Looking back I will admit I settled. Through my earlier years, I used my disability as an excuse. I was lazy and tried taking the easy approach through the years. With that poor attitude and mindset, I think that affected what I loved most at the time, sports.
There’s nothing I can do about it now, I have to move on. Some people might say they accepted what happened to them, and keep doing the same thing every day. For me, I accepted what I did wrong but it wasn’t good enough just accepting. I needed to fix what I messed up and change directions. I didn’t like the direction I was heading.
Made Me Stronger
The last few years I have definitely matured and have noticed my faults and what I did wrong all of those years ago. Does it bother me, yes I’m embarrassed about what I did or didn’t do? Do I wish I could have changed what I did or tried harder? The answer is no. If I would have tried harder or felt better about my effort I gave. Then I don’t think I would have had the hunger toward life and what I’m trying to accomplish now. Yes, through those years there were some tuff days. But with where I am right now, I can honestly sit back and smile at how I’m trying to fix my past mistakes to grow and get better now.
I didn’t go to college like everyone else. I knew there was something else in store for me. I’m not like everyone else, I think I have made that clear haha. Recognizing that I am different and unique in my own way. Realizing this hidden gift that was forming all these years that was slowly starting to come to life as I was entering my 20s.
That weakness at the time and something I was so bad at. Writing saved me and gave me a new outlook on life. Writing gave me a purpose for the first time in my life. From a young age, I always wanted to help people somehow and make a difference in some way, I just didn’t know how. When I discovered writing could be fun and not just be work, it was like my mind opened up and I was seeing the world for the first time. I was stepping into something new that I never thought I would be in.
Now at 28, about to marry the love of my life in three months. I never thought I would find a girl to want to be with me. All of the baggage I have and all of the issues and bad habits I developed all of these years. Lacking confidence in myself, hoping and praying one day I will get married. Maybe one day be able to help people somehow? I always prayed for that, but in the back of my mind, I never believed I could be happy and that would actually happen for me.
I Was Scared
Writing has given me more than I could ever give it. I still lack confidence in myself and I still have a lot to work on. But that’s life we will always have something to work on and should be working on. We should always be trying to get better in what we do and in life in general. That’s where a lot of people screw up, I included in my earlier years. I thought it would be safer if I just hide from the issues that were controlling me.
It was a long and bumpy ride. I went off course and changed directions multiple times, and spinning in circles. Now I’m trying to enter a field that I never dreamed of being in. It’s not just for my own sake trying to fix my issues, it’s also trying to help those people that I always imagined I would be helping one day. Now I can do both. I think that’s what I have been missing all of these days. In order to help myself, I need to help others in some way.
Sharing With Others
I never realized that’s what might help me to feel better and to make a difference. It’s not about me and being selfish and focusing on me anymore. With helping kids like me not make the same mistakes as I did. Giving back and sharing my story, from a regular guy like them that didn’t like who he was and knew he had to change something if he wanted to win in life. I believed all of that I just didn’t know how to do it.
Now I want to share that with the world. Life is too short, and life is too precious. Time goes by way too quick for us to just stay content and take the safe approach toward life. If you’re passionate about something then go for it.
Yes, it might be stressful some days, especially right now for me. I’m trying to finish my books, I’m getting married in a few months. But that’s life I’m not going to complain about it. I’m beyond blessed right now. I’m writing and trying to turn what I believe I was called to do and turn that into a career.
Of course, it’s always harder starting out and starting from the begging. But I know I’m spoiled I have an amazing family and fiancé supporting me. I have a great group of friends and people I’m close with excited to read my book and see what I do next. If that doesn’t motivate me to keep going and keep working hard then I don’t know what will. Now I know I can’t stop, I have set these big dreams and goals of helping people and making a difference in the world why I can. That’s why now is the time, now is your time to keep moving forward, and go all in.