my book and I would become a published author?

I’ve been dreaming of this day for over seven years. Now that it’s finally here it feels surreal and hasn’t really kicked in yet. You have to understand over four years this book has been in the back of my head taunting me for that time. Wondering if I will ever publish it and share it with the world. Thinking sometimes it’s going to be a bust and I won’t sell any copies or help anybody. Thinking I will chalk it up as another failure for Peter.

Between My Ears

Yes, it can be very draining living inside of my mind. I don’t want to be this way, I don’t want to be this negative or this down all of the time. It’s a consistent game I’m playing all of the time. It’s like tennis going back and forth with positive vs negative.

Even if this book would have taken 1,000 hours I wouldn’t have cared. If the average book from start to finish takes a couple months or 100 hours it doesn’t matter. What matters is I made up my mind on my goal and I was committed to seeing it through till the end no matter what.

In my 28 years of life, I have never been more committed and more focused in my life. August 6th, 2011, I made a commitment that day when I started my first novel. That was the first book in my fiction series. From that day till December 21st, 2018 my main focus was to finish what I had started. Publish my first book.

Determined

I have lived most of my life without goals and motivation and drive in my life, and look where that got me? Yes, do I believe that all played a factor in my life to bring me to this point absolutely. But that doesn’t mean I couldn’t have made that path I was on for over seven years a little easier. Yes, everything happens for a reason. But I believe we have the opportunity to control some of the things that come up in our life and control that outcome.

When I started my first novel seven years ago. I knew it wasn’t going to be easy and it was going to be hard. Especially with how much I struggle with reading and writing I knew it would be challenging. But I didn’t care what the time frame was or how long it took me. I started writing and never looked back.

New Challange

Now I didn’t publish my first book I started but that’s ok. Things change and new things came up for me over that time.  A few years ago, I just switched my focus to my memoir. I felt like sharing my unique story was more important at the time than a fiction series I created.

My book has only been out for about a week so far. There hasn’t been a crazy number of books sold so far. Which is about what I expected. Every day I move forward this business is still all new to me. I’m trying to take in the fact that I finally published my first book, I should be happy. I’m now a published author. But I’m now a business owner and now I have to take care of everything. This is where the real fun begins and my inner Entrepreneur comes out and is ready for a new challenge.

My Objective Changed

Yes, it’s a lot but this is what I signed up for. I’m excited about this and looking forward to pursuing this new career and path I’m on now. Will it be scary yes, it already is haha? People are buying my book and reading about me that’s still an adjustment. I have always been a private person and always kept to myself. Now I went the complete opposite direction and wrote a book about my dyslexic world.

This started out as a journal and sharing my faults and weaknesses with my dyslexia and how much I have struggled over the years. But then as I was writing it transitioned into wanting to help kids and young adults like myself.

I don’t want to sell books for a living. I want to sell my unique life and what I have learned along the way and how I see the world. Now I’m not saying my views are all correct and you have to follow me or you will lose and fail. That’s not it at all obviously.

You Never Know

All I’m trying to share with the world and YOU. I know what it’s like to be confused, feeling alone and searching for meaning in life. I always believed I was different and meant for something special from a young age I just never knew what that was. Now I think I found it. To share my dyslexic story with those that are like me and searching for meaning and purpose.

It took me 298 hours to finish this book. It was worth every minute typing on my computer. When I was writing and bringing this book to life it gave me a purpose in life. It helped me feel alive for the first time in a long time. That’s why my story is so unique.

Who would have thought a dyslexic kid would want to and could read 50 books in almost five years and finished writing three books, published one and now starting his fourth book? That’s why life is so precious. You never know where you might end up in the world. Never stop fighting and never give up on your dream and passion.

The World Through My Dyslexic Eyes

It’s Finally Here

Well, I have good news people. After four plus years and almost 300 hours spent working on my book. I’m happy to announce for the first time The World Through My Dyslexic Eyes is officially live and is now on Amazon. Links are below.

I would be lying if I didn’t say this felt weird but it does haha. I can now say Peter A Harrower is a published author. I can’t help but smile, I still can’t believe this happened. Thinking back to four years ago when I started this book. Wow, that would be cool if this actually gets published and becomes real and not just talk about it and hopefully become real one day.

A Long Time

Well, I did it and I cannot be more excited to announce that my number one goal for almost eight years now has come true. I’m able to call myself an author now. The point of this was not to become an author and fill my own pockets. The point of this was to share my story and what I have gone through over the years. My unique story is way bigger than any dollar amount. My story is unique and a one of a kind just like your story.

I know how hard it was dealing every day with my faults and weaknesses every day of my life. I mean I still struggle with them and I always will struggle with them. Finally, I found a way to fight back for the first time in my life. Instead of running from what I suck at now, I’m now embracing what I suck at and now sharing that with the world.

New Me

This book is way more than just a journal and sharing what I have learned over the years. This book is hopefully going to make a kid with dyslexia or battling whatever problems they have currently. It’s going to let them know that its ok to be afraid and scared to do the things you’re not good at. I’ll be honest I’m still scared to read in front of people to this day at 28. I’ll probably never be a fan of that.

I hated reading and writing all the way up to graduating from high school. Then it hit me a couple years later. Why not try and turn that weakness into a strength or at least try and become a little better? That’s what I did and that’s what I’m still doing and will always be doing. 49 books read in the last four and a half years. Three books were written and now finished in the last seven years and more ideas in the back of my mind waiting to be shared with the world.

My goal is to read 100 books by the time I’m 30. I have about 15 months left. Isn’t that funny how people can change? In my past, you couldn’t pay me to read. Now my new goal is to finish 51 books in the next 15 months haha.

Focus On You

My biggest goal for this book is to help that kid or 21 year old whatever the age. I want them to know that its ok if they don’t know what they want to do in life or what their career is yet. Yes, they might get upset seeing their friends finding their way and career in life but who cares. Yes, it might suck because they found it and you didn’t but it doesn’t matter. They have their own life and you have yours. It took me a long time to realize that and actually start believing it.

You just need to focus on your life and what you want to do and what you enjoy. Life is short and life is so precious, we only get one chance at it. It’s not a game where you get unlimited chances to beat that level. When you’re called home and it’s time for you to go there are no do-overs. What you did and put in up to this point is what you get out of it and that’s it.

Vision

That’s why now is the time to make the most of your life and don’t look back. When you’re on your death bed you know what should scare you and be one of the scariest things to see around your bed or in your mind? Is all the thought bubbles of I wish I did this or that? If only I had more time or could do it all over again. That is one of the scariest visions I have ever had in my life.

That vision is what drives me to make the most of my life now. Well, a lot of things drive me to make the most of it haha. God put me on earth and in this situation for a reason. I was blessed with the strengths and weaknesses for a reason. Now is the time to make the most of your life and live it up with no regrets why you can.

Go write that book and publish it in 2019. Go run that race or climb that mountain. It doesn’t matter what it is. We all have our own unique hills to climb in our life. I’m 28 and I just got over my first big hill in my life. That hill was finally publishing my book.

What’s Next

Now looking out at the beautiful view in front of me. Do you want to know what I see on my horizon? I see opportunity in front of me. Yes, there are hundreds of hills I need to climb still to keep going and there will always be hard times ahead. But that’s what I want, I don’t want a flat easy walk to my deathbed. I want to see the world and share the world with you and with my wife. That’s why now is the time to make the most of it and chase those dreams and goals you have in your life and make them a reality.

Here are the links to my book below. I hope you enjoy.

Kindle

 

 

 

 

Paperback

My Commitment

My Version

Commitment is something that has always been important to me. Commitment is something I always dreamed about and wondered what it would be like to be committed to someone and get married? I always thought what it would finally feel like for me to be able to share my commitment with someone else? There was one problem with thinking about my future commitment, I never actually thought it would happen to me.

