My Reality Check

My Reality Check

 Day 7

My reality check is here, it’s a week into the new year and time isn’t slowing down. Regardless of what happens today tomorrow or next week. Time will still be moving on regardless if I’m ok with it or not, it won’t stop for me and it won’t stop for you.

Going into this new year I was committed to make it my best year ever. I know it’s only been a week so far, but I still truly believe that. My plan is to publish two books this year, and continue to keep blogging and keep sharing why I’m doing this and what’s my purpose behind all this madness.

I want to become a published author and share my story with the world, that hasn’t changed. I want to turn my three-book series into movies and take it to Hollywood. That was the plan once I started writing the series. I pictured it in my head as I was writing and I thought to myself. You know this could be good, I think I might be on to something. Of course, I’m going to favor a dream of mine and going to think positive about my work. I truly think it’s entertaining and it will sell and it can be turned into something.

New Year

Those are just some of my goals I have talked about. They are big goals and dreams, I won’t disagree with that. I’m sure you have heard it before and I know I have said it before if you’re going to dream then dream BIG. It should be big enough that it scares you and your embarrassed to share it with people. Well, surprise, sharing who I really am and sharing private details about my life growing up about my issues. Well, that scared the crap out of me, and here we are. About five months later and this will be my 45th post now. I feared this and freaked out about it multiple times. I realized enough is enough, I think this could be good and it could benefit people. So, I took the chance and decided to share my story, and who knows where this might go.

As of right now Sunday, January 7th, I’m still stuck and here we are. I don’t know what’s next for Peter, and I have no way of knowing if my books or website will blow up as much as I think and know they can. Outside of my two-part time jobs, I have right now, and my third part-time job working on my books and website whenever I have free time. Other than those two jobs I’m not making the money that I probably should be. I’m just making enough to squeak by, and well it sucks living paycheck to paycheck.

What’s Next

This is my life’s work and I don’t know what my purpose is or what I meant to do? I think it was to share my story about my life with you and with kids that need to hear it. I’m nobody special and my unique story is nothing special. I just finally got tired of living the boring and lame life I was living.

Reality smacked me in the face and I finally woke up. I finally snapped and started living for once after all these years. Maybe writing won’t be a full-time job like I hope and pray for every day. Maybe I won’t be the next big-name writer and selling millions of books, and honestly, I’m fine with that. What I hope to gain out of this, is the opportunity to share my story and help people and kids along the way. I want to help people that felt like an outcast and felt different like me. Those people who have a learning disability or are dyslexic like me.

It doesn’t matter who you are and what you are going through or went through. Everything happens for a reason, and it’s all planned out. I still wouldn’t change anything about my past or what happened earlier, because that past brought me to this point. It gave me this drive and hunger for success and trying to build something from scratch and be a part of something that’s bigger than me. When I started writing, this was not what my intentions were. I just wanted to write books and make enough to have writing be my full-time job and entertain people.

Glass Half Full

I know what I want, it’s not money and to fill my pockets. I want to make enough so I could continue to pursue this full time. More importantly now, I want to talk with people that are just like me and who are going through their own dark tunnel right now. I have been there I lived it, I’m still living it to this day. I know what those dark days were like.

Now I see the light shining, and I know what’s around the corner. What’s around that corner is the WORLD, and now I’m finally ready to start living for the first time ever in my 27 years. I have seen what my future is, and what I saw is the world and anything I want? It’s up to me what I want and what I want to go after. It’s time for us ALL to get out of our comfort zone and make this the best year ever.

I finally recognized where I am in life, and it’s not enough I want more. I want to be a part of something bigger than me, I need to give back more and play a bigger role in people’s lives. What’s your reality look like after a week into the new year? What is it you want or have been wanting to pursue after all this time? Remember to look at that glass half full now and not half empty.

My Sarcasm Was A Shield For Me

My Sarcasm Was A Shield For Me

Day 6

If you know me then you knew I’m very sarcastic. For 20 years my sarcasm was a shield for me. For years I didn’t like who I was and the person I was. I thought if I didn’t like me then who would like me for the real me?

In my earlier years, I didn’t like who I was as a person. From an early age, I put on a mask and tried sharing the side that people might like more. I used my sense of humor and sarcasm to mess with people and try and make them laugh.

Robin Williams

“I think the saddest people always try their hardest to make people happy. Because they know what it’s like to feel absolutely worthless and they don’t want anybody else to feel like that – Robin Williams The first time I heard this quote, It smacked me right in the face. As cliché as it sounds, I feel like this quote was for me. There was something about this quote that just stayed with me. This was how I felt my whole life, this was part of the reason I always tried to be funny and sarcastic and make people laugh. I know what it’s like to feel like a loser, alone and all the other words you want to say. I don’t want anyone else to feel this way. Hence, part of the reason why I’m blogging.

I have said hundreds of times over the years, we are all meant for something special. Were all capable of doing great things, some might be a little bigger or smaller of course. But with that, it doesn’t mean that person is better or below you, just different. Even when I was going through my troubled days, I never stopped believing I’m going to be successful and I’m going to do something special. I always wanted to leave a positive impact and help people in a positive way, somehow someway. At the time, I had no idea how I was going to do that. Yes, some days and for a long time, I would lie to myself saying and still believing those words. Even though some days I thought it was a complete lie, some days I thought who am I? I’m a nobody what can I really accomplish?

Tough Times

Through those hard days and years, my mask became my best friend I was always wearing it. Somedays I was always fake and never let anyone know the real me, I was too embarrassed and ashamed. Even though my real feelings I had, I still would put on my mask and try and make people smile and laugh and have fun. I would try and treat it like a game, I would win or get a point if I got somebody to laugh or smile. For that short time when I was alone in my safe room and hiding from the real world, I felt free for that short time I was around people.

We all have our flaws and weaknesses we battle or fighting with all the time. I wouldn’t change anything because those flaws of mine helped bring me to this point. It helped turn me into the person that I am today. We all have different shields we put up or walls we use when we are feeling attacked or vulnerable. That’s a normal reaction to have, and that’s completely natural. If you know what you’re doing and you have been living that life or doing the same thing for far too long. Then do something about it?

Defense

I still use my sarcasm as a defensive mechanism sometimes. Now to this day, I feel like it’s more real now. I’m not so much trying to hide who I really am, well not all the time haha. I’m just trying to be a happier person now and pass that vibe onto others.

If I want to leave this world a better place than it was when I came into it, then I must keep going. That’s big shoes I need to fill and no easy task. I need to keep working hard every day and trying to do the best I can and keep working hard. I have wasted far too many years mopping around and feeling bad for myself, what has that brought me? The answer is NOTHING. It hasn’t done anything good for me, it just made me resent myself even more. It made me work that much harder to get out of the deep hole I was in. Not to mention I’m still in that dark tunnel, searching for the light at the end, so the fight can’t stop.

My Challange

It doesn’t matter how young or old you are, who knows how many more days or weeks we have left. I’m not trying to scare you or look at the glass half empty. I’m trying to look at the glass I now have as half full, and keep working harder with those remaining days I have left. I need to keep going and keep working harder for the kids that I think need to hear my story. Is my way better or perfect of course not? I believe how I see the world through my dyslexic eyes, can benefit the young kids today. Not just young kids but everyone that ever felt like an outcast or alone. We all have a story to share, and we all should share that story.

Ladies and gentlemen, I challenge you to get out of your comfort zone this year. It’s time we all start sharing who we really are and start helping each other. Sharing how you feel and what you went through. I know you will be terrified I get that, but you never know what kind of impact you might have. If you keep it bottled up inside your whole life, you are wasting a great opportunity of giving back. Are you up for this challenge?

My Version Of An Outcast

My Version Of An Outcast

Day 5

This is my version of an outcast, and how I see it. When you hear outcast what do you think? A person who is different or by themselves and alone maybe? That’s what I think when I hear outcast, and that’s what I am. The biggest bully and the main person that treated me like an outcast the most was the person that knew me best, me. I was my worst enemy and worst critic over the years, it was all me and nobody else. I did this to myself and caused and inflicted probably 95% of the pain myself.

If you read my last post about school and dyslexia, well now you have a better idea of who I am and why I’m like this. Again, everything I talk about and everything I will ever talk about goes back to age six when my life would have changed forever. Now that I figured out what my issues were with school and we finally put a label on it. It’s all smooth sailing from here of course, right, WRONG? It only went downhill from that day forward. As the days and years passed me by, I started to adapt to life and changed my ways, and it was not good.

Mindset Is Key

This mindset I brought on to myself, the pain and side effects were all self-inflicted. How could I do this to myself, why did I do this to myself? It’s because I was confused and lost, I didn’t know what to do and how to respond to what I was going through. At age six and so on, I chose my fate before I even knew it. I chose this life for myself, I expected the fact that I am a little different and learn differently than everyone else.

Who cares were all different anyway, that shouldn’t matter. Some people might be better than me in school. I feel I was blessed with athleticism, so maybe I’m better than them in that area. I was always jealous of how easy everything was for them. Not knowing what they might be struggling with, I might be better at them this time. I never thought about it like that until I got older.

With having this mindset, I always felt alone and kept to myself. I didn’t like talking about my issues or how I was really felling. I always kept to myself, I would talk to myself all the time over the years or would journal about how I was feeling. It was always easier keeping how I felt or who the real Peter is to myself. I was always embarrassed and ashamed enough of who I was, why would I want to open myself up more for who knows what criticism or whatever might come my way next?

