A Fear For Me

A Fear For Me

Can Fears Be Healthy

I know I have talked about fears a lot. But I think it’s normal to have fears and a good thing. I think fears help you to feel alive and help you to keep living and moving forward. If you don’t fear anything, then what are the chances of you wanting to pursue something new or challenge yourself to get better and grow in life?

A fear for me that popped in my head recently and don’t ask me where this came from. One day this thought just hit me. What if I publish all the books I was meant to create and write. I made enough money to have writing and speaking be my full-time job. Even though I don’t think I can call it a job, I would call it a blessing and an awesome opportunity. I finally accomplish my third big goal in life and become a father.

Blessed

After accomplishing those goals that I have been so focused on and had tunnel vision on for so many years. What if after accomplishing all of this and I still don’t feel accomplished or I feel I have more to prove to myself or the world? The next question is who do I need to prove this to? Myself, the world, my peers that didn’t believe in me? Which I don’t think I know many people that didn’t believe in me. They might have thought my dreams and goals were big and crazy, well they aren’t wrong they are big and crazy.

This is why this thought bothers me and I’m not sure how to take it. Right now, I’m a very lucky man. I’m married to my beautiful wife, I have a great family on both sides. I have 20 nephews and nieces, I think, I dont know it’s alot. I have amazing people around me. A job that I make a decent income, not great but enough that helps us pay off some debt and helps Lindsay and our future look a little better and more promising. She has an amazing job and makes good money and we have a house and an awesome Pit Bull name Bella. Now we have a new book out about Bella and I helped my wife pursue something she never could have pictured, becoming an author.

I’m A Lucky Man

The reason why I feel so lucky and blessed is that I look at my past and where I was and where I am now. I never thought I would get here. I never thought I would get married, and in two weeks Lindsay and I will be celebrating our one year anniversary.

With that said I have an amazing life and excited about the future. But why do I put all of this pressure on me and keep telling myself I have something to prove to people? I know it’s in my head. Like I said I never had a teacher or someone tell me, Peter, there is no way you could ever publish a book in your life. You’re stupid you have Dyslexia and when you graduated high school you know you probably have the same IQ of a middle school kid? I didn’t have any of that negative feedback.

Me vs Me

Do you know the biggest person I have to prove that I have to be successful is myself? By proving myself, Peter Alexander Harrower that I so-called “made it in life” was always something I was searching for from a young age. I put all of this pressure on me when I was younger. I don’t need to consider myself successful by how big my bank account is. When I was younger I thought that determined it, but that’s not true and I was wrong. Do I want money and want to make enough money to have writing provide a great life for my family absolutely? But I dont think I should have to apoligize about that. Money is not what got me into writting all of those years ago.

I feel like I need to prove to my old self that it doesn’t matter where you were at one point in your life. It doesn’t matter what you struggled with or still struggle with. I’m dyslexic and still hate reading, and slow with it. But now I’m a two time published author and can put that on my life resume.

Work Hard

If people would ask me before what I do for a living. I would just say I work for my dad and I write on the side. Now, if they ask me that question, I can say I’m an author and I also work for my dad. I’m not saying that to brag and think I’m a big shot, that’s not it at all. If you read my book you will understand why I say that now.

I never thought I would become an author, it took four years working on my book. I have been working on my first book on and off for over eight years now. This wasn’t something I picked up yesterday. I’m trying to push myself so much and so far, to prove not to myself now but to the world and kids that with a little hard work and determination. The opportunities in front of them are endless. They can accomplish whatever they want in life.

Just Getting Started

The thing I struggle with the most sometimes or most times, is not enjoying the moment and the accomplishment. I always thought I would cry when I healed my book in my hands for the first time. The first time that happened I didn’t feel anything, it made me so mad and it scared me. That’s why I feel like I’m only beginning. I feel like I have a lot to prove and there is a lot more I can do in my life now and in the future.

Part 2 next week, stay tuned.

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