For most of my life starting around six years old all the way to the begging of this year. In that time frame is about 22 years something like that. I never thought I actually would be getting married. I always dreamed and prayed for it for years. But in all reality my negative mindset and my reality that I saw everyday put up a brick wall thinking anyone could ever love me one day.

Wasn’t For Me

No girl could ever love me or date me. That’s impossible, and never going to happen. I have had this mindset for 22 years. In that time, I have been my toughest critic and my worst enemy in those years. I’ve been filled with hatred toward myself for years. I never thought I could find the love of my life. I can’t blame anyone for my negative and screwed up mentality that I have had for most of my life. The only one I can blame is myself.

I just snuck by graduating high school, I have no college degree. I have had in my life so far eight jobs I believe and I’m only 28. My longest job and relationship has been at Nike for almost four years. I have bounced around from job to job. I could never find something and stick with it because honestly after a while I got bored with it and I needed something new. This job wasn’t for me anymore, at least that’s what I felt like and told myself.

I Was Wrong

Now I was still thinking this way earlier January of 2018. Fast forward to getting married on October 6th and now it’s a week away from Christmas. I have been married for over two months now. You know what I have learned in that time period so far. Well, I have learned a lot haha. But one of the things that stuck out for me the most. I still do not understand women after all of this time with three sisters and my mom haha. But I also realized how completely wrong I was about commitment and my outlook toward it.

I have been scared of commitment and dating all of my life because of what I saw through my eyes daily. Not realizing that everyone is not like me or has the same outlook towards life. There are actually other people in the world who aren’t like me, and who think differently from me. I know it’s crazy isn’t it haha.

The Struggle

Here I was for most of my life looking at all the women I’ve talked to over the years. Thinking to myself what they saw and how I saw myself. Not realizing they are different and see things differently than myself.

I have had this conversation a few times with my wife about this. She doesn’t like hearing it because how I see myself is not how she sees myself. Not only is that awesome and amazing with what I have been through over the years but I’m glad nobody sees what I go through and see every day. I’m clearly not perfect and not anywhere close to being in the same time zone of perfection. I still struggle with this daily.

My Ultimate Prize

Sometimes I think why is Lindsay married to me? Again, she gets upset when I think this sometimes or say this stuff. Again, confidence and I have always had a tough relationship over the years. I’m still working on it.

With everything I have shared about my commitment and what I thought of it. I clearly don’t know what I’m talking about because my beautiful wife doesn’t see anything that I see haha. I’m glad about that, what she sees is well you can ask her if you’re that curious. All I can say is I’m glad she doesn’t see what is going on between my ears daily.

Will I screw up over the years absolutely thousands of times. Will I always be working on trying to better myself and doing the best I can. I won’t stop till the day I die. Because now my ultimate dream has come true, I found my Lioness. I have the ultimate prize I have been searching for in my life. I found my great white buffalo. No I’m not calling Lindsay a buffalo don’t worry, it’s from a movie haha.

I’m A Lucky Man

Yes, the other prizes that I’m working towards are, a career in writing and becoming an author and writing books and sharing my story. That will always be my dream and the earthly goal that I’m trying to reach by helping kids and impacting young adults. With that, in the end, I never thought I could be married or in a commitment with someone else other than my family. Well, I was wrong and I’m happy to admit that, this time haha.

I was so focused on what I thought about myself and what I saw every day, I didn’t consider that other people could see something different in me. I just want to let you know it’s possible and I’m living proof of that.

I’m so close to publishing my first book in the same calendar year, what else do I need? I’m very close to accomplishing my number one goal for over seven years now. I know how blessed I am and how thankful I should be. I see that now and one day you will be sitting where I am thinking the exact same thing.

School Vs The Real World

My Sentence

School was hell for me and it felt like I was in prison the whole time. I know that’s dramatic but it’s true. I’m not talking about my time with friends or sports. In this post, it’s about the learning side of it for me.

