My Journey Through 31 Days

My Journey Through 31 Days

Day 31

Well, today is the last day of my journey through 31 days. Thanks, Jeff for coming up with the idea and helping me over the last few months. You probably won’t see this, but I appreciate it, brother. My first thought about this goal and challenge ahead of me was, alright Peter let’s see how serious you are about your writing. Let’s see if you really want to challenge yourself and try and get better, or if you’re just talking. If you have been with me on this journey so far and read the last 30 posts or any other post. Then you know first-hand how serious I am about my writing. I’m not playing any games people, when it comes to writing this is the most serious I have ever been in my life.

I’m determined to publish my books and continue to keep sharing my story every day, and try and make a difference along the way. Will I become the next big author and sell millions of copies, I don’t know and I could care less about that. Sure, do I want to sell millions, well DUH haha. Who wouldn’t want to do well, and try and be one of the best in their field? That’s like asking Michael Jordan, do you wish you would have scored fewer points or won fewer trophies? It’s stupid to think that and say that. We all should be striving to do the best we can every day. This challenge of mine was just another eye-opener for me to keep working and keep getting better every day.

Keep The Momentum Going

Over the 30 days, I typed 29,928 words to share my posts with you. That’s not including today’s post. Jeff’s goal was to write a minimum of 500 words, that’s a good goal and target to shot for. That wasn’t enough for me, I needed more of a challenge. So, I decided to double that like all of my earlier posts, I went for 1,000 words a post. Well, no more than 1,000 I should clarify. From the bottom of my heart to all the people that have read my posts and have taken the time out of your day to read my posts, thank you.

Now that this is my last post for this challenge. After the first month of the new year, I already checked off one goal for 2018. It wasn’t my biggest goal I want to check off, but hey it’s still a goal. I’m hoping the momentum will help me to keep going and keep pushing to do better every day.

One Down

One of the biggest things I learned on this journey, I didn’t quit. There were a few nights with work and other stuff going on I forgot about it or I didn’t think I was going to make it. Maybe once or twice I thought, does it really matter if I miss one day? Who would really notice and care, besides me? Well, that wasn’t good enough, even if I was the only person that knew about my blog. I still started with a goal and I committed to something. At that point its only right that I keep going and finish that project. I think it’s safe to say, I did that and some. On a side note, it’s been a long month haha.

Now that I completed my first goal, that means I can kick my feet up and relax now correct? Well, you already know what I’m going to say about that, WRONG. I’m only just getting started and warmed up. I still have a lot more work to do, and more goals that need to be crossed out.

What’s Next

I have a half Ironman I’m just starting to train for. My book is still getting worked on and needs to be published. I have to read 20 books this year to keep my pace for 100 in five years. My website is now on page one of Google, so technically I can cross that off as well. A few other goals that will take the full year to finish, but what’s most important is you have a plan for them.

Within the last 30 days, I had 178 people visit my website, and 482-page views at that time. Honestly, I had no idea what to expect going into this challenge and my writing. My goal was just to make it a whole month and don’t skip. I didn’t have a plan for the people or views I was shooting for. I know the people will come and visit my website and word will spread over time. But in order for the word to spread about who I am and what I’m trying to do. Well in order for it to be worth it and give the people something to read and enjoy. Well, I had to give them something worth sharing.

It’s Your Turn

My plan now is to continue to do my best to inspire people and help out in any way possible that I can. I’m glad I did this challenge and pushed myself to finish something and see what I can do. Again, I’m grateful for all the love you guys have given and for reading my posts. The last 31 days, I did this for me. Yes, the content was for you, that’s obvious haha. But the content and the challenge were just as much for me and helped push me to continue to keep getting better and growing.

With this being my 31st post in 31 days with a total word count of 30,927 words I’m very pleased. I averaged 997 words per post through the 31 days. Now it’s time for your challenge and for you to keep growing. What goals have you checked off your list so far? If you haven’t checked any off, don’t take it personally or get mad. Don’t worry about what everyone else is saying or doing. Focus on you, and make the most of 2018 and keep kicking butt every day.

I’m A Seagull

I'm A Seagull

Day 30

Have you ever thought you were different, maybe an outcast? A short time ago I read a book called Jonathan Livingston Seagull. It’s a story about just that, a different, seagull trying to find its way. I’m a Seagull that’s and different as well.

