New Opportunities

What Would You Do

If a new opportunity was placed in front of you or somebody offered a special opportunity for you what would you do? Before you jump to any conclusions. You need to know this first then you can answer. You might get tested and placed in an atmosphere that will take you way out of your comfort zone and making you do something you never thought was possible. Would you do it?

What if you would have to be very vulnerable and open up about your personal life? What if it would do better in the world and you might be able to help people? Now, if you stayed quiet and kept all of that information in front of you that you learned and experienced and didn’t share it you might have lost the opportunity to help people and make a positive impact on people’s lives. That would be very sad and unfortunate if you ask me.

New Me

If you would have asked my old self I would have said, no thanks I’m good with where I am I don’t need that thanks. Now if you ask me now and the future me I believe I was meant for this. How I would respond to that question is like this. I’m nervous, this is definitely out of my comfort zone but I feel it in my gut and my heart that I was meant to do this. Me being this vulnerable and sharing what I’m sharing now or in the future, whenever the opportunity comes. I feel if I’m not willing to accept new opportunities and embrace what comes my way then I have failed and missed out in the world.

That’s why I’m excited about what the future holds and what I believe I’m meant to do. Am I swimming in a pool of money like duck tales, no not even close? Have I reached a million people with my book or my blog, not even close?

No, my book has not made the best sellers list, and at the moment it’s not even in the same zip code. I have sold 81 books in the last four months I haven’t even hit 100 yet. But more importantly, I’m grateful and blessed that I had the opportunity to even sell that many. That’s not including the books I have sent to libraries or given people trying to connect with them and reach out to them. You know what I’m ok with that because that’s all part of the journey.

I’m Not Average

This journey and path that you and I are on every day. It doesn’t matter how similar or different it is. We all are on our unique path and are all meant for something unique and great in our own way. When I was younger I never thought great or even good was in my vocabulary. I never thought I could be good, I was average or below average my whole life. That was normal life for me and that’s all I knew.

I have learned different things from my parents over the years. I’m grateful for everything they have done for me and helping me over the years. Now they have helped me a lot over the years and more than I probably have realized or thanked them for. But in all honesty, they might have helped me a lot and they definitely did. But what I wanted to pursue and do in my life and what has been forming in my gut. I’m the one that wanted to write books. I’m the one that has sent over 250 emails to agents trying to represent me. I felt this burning desire to create something from scratch and wanted to put my crazy story out into the world.

Enjoy The Ride

I know how hard I worked to get where I am today. I know I have way more to learn. Now that I’m married and self-published my book. Those were my top goals in my life that I created in my early 20s. Achieving those two goals have given me more drive and more purpose than I ever thought I might have.

The last few months I have been getting up around 5:15 Monday-Friday so I can read for 30 to 40 minutes and write for the remaining time until Lindsay wakes up. People I like to sleep, getting up early sucks, I won’t lie about it. But what sucks, even more, is the feeling I didn’t give my very best and I could have done better or tried harder.

No Regrets

When I get older and turn 40 or 50 whatever the age. I don’t want to look back and think, crap, I wish I would have made more out of the opportunities that were placed in front of me. I wish I would have told one more person about my book, contacted one more school about my book. If only I could have tried a little harder.

NO, I want to pause, look back and think to myself. I worked my freaking tail off and look at what I did. Look at how hard I worked and looked at what was placed in front of me no matter how good or how bad and look how I reacted to that opportunity or lesson that was placed in front of me. That’s the mindset you need. That’s how you need to look at your life and what’s been placed at your feet. That’s the kind of life you should want.

Embrace what’s happening and run throw that wall or struggle that’s in front of you. You don’t want that wall of struggles or conflicts to fall on you and hold you down. It starts with a new opportunity being placed in front of you. Then it’s your mindset that will take you to the next stage. Follow your heart, and follow your gut and make the most of your life why you still can.

Passion vs Profits

The Battle

For years even when I was in middle school and high school I always thought profits and money were all that mattered. If you had money then you would be considered successful and you made it in life. A couple of years ago I realized how wrong that mindset of mine was and how it made me focus on the wrong thing. The battle of passion vs profits begins.

As a Christian, I always struggled with money and focusing on the right thing from a young age. It’s wrong to have money and be wealthy, that means you’re not focusing on the right things. I realized that is the wrong attitude towards money.

I had it all wrong. There is nothing wrong with money and nothing wrong with having a lot of it. Now it’s what we do with the profits and what we spend it on or how we get money is what might be questionable.

Storyteller

When I first started working on my first book I thought to myself. Alright, I’m going to be an author create books for people and to help them escape from the real world and fall into this made up world I created for them. I read an article about Tom Clancy a couple of days ago and loved what he said.

I told stories to take people away from driving trucks or fixing toilets or whatever they do.

Before that sentence, he considered himself a storyteller, not a writer. Now yes, I call myself a writer now because I am. I write books and blog posts now. But what got me into writing was creating something bigger than Peter.