Inner Battles

Did I jump to conclusions and judge people for what they thought, absolutely? Was I wrong for that, absolutely I was I’ll admit that? Admitting that now I have said it before if only I was more open from the begging. Maybe a lot of my issues and inner battles could have been avoided. Then again if they were avoided, who knows where I would be today? If that’s the case, maybe I wouldn’t have had this fire and gone through the experiences to help me build my fire and help me get refocused like I am today.

Like I said before, I would not change a thing because it helped turn me into the person I am today. Do I wish some situations and issues I was in might have gone a different way, of course, I would. Thinking to myself making fun of me, calling myself names and everything else I did.

Maybe that’s part of the reason why I’m scared of commitment and why I never had much luck in dating haha. I just never felt like I was good enough to be with someone. On the flip side thinking who would want to date me? Most of the time, I was looking at what I saw and did every day I judged myself already for them. I knew what I was like and I knew who the real me was. I guess that’s the introvert inside of me. I’ve been so used to being alone and being by myself, it just became normal for me over the years.

Introvert

At times, it might not seem like I’m an introvert, but it’s true I am. In the end, even to this day I still struggle some days with being dyslexic even though I think it was a blessing like I have said before and I truly believe that. It helped me view the world and see it differently than most. I have always been different than most I have come to grips and excepted that now.

I’m still human and still filled with emotion, I hate not being able to spell and read fast and anything else that goes along the lines of school. Heres an example for you. Say I become the most successful writer in history, I finally get married and have four kids. Having a family and a wife and finally becoming a dad is and will always be my number one goal. If all of that happens, I will still be embarrassed and be battling who I really am. Unfortunately, its always going to be an inner battle I will be battling every day of my life.

Don’t be afraid of who you really are. Don’t be afraid of taking a chance and getting out of your comfort zone. Yes, I’m different, you are different, were all different. If we were all the same, life would be boring and the same thing every day. That will get old after a while, so if you don’t like who you are then do something about it. Don’t think about it anymore, just do it and keep going.

 

Battling School With Dyslexia

Battling School With Dyslexia

Day 4

I remember at six years old after just starting the new year and a few weeks into the year. They finally diagnosed me with Dyslexia. I was told I’m going to a different school because the current school I was attending couldn’t help me and give me enough support. I was a mess, I remember crying and crying. Leaving all my friend’s I had, all because I was different.

I don’t know how many times I would ask my parent’s, why am I stupid? Why am I different from everyone else? Why can’t I be normal like everyone else? What do you say to that, what do you say to a little kid? They did their best of course and I’m grateful for everything they did. I was six years old, how was I supposed to understand what they were telling me.

As the years went on and still struggling with school, things never changed. Everything around me was changing and were growing up, except for me when it came to school, I was the same still struggling. I was near the end of elementary school and in middle school, say 7th grade. My reading level and everything else was still stuck in elementary school a few grades behind me. That’s going to mess with a little kid, how do you teach that and explain to a little kid? It’s ok Peter you will understand and figure it out soon enough.

So It Begins

I didn’t believe those lies and that crap people were filling my head with. I knew I was stupid and different and I hated it. How embarrassing and how much of a loser am I? I’m now in 8th grade, or just starting freshman year in high school. My reading and spelling were still stuck in middle school. How much longer till I graduate and finally free from this prison and hell I was in?

In high school it was different, I still was dealing with the same issues as the years before. I used my Dyslexia as an excuse, I didn’t care anymore I gave up and was lazy. I tried sometimes, but I didn’t care I didn’t know what was next for me after I graduate. All I knew is I was not going to college, you couldn’t pay me enough to go through four more years of this.

Once graduation day came and I officially got my diploma, was of course very exciting for me. Now on the flip side, it was also very terrifying for me. I had no idea what was next or what direction I was supposed to head in. It was dark out and I was walking blind into this tunnel in front of me, I couldn’t see anything. I didn’t like where I was, so I decided to keep walking blindly into more darkens ahead of me.

Side Effects

With my issues in school and now officially being diagnosed with Dyslexia. With that, I developed a lot of personal issues over the years. Now with where I am looking back, I can say it was a blessing in disguise.It took a long time to finally think that, and some days I still struggle with thinking it’s a gift and not calling myself stupid again and trying to pity myself.

At a young age with feeling embarrassed and ashamed of who I am. Let’s just say I struggled in a lot of areas in life, even outside of school. I was always angry and developed a temper from this. I had no confidence and was very self-conscious in myself over the years. Again, with being embarrassed and thinking as the years went on. What did I do wrong, why am I being punished? I would rip myself apart numerous times a day.

If I spelled something wrong or messed up in school whatever the situation was I would get so angry at myself. I would call myself all kinds of names. All I would see is red, and snap. Good job stupid you can’t even spell that or why are you so dumb? What can you really accomplish in life? Who would want to date me you with these issues anyway? This mindset all started at a very young age, that’s why it hasn’t been an easy fix.

New You

If I knew what I knew now at age six. If I knew where I would be and what I would be doing 20 years later, I would die laughing and thinking that’s hilarious and not true. Peter A Harrower, has written three books and now has a website and blog about his life and sharing it with the world, no way that’s a lie? I’m a very private person and always have been there’s no way he’s sharing how he really feels and who he really is with the world? There’s no way he has read almost 40 books in three years? In my school career, I could probably count the number of books I read on one hand.

It’s true, I would never have imagined I would be chasing some of the goals and dreams I have to this day. Every once and awhile I still catch myself laughing about it thinking it’s fake and not real. I’m not saying all this looking for praise or pity, or whatever you want to call it. I’m saying all this because it doesn’t matter where you came from or what happened in the past.

If you keep working and keep going the sky is the limit with what you can accomplish and do. I’m living proof of that, and I know first-hand what you’re capable of doing if you put your mind to something. If I can do it and take a risk and gamble on something far out of my reach, so can you. Who know’s if this little dream of mine will even work. What I do know is, there’s only one way to find out.

You Are The Author Of Your Life

You Are The Author Of Your Life

Day 3

Instead of focusing on how each year we are adding another chapter to our life book. First, you must write something, and come up with a plan. That’s what we are doing here, you are the author of your life. What do you want to write this year?

Were all different authors, and were all writing different stories. Every day it’s a new page in our life, don’t get too caught up in what other people are writing. Were all chasing and searching for different paths and all are working towards different goals in our life. That’s why all of us are so unique, that’s what makes our stories so special.

What is it your searching for? We are all on different levels and in different phases of our life. Are you looking for purpose and direction in life? Do you feel like you have a purpose but not quite sure what it is yet? Maybe you have purpose, direction and finally, have an idea of what it is you want to do. You’re just not sure how to get there, maybe your scared because what you think you’re meant to do and put hours and hours and money into that craft. What if it doesn’t turn out and it backfires? Well if any of these are you or close enough to you well then you know how I feel.

Don’t stop working

Sometimes I think what am I really doing, will this work? If this doesn’t work out, then what am I going to do, what’s next? I have no idea what’s next, if this book thing works out or it doesn’t I have no clue. The only thing I know and can control is how hard I work and the effort I put into it.

I don’t know what’s next for me, or what the future holds. What I do know is, I know the person who is in control and decides what I want to do in life. That person is me, and YOU. As a Christian, I believe in the end God is in control and he has planned everything out. I also think we have some say in deciding what is it we want to do. As scary as that power can be, it is also very exciting. Even though I don’t know what’s next for me or what will happen this year. All I can do is keep working hard and try and create and bring to life what I’m writing and sharing every day.

It might not seem like it or might be hard to imagine, but we are all author’s. Maybe you’re not trying to create something from scratch with words like what I’m doing every day with my website and books. Every morning you have a blank canvas to work on. How you decide to decorate that canvas and what you decide to create is up to you?

Mindset Is Key

That’s another example of what drives me and what helps me get out of bed in the morning. Even though I’m going into a new day or week blind with no idea what’s next. What I do know is I’m in control and I play a major part in what I want to create and bring to life. That’s how we need to start looking at the days in front of us. Not so much thinking and looking at life. Crap, I still work here? If that’s how your feeling or your attitude behind something, you need to reevaluate what you’re doing with yourself? Life is to short to have those kinds of regrets. You and I are only wasting this precious gift of life that we are given every day.

If you agree or not, were all authors. Maybe you don’t quite see it like me, but ask yourself this. Did you decide what you want to do today, where you want to work for example? Most likely the answer is yes. If that’s the case then you can decide to change your life for the better and create something special and better this year. Don’t play the what if game, or thinking what if it doesn’t work? Well, it doesn’t work out then and you will find another way.

What Are You Going To Create

Looking at my life I’m used to getting rejected, and I have gotten rejected a lot over the years. I sent over 300 emails for my books and received over 105 responses saying no. I took a chance on a goal and something I have given hours and days into trying to create something from scratch. Finally, I feel like I have a purpose for once, and I was terrified. Maybe I’m not as good as I think if I have received these many rejections?

Maybe my writing and ideas are good I just didn’t find the right agent? I took matters into my own hand, I created my website and now I’m trying a different approach. The thing is I didn’t stop I kept going and trying to make it work. I took that canvas in front of me and decided to create something special myself. I don’t want people to do the work for me anymore. If I want to become the author I think I’m capable of becoming, then I must put in the work every day. I need to keep pursuing this hobby and turn it into a career. I have given six-plus years of my life to this craft, and have never been so determined and focused in my life.

You Are The Author Of Your Life

Do you know what you want to create this year? If not then maybe you need to reevaluate what you’re doing with your life, and not wait any longer. The time will pass, no matter what you decide. Either you go with the time you have and make the most of it, or the time is going to leave you regardless. What’s it going to be?

