Ghosts Around Your Deathbed

Ghosts Around Your Deathbed

My Ghosts

Imagine the day when you’re on your deathbed. I know that’s not something we try and think about or people taught us to think about regularly haha. You’re on your bed nobody else around except your ghosts.

Now, these ghosts represent everything you didn’t accomplish in your life you had wanted to or talked about doing in your days leading up to this moment. For me, I want to publish at least six books at the moment. I’m going back and forth with some other ideas. I want my fiction series to be turned into movies, which is three of my books. I’m training to do a half ironman this summer just to name a few.

Originally I wanted my books to sell a million copies, yes that’s a big goal to chase. But then my dad challenged me and was being my dad haha. Instead of capping it and trying to sell a million copies of your books. Why not try and reach a million plus people with your books? I didn’t really have to think too long about that, it made sense and I like that more.

Wake Up Call

All of these goals I talked about that has to do with my books. It’s not about the money, yes is their money in that business and money to be made. Of course, there is a lot of money out there and plenty to go around. That’s not what drives me and brought me onto this path of becoming an author and sharing my story. Yes, do I want to sell a lot of copies, of course, I won’t deny that or apologize about that. Because if I sell a lot of my books, especially my memoir then that means the more of that book I sell the more young adults I can be connecting with.

All of this I believe was put on my heart for a reason. It would just be a waste if I don’t follow through with it or do anything about it now. Will it be easy of course not, it’s already been over seven years. In that time, I’ve written three books and started my own blog. In that time, I have reached out to almost 300 agents to represent me. I had 100 tell me they weren’t interested, and 170 not respond. Was I upset and pissed, well yes, I was. Because it was a reality check this was going to be a lot harder than I anticipated.

I’m Almost Done

Did that stop me from working and trying to get better with my writing absolutely not? Did I have my off days and days I didn’t want to write absolutely? But here we are I’m still writing and not slowing down. Yes, I have earthly goals of mine about writing and publishing my books and trying to help as many kids and young adults as possible. That will always be the backbone to what I’m trying to do.

In the end, if my books get published awesome that will be a dream come true. I know for a fact when I hold my first book looking at it with my own eyes and see the words I wrote and Peter A. Harrower on the spine I know I will tear up a little. I won’t even hide it or deny it, I will cry because I know what it took to create that book and the time and effort over the last seven years writing three books. My memoir book alone I have put over 270 hours into and I’m still not done. I’m getting goosebumps thinking about that moment as I write this.

What Really Matters

In all honesty, if my books don’t do as well as I had hoped. I try not to think that way and already looking at the outcome, but this is just an example. Whether they do amazing or don’t do anything I’m still going to be the same Peter I was when I first started writing those books. I know for a fact that will never change me. Because I don’t want to be remembered for my books. Yes, I want to use that as a stepping stone to help impact kids that were upset and confused like me. But more importunately I want to be a light and a good example to those kids and young adults that need it.

I want to be the best husband and one-day father, son, brother, uncle, and friend that I can be. Will I mess up some days absolutely will I screw up sometimes of course. But will I get it right some days, yes, I will? Will the people close to me know my heart and know that I’m trying my best, yes, they will? I don’t need money or fame to tell me I accomplished amazing things. I just need people around me to have an opportunity to be kind to them to laugh with them and have fun with them and be there friend.

My Possibilities

Do my goals and dreams drive me yes, they do? Does one day becoming a father push me to work harder and save more money and give them the life they deserve yes it does? In the end, I don’t need to have this story from Les Brown be my ultimate goal for me. Yes, it’s a great reminder and a great eye-opener and it definitely woke me up.

I feel like I’m already on the path to doing everything that I talked about doing. I haven’t given up yet, I’m still fighting every day and still working hard. I’m just starting to recognize now that I can work harder and do better. So that’s what I’m focusing on now. I’m more aware of what I can do and capable of doing now, then what I’m not capable of doing. My mindset has shifted to the possibilities that I can accomplish not to what I’m not able to do.