What didn’t get me into writing was money. Yes, I know the money could possibly be endless with writing. If I write a good book and people like it well then, more people will buy it. Seems pretty straight forward haha. Now I wanted to write a good book that has a good story that people can enjoy, that’s obvious. What I didn’t want is to write a good book that people enjoy and want to read to fill my own pockets.

My Goal

It’s crazy how things change in a short amount of time. When I was younger I was searching for money and trying to make a lot of it. Now that I’m entering this new field and world I’m in the money is endless and it doesn’t drive me. Don’t get me wrong, a goal of mine is to be able to do this full time and have writing books and speaking my full-time job. That is still a big goal for me that I’m working on and trying to accomplish.

A goal of mine that I made at 25 was to sell a million copies of my book in my life. Now if I published a book and charged it $9.99 and I only get $1 of commission for each book sold. I would have still ended up with a million books sold and earned, how cool is that?

New Mindset

My dad said one day when he saw this goal in my room on my dry erase board. Pete, with what your trying to do with your books and help kids and young adults. Maybe you shouldn’t focus on selling a million copies. Maybe you should focus on reaching a million people? He then dropped the mic and left my room. It was crazy, where did he even get a mic? Ok, I lied about the mic part haha.

Ever sense he said that it completely changed my mindset. Money is not why I wanted to be a writer to sell books as a business and make as much money as possible. Writing and storytelling is what got me started. That’s where my hunger came from with wanting to pursue this new opportunity and passion of mine.

My Imagination

Sometimes when you start something new, I’m guessing you never thought crap, I wish I would have done things differently? No, that thought probably never crossed your mind haha. That’s when everything changed for me. Realizing my original goal and what I did. I quickly changed my goal on my board, and that quickly changed my mindset and work ethic.

Now do I want my books to sell, well yes, of course, I won’t deny that or lie about it. But the reason why I want my books to sell now is to be able to reach people with my words and stories. I want my imagination to grab their attention and see what I have created. That’s more important to me now than what’s in their pockets to pay for my books.

My Journey

Starting out I might have been a little more focused on the money side. Because starting out this isn’t a cheap hobby haha. I know once I make some money and reimburse Lindsay and myself with the money we put into starting this journey. When we become even it will change again, but for the better.

Don’t be afraid to admit you made a mistake. It’s ok to say that your original goal needs changed and fixed. I recognized my mistake and I changed it and edited it and fixed my problem. I’m ok with that and I feel much better about what I did and the changes I have made.

Now, will it always be that easy or simple no, of course not. Will it take time and some adjustments, well yes of course but that’s ok. What’s most important is you find something more important than profits? What I found was a passion  and purpose. Now I believe writing and my unique story is going to lead me into what I was ultimately put here to do and created to do. Will it be hard? Absolutely, it already is, but that’s all part of my unique journey that I’m on every day.

What You Say You Are

Not Good

Over the years I have developed a lot of bad habits. Some of those habits are, lacking confidence, thinking I’m a loser. Who would ever want to marry me? Always thinking I was stupid, you name it and I thought it. I learned from a young age what you say to yourself you are. What I have been saying to myself for most of my life was not good.

I never believed in myself from a young age and always thought I was a bum, and couldn’t accomplish anything without other people helping me. I always knew with my learning disability that was going to hold me back one day I just didn’t know how bad it would have been or how much of an impact it actually would have had on myself. Well let me tell you I was wrong and I completely miss judged that scenario haha.

Not Happening

At this point in my life, I never thought I would be in this situation that I’m in. This life I wake up to every day was always a dream, and I never thought I would have it. I know its wrong and not healthy and I know I need to fix it if I want to be happy and have a healthy life.

Having this heavy burden of thinking I was a mistake when God created me. Well, it’s not healthy and not good. From a young age, I always wanted to escape this pain I was putting myself through. I always thought I would die at a young age because of stress. For most of my life, I have always been my worst enemy and still struggle with this to this day sometimes.

What Do I Have

I know that mindset is wrong and again not healthy. I have so many amazing people around me and I’m truly blessed and I mean that I’m very lucky. But I have been broken for so long and still have my moments to this day.

I have been telling myself for a long time I don’t deserve Lindsay and I always think to myself why is she with me? Naturally, she doesn’t like hearing this haha. She has a successful career that she has been in for years and has a house, dog, and cats before I was even in the picture.

My Issues

I was living with my parents, no college degree and jumped from job to job trying to find my career and purpose. All I could think about is why me, what can I do for her? With my side effects and personal issues that I battle every day. Most people’s issues or problems they come across might be in there daily living. For me, that battle is inside my head daily.

That’s why it’s so important what you feed yourself daily. All I ever wanted was to be used for something positive and fulfill my destiny and purpose in life. I just didn’t know what that was. My whole life, I kept to myself because of embarrassment and being ashamed of my LD. That messed me up from a young age.   

Look What You Can Do

Now, look at what I accomplished in the last seven years. I published a book and written and finished two other books. I’m in the rough draft stage of two more books. I have read over 55 books in a little over five years.

I’ll be honest I still don’t like reading and it’s still a struggle to this day. What I do like is finding out people’s story and where they came from and seeing what they accomplished.

Yes, I still have a lot of personal baggage and personal battles I’m still facing and trying to overcome at this moment. I’m stubborn and used my sarcasm and humor as a shield and a mask ever since I could remember. Seeing people laugh or helping make them laugh always made me happier because if they were happier than they would be less likely being down or upset like I was.

One Opportunity

In the end, I wouldn’t change a thing. We are only given one life and one chance to live. This was all put in front of me for a reason. I wouldn’t get rid of my LD because of the hard times I had. That helped turn me into the person I was always meant to become.

I’ve turned my biggest weakness into a new opportunity in life. I was scared of reading and writing for most of my life and now I’m trying to enter that field as my future career. What does that tell you? I’m very stubborn or crazy haha, news flash, I’m both.

That stubbornness of mine is what helped form me into who I am today. I’m not a quitter anymore like I once was. I do have a purpose and I was created for a reason. All of those lies I have been feeding myself my whole life was just that, LIES.

Healthy Thoughts

It’s time I stop listening to my brain that I’m still fighting and battling with daily. Now is the time I start listening to my heart and doing the things I want to do. I want to write books and help young people. I don’t have a college degree and I just squeaked by graduating from high school. Up till the time when I met Lindsay, I didn’t know if I had a future. The moment we met was the moment my life changed.

Now I want to help YOU. I’m not saying I have all the answers or I am the answer. All I’m trying to do and share with you is embrace YOU. You don’t have to hide anymore. If I can do it, so can you and If I can find happiness and love with how broken I was for so long, so can you. If I can feel purpose and meaning in my life for the first time, so can you and I believe I can help.

86,400 Seconds In A Day

Eye Opener

When you wake up every morning what do you think to yourself? Crap I have to get up. I don’t want to get out of bed, I don’t want to go to work. I don’t want to do this or that. Whatever your reason is it doesn’t matter. You have 86,400 seconds a day and what you do with that time will be gone at the end of the day and you can never get it back.

The other week I was in a little funk for a couple of days and depressed a little bit. I think the main reason why is because I just published my book a little over a month ago. Which is still weird saying that. But yet at the same time, it’s pretty freaking sweet haha.

I worked on that book for 12 and a half days of my life in the last four years. Now like that I’m done with the writing and formatting and bringing that book to life. Now I’m in a different phase with it.

Amazing Support

I have sold over 50 books which is pretty crazy thinking about that still. I’ll be grateful for every book I ever sell, I know it will always be a blessing. But I know it’s not enough. I knew this was going to be a hard business to get into.

I’m beyond grateful that I have my wife and so many amazing people around me cheering me on and helping me achieve and do what I’m trying to do. I also put a lot of pressure on myself and sometimes, ok most of the time I over think things. I focus too much on the end goal and I miss the moment I’m in.

I’m Blessed

I was so focused on trying to sell my books and to share my story with people. Get on podcasts and do whatever I need to do, that I forgot one important detail. I forgot to enjoy what I accomplished and take in what I did and how rare it is to publish a book.

That’s where I am now. Every morning God wakes me up and I’m able to get out of bed is a blessing. Now every full day I see from the moment I wake up till the moment I go to sleep I should take that as a gift and a blessing. Because not everybody wakes up.

Yes, I might be a little stressed right now trying to figure out my website, selling my book and promoting it. Trying to turn a hobby into an actual business now.

Don’t Stop

I know in this funk I haven’t enjoyed those 86,400 seconds like I know I should. Now, will I always enjoy every second of course not? I will have good days and bad. I know I need to get back to where I was and where I know I should be. Enjoying my new life I entered in only a couple months ago.

I’m happily married. I’m now a published author. I have the opportunity to turn my dreams into a reality. How awesome is that? Now when I’m given the opportunity I need to make the most of it.

If they can’t see the passion and how serious I am in my voice or on my face then I messed up and failed. Yes, is this going to be fun absolutely, well I hope haha? Will I be terrified or freaked out if I talk to a group of people about my story or book? Yes, it will freak me out. But I didn’t say I won’t do it.

I Want To Help

Yes, it will scare me, but it’s because I care and I want to help people now. I’m an introvert at heart. My past, how can I say this? Well, it screwed me up. My battle that I have every single day between my ears the last 20+ years of my life has truly put a number on me and kept me down a long time.

I’m just being honest. I was broken for a long time, I didn’t think there was any light for me at the end of the tunnel. I always believed I was meant for something special. But in all reality, I always thought I was just blowing smoke and just hoping for something special to happen for me.

I Woke Up

Well, news flash people, that something special happened and it didn’t happen when I published my book. It didn’t happen when I married Lindsay, all though that truly was amazing and a blessing. That special moment happened when I stopped feeding myself lies every day and decided to make a change.

I decided to stop all of the lies and thinking I was a mistake that slipped through the cracks when God created me. The moment I realized I was created for a purpose, is the moment when I started to live again and taste purpose for the first time. Publishing my book and marrying Lindsay were my top two goals. But what woke me up is that one day everything came together I finally decide to change my life and make something of the remaining seconds I have left.

Start Living

I stopped worrying about the seconds I lost with all of the days and years behind me and started focusing on the new seconds that are waiting for me. There are a lot of people that I truly think my story could benefit them. Now, will it change their life, maybe, I don’t know? That’s not for me to decide that’s for that person to decide.

I don’t know how many seconds I have remaining. But I do know with my new mindset I never wanted to start living more than I do now. That’s why everything happens for a reason. This disability God gave me, I now feel like I’m using it the way he always intended. Sharing my unique story and helping kids and young adults to start living for the first time.

Take In What You Accomplished

The Struggle

Every now and then I think it’s important that we take in what you accomplished. Not in an, I’m better than you kind of way. It’s more of a reality check and a refresher you could say. Thinking wow did I really do that? Thinking to yourself how crazy it is as you smile thinking of what you just accomplished now.

For me, there’s a lot to look back on and take a second and think to myself. I have written four books in seven years and read 52 books in five years. I started my own website and have been blogging for almost two years. I’m starting to come out of my comfort zone and safe zone and sharing with the world a day in the life of an LD kid.

Opening Up

Sharing my story and my background with my disability throughout my life was not easy to do. Honestly, I did not want to do this. I was very hesitant and scared to do it. Scared is an understatement, I was freaking out and it scared the crap out of me.

My disability has turned me into an introvert from a young age. Yes, I have some extrovert qualities but at the end of the day, I’m an introvert. I decided as I was journaling about my life and experience in Peru over four years ago. I should turn this into something. My book was born and here we are over four years later. Honestly, I was more scared about publishing my book and blog then I was purposing to Lindsay and on our wedding day as funny as that is.

When I made my website go live and I told people at that time almost two years ago that was the scariest thing I have ever done in my life. Now when I upload my book to Amazon that was the new scariest thing I have ever done in my life. Yes, it freaks me out, but I’m also excited and pumped for people to read my story.

I’m Different

Now when I say my story I’m not saying my story is better or more interesting than yours. Well in all reality it probably is HAHA just kidding. My story is just different and unique just like yours. We all have a unique story and it’s all a one of a kind. I’m just excited finally to share my faults and issues with the world and try and turn those negatives and burdens I have into positives.

Taking a second and looking back at what I have done. I sucked in school just snuck by with a C and D average if I was lucky. Struggling in life searching for meaning or purpose. Battling the ups and the downs of the world.

New Me

It’s 2019 I’m married to the love of my life. I have a house, a dog and a cat. This dyslexic what started out as a young boy to now 28 is now a published author. How cool is that? I took a weakness that I sucked at in school and was not fast or good with reading or writing. School was hell for me for my whole life. I have said it before school felt like a prison for me. Doing the same thing every day for years. Having the same negative attuited and mindset through every grade. I suck at school I’m not smart I’m stupid what’s the point?

With all of the issues I have, somehow someway I managed to turn my life around and pursued the one thing that scared me the most in my life. Pursue and chase my now dream career of becoming an author and sharing my personal story with the world. How funny is that?

My Calling

I tried avoiding reading and writing for as long as I could. In that time frame, it was like pulling teeth trying to get me to read and write. Now I have written four books totaling over 200,000 words. I have read 52 books in five years. This will be my 113 blog post. All of those posts I shoot for no more than 1,000 words per post. Now writing 1,000 words is a breeze for me. Even if I don’t have a topic I just start typing and go with the flow. That’s how I do my posts most of the time. Once I figure out my topic I don’t plan anything out. I just think about that topic, write and go.

The reason why this post is so personal for me is I still struggle with this to this day. Yes, I have done a lot in the last couple of years and or working on a lot also. It’s because I felt like I wasted so much time in my earlier years. Yes I know I was a kid and in my earlier 20’s trying to find myself and figure out what’s next. Even going through school, I used my LD as a get out of jail free card and treated it like I had a free pass to graduate. I now realized how lazy I was at times and now I know what I did wrong. That’s why I’m working so hard to make up for the time I lost.

Don’t Stop

I have a lot of big things I want to accomplish. I can’t slow down anymore and just try and sneak by like the old days. I’m dreaming big and whatever comes my way now I want to tackle it head on and not be afraid anymore like my past.

There’s no more coasting anymore. I have more books to publish and more books to write. There are millions of kids and young adults just like me. I think they need to hear my story. Not to impress them or say look at me. They need to know and finally understand what they are truly capable of doing themselves. Seeing what I did or am doing will hopefully be used as there guidance and help if they need it.

School Vs The Real World

My Sentence

School was hell for me and it felt like I was in prison the whole time. I know that’s dramatic but it’s true. I’m not talking about my time with friends or sports. In this post, it’s about the learning side of it for me.

Imagine this for a minute. Think of something you’re not good at or don’t like doing? Imagine from k-12, as the subjects got harder and more homework and tests came along. My reading and writing level were always a couple of years behind everyone else and I struggled to advance with my grade.

My Struggle

Now put yourself in my shoes. I’m a senior it’s my last year of school. Everyone is happy and excited ready to be done and move on. For me, I was more focused on not having to read in front of everyone or spell anything or get called on during class. I wanted to hide in the corner when it came time for class. Because my levels were the same as a middle school kid, even though I was four plus years older.

Now at 18 years old, that doesn’t really help one’s confidence level if a 14-year-old has the same skills as me? Naturally, you can understand why I hated school and it didn’t do anything for me. Actually, it did a lot for me I was wrong. But what it did for me was not positive and the complete opposite of what teachers or my parents probably wanted for me. It taught me to hate and resent myself even more than I already have.

More Motivated

What I have learned from my years in school is absolutely NOTHING. Now that’s not a stab at schools it’s just my experience with it. What I have learned in the last four years alone has taught me way more than I ever learned in school.

With no college degree, and just sneaking by passing high school. I’m now starting to realize that I don’t need school or a degree to feel better or help me in life. I mean, of course, it doesn’t hurt especially if you have a certain career you’re in or chasing.

I’m not your typical student. I have never been like everyone else and I never will be like everyone else. I have always been different than everyone else and I always will be. I’m 28 now and I’m finally starting to recognize who I am and the kind of person I am.

Thank You

All though I hated school and I didn’t get much out of it. I have never appreciated school so much in my life till right now at 28. I’m sure you weren’t expecting that haha. Because of my hatred toward school and not being good at school. With my disability, I have to read the same sentence or paragraph a few times if I get confused. Even to this day I still get pissed sometimes when I have to do that. Yes, I get upset but that’s just a weakness of mine and I have accepted it now. But it doesn’t mean I have to love it or be ok with it. That’s why I read so much now.

I have read 48 books in almost five years. Till the time I graduated you could probably count the number of books I read cover to cover on one hand. I don’t read for pleasure like some people, I still HATE reading. Well, I’m starting to get better with it haha. I know that might not make much sense with me finishing so many books now. Plus now writing so much and wanting to become an author and write for a career.

One Of A Kind

I know that’s, not your typical reasoning for wanting to read and write. But the reason why I read so much now and write so much now is because of my past. I’m doing it because reading no matter how slow I read or how much I still struggle with it, the pros will always outweigh the cons. That’s why I want to get better now, is because of my love-hate relationship with reading and writing. 

That’s why I’m, not your typical writer and author. You know at 28, I’m finally figuring out who I am and the kind of person I am and turning into. I’m ok with that because I don’t want to be like every other blogger or author. I’m seeing the world from a different perspective than most people.

I Learned Alot

Yes, I’m a late bloomer and that’s ok because we all go through different challenges and situations. Don’t focus on the people to your left and right, only focus on your path and where you want to go. That’s why at 28 I have now realized how much I appreciated school and will always be thankful for my hard times and experiences.

Those hard times taught me the definition of work over the years. I always had to work harder than most people. I have been below average and an underdog all of my life. That’s why I’m going to be successful now. Not because I want to prove people wrong and brag and say look at me look at what I accomplished, that’s not it at all.

My Unique Way

I’m looking forward to sharing with the world that all my life I have been on the lower half of the scale. I have accepted that now and realize that’s just how it is. But what I can’t accept anymore is my attitude of just aiming for average like most of my early life.

Just because I sucked in school that doesn’t mean I can’t make a difference and help people in the world. That is the exact reason why I’m doing this now. I want to show people that it doesn’t matter what your weaknesses are. There is always another way and another approach you can take to better yourself. You just have to find a way and make it happen and go after it.

My Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving

Yesterday was Thanksgiving and what can I say I have alot to be thankful for. It has been a good year and the good news is it’s not over yet. Where do I begin with my Thanksgiving story?

February 11th is where we begin. I have been to Starbucks hundreds of times over the years. But I knew this time wasn’t going to be a normal experience for me. It was the first time I met Lindsay. I think it’s safe to say it went well after spending three hours talking and laughing with her.

February 11th to June 9th there are 119 days in between. That’s when I popped the question. June 10 to October 6th there were 119 days in between until we got married. October 7th till November 22 there was 47 days in between. Totaling 285 days between that first day we met till her favorite holiday Thanksgiving.

What A Year

In between that time I was spoiled and lucky enough to experience what I experienced. Forget getting married for a seccond. I went backpacking across Europe for the second time for two weeks. I went to the outer banks for the first time with my family for vacation this year. Then a little over a month I followed it up with going with Lindsay’s family back to the outer banks for another week. After that almost six weeks later I got married and we went to the Riviera Maya for our Honeymoon.