Recap Of 2017

Recap Of 2017

Day 2

It’s January 2nd of 2018, and this is my recap of 2017. I think in most cases when the New Year comes around, it’s natural to think of what we did, or didn’t do in the year before. Good or bad, I think we all do it and should do this.

For me looking back through 2017, and what that year was like for me. For starters, I went backpacking across Europe for two weeks. I would say that was probably the highlight of my year. I was very nervous and hesitant about this trip, but in the end, it all worked out. It was an amazing experience I had the opportunity to go on.

I went to the Poconos for the first time and went kayaking 9 miles down the river with my brother in law. We flipped about five times each, and thankfully we didn’t die. I read 8 books, and that brings my total to 37 books, and 10 audiobooks in three years.

New Goals

I started a new job working for my dad doing sales. Last but certainly not least, I took another giant leap of faith and created my own website and started blogging. As much as this terrifies me opening up, I realized it won’t do any good keeping all of this inside of me. Trying to share my story with the world, and leave a positive impact on people’s lives. Also, part of me is trying to change my life for the better as well. Of course, it won’t happen overnight, but hey you must start somewhere. Even though it’s been a few months now I’m still learning and trying to figure it all out. I posted 38 posts and had 1,056 views in the first four months.

Looking back. If I’m being honest right now. It’s not enough, not even close. I need to do more in 2018, I want to do more. I want to double the number of books I read. Continue to keep trying to build my website and make it bigger. Plus, not to mention my number one goal is to finally publish my book this year. The plan is to publish two books this year. I haven’t told anyone that yet, so surprise haha. My memoir and the reason behind why I built this website and started blogging. Next, I’m going to publish book one in my fiction series that I have been working on for over six years now. Within that time, I have finished the first two books. All I need to do is finish number three, but that’s farther down the road.

Laying The Foundation

Realistically 2017 wasn’t a bad year, I mean it wasn’t great. In the end, I’m alive and still breathing, and as far as I know, I’m still healthy. God gave me another year to live, and I added another chapter to my book of life. Even though I’m not where I want to be yet, I feel like I’m still building the foundation and trying to get everything set up. Still, at 27, it’s very frustrating because this foundation has taken a long time, and it’s been a bumpy ride over the years. I don’t want to sit here as I’m writing this at 8:15 pm Monday night and complain about what happened to me in the past. That’s not what I’m trying to do here.

I’m just exhausted and worn out, it’s been a long road and finally, finally, I’m so close to the finish line of publishing my book. I can finally see the light at the end of the tunnel. The warmth from the sun is starting to touch my skin. I just need to keep going, once I publish my book that will only be the beginning. Even though 2017 wasn’t as successful or as productive as I would have liked. Again, I’m laying the foundation and getting everything ready for 2018.

This will be the best year of my life I can feel it. The last year, especially the last few months. I have never been so motivated and focused in my life before. That’s why I can’t slow down anymore, I must keep going. Even if I’m having an off day, which I still have plenty and not feeling great about myself. I just need to continue to trust God and keep going. I have made it this far, I might as well continue and see what happens.

2018

With that said if you weren’t pleased with the effort or what you accomplished in 2017. Don’t let that frustrate you too much and distract you for too long. You don’t want to start off bad going into your best year you’re going to have in your life? Don’t forget what happened and what you did in 2017. Never forget what happened in the past, always keep that close to you. Everything that happened good or bad, that made you and brought you to this point for a reason. All you need to do is get refocused and keep going. Looking back to last year, what did you accomplish in 2017?

Were you proud of everything you did and accomplished, or disappointed in your effort? Ask yourself that, and be honest and answer these questions. Did you do enough, did you wish you did more? No matter what you said or how you feel about 2017, you can do better. I can do better, we all can do better. Do you want to hear something amazing? It’s 2018, it’s a new year and full of new opportunities. It doesn’t matter what regrets you might have from your past. What matters is what you do from this moment going forward. Only you can decide what you want to do, nobody else can answer this question. With that, what do you want your 2018 to look like?

My 500 Words For 31 Days

My 500 Words For 31 Days

31 Days

This is my 500 words for 31 days. I can’t believe I’m saying this but it’s January 1st, 2018. WHAT, where did the time go? Time is going way to fast, but there’s nothing we can do about that. That’s life there is no stopping it, we just need to accept that and keep moving with the time that we have. This idea came from Jeff Goins. Thank you for the information Jeff, https://goinswriter.com.

The next 31 days I will be writing a minimum of 500 words, and at max 1,000 words which is my normal amount. The goal is to shoot for 31 days straight to start the year right and doing what I love doing, writing.

This is the first goal I have for 2018. I already have a few topics I’m going to talk about. So that’s also going to be another tricky part is coming up with the material for every day. Well, let the fun begin and this is only the begging for the new year.

I Challange You

Come up with a challenge and work on a new habit the first month. I mean to be fair a lot of people always start off well and with a goal in mind. Let’s be honest how many people are still following that goal in February, or the best month of the year March, aka, my birthday month. The answer is probably not many.

Now you need to set goals for the whole year, and things you want to accomplish within that time. Don’t just focus on the end goal, thinking I need to complete these 10 things or however many you have by December 31st. Start slow and come up with a step by step plan to figure it out. That will be more beneficial for you down the road by coming up with a good plan. Trust me, taking the time to come up with a plan for each month, or a quarter of the year however you split it up, will go a lot farther.

Day 1

This is the first day of a new year for you. This is the first day of a new chapter in your book of life. It doesn’t matter who you are, how old or young you are. It doesn’t matter what happened in 2017. That is over and it’s time to move on to what’s in front of you. Don’t get too distracted and caught up with the year you just finished. Yes, like I will always say, don’t forget where you came from. What you learned and went through to get you to this point in your life. Good or bad it doesn’t matter what happened. What happened last year and what you learned from it, that’s what matters. It will make you a better and stronger person on your path that’s in front of you.

I won’t lie for the longest time, and for many years, I never really liked new years. Because when I was struggling and in my funk for a long time, I felt like I never really accomplished much in the year before. With that bad attitude caring over in the new year, it isn’t a healthy and the best start to a clean slate. I think we can all agree with that.

Keep Working

It doesn’t matter what your situation is. For me, my plan was to publish my book by the end of December. Well, it didn’t happen and that was a little disappointing. Who knows what will happen this month, I’m still working my tail off every day to complete my number one goal in life to publish a book. There are a lot of people helping me with completing that goal, and a lot of different parts I need to figure out to accomplish that goal. Now I’m not blaming anyone for this. All I’m saying sometimes things just don’t work out or other stuff comes up and things get pushed back. That’s life, we don’t always get what we want, so you adapt and keep going. That’s the key is to keep going.

How cool would it be if by January 31st, 2018 I finish my 31-day challenge perfect with no missed days? On top of that, I publish my book, The World Through My Dyslexic Eyes my number one goal in life. I finish both of those goals in the first month of a new year, I would say that would be the best start to the new year I ever had haha. If it works out the way, that would be awesome and It’s hard not to smile about that.

Control That Fear

Now if it doesn’t happen, well then it doesn’t happen that’s life. My book gets pushed back another month and takes a little longer. In the end, I’m trying to enter a field I’m brand new in, so as I’m working on my book I’m also trying to learn how to publish a book. If you didn’t notice, that makes it a little harder.

If you put all my personal goals out in the open. Everything I want to accomplish and trying to share with you. If you only get one thing out of my books, my posts or whatever we talk about, let it be this. I was lost, angry and started out as a confused kid. It doesn’t matter where you were, what you went through or whatever happened to you. All of that is in the past, you learn from that and keep that in the back of your mind to help you stay focused. You use that fuel to push you to have the best years and life from this day forward. Get out of your comfort zone and chase something that scares you. Don’t let that fear control you anymore, you control that fear?

Being Dyslexic Can Be A Blessing

Being Dyslexic Can Be A Blessing

A Blessing?

Yes, I know if you read all my earlier posts or even a few random ones, you might be a little confused with this title. I have talked a lot and complained and shared about my issues and faults with being dyslexic and all the side effects I picked up on this journey. With that said and all the side effects, I picked up along the way so far. I wouldn’t change anything looking back at my life. It’s true, being dyslexic can be a blessing.

Some days I still wonder and think about it, I can’t lie. Is it really a blessing being dyslexic and having this burden and cloud over me the rest of my life? Yes, I think about that a lot, maybe a little too much sometimes. How can this be a blessing what good can really come from this anyway?

For starters, my early years were hard, there’s no denying that. I had my issues, and I still have my issues and my low points in life and my off days. Unfortunately, I think that’s going to be a regular thing the rest of my life till it’s my time. Within that time so far and what I have come to realize over the years. Yes, I’m dyslexic and I can’t read fast, I’m horrible at spelling and so on. What matters is what I do with the issues and faults I have in my life.

Issues

With these personal issues and side effects, you could say I picked up along the way. With all of that, and where I am now in my life. Still confused, searching and trying to figure out what my purpose is in life and what’s next for Peter. With all of that said, I still wouldn’t change anything. I believe all of this was meant to happen and all a part of my journey. All my issues and complication’s I had over the years, helped bring me to this point in my life. All of this happened for a reason, and it was all part of my journey.

At this point in my life, what started out as a little confused dyslexic kid, now I’m 27. I have my own website and blogging about my unique journey over the years. The last three years I have read or listened to 40 books. I have big goals on my radar in front of me. I’m almost done with publishing my first book, yes you read that correctly. I’ve written a book about my struggles and life over the years. I’m also working on a three-book fiction series. The first two books are done. I just have one more book to write in that series and then the plan is to get them published, and send them to the big screen and turn them into movies.

Purpose

I want to give back and help kids that felt lost and confused like me. Clearly, I know what it’s like and I know how alone and scared I was through this journey. Kids should not have to go in the direction I went down. It’s ok to ask for help along the way, I didn’t and that’s where I screwed up. I was embarrassed to ask for help, I had received so much in my earlier years. I was ashamed of who I was, and at what little I can do by myself. Could I accomplish something on my own for a change?

With all of that said, that’s why it’s a blessing now looking back. When I was younger, you couldn’t pay me to read a book for fun. It would have to be a large amount, even when I was forced to for school, I still hardly read the material. Maybe you’re wondering if I hated it so much why am I writing so much and reading so many books? It’s because I’m obsessed now, what started out as a hobby, turned into an obsession.

Over the years I battled a lot with depression feeling stupid and alone. Writing as lame as it sounds, saved me. Within that time when I was alone and depressed. Writing and journaling was the only thing I looked forward to in the day. I couldn’t talk to anyone, I was ashamed and embarrassed.

Why Not

August 6, 2011, I decided why not turn all this writing into something? That summer day was my first day this hobby changed for me. From that day till now, writing became an everything to me. It was my happy place, and the one place for the longest time I felt free.

That’s why in the end this was all a blessing for me. I think these struggles were building up inside of me and starting to turn me into the person I was meant to become. Again, this was all part of my journey, and that day was the first day of my freedom. Writing gave me happiness and helped me feel free. It helped me escape from the real world, and I could create anything I wanted.

My Imagination

Having a learning disability made school miserable for me, and it was horrible. What I lacked in school and couldn’t accomplish with my school years, it made me stronger in other fields. I have always had an imagination, and that imagination brought me to this point in my life.

That’s why I wouldn’t change a thing in my life and I owe everything to my LD. I was sick of where I was and I wasn’t going to let my weaknesses get the best of me anymore. It was time to turn something I was horrible at, into a positive. It opened my eyes to what I needed to fix about myself and change. Do you know what you need to fix? Do you have anything you want to change? Now is the time, why you still have the opportunity.

Old Vs New Mindset

Old Vs New Mindset

Old Mindset

It’s my past vs my future, it’s my old vs new mindset. This is very important people, it’s what is going to help us and drive us to become successful. If your mind isn’t right and you don’t have the right attitude then you’re in trouble. That’s why part of my old ways died a few years back. I had no other choice.

My old mindset was just to exist and just trying to survive and get through another day. Once I did that then I would consider that a win and go on to the next day and start all over.  With whatever you’re doing in life or where ever you are in your life. If you’re not thinking straight and trying to stay ahead of the game and working hard every day, you’re going to be in trouble and hurting for a long time. That’s not the best mindset to have in life and live with every day.

New Mindset

We are all different people and have different battles and follow different paths in our life. I sad it before and I’ll say it again, that’s what makes all of so unique and interesting. We are all meant to accomplish and pursue different challenges and experiences in our lives. What we make of those experiences and speed bumps that come up in front of us, and how you get over those difficulties that’s how you find yourself. Are you going to give in and let that issue get the best of you, or are you going to stop making excuses and keep fighting to live another day?

We’re all going different speeds and all are on different paths every day. For me, I was one of those unlucky people that kept getting stopped and blocked on my path. Now I don’t think I ever made any wrong turns. I think this was the life I was always meant to have and to be walking on. Yes, it sucks sometimes, I won’t lie about that. Yes, some days were harder than others and I wanted to give up, I’m sure I’m not the only one to ever want to give up and wanted to wave the white flag.

21 Nothing

After those days and waving that flag I quickly realized I can’t do this, I can’t give up. Thinking back to when I was a kid and visualizing what my future might look like, I would always dream about it and think what I will be doing at 21, 25 even 30 years old. 21, I wasn’t doing anything I was confused and as lost as someone could be. I didn’t know what to do, where to go, I honestly had no idea what was next.

New Me

At 25 I still had no idea or no clue what was next for me and what my future looked like. I realized enough is enough, I wasted far too many years being sad, angry, and miserable. Sure I might have those days every once in awhile, I mean that’s normal we all have our off days

I just came to the conclusion that life doesn’t have to be so bad; life is what you make it. If you want to be pissed off toward the world, well that’s the kind of life you’re going to have. If you want to be happy and try and make the most of whatever situation you are placed in, well then that’s the life you will have. I got sick and tired of the life I was living so it was time for a change. I desperately needed a change, and fast.

My new mindset was created and it was born. I’m ready for the world and I’m ready for whatever comes my way next. Just because my mindset is starting to become a little more clear doesn’t mean life is going to change and be easy at the snap of my fingers. I have to put in the work to match my new mindset. It can’t just be one or the other, its multiple things you have to change and fix.

New Year

Your mindset and attitude is only the first step, and there are multiple steps that come after. Now the steps following after this step might be a little easier, but it still won’t be a breeze and you still have to work. The mindset and getting it clear and focused is the first major step you need to fix.

