Anger

My Anger

Anger a strong feeling of annoyance, displeasure, or hostility. Anger is I don’t want to say a skill or talent I have mastered at a young age. More along the lines of a bad habit and a burden I guess you could say. Now yes there can be some pros to having anger or an angry mindset, I’ll explain don’t worry. Really it’s very limited; the cons definitely outweigh the pros in this category.

I’ll save you the details but if you haven’t noticed there’s a trend here. All of my issues that I have developed over the years. My anger started when I was six. Not far behind a lack of confidence, bad attitude and sarcasm all were building up and trailing. It all began when I found out I was different and I had a disability. Again I’m trying not to complain here. More along the lines of just opening up about it from a different perspective.

Pros?

As far as the pros with anger and having that attitude and roughness that comes with it. If that’s what you’re wondering this is what I’m talking about. Having this cloud over me and being different my whole life. When it was time for me to work and I actually put in the effort. I had to work harder than everyone else. In order to just keep up with the class, I had to work twice as hard and I would still get a worse grade than everyone else. With that work ethic, I had developed at a young age that carried over to me now. Being in the best shape I have ever been, the smartest and most determined I have ever felt. For once now, I feel a purpose and somewhat of direction for me.

The twenties is a hard age group, you’re just finishing up college or you have been out of high school for a few years. You are trying to find yourself, trying to find direction and what it is you want to do and where you want to go. For me, the last six or seven years have been harder than my prior 20 years. Now where I am in life, my determination and anger that I have are what helped take me over the edge. Again if you use anger the right way, to help drive you to be successful and push yourself to better yourself. It can be a great attribute to have, as long as you are holding the strings and controlling it.

Fragile

On the flip side, if you let it and your emotions get the best of you then it can be one of your worst enemies. In my early years, my anger definitely got the best of me and had control over me. I was a puppet to anger; if it told me to do this do that, jump here. Following those directions, no hesitation I couldn’t help it. I was weak and soft and at a low point, I was vulnerable to what I was going through that I was broken and beaten down. No strength, I couldn’t control it and try and counter it and fight back. It was a battle day in and day out, and a battle I lost on a regular basis.

There were times when my anger got so bad, all I wanted to do was break stuff, hit something and I would just freak out. My parents noticed it and I’m sure they were worried for a while because they saw it from a different perspective then I did. What they saw was a more controlled version of who I really am. Just imagine if they knew what was really going on in my head, they would have been a lot more concerned.

My Release

Finally, they got me a punching bag for one Christmas and it was awesome. I had an excuse to hit something and let out that rage that was building and forming within me. I would picture what or who I wanted to hit, and not get in trouble for breaking anything or punching a wall. It was a battle against my mind, even though I was punching the bag. I felt like I was punching and fighting my faults and my frustrations that was controlling me and getting the best of me.

As I’m writing this, I can’t say I have concurred my anger. To be honest, I don’t think I ever will. I think deep down I’m always going to have that rage and anger deep within me. Now one plus about it is, I’m starting to hold the strings and starting to take control. I’m still human and not trying to use that as an excuse. I still have emotions and being the only brother and trying to be the best brother, uncle and son I could to my family. I don’t like it when one of my sisters gets hurt for an example.

Spidey Sense

Say something happens to a family member because of somebody else making a stupid mistake. They get hurt for what the other person did, it’s natural and our instinct to want to do whatever we can and protect the ones we love. It doesn’t matter who you are, as human’s men, women, Christians or non-believers. Deep down we all have that instinct to help those that are down and vulnerable in a situation. The thing is what will you do about it when the time comes to use your power to help others and make a difference? Some will act and try to help, some will just roll by and pretend like it never happened or they didn’t see anything.

I get sidetracked a little when I’m writing sometimes if you haven’t noticed already I apologize. With everything I said, using me as an example in this. Where do you stand on this subject, are you the one being held by the strings, or are you the one controlling the strings? We have our faults and we get caught up in the moment when we are being backed into a corner. Again were human it happens, not using it as an excuse or a reason to go out and start throwing haymakers or anything like that haha.

Take A Chance

Life is like a chess game, have you ever thought about it like that? We start taking little steps in life trying to find our feet and figure things out. As life goes on we get older and start to get farther into the game we’re playing. Things start to happen, roadblocks come along we start to get bills and stress is starting to build up. How we react to everything that’s being placed on our lap or in front of us, is just how you respawn with your next move in chess.

Are you going to take a gamble and a risk sometimes or just play it safe and take the easy route and step by step? There’s no right or wrong answer here, only you can answer for yourself. We each have are on board and making our own moves in our game that we call life. What are you going to do with your life bored? I’ve taken the easy route for far too long, and look where it got me? Now I’m picking it up a notch and changing my approach. I have become more aggressive and willing to take chances. Take those aggressive moves and leaps of faith to pursue new things.

Again as much as it scares the crap out of me, and trust me it does. I would rather take a gamble and risk it. Try and do something worthwhile with the reaming time I have left. Now my anger is driving me and helping to push me and guide me. When I don’t feel motivated or feel like doing something. Whenever I start to change directions and veer of course. My anger and determination give me a good slap in the face to remind me what the goal is. Do you know what you’re doing, and the direction your heading?

7 thoughts on “Anger”

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *