(LD) or Learning DIsability is probably the worst thing that has ever happened to me. Also at the same time, one of the best things that have ever happen to me. All of this might not make much sense right now, I’ll explain. Officially I was diagnosed and it was confirmed early in my 2nd-grade year. Having trouble, leading up to that point and the teachers and my parents started to notice something didn’t seem right. Doing all of these tests, and after a while with a lot of frustration and tears. They finally connected the dots, I was Dyslexic and have a Learning Disability.
After finding out that I had to change schools, I LOST it. I was a mess for a long time, crying and pleading I don’t want to go. Why do I have to leave my school? Remember how I said I don’t remember much of my childhood. Well, I remember that day when my parents told me, I’ll never forget it. I was up in their bedroom and I was freaking out. They kept trying to calm me down and say that this school can help me. I didn’t care, I didn’t like being different and I didn’t want to have to change schools. Leaving all of my friends and starting all over, I didn’t want that.
Most of the memories I have, all had to do with my LD. With those memories and flashbacks I have, they aren’t good memories. It is probably honestly, 70-30 not good. That’s, not a being dramatic, that was the ratio for me. School through those years, was HELL for me. Sure there were good days and good times, of course, no question about it. If I had a few good days or a week, the following week or month would be worse. It felt like a giant roller coaster, going up and down, twist and turns bouncing all over the place.
As the years went on, my issues and LD problem seem to get worse. Now that I was getting older, school got harder and I was getting farther and farther behind. Even though I had a handicap that didn’t matter. I still had to keep up with the homework and the tests.
I Hate Reading
Only one problem, for example, if I was in say middle school 7th or 8th grade. My reading level was a 3rd or maybe 4th-grade level. I couldn’t spell, I was very slow at reading. I just struggled all around with everything that had to do with school. Even with getting extra help from the teachers, I still struggled. The teachers would always make sure I had a seat up front. Just so I would be closer and maybe that would help me pay attention better. News flash it didn’t help, in case you were curious haha.
Sometimes I would get an extra day or two if we had a big project. If we had a test and I didn’t finish in time, by the end of the class. I could stay and finish it, or go to another room and finish it, or finish it a later day. I would get extra time with big tests, or a teacher would read the questions to me. Imagine how I felt with that, having a “special” teacher in the room with me with my whole class. I would just get so embarrassed and felt again stupid and an idiot. I just wanted to crawl into a hole. They tried everything to help me. I’m beyond grateful for all the help from all of my teachers over the years.
Bring on freshman year, I’m at a new school and finally in High School. Only four more years Peter and you are free, from this prison. That’s all I kept telling myself. On the flip side, only four more years and then WHAT is all I kept telling myself? It was a catch 22, I will be done with school. I’m sure as heck not going to college, what will I do then? All of these thoughts were going through my head, almost every day of HS.
Every day I got closer to my ultimate goal of getting that stupid piece of pepper and graduating, again brought me that much closer to reality. I had NO clue what to do about reality? I was so focused on graduating and reaching that milestone that was my one and only goal at the time. The only problem with that attitude and focus day in and day out, I was so focused on the future and I missed out on my present and I was missing it as the days went by? The next thing I knew, graduation morning was here and I just squeaked by. I’m not kidding, I just got a 2.0 GPA. I’m not proud of it, but I passed I’ll take it and consider it a win.
To this day, and every day that follows I will always have trouble, and my issues will always hang over me like a cloud where ever I go. Now at the age of 27, I’m starting to get better with it every day. I’m getting to the point, I have this disability and this handicap and it won’t change, I just have to roll with it. For the longest time I would Pray and plea to God, why me, why did you do this, why do I have this disability?
I still don’t have the answer and I still don’t know what my purpose is, or what I’m destined to do with my life. Who knows if I ever will figure it out, but in the meantime, maybe I could turn this weakness of mine into something better? Maybe I could turn this, (stupid disability) is one of the many clever words I called it, into something bigger and better and try and make a difference with it?
Did you know there are a lot of big names that are Dyslexic? Albert Einstein, Richard Branson, The Wright Brothers, Henry (The Fonz) Winkler, Henry Ford, Thomas Edison, Alexander Graham Bell, Steve Jobs, Ludwig Van Beethoven, Walt Disney, John F. Kennedy, Tom Cruise just to name a few haha. Just a few random people, not too many big names HA. There are a lot more, as you can see they all went on to accomplish amazing things.
That’s why I can’t use it as an excuse anymore. I may not become a president, or an actor, to name a few. That doesn’t mean I can’t be successful. It just mean’s I need to work a little harder. Get up a little earlier than the average person to get ahead. The good thing is, I don’t want to be average and just fit in anymore. That’s not me anymore, there’s a new Peter in town. I want to stand out and make a difference in the world. Having an impact on peoples lives is what I want. Every day I want to do the best I can, till I take my last breath.
If I want to say become a millionaire or publish my books. That means I’m going to have to work hard just to keep up with people around me. I want to make the most of my life now, and make an impact in people lives.
With all of that said I can’t keep moping about with this cloud hanging over me. These were the cards I was dealt with. I need to make it work and keep going. My LD is stuck with me, I have to accept that now. I can’t change that, it’s who I am. Even though that’s who I am, it doesn’t mean I can’t put it to good use. With my new mindset, I have started to build the last few years. It’s an easy answer, challenge excepted.
If you are more in Learning Disabilities or want more details. Check out the link below, they have a lot of great information.