With the new year coming and around the corner, what do you want to change and fix for 2018? This is a new chapter in your book of life. Now, is the time to start living for once and make the most of the time we have left. Don’t just look at the end goal of; alright I need to accomplish these 10 things or whatever number by December 31st and GO. Yes, you need to have an end goal, I agree with that. Take it one step at a time, one day at a time. You need to set those small goals to help make that path a little easier to reach your ultimate goal and whatever you’re focused on with wanting to accomplish.

Live In The Moment

What do you need to change and fix, not just for the New Year because everyone talks about it? You should want to do it for yourself, and that’s what you need to focus on for the time being. Focus on you and that mindset to get it right and figure out what you want. Then from there use that momentum and use that new mindset to help others and accomplish everything else you want to do this year. Now is the time to start living, don’t get too distracted with what’s on the horizon. Yes, keep your eye on what’s in front of you so you are prepared, but don’t forget to live in the moment.

Fear Is A Great Motivator

Fear Is A Great Motivator

Scared

Let’s be honest, not many people like to be scared or think, fear is a great motivator. I agree, most of my life If I feared something or was scared why would I want to confront it or go near it, that’s stupid? Well, what did I know; it turns out nothing I was wrong haha. It’s true; fear is a great motivator and can help push you to new limits that you never expected in life.

Fear can mean anything and its different for every one of us, and that’s perfectly ok. Besides, we are all on different paths and heading in different directions in life. That’s why we can’t get too caught up in other people’s lives and seeing what they are doing and how they are living. You don’t know what they are going through or maybe battling at the moment. Everything might look ok and fine on the outside, but on the inside they are broken and lost like so many of us.

Different Paths

When I was younger I’ll admit I was scared a lot, when it came to school everything terrified me. Having the teacher calling on me to answer a question, or maybe to read something out loud. Don’t get me started on homework and studying for tests. Who knows how many fights I got into with my parents through the years about school-related topics. I can’t read fast, my spelling was a joke, and I can’t write well. When it comes to paying attention in school I’m like a little kid, I can’t stay focused and get distracted very easily.

With all of my faults and issues I have or used as excuses over the years. Even with that deadweight, I used holding me back and preventing me from living all these years. My fear was one of the final pushes I needed to push me over the edge to keep going, and finally, start living for once. That’s why I need to do this blog, that’s why I said enough was enough. I know I’m not the only one that used my dyslexia and lack of knowledge toward school as excuses. I know there are millions of people that maybe had the same thoughts and frustrations just like me. Are we all different and have different hobbies of course, but when it comes to school and the learning side we all are probably very similar.

Leap Of Faith

There were two things that pushed me over the edge. They both help me take that leap of faith to finally start living. I wanted to conquer my fear of my faults and not be ashamed of who I am and all the issues and setbacks I had all these years. Sure my mindset will always need work and hopefully not be so negative and judgmental of myself. That’s going to be a lifelong battle. The second was YOU; I know there are millions of kids just like me.

I know what my childhood was like, now I was beyond blessed and lucky. Having a roof over my head, both of my parents, food, water and everything else I needed. I wasn’t spoiled but my parents provided everything to take care of me and my sisters. What about those kids who don’t have a mom or dad? Maybe a parent or loved one died, or maybe just couldn’t take it anymore and just got up and left one day. I didn’t have to deal with any of that, so that’s why when it comes to me complaining it’s only my mindset and the issues I dealt with. Everything else I have no reason to complain about, I had more than enough.

More Than Enough

I know what you kids are dealing with and battling every day. That’s why people and kids need to hear my story. Now, is my story better than yours ABSOLUTELY not, just like yours is not better than mine. Are stories are just different and we all traveled different paths in our life. I know the outcome and what and where that negative attitude will take you after all of these years, NOWHERE.

I’m 27 now and still searching and trying to find my way and purpose in life. I have two part-time jobs at the moment. Now trying to turn what started out as a hobby that quickly turned into an obsession, into a full-time career. I think my story can do more good than bad. What I mean with that is I have always been a private person; I never really liked opening up to people and talking that much. Being dyslexic made me scared and embarrassed to talk to people. It prevented me from living a normal life like everyone else. I quickly realized I don’t want a normal life like everyone else. I don’t want to fit in with the world like I used to want when I was a kid in school.

No More Hiding

I’m part of a small group that is different and has a unique disability compared to everyone else. Now it’s time to use that to my benefit and flip the script. Now is the time for me to embrace who I really am and how I really am. I have wasted far too much time hiding in the shadows and being ashamed of who the real Peter is.

Life is short and its almost 2018. Use that fear and control it, not let that fear control you? That’s why I need to share my story. To show kids life can be fun, even though you’re different than others doesn’t mean you can be successful and live a great life? My fears are pushing me every day to get out of my comfort zone, and try and become a better person. What are your fears doing for you?