My comfort zone the last 20 plus years has been very small, not many people were really given the ok to enter and visit me. It was like my safe room only certain people had access to it. All these years going back to when I was a kid, keeping to myself and keeping a lot of private and personal stuff to myself. After living that way for a while, you start to get into a routine, like a rut.
This routine and rut lasted about 20 years of my life. I realized enough was enough it’s time to finish this book and give it to the people. If I sell one million copies the first year or 100 copies it doesn’t matter. Well ok, it does matter a little. If I only sell 100 copies then, I’m worried about my writing and what I’m really doing? That’s a topic for another day haha.
I want to be a new person; I need to be a new person. My lifestyle and the way I have been living the last 10 years especially, I couldn’t do it anymore. I realized something has to give. If I supposedly thought I was going to be “successful” and do something big with my life, then what do I do, where do you even begin? I had no idea what to do, just like when I started writing and now blogging and built my website. This is all new to me; I’m trying to enter a field I had never imagined I would be in.
I’m hopefully about a month out from publishing my book. To be fair this isn’t just a book, and a story, this is my life written out. My emotions and intimate details about me and who I really am, spread out all over the paper. Most of the time when I feel safe and I feel alive, and free is when I’m alone and writing. I realized that I think I can do some good with my life that I spilled out into this book.
All though this is my life and this really shouldn’t be that hard writing everything. After all, it’s all from the mouth of yours truly Peter A Harrower. Even though looking back it’s easy to put everything down onto paper when I’m in the zone. Why is it when I know I’m finally done, it will be the hardest and scariest thing I will have ever done in my life to this point?
Once I hit publish, and my book is available to purchase. It’s because everyone is going to know who I really am, and the kind of person I really am? Well people, if you couldn’t tell or get that vibe that scares the CRAP out of me. I don’t want you people in my life, haha kidding. Your personal life is your business, it’s not mine unless you invite me to be a part of it. Just like what I did, you guys didn’t ask me to do any of this, I decided it.
I realized what I had put together and realized I was on to something. Even though it terrifies me to open up to the world and share my deepest darkest secrets with everyone. By the way, this blog is only a warm-up compared to my book. If all of my posts surprised you and you never knew I had this side of me or maybe thought this way. Well just brace yourself for when my book is available, it’s on a whole other level than this.
In the end, I realized that there are people, kids that are just like me. Having these same issues that I have, feeling stupid, confused, pissed off about life or toward the world, angry and don’t know where to turn next? I know what it was like, that’s why ladies and gentlemen this outcast wants to help people and kids just like me. No kid should have to go through all of this, and feel alone and against the world. We should all be in this together no matter what strengths and weaknesses we all have. Did you know 10% of kids have an LD?
My Comfort Zone
That’s why I’m throwing myself to the wolves. I don’t care what backlash might come from this, some people I’m sure are going to find a way to criticize me anyway. That’s life you can’t please everyone, so I’ve already been preparing for that for months now. My comfort zone started when I was six years old when everything started to change.
I can’t lie as much as I’m doing this for the kids, and want to help them feel safe and realize its ok to be different. I’m also doing this for myself, and I shouldn’t have to hide that or feel sorry about that. After all, I went through everything that I have talked about on my blog and in my book. Once I hit publish and get TWTMDE out to the public. I think that will be the last move I had to make to get out of my comfort zone.
Are you in a comfort zone, what are you hiding from the world, or even yourself? What do you need to do to lift that burden off of your shoulder? You don’t need to write a book or start blogging like me. Writing is my happy place that’s what I need. Were all different and unique that’s what makes all of us special. You need to figure out what will help make you feel safe and free?
Here’s a line from my favorite rapper at the moment, even though he’s talking about rapping his concept is the same as mine with writing and sharing my story. “I don’t rap, so millions of people will like me I rap, cuz there’s millions of people just like me” NF That’s the final piece I need to feel free for once, and finally able to start living.