Have you ever thought you were different, maybe an outcast? A short time ago I read a book called Jonathan Livingston Seagull. It’s a story about just that, a different, seagull trying to find its way. I’m a Seagull that’s and different as well.
“This book is a song for spirits who have lived so long and so quietly by themselves. It’s a reminder, this little fable, that the path for us to follow is already written within, that it’s for each of us to find our own lives, and live them brightly for ourselves. Others may watch, they may admire our resolution or despise it, but our one freedom is for us to love and to choose every day of our lives, as we wish” – Richard Bach
As lame as it sounds, this book was published 20 years before I was even alive. It seemed right up my alley. It’s about a seagull, “me” growing up knowing he was different and felt different. In the beginning, he’s learning to fly and figuring out who he is and what he is supposed to do as a seagull in his life. As the days go on, he realizes this isn’t for him, he wants more in his life. He’s different than the other seagulls.
When I was officially diagnosed with my Learning Disability it hit me, I knew I was stupid and dumb. At the time, I was six years old I didn’t know any better. From that day forward, I started looking at the world differently than others. I had to because I was different than everyone else around me. I have a unique background so I had to adapt to what was in from of me. The only problem was I forgot one thing. What I forgot was to adapt, I know not the best plan.
I Hate You
As the years went on, at the time this curse seemed to be the worst thing that could have happened to me. I kept thinking why me, why did this happen to me, why am I stupid and can’t read or write? This started at age six and went on for years with this poor attitude, till about as sad as it is till I was about 25. For 19 years I had a bad attitude toward life, and most importantly myself. I hated myself, I was the definition of my own worst enemy.
Through it all, I never stopped believing as cliché as it sounds, I know haha. I never stopped believing I would do something special and help others someway, somehow. Within that time, I had no idea how I would do it, I just knew one day I would. I’m still trying to figure it out to this day how I’m going to do it.
Now where I am in my life, I stopped wondering why me after all these years. I believe in something bigger than myself. I believe God already planned out my future and gave me what I thought at the time a disability and handicap. Now I see it as, well this is who I am I just need to embrace it, and a blessing in disguise. I’m human, somedays I won’t lie I’m still a ticking time bomb. I still have my bad days I feel like I might explode with all of the stuff I still struggle with, and always will struggle with.
My Longest Relationship HA
This coming August will be seven plus years I started writing, and the day my life changed. The few months before that I started journaling. On the 6th was day one I first created the only project that ever mattered to me. That was day one I started writing my first book and the first day of my new hobby and life. Now here we are today, I have written three books and this will be my 68th post on my own website. It’s crazy how far I have come. I’m not saying all of this and patting myself on my back. I just want you to fully grasp what I’m talking about.
I’m still not proud of this and don’t like admitting it, and struggled with it for a long time. For a few years, I didn’t think I would make it this far in my life. I didn’t think I had a purpose in life and there was any hope for me. Then It hit me a few months after my 25th birthday. Maybe everything that I went through and struggled with through school and my personal life was for something bigger?
Were All Unique
Here we are, I’m not like anyone else. We are all different and special in our own way. I’m part of a special group that went through what I went through. Now it’s my turn to give back and share what I have learned as I have been flying through these last few years and in my life. I know the side effects that this disability has on a kid and the kind of impact and cloud that can hang over someone every day. I know because I still battle with it today, as I’m a few months away from turning 28. It doesn’t matter who you are, or however old you are. We all have our weaknesses and strengths.
After all of this time, I decided now is the time to do something about it. I needed to stop wasting more precious time. Now is the time for me to start flying and share what I have learned. It’s time I help others and let them know that it doesn’t matter what’s holding you back. As long as you’re still breathing, that’s all you need to keep going and keep fighting every day. Until you take your last breath, and a flat line comes across at the end. Don’t ever stop fighting every day. Keep going and keep trying to get better, and continue to fly.