So yes this is on track to being the best year Peter Harrower has ever have. I hope and pray I’m not done yet. There are still 39 more days till 2018 comes to a close. The icing on top of the cake for me is im so close to finnaly finishing my book. I’m about to send it off to get formatted. If everything goes well and there won’t be any setbacks it will hopefully go live through Amazon (KDP) by the end of December.

What A Bonus

Regardless if my book is published in 2018 or not. This has by far been the best year of my life. Yes, I have been talking about publishing my book for a number of years now and I’m so close and I can’t wait. But the last thing I want to do is just to finish it and publish it for the heck of it. I’ve been working on this book for over four years now what’s another month?

If I do get the opportunity to publish my book this December. This is already the best year I ever have. Publishing my book will be next on the list for the best thing that I did in 2018. It still scares the crap out of me and it’s definitely pushing me outside of my comfort zone but that’s good I need that. After all, I can’t talk all the time about you guys getting out of your comfort zone and I don’t even do anything about that. What kind of example would that be?

Surprise Surprise

This year has been full of highs, I think it’s safe to say that for the first time ever or in a long time. I think I had more highs then I did lows. Now I don’t mean for that to sound horrible or like I’m a Debbie Downer. Forget my book right now. The reason why this year is so special and means so much to me is beciase of one reason Lindsay.

I always thought I would get married at a young age. But in all reality, I never thought I would get married. I had so many weaknessses pulling me back and weighing me down in life I never thought I would be good enough for anyone. I never apreciated myself or thought I was good enough for myself. So how could I be good for someone else then?

I Was Wrong

Well, I guess I was wrong and I’m very happy to admit that I was wrong in this example haha. I found my Lioness who loves me and cares about me more than I ever thought someone could in my life. I know I’m lucky just for that reason of getting married.

I’m so unbelievably blessed and more than I deserve that it took me a long time to finally realize that. I have a new wife that loves me, and a new dog, finally I have my own house. I mean what else do I need? Ok, I know what I need. I need to publish my book and share that with the world. Then after that, I don’t need any gifts for Christmas or any other material thing you could offer me.

Finish Strong

I finally got married and very soon accomplished my number one goal in my life of publishing my own book. I never thought that my Learning Disability and Dyslexic self would have ever gotten to this point in my life. Sure I dreamed about it and prayed about it for years. But now that I know I’m in the moment and I’m very close to achieving that goal. I can’t help but smile about that.

As you can see I’m very lucky and very happy right now. But I wasn’t always this happy and loving life like this. If you haven’t read some of my old posts read critic, my years as a zombie just to name a few. I was down and miserable for a long time and as much as that bothers me. I know it was all meant for a reason and I would do it all again to bring me to this point. There is always light at the end of the tunnel. I know it might feel like a stretch now but it’s true keep going and keep working every day. Don’t give up, your so close keep working every day like your life depends on it.

Crab Mentality

You Can’t Have It

The crab mentality is just like it sounds. Its a mentality of if I can’t have it neither can you. Imagine a bucket filled with crabs. Say there are 20 crabs in this bucket. All 20 crabs are stuck in this bucket and can’t do anything or escape they are stuck and that’s it. All of a sudden that number 20 crab is on the top and all of the sudden it hits him. I’m close to the top. I wonder if I can reach the top and escape?

That number 20 crab finally decides to make a break for it and try and be free. But there’s one problem with his escape plan. His 19 other friends in that bucket won’t let him escape. What they are saying and thinking is if I can’t get out neither can you nobody can. Instead of being supportive and trying to help each other it does the complete opposite of that.

The Great Escape

Number 20 gets a grasp on the top of the bucket and it feels the breeze on its claw and the rest of him as he tries to pull himself up to the top to be free. One last pull and he’s out. Then all of the sudden all of his inmates decide to pull him down quick and let him know that he can’t escape. So, he tries it again and getting close again and they pull him right back down.

Try after try number 20 is getting very close to escaping then he feels a pull and falls back down. Now, they break his arms so he can’t pull himself up. Now the other 19 are thinking he’s not going anywhere now without his arms to pull himself up.

It’s Worth The Risk

After some time, stubborn number 20 is not giving up and determined to get out and be free. He’s pulling himself up with whatever he can trying to grab and pull onto anything he can to help get out of the bucket. Now the other 19 crabs have had enough number 20 isn’t listening anymore. So, what do they do? They kill that crab because he keeps trying to escape and not staying in the bucket and following everyone else.

Now, this might be kind of a silly example that I’m sharing but in all reality its spot on towards our everyday living. In your own life for example. Do you have big dreams or goals you want to accomplish?

What makes my own bucket so unique and so different from yours or other people’s buckets. Is instead of having 19 other crabs with me in my bucket. The only crab that was with me in my bucket of life was myself. That’s right, it was just me.

Me vs Myself and I

In the crab mentality example, I didn’t have friends or family or other people pulling me down like most people might in their daily living. For me the only one that was pulling me down was myself. Again, I’ve been my toughest critic from an early age. I have been my toughest opponent and the biggest threat to myself throughout my whole life. But I have also been my best and only friend at times throughout this journey.

Now that is not a stab or insult to anyone in my family or friends around me. I just know what it’s like living in my shoes every day dealing with the issues that I deal with on a regular basis. There’s only so much I can share and explain with others without being overwhelmed and upset even more. In all reality even if I talk to someone and explain what I’m dealing with or struggling with my learning disability for example. Nobody can do anything. Yes, my parents will try and comfort me as a little boy confused and upset in school. But in all reality that didn’t do anything or fix anything.

Walking In My Shoes

That’s again not a shot at my parents, that’s just reality and the facts. I know each and every one of us all have our own personal hiccups and issues that we face every day. All I’m getting at is unless you have the same disability as me and able to walk in my shoes. You will never know what this burden is like on daily basis.

That’s why the crab mentality is a good fit for me, with a slight variation. The world or people around me were not trying to prevent me from being successful and chasing what I wanted in life. In most cases, everyone around me was right there with me supporting me. I’m beyond grateful for that for all of the love and support I got through my school years and life in general. The only one I was battling with was myself. That’s why I’m thankful I didn’t have more crabs in my bucket.

Don’t Stop Fighting

Now your situation might be different but your path doesn’t have to be the same as mine. After a while, I decided enough is enough. If I was going to get out of this bucket and escape and be free then I have to change my ways and fix what I have been doing wrong most of my life. Now here I am trying my best to change every day and get out of the bucket of my negativity, sadness, and hatred toward myself. My mentality has shifted alot in the last few years and I found more reasoning in life to win and be successful now.

You will find it too, you just can’t give up. Keep fighting and keep gripping the top of the bucket, don’t let go. If there are people in your life that aren’t supporting you then get rid of them and kick them off of you as your hanging on to your dreams. As hard as it might be you have to get rid of that dead weight. You only get what chance to live and one shot, make it count.

What I Learned From Sports

Ups and Downs

What I learned from sports over the years and what I took from the ups and downs is more than I can ever imagine. I was at an all-time high to winning two league titles in my high school career. One In soccer and baseball. I also helped coach a team to win the league for my third medal so that was a special moment coaching. To the lows of losing in playoffs and losing in the championship game a few times to your rival.

Yes, it can be fun and very rewarding, but it can also be hard and not fun. In the end, I wouldn’t have changed anything. Sure, I would have wanted more wins and medals and for me personally to have played better throughout the years to help my team win more. But I think if done correctly you can learn from those losses just as much if not more than when you win.

Bidder Taste

Once you lose or lost in a big game. It sucks and it doesn’t taste good. At the time you might be thinking, man I wish I did better or did this or that instead. With that thinking and mindset, you’re not going to get much better next time and that attitude won’t help you learn more down the road. But what will help you to recover or maybe look at it with a better attitude is what If I could have done this instead? Maybe if I tried this approach or did this a little different and tweaked this or that. I need to go to practice and work on it so I don’t make the same mistake twice.

Pretty much the same wording and approach and thinking behind what happened. Yet the outlook of it and your mindset of it is completely different then playing the what if game. Don’t play the what if game, that doesn’t help you or anyone else. It just makes you look like a poor loser in some cases. You can’t change it now, all you can do is learn and do better next time.

Competitive Nature

From a young age, I developed a craft for being very competitive. I think it all started with seeing my sisters playing sports and watching sports in general. After a while, I hated to lose and wanted to win. I wanted to beat my sisters and everyone else I was playing with or against. I didn’t care what it was I wanted to win plain and simple.

Now with that attitude, there could be side effects of being very competitive. I hated losing as I said, but I wasn’t really a sore loser. Well, when I was younger I was but I got better. Winning just made me feel so much better and it put a smile on my face. It was like I had an edge over everyone else that I was playing against or I was going up against. It wasn’t my intention to think I was better than them or anything like that. I was just trying to win and well win in everything I was doing.

Real Life

Playing sports over the years helped me to grow into the competitor I am to this day. From playing basketball, baseball or soccer over the years. To playing video games with my friend’s, tennis with my dad whatever it was I wanted to win. Once I started to get better in those areas and realized oh I’m kind of good then it only got better or worse from there haha. School wasn’t a gift for me, but sports, on the other hand, was a gift I was definitely born with.

You can be competitive in anything. I used to be in sports or games, well I still am and probably always will be. I’m starting to transition my competitiveness from sports into life and the real world. See it doesn’t matter where you are in your life and what chapter you’re going through or finishing up.

New Opponent

I’m trying to enter a field that’s new to me. I have to learn and figure out what I’m doing and what I need to do to become the best author I can be. I need to put in the work, that could mean writing something every day or reading something every day to help me grow and get better. Just like in sports I went to practice every day or had games and we had to keep putting in the work as a team to get better.

That’s what I’m doing now, I’m laying the foundation and learning and growing and trying to get better every day now. I need to figure out what it will take to become a successful author. I want to be the best husband that I can be to my wife. The best son, brother, uncle and friend to everyone around me. Will I mess up and lose sometimes, of course, that will happen. But what makes that situation different or me different is what you do after you lose. Are you going to stay upset about it for a long period of time? Or are you going to be upset or think about what happened or what you did and move on and try and do better next time? It’s all on your outlook and how you see it playing out in front of you.

Now you can learn from anything, it doesn’t have to be from sports. For me personally, that’s where it all started for me. From a young age, I started to taste the sweet taste of winning and the ugly side to losing. I have definitely lost more than I have won in my life. Now with losing more than I have won, has only made me hungrier and more motivated to win and continue to do better every day.

100th Post

TWTMDE

Welcome to my 100th post. It seems like forever now, but 100 posts and still going. In that time I have written 100 posts, it’s crazy what I have seen over that time.

I guess for starters recognizing how blessed and lucky I am. This year alone I went backpacking across Europe for two weeks. I went to the outer banks for a week on vacation two different times this summer. Now my sister is getting married tomorrow. Then 41 days later I will be getting married.

One of the things I struggled with the most in my life and early days, was wondering if I would ever be good enough for someone else? Now here I am a little more than a month away from marrying my beautiful fiancée.

It’s Almost Time

To be honest it still doesn’t feel like I’m getting married. I went so many years not dating and wondering if I ever will find her or if I’m lucky enough to get married. It was such a quick turn around. We dated for less than four months and I proposed. Engaged for just about four months and then I’ll be married. It’s interesting seeing God work and how quickly things can change.

Besides getting married which is amazing and huge of course. Another thing I’m working on is publishing my book this year. I think it is finally ready. I’m ready to share this with the world and share my story. Yes, it still terrifies me and freaks me out of course. But hey whoever said that wasn’t a bad thing? I think that’s how you grow and get better. Getting yourself out of your comfort zone and stretching yourself. That’s how you start to find yourself and see who you really are and what your made of and capable of in your life.

Keep Going

That’s part of the reason why I started this blog. Is to continue to keep writing and keep trying to get better at writing. Is there room for improvement, absolutely I won’t deny that. Do I think I have come a long way since my first post and when I first started writing? Yes, I think I have. I hope I’m able to publish a couple hundred more posts over the years. How cool would it be if I end up sharing 1,000 posts?

The goal is to try and connect with kids and young adults who have similar stories and issues like me. I’m here to tell them, that anything is possible. I was that kid who hated school and wasn’t good at it. Some days I would have rather been tortured physically instead of taking a test or reading in front of the class. That to me was torture enough and embarrassing. It was hard and was hell for me. Reading, writing, spelling, math, anything else you can think of it was hard for me.

I Believed The Lies

For a good chunk of my life and all of my teenage years and about the first half of my 20s I let my weaknesses control me. My weaknesses and Fred, my alter ego controlled every movement of my life it felt like. It wasn’t Peter running the show, I was a zombie just going with the flow. Most of the time it felt like I was on cruise control, I didn’t know what was going on.

Well, I’m here to tell you right here and right now. That all of my faults, my weaknesses and the things I struggled with in school the only reason why they controlled me was I let them. I was listening to myself. That’s what I kept telling myself over the years and feeding my head with these lies. After a while, my lies started to sound believable and I was now listening to myself and believing it.

Bigger Picture

That’s why my book had to be written. That’s why this blog had to be created. I’m glad I had over 105 agents reject me. Sure, at the moment, I was sad and wondering if this will ever work. Looking back, I just don’t think I was ready. I’m one of those people that believes everything happens for a reason. I believe I was meant to finally meet Lindsay at the beginning of the year. I believe all of those rejections I had received was all pointing me to create this blog. It was all different pieces I was putting together to finish the puzzle.

Now it’s not about me anymore, or my books and blog. After reading this, what is it you need to work on or fix? I have a lot of stuff still to work on. I’m still battling insecurities and going back and forth with every day. I don’t have much confidence in myself, I’m always negative toward myself throughout the day. Depression has been a constant battle over the years. I have become my own worst enemy over the years.

Never Stop Dreaming

My story is out in the public now. I have a lot of work to do still. There is a lot of room for improvement, I’m far from cured. But here’s the kicker that a lot of people miss over the years. This was something I couldn’t really grasp at a young age. There’s always going to be something we’re working on or trying to improve or fix as we age and get older. Honestly, that’s how it should be. I feel if you just settle with where you are and what you’re doing in life then you already have one foot in the grave.

Life is supposed to be special, and precious. We only get one chance at it and one life. We need to all start doing better and making the most of it. Start tackling those goals and dreams you have been talking about for years. It’s time to stop talking, and time to start doing.