Welcome to my 100th post. It seems like forever now, but 100 posts and still going. In that time I have written 100 posts, it’s crazy what I have seen over that time.
I guess for starters recognizing how blessed and lucky I am. This year alone I went backpacking across Europe for two weeks. I went to the outer banks for a week on vacation two different times this summer. Now my sister is getting married tomorrow. Then 41 days later I will be getting married.
One of the things I struggled with the most in my life and early days, was wondering if I would ever be good enough for someone else? Now here I am a little more than a month away from marrying my beautiful fiancée.
It’s Almost Time
To be honest it still doesn’t feel like I’m getting married. I went so many years not dating and wondering if I ever will find her or if I’m lucky enough to get married. It was such a quick turn around. We dated for less than four months and I proposed. Engaged for just about four months and then I’ll be married. It’s interesting seeing God work and how quickly things can change.
Besides getting married which is amazing and huge of course. Another thing I’m working on is publishing my book this year. I think it is finally ready. I’m ready to share this with the world and share my story. Yes, it still terrifies me and freaks me out of course. But hey whoever said that wasn’t a bad thing? I think that’s how you grow and get better. Getting yourself out of your comfort zone and stretching yourself. That’s how you start to find yourself and see who you really are and what your made of and capable of in your life.
That’s part of the reason why I started this blog. Is to continue to keep writing and keep trying to get better at writing. Is there room for improvement, absolutely I won’t deny that. Do I think I have come a long way since my first post and when I first started writing? Yes, I think I have. I hope I’m able to publish a couple hundred more posts over the years. How cool would it be if I end up sharing 1,000 posts?
The goal is to try and connect with kids and young adults who have similar stories and issues like me. I’m here to tell them, that anything is possible. I was that kid who hated school and wasn’t good at it. Some days I would have rather been tortured physically instead of taking a test or reading in front of the class. That to me was torture enough and embarrassing. It was hard and was hell for me. Reading, writing, spelling, math, anything else you can think of it was hard for me.
I Believed The Lies
For a good chunk of my life and all of my teenage years and about the first half of my 20s I let my weaknesses control me. My weaknesses and Fred, my alter ego controlled every movement of my life it felt like. It wasn’t Peter running the show, I was a zombie just going with the flow. Most of the time it felt like I was on cruise control, I didn’t know what was going on.
Well, I’m here to tell you right here and right now. That all of my faults, my weaknesses and the things I struggled with in school the only reason why they controlled me was I let them. I was listening to myself. That’s what I kept telling myself over the years and feeding my head with these lies. After a while, my lies started to sound believable and I was now listening to myself and believing it.
That’s why my book had to be written. That’s why this blog had to be created. I’m glad I had over 105 agents reject me. Sure, at the moment, I was sad and wondering if this will ever work. Looking back, I just don’t think I was ready. I’m one of those people that believes everything happens for a reason. I believe I was meant to finally meet Lindsay at the beginning of the year. I believe all of those rejections I had received was all pointing me to create this blog. It was all different pieces I was putting together to finish the puzzle.
Now it’s not about me anymore, or my books and blog. After reading this, what is it you need to work on or fix? I have a lot of stuff still to work on. I’m still battling insecurities and going back and forth with every day. I don’t have much confidence in myself, I’m always negative toward myself throughout the day. Depression has been a constant battle over the years. I have become my own worst enemy over the years.
Never Stop Dreaming
My story is out in the public now. I have a lot of work to do still. There is a lot of room for improvement, I’m far from cured. But here’s the kicker that a lot of people miss over the years. This was something I couldn’t really grasp at a young age. There’s always going to be something we’re working on or trying to improve or fix as we age and get older. Honestly, that’s how it should be. I feel if you just settle with where you are and what you’re doing in life then you already have one foot in the grave.
Life is supposed to be special, and precious. We only get one chance at it and one life. We need to all start doing better and making the most of it. Start tackling those goals and dreams you have been talking about for years. It’s time to stop talking, and time to start doing.