Check out the video below

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3ddyXrYaN-4 

My Thanksgiving

My Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving

Yesterday was Thanksgiving and what can I say I have alot to be thankful for. It has been a good year and the good news is it’s not over yet. Where do I begin with my Thanksgiving story?

February 11th is where we begin. I have been to Starbucks hundreds of times over the years. But I knew this time wasn’t going to be a normal experience for me. It was the first time I met Lindsay. I think it’s safe to say it went well after spending three hours talking and laughing with her.

February 11th to June 9th there are 119 days in between. That’s when I popped the question. June 10 to October 6th there were 119 days in between until we got married. October 7th till November 22 there was 47 days in between. Totaling 285 days between that first day we met till her favorite holiday Thanksgiving.

What A Year

In between that time I was spoiled and lucky enough to experience what I experienced. Forget getting married for a seccond. I went backpacking across Europe for the second time for two weeks. I went to the outer banks for the first time with my family for vacation this year. Then a little over a month I followed it up with going with Lindsay’s family back to the outer banks for another week. After that almost six weeks later I got married and we went to the Riviera Maya for our Honeymoon.

So yes this is on track to being the best year Peter Harrower has ever have. I hope and pray I’m not done yet. There are still 39 more days till 2018 comes to a close. The icing on top of the cake for me is im so close to finnaly finishing my book. I’m about to send it off to get formatted. If everything goes well and there won’t be any setbacks it will hopefully go live through Amazon (KDP) by the end of December.

What A Bonus

Regardless if my book is published in 2018 or not. This has by far been the best year of my life. Yes, I have been talking about publishing my book for a number of years now and I’m so close and I can’t wait. But the last thing I want to do is just to finish it and publish it for the heck of it. I’ve been working on this book for over four years now what’s another month?

If I do get the opportunity to publish my book this December. This is already the best year I ever have. Publishing my book will be next on the list for the best thing that I did in 2018. It still scares the crap out of me and it’s definitely pushing me outside of my comfort zone but that’s good I need that. After all, I can’t talk all the time about you guys getting out of your comfort zone and I don’t even do anything about that. What kind of example would that be?

Surprise Surprise

This year has been full of highs, I think it’s safe to say that for the first time ever or in a long time. I think I had more highs then I did lows. Now I don’t mean for that to sound horrible or like I’m a Debbie Downer. Forget my book right now. The reason why this year is so special and means so much to me is beciase of one reason Lindsay.

I always thought I would get married at a young age. But in all reality, I never thought I would get married. I had so many weaknessses pulling me back and weighing me down in life I never thought I would be good enough for anyone. I never apreciated myself or thought I was good enough for myself. So how could I be good for someone else then?

I Was Wrong

Well, I guess I was wrong and I’m very happy to admit that I was wrong in this example haha. I found my Lioness who loves me and cares about me more than I ever thought someone could in my life. I know I’m lucky just for that reason of getting married.

I’m so unbelievably blessed and more than I deserve that it took me a long time to finally realize that. I have a new wife that loves me, and a new dog, finally I have my own house. I mean what else do I need? Ok, I know what I need. I need to publish my book and share that with the world. Then after that, I don’t need any gifts for Christmas or any other material thing you could offer me.

Finish Strong

I finally got married and very soon accomplished my number one goal in my life of publishing my own book. I never thought that my Learning Disability and Dyslexic self would have ever gotten to this point in my life. Sure I dreamed about it and prayed about it for years. But now that I know I’m in the moment and I’m very close to achieving that goal. I can’t help but smile about that.

As you can see I’m very lucky and very happy right now. But I wasn’t always this happy and loving life like this. If you haven’t read some of my old posts read critic, my years as a zombie just to name a few. I was down and miserable for a long time and as much as that bothers me. I know it was all meant for a reason and I would do it all again to bring me to this point. There is always light at the end of the tunnel. I know it might feel like a stretch now but it’s true keep going and keep working every day. Don’t give up, your so close keep working every day like your life depends on it.

Crab Mentality

Crab Mentality

You Can’t Have It

The crab mentality is just like it sounds. Its a mentality of if I can’t have it neither can you. Imagine a bucket filled with crabs. Say there are 20 crabs in this bucket. All 20 crabs are stuck in this bucket and can’t do anything or escape they are stuck and that’s it. All of a sudden that number 20 crab is on the top and all of the sudden it hits him. I’m close to the top. I wonder if I can reach the top and escape?

That number 20 crab finally decides to make a break for it and try and be free. But there’s one problem with his escape plan. His 19 other friends in that bucket won’t let him escape. What they are saying and thinking is if I can’t get out neither can you nobody can. Instead of being supportive and trying to help each other it does the complete opposite of that.

The Great Escape

Number 20 gets a grasp on the top of the bucket and it feels the breeze on its claw and the rest of him as he tries to pull himself up to the top to be free. One last pull and he’s out. Then all of the sudden all of his inmates decide to pull him down quick and let him know that he can’t escape. So, he tries it again and getting close again and they pull him right back down.

Try after try number 20 is getting very close to escaping then he feels a pull and falls back down. Now, they break his arms so he can’t pull himself up. Now the other 19 are thinking he’s not going anywhere now without his arms to pull himself up.

It’s Worth The Risk

After some time, stubborn number 20 is not giving up and determined to get out and be free. He’s pulling himself up with whatever he can trying to grab and pull onto anything he can to help get out of the bucket. Now the other 19 crabs have had enough number 20 isn’t listening anymore. So, what do they do? They kill that crab because he keeps trying to escape and not staying in the bucket and following everyone else.

Now, this might be kind of a silly example that I’m sharing but in all reality its spot on towards our everyday living. In your own life for example. Do you have big dreams or goals you want to accomplish?

What makes my own bucket so unique and so different from yours or other people’s buckets. Is instead of having 19 other crabs with me in my bucket. The only crab that was with me in my bucket of life was myself. That’s right, it was just me.

Me vs Myself and I

In the crab mentality example, I didn’t have friends or family or other people pulling me down like most people might in their daily living. For me the only one that was pulling me down was myself. Again, I’ve been my toughest critic from an early age. I have been my toughest opponent and the biggest threat to myself throughout my whole life. But I have also been my best and only friend at times throughout this journey.

Now that is not a stab or insult to anyone in my family or friends around me. I just know what it’s like living in my shoes every day dealing with the issues that I deal with on a regular basis. There’s only so much I can share and explain with others without being overwhelmed and upset even more. In all reality even if I talk to someone and explain what I’m dealing with or struggling with my learning disability for example. Nobody can do anything. Yes, my parents will try and comfort me as a little boy confused and upset in school. But in all reality that didn’t do anything or fix anything.

Walking In My Shoes

That’s again not a shot at my parents, that’s just reality and the facts. I know each and every one of us all have our own personal hiccups and issues that we face every day. All I’m getting at is unless you have the same disability as me and able to walk in my shoes. You will never know what this burden is like on daily basis.

That’s why the crab mentality is a good fit for me, with a slight variation. The world or people around me were not trying to prevent me from being successful and chasing what I wanted in life. In most cases, everyone around me was right there with me supporting me. I’m beyond grateful for that for all of the love and support I got through my school years and life in general. The only one I was battling with was myself. That’s why I’m thankful I didn’t have more crabs in my bucket.

Don’t Stop Fighting

Now your situation might be different but your path doesn’t have to be the same as mine. After a while, I decided enough is enough. If I was going to get out of this bucket and escape and be free then I have to change my ways and fix what I have been doing wrong most of my life. Now here I am trying my best to change every day and get out of the bucket of my negativity, sadness, and hatred toward myself. My mentality has shifted alot in the last few years and I found more reasoning in life to win and be successful now.

You will find it too, you just can’t give up. Keep fighting and keep gripping the top of the bucket, don’t let go. If there are people in your life that aren’t supporting you then get rid of them and kick them off of you as your hanging on to your dreams. As hard as it might be you have to get rid of that dead weight. You only get what chance to live and one shot, make it count.

Inside The Mind Of A LD Kid

Inside The Mind Of A LD Kid

My Mind

When you hear about a learning disability what do you think? Someone who struggles with school or they struggle with certain things in life and everyday living. Well if you thought that or Googled the definition that’s what you will see in front of you on a screen. Let me tell you what it really looks like inside the mind of an LD kid looks like.

Now I can’t speak for everybody with an LD but I have a feeling that I won’t be far off. This is what my every day looked like. First, why did God put this on me? Then I think how much of a loser am I going to be today? What am I going to screw up or get wrong in the hours ahead of me? Who am I going to disappoint and maybe loose hope and trust from? My family or friends the people I love and that mean the most to me perhaps?

My Everyday

Yes, it’s harsh but it’s the truth. I’m very negative. I have a horrible attitude sometimes. I’m my own worst enemy, and toughest critic and opponent every day. No matter what I do or who I’m going against either in sports or everyday life. No one will ever be tougher and harder to face then myself. Especially after I mess up or do something wrong.

Inside my mind is a constant battle every day. It doesn’t matter how much good or positive I might do in one day, week, or month whatever the time frame is. All I can think about is when I will screw up next and when my next failures are waiting for me around the corner.

My Future Success

Is this healthy absolutely not. Is this a good mindset and a good idea to think this way, absolutely not? Do I recommend people having a mindset and attitude like me absolutely? With all of my struggles and faults and personal imperfections, I carry with me every day or the rest of my life. At the end with all of my issues, that is why I’m going to win and succeed in life. I know what it’s like to feel like a loser and you will never be good enough. Why do you think I’m working so hard now?

I’m working this hard now to be able to provide for my wife and if I’m lucky enough my future kids. Yes, we all have our personal struggles and issues we might face in our life. Some are a short stint, some can be a lifetime. Just because I have been thinking this way the last 22 years of my life is exactly the reason why I’m going to win in life.

My Reality

I might not go on to be a millionaire and buy all of these cool material items why I’m on earth. Sure, that would be awesome and fun, but that’s not why I’m doing this. Money and material objects will come and go in our life. But helping others and doing the right thing along the way and trying to better yourself and others around you that will go so much farther in life.

I have come a long way, not trying to pat myself on the shoulder. I never thought I would be a good husband or anyone would ever want to marry me. I just married my lioness on October 6th, 2018. I told myself I could never read for fun and have that be enjoyable when I was in school. In almost five years I have read 45 books.

My Reasons

What does a kid who can’t read fast, and who hates reading doing writing books? Well, I feel like I have something to share with the world. Yes, I’ll admit I wasn’t a born writer and gifted with reading like most authors ahead of me. But I believe I do have a gift of dreaming and being creative. If those were classes besides gym class those would be my best classes in school.

That’s why I have every reason to be a writer and that’s no reason to hold me back. I didn’t let my weaknesses hold me back and control me like they did for most of my life in my past. Well yes, they did control me, but only in the last few years I finally decided to start fighting back for the first time in my life.

My Advice

My life has meaning now and after all this time I do have a purpose here on earth. My negative mindset in my earlier years was all a bunch of crap. This is for all of you people out there. Don’t you ever let someone tell you that you can’t do something? If you have a dream then don’t stop till you get there. You fight everyday day for it like it’s your last and hang on to it for dear life.

It might not seem like it right now and whatever situation you might be in. But that dream is giving you purpose and hope and the fight to keep going every day. Yes, it might seem impossible right now, but that’s because you just took the leap of faith and just started to pursue it. No matter what situation you’re in, or what you think you might have against you or holding you back.

You have to realize it’s not bad that’s waiting for you around the corner. It’s the good and endless opportunities that are waiting for you. That’s how you need to look at it. As you can see my attitude and mindset have completely changed. Yes, it took a long time to get here but you can do it. If I can do it so can you. You just need to take it one day at a time and one step at a time.

How Do You See The World

How Do You See The World

The Question

I have to ask you, how do you see the world? The question itself is easy to ask as the words roll off your tongue. But the meaning behind those six words is far greater then you can imagine.

How I see the world from 1996-2014 was sheltered and not how I see the world now. Yes, there is plenty of beauty in the world and a lot of amazing people and locations in the world. All I could see and focus on was what I was battling and having trouble with. Somedays it felt like there was a brick wall blocking me and preventing me from physically moving forward in life and preventing me from seeing the world.

Two Perspectives

Yes, there are two different ways you can see the world. Good or bad the warmth or the darkness in the world. Now there isn’t a right or wrong answer with this, all though for your sake and everyone’s sake I hope it’s the side I’m thinking of. Honestly, I can’t really blame you if it’s not the good side. Because I was on the dark side for far too many years.

I had this mindset of poor me, why did God put this on my shoulders? Why should I even follow and believe in God if he put this Learning Disability and Dyslexia on me? In the last few years, I came to recognize that in the back of my mind I blamed God for my hard life and what he put on me. I never really said it out loud or with words, but I never really had that great of a relationship with God and only put in the minimum effort with him. Then one day it hit me about a year ago. I wonder if that’s what’s holding me back? Subconsciously I was blaming God for this disability of mine, and that’s what was preventing me from wanting to get to know him better?

Blaming Others

I have come to realize yes, I did do that and yes it was wrong for me to think that. God created me and I needed someone to blame. Why not put it on the person who created me? That seems like the easy way to do it.

Now in the last two years, my perspective has changed. I’m starting to wonder and think maybe God did this for a reason? After all, he doesn’t make mistakes maybe he wants me to do something with this disability and my story. Do I know for sure the answer and exactly what he told me, well no I don’t? But I strongly believe with my whole body and soul I’m meant to share my story and publish my book somehow and someway. I strongly believe I’m supposed to share my story with the world. How else do you think he got a kid who can’t read fast, is horrible at spelling and grammar and did horrible in school to read 45 books in almost five years and written three books in seven years?

New Me

Was that my instinct and choice to all of the sudden want to read more and write. Maybe I knew reading more would help me in life and business and help me grow more. Yes, that’s possible. But then what about the writing? If you ask me it’s a little interesting.

How I see the world is how I act in the world. With opportunity and handling whatever comes up and whatever comes my way by handling it the best way I can. I was blind to the world in front of me back in that time period I told you about earlier. Now I can see the vision I have toward the world and now what I want from it and what I want to take from the world.

Pay It Forward

It’s about time I start living better and sharing that with the world. Hence the reason why I’m writing so much now and reading so much now. I’m trying to make myself better and improve myself so I can pay it forward and give back to the world. It’s not for the fame, I don’t like being the center of attention so that’s out. It’s not about the money, I had almost $10,000 in the bank before I was 21 years old that didn’t make me happy towards the world or change my perspective of it. It just meant I had some money and still sad and upset and depressed with not knowing what or where I’m supposed to go in the world.

Now I want to focus on giving back more and becoming a better person and sharing more with the world. Now I’m grateful to be alive and I don’t want to die or harm myself anymore like I wanted to in my past. I have a beautiful wife now, and amazing friends and my crazy family around me and supporting me. Why would I want to throw that away? Now I want to share that gift with the world, and help people that were like me. Confused, depressed searching for something, anything. Something that was bigger than them or is a part of something that was bigger than them.

Watch this short video by Inky Johnston he explains it much better then I can. Check out Inky’s story and find out more about this amazing and motivating man.