Imagine this for a minute. Think of something you’re not good at or don’t like doing? Imagine from k-12, as the subjects got harder and more homework and tests came along. My reading and writing level were always a couple of years behind everyone else and I struggled to advance with my grade.

My Struggle

Now put yourself in my shoes. I’m a senior it’s my last year of school. Everyone is happy and excited ready to be done and move on. For me, I was more focused on not having to read in front of everyone or spell anything or get called on during class. I wanted to hide in the corner when it came time for class. Because my levels were the same as a middle school kid, even though I was four plus years older.

Now at 18 years old, that doesn’t really help one’s confidence level if a 14-year-old has the same skills as me? Naturally, you can understand why I hated school and it didn’t do anything for me. Actually, it did a lot for me I was wrong. But what it did for me was not positive and the complete opposite of what teachers or my parents probably wanted for me. It taught me to hate and resent myself even more than I already have.

More Motivated

What I have learned from my years in school is absolutely NOTHING. Now that’s not a stab at schools it’s just my experience with it. What I have learned in the last four years alone has taught me way more than I ever learned in school.

With no college degree, and just sneaking by passing high school. I’m now starting to realize that I don’t need school or a degree to feel better or help me in life. I mean, of course, it doesn’t hurt especially if you have a certain career you’re in or chasing.

I’m not your typical student. I have never been like everyone else and I never will be like everyone else. I have always been different than everyone else and I always will be. I’m 28 now and I’m finally starting to recognize who I am and the kind of person I am.

Thank You

All though I hated school and I didn’t get much out of it. I have never appreciated school so much in my life till right now at 28. I’m sure you weren’t expecting that haha. Because of my hatred toward school and not being good at school. With my disability, I have to read the same sentence or paragraph a few times if I get confused. Even to this day I still get pissed sometimes when I have to do that. Yes, I get upset but that’s just a weakness of mine and I have accepted it now. But it doesn’t mean I have to love it or be ok with it. That’s why I read so much now.

I have read 48 books in almost five years. Till the time I graduated you could probably count the number of books I read cover to cover on one hand. I don’t read for pleasure like some people, I still HATE reading. Well, I’m starting to get better with it haha. I know that might not make much sense with me finishing so many books now. Plus now writing so much and wanting to become an author and write for a career.

One Of A Kind

I know that’s, not your typical reasoning for wanting to read and write. But the reason why I read so much now and write so much now is because of my past. I’m doing it because reading no matter how slow I read or how much I still struggle with it, the pros will always outweigh the cons. That’s why I want to get better now, is because of my love-hate relationship with reading and writing. 

That’s why I’m, not your typical writer and author. You know at 28, I’m finally figuring out who I am and the kind of person I am and turning into. I’m ok with that because I don’t want to be like every other blogger or author. I’m seeing the world from a different perspective than most people.

I Learned Alot

Yes, I’m a late bloomer and that’s ok because we all go through different challenges and situations. Don’t focus on the people to your left and right, only focus on your path and where you want to go. That’s why at 28 I have now realized how much I appreciated school and will always be thankful for my hard times and experiences.

Those hard times taught me the definition of work over the years. I always had to work harder than most people. I have been below average and an underdog all of my life. That’s why I’m going to be successful now. Not because I want to prove people wrong and brag and say look at me look at what I accomplished, that’s not it at all.

My Unique Way

I’m looking forward to sharing with the world that all my life I have been on the lower half of the scale. I have accepted that now and realize that’s just how it is. But what I can’t accept anymore is my attitude of just aiming for average like most of my early life.

Just because I sucked in school that doesn’t mean I can’t make a difference and help people in the world. That is the exact reason why I’m doing this now. I want to show people that it doesn’t matter what your weaknesses are. There is always another way and another approach you can take to better yourself. You just have to find a way and make it happen and go after it.

Ghosts Around Your Deathbed

My Ghosts

Imagine the day when you’re on your deathbed. I know that’s not something we try and think about or people taught us to think about regularly haha. You’re on your bed nobody else around except your ghosts.

Now, these ghosts represent everything you didn’t accomplish in your life you had wanted to or talked about doing in your days leading up to this moment. For me, I want to publish at least six books at the moment. I’m going back and forth with some other ideas. I want my fiction series to be turned into movies, which is three of my books. I’m training to do a half ironman this summer just to name a few.

Originally I wanted my books to sell a million copies, yes that’s a big goal to chase. But then my dad challenged me and was being my dad haha. Instead of capping it and trying to sell a million copies of your books. Why not try and reach a million plus people with your books? I didn’t really have to think too long about that, it made sense and I like that more.

Wake Up Call

All of these goals I talked about that has to do with my books. It’s not about the money, yes is their money in that business and money to be made. Of course, there is a lot of money out there and plenty to go around. That’s not what drives me and brought me onto this path of becoming an author and sharing my story. Yes, do I want to sell a lot of copies, of course, I won’t deny that or apologize about that. Because if I sell a lot of my books, especially my memoir then that means the more of that book I sell the more young adults I can be connecting with.

All of this I believe was put on my heart for a reason. It would just be a waste if I don’t follow through with it or do anything about it now. Will it be easy of course not, it’s already been over seven years. In that time, I’ve written three books and started my own blog. In that time, I have reached out to almost 300 agents to represent me. I had 100 tell me they weren’t interested, and 170 not respond. Was I upset and pissed, well yes, I was. Because it was a reality check this was going to be a lot harder than I anticipated.

I’m Almost Done

Did that stop me from working and trying to get better with my writing absolutely not? Did I have my off days and days I didn’t want to write absolutely? But here we are I’m still writing and not slowing down. Yes, I have earthly goals of mine about writing and publishing my books and trying to help as many kids and young adults as possible. That will always be the backbone to what I’m trying to do.

In the end, if my books get published awesome that will be a dream come true. I know for a fact when I hold my first book looking at it with my own eyes and see the words I wrote and Peter A. Harrower on the spine I know I will tear up a little. I won’t even hide it or deny it, I will cry because I know what it took to create that book and the time and effort over the last seven years writing three books. My memoir book alone I have put over 270 hours into and I’m still not done. I’m getting goosebumps thinking about that moment as I write this.

What Really Matters

In all honesty, if my books don’t do as well as I had hoped. I try not to think that way and already looking at the outcome, but this is just an example. Whether they do amazing or don’t do anything I’m still going to be the same Peter I was when I first started writing those books. I know for a fact that will never change me. Because I don’t want to be remembered for my books. Yes, I want to use that as a stepping stone to help impact kids that were upset and confused like me. But more importunately I want to be a light and a good example to those kids and young adults that need it.

I want to be the best husband and one-day father, son, brother, uncle, and friend that I can be. Will I mess up some days absolutely will I screw up sometimes of course. But will I get it right some days, yes, I will? Will the people close to me know my heart and know that I’m trying my best, yes, they will? I don’t need money or fame to tell me I accomplished amazing things. I just need people around me to have an opportunity to be kind to them to laugh with them and have fun with them and be there friend.

My Possibilities

Do my goals and dreams drive me yes, they do? Does one day becoming a father push me to work harder and save more money and give them the life they deserve yes it does? In the end, I don’t need to have this story from Les Brown be my ultimate goal for me. Yes, it’s a great reminder and a great eye-opener and it definitely woke me up.

I feel like I’m already on the path to doing everything that I talked about doing. I haven’t given up yet, I’m still fighting every day and still working hard. I’m just starting to recognize now that I can work harder and do better. So that’s what I’m focusing on now. I’m more aware of what I can do and capable of doing now, then what I’m not capable of doing. My mindset has shifted to the possibilities that I can accomplish not to what I’m not able to do.

Check out the video below

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3ddyXrYaN-4 

My Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving

Yesterday was Thanksgiving and what can I say I have alot to be thankful for. It has been a good year and the good news is it’s not over yet. Where do I begin with my Thanksgiving story?

February 11th is where we begin. I have been to Starbucks hundreds of times over the years. But I knew this time wasn’t going to be a normal experience for me. It was the first time I met Lindsay. I think it’s safe to say it went well after spending three hours talking and laughing with her.

February 11th to June 9th there are 119 days in between. That’s when I popped the question. June 10 to October 6th there were 119 days in between until we got married. October 7th till November 22 there was 47 days in between. Totaling 285 days between that first day we met till her favorite holiday Thanksgiving.

What A Year

In between that time I was spoiled and lucky enough to experience what I experienced. Forget getting married for a seccond. I went backpacking across Europe for the second time for two weeks. I went to the outer banks for the first time with my family for vacation this year. Then a little over a month I followed it up with going with Lindsay’s family back to the outer banks for another week. After that almost six weeks later I got married and we went to the Riviera Maya for our Honeymoon.

So yes this is on track to being the best year Peter Harrower has ever have. I hope and pray I’m not done yet. There are still 39 more days till 2018 comes to a close. The icing on top of the cake for me is im so close to finnaly finishing my book. I’m about to send it off to get formatted. If everything goes well and there won’t be any setbacks it will hopefully go live through Amazon (KDP) by the end of December.

What A Bonus

Regardless if my book is published in 2018 or not. This has by far been the best year of my life. Yes, I have been talking about publishing my book for a number of years now and I’m so close and I can’t wait. But the last thing I want to do is just to finish it and publish it for the heck of it. I’ve been working on this book for over four years now what’s another month?

If I do get the opportunity to publish my book this December. This is already the best year I ever have. Publishing my book will be next on the list for the best thing that I did in 2018. It still scares the crap out of me and it’s definitely pushing me outside of my comfort zone but that’s good I need that. After all, I can’t talk all the time about you guys getting out of your comfort zone and I don’t even do anything about that. What kind of example would that be?

Surprise Surprise

This year has been full of highs, I think it’s safe to say that for the first time ever or in a long time. I think I had more highs then I did lows. Now I don’t mean for that to sound horrible or like I’m a Debbie Downer. Forget my book right now. The reason why this year is so special and means so much to me is beciase of one reason Lindsay.

I always thought I would get married at a young age. But in all reality, I never thought I would get married. I had so many weaknessses pulling me back and weighing me down in life I never thought I would be good enough for anyone. I never apreciated myself or thought I was good enough for myself. So how could I be good for someone else then?

I Was Wrong

Well, I guess I was wrong and I’m very happy to admit that I was wrong in this example haha. I found my Lioness who loves me and cares about me more than I ever thought someone could in my life. I know I’m lucky just for that reason of getting married.

I’m so unbelievably blessed and more than I deserve that it took me a long time to finally realize that. I have a new wife that loves me, and a new dog, finally I have my own house. I mean what else do I need? Ok, I know what I need. I need to publish my book and share that with the world. Then after that, I don’t need any gifts for Christmas or any other material thing you could offer me.

Finish Strong

I finally got married and very soon accomplished my number one goal in my life of publishing my own book. I never thought that my Learning Disability and Dyslexic self would have ever gotten to this point in my life. Sure I dreamed about it and prayed about it for years. But now that I know I’m in the moment and I’m very close to achieving that goal. I can’t help but smile about that.

As you can see I’m very lucky and very happy right now. But I wasn’t always this happy and loving life like this. If you haven’t read some of my old posts read critic, my years as a zombie just to name a few. I was down and miserable for a long time and as much as that bothers me. I know it was all meant for a reason and I would do it all again to bring me to this point. There is always light at the end of the tunnel. I know it might feel like a stretch now but it’s true keep going and keep working every day. Don’t give up, your so close keep working every day like your life depends on it.