When you look at your life, what do you see? You might see happiness, or sadness right now. When I look back on my life and even up to my early 20’s. It was easy for me to look back on my life and think to myself. How I let the world create me, and dictate who I was going to be and how I was going to live my life.
I’m not normal, I’m different from a good percentage of the world. I’m far from average, honestly, in most categories, I’m below average. It wasn’t by choice, It was because I was born with a disability. At age six I was diagnosed and from that day forward, I was going to be carrying extra weight on my shoulder the rest of my life.
Why one person is doing one thing or cruising through this subject in school in 8th grade. I was falling farther behind with that extra weight I was pulling. I was getting farther and farther behind. Not only in growing up, but in school as well. What kid wants to admit to his fellow classmates that he has no idea what they just talked about in class? Or he has trouble reading because his grade level goes back to elementary level. Even though he is in 8th grade.
My inner battles and issues, I was battling all those years. I took it personally like I was getting punished. Instead of trying to look at the glass half full, and trying to look at the positives. I let the world and everyone, and everything else around me decide who I was going to be. I let the people that don’t even know me or my situation get into my head and set the standards for me.
I’m not blaming anyone for this because well that would be wrong and it’s not accurate. This is why I’m different than most. Instead of taking responsibility for there actions and what they did or didn’t do. They try and pass the buck and blame others for what happened. I take full responsibility for what I did and didn’t do in school.
It’s easy to look back now and recognize what I did. Maybe at the time, I didn’t completely take control of what was happening or what I was going through. I’m human, I let my emotions get the best of me, and well I was also a kid.
I Didn’t Like Myself
The reason why I let the world create me and not myself is very straightforward. I didn’t like the person God created, and who I was. I get not every person shares the same religious views as me. How I saw my situation, I thought God messed up on me or I was being punished for something. Looking back now I wasn’t being punished, this was the life he created for me. The difficulties and speedbumps I had to go over was all part of my journey and my path I was meant to be on.
Instead of embracing who Peter really was and the fact I wasn’t normal or different than others. I would constantly compare myself to others around me. I compared my worst to their best, again at a young age I didn’t know any better. Thinking about it now, that’s not a fair comparison. I missed the concept and the hidden message behind it. I’m just a dyslexic kid trying to find his way, and find out who I am. Even with having these issues and disability. I got so much extra help during school, I got used to that. As the years went by I was expecting that extra help to continue and to keep going.
So It Begins
When I graduate my free ride is over and the real test begins. High school is now done and I’m entering the real world. I was in for a rude awakening ahead of me. Where I was by the time I graduated just turning 18 scared me. I had no clue or direction where to go next. All I knew Is I was not like everyone else. For years I would follow the crowd because I wanted to just fit in and just get by. I tried staying with people that were smarter than me and seemed to know what they were doing.
I’m not a follower, I’m not like everyone else. I’m part of a unique group that has this disability and gift all wrapped into one. I had to go my own direction, well first I had to take the first step and find my direction. I had no idea where that was, all I knew was that first step was not toward college.
I’m Just Getting Started
I was the lone seagull trying to find his way of life. Looking back now instead of embracing who Peter was. I thought about how people might see who Peter really was. That’s who I tried becoming, I just wanted to fit in and be like everyone else. I now know I don’t fit in with everyone else. I’m different were all different, and all have our weaknesses and strengths.
At 25 it all hit me like a brick wall. I’m meant for something different, I’m not meant to just fit in anymore. I have a unique story to share, I believe that is what I’m meant to do. Whether that’s through my writing, I hope haha. Or speak, or as simple as just being more open to people about my story.
I don’t know yet, all I know is I’m only just starting and just beginning. It’s about time we all stop comparing ourselves to others and the standards that they expect from us. What good comes from that, they don’t know your situation. At the time nobody knew what I was going through. This is my life, not theirs. This is how I see the world every day, through my dyslexic eyes.