“This book is a song for spirits who have lived so long and so quietly by themselves. It’s a reminder, this little fable, that the path for us to follow is already written within, that it’s for each of us to find our own lives, and live them brightly for ourselves. Others may watch, they may admire our resolution or despise it, but our one freedom is for us to love and to choose every day of our lives, as we wish” – Richard Bach

My Life

As lame as it sounds, this book was published 20 years before I was even alive. It seemed right up my alley. It’s about a seagull, “me” growing up knowing he was different and felt different. In the beginning, he’s learning to fly and figuring out who he is and what he is supposed to do as a seagull in his life. As the days go on, he realizes this isn’t for him, he wants more in his life. He’s different than the other seagulls.

When I was officially diagnosed with my Learning Disability it hit me, I knew I was stupid and dumb. At the time, I was six years old I didn’t know any better. From that day forward, I started looking at the world differently than others. I had to because I was different than everyone else around me. I have a unique background so I had to adapt to what was in from of me. The only problem was I forgot one thing. What I forgot was to adapt, I know not the best plan.

I Hate You

As the years went on, at the time this curse seemed to be the worst thing that could have happened to me. I kept thinking why me, why did this happen to me, why am I stupid and can’t read or write? This started at age six and went on for years with this poor attitude, till about as sad as it is till I was about 25. For 19 years I had a bad attitude toward life, and most importantly myself. I hated myself, I was the definition of my own worst enemy.

Through it all, I never stopped believing as cliché as it sounds, I know haha. I never stopped believing I would do something special and help others someway, somehow. Within that time, I had no idea how I would do it, I just knew one day I would. I’m still trying to figure it out to this day how I’m going to do it.

Now where I am in my life, I stopped wondering why me after all these years. I believe in something bigger than myself. I believe God already planned out my future and gave me what I thought at the time a disability and handicap. Now I see it as, well this is who I am I just need to embrace it, and a blessing in disguise. I’m human, somedays I won’t lie I’m still a ticking time bomb. I still have my bad days I feel like I might explode with all of the stuff I still struggle with, and always will struggle with.

My Longest Relationship HA

This coming August will be seven plus years I started writing, and the day my life changed. The few months before that I started journaling. On the 6th was day one I first created the only project that ever mattered to me. That was day one I started writing my first book and the first day of my new hobby and life. Now here we are today, I have written three books and this will be my 68th post on my own website. It’s crazy how far I have come. I’m not saying all of this and patting myself on my back. I just want you to fully grasp what I’m talking about.

I’m still not proud of this and don’t like admitting it, and struggled with it for a long time. For a few years, I didn’t think I would make it this far in my life. I didn’t think I had a purpose in life and there was any hope for me. Then It hit me a few months after my 25th birthday. Maybe everything that I went through and struggled with through school and my personal life was for something bigger?

Were All Unique

Here we are, I’m not like anyone else. We are all different and special in our own way. I’m part of a special group that went through what I went through. Now it’s my turn to give back and share what I have learned as I have been flying through these last few years and in my life. I know the side effects that this disability has on a kid and the kind of impact and cloud that can hang over someone every day. I know because I still battle with it today, as I’m a few months away from turning 28. It doesn’t matter who you are, or however old you are. We all have our weaknesses and strengths.

After all of this time, I decided now is the time to do something about it. I needed to stop wasting more precious time. Now is the time for me to start flying and share what I have learned. It’s time I help others and let them know that it doesn’t matter what’s holding you back. As long as you’re still breathing, that’s all you need to keep going and keep fighting every day. Until you take your last breath, and a flat line comes across at the end. Don’t ever stop fighting every day. Keep going and keep trying to get better, and continue to fly.

It’s About The Journey

It's About The Journey

Day 29

It’s not about the number at the end, It’s about the journey. Now I’m not anywhere close to retiring or anything like that, I’m only just beginning. Now the reason why this quote hit me, is because nowadays I think some people not all. But some people are looking at life and living wrong. The last few posts I talked about getting old, and how I used to be a zombie just getting by and that’s it. Well if you have big goals or you want to help people and accomplish something special with your time here on earth. Well, then you might have to put a little extra work in your life or every day.

“I don’t ever expect to be sixty years old. Not that it is old, but I simply prefer to wear out from hard work before then” – General George S. Patton

I FInally Get It

Honestly, I don’t know much about Patton and the kind of person he was or really the man himself. I do know, that in his early years he struggled in school and with reading. Sound familiar haha? Later they said he became an avid reader, well I don’t think I’m there yet but I’m getting close.

Life is special I get that now, I know how stupid that sounds. It took me a long time to figure that out. I guarantee I’m not the first one to miss that, just like I have missed it for a number of years. My mindset is now clear, with what I want to do and what’s ahead of me now. You know what, yours can be clear as well. All you need to do is keep searching and keep working every day. Regardless of where you are in life, what you’re doing or how down you are. You just need to keep living and making the most of it.

Enjoying Life

In an old post, I mentioned about life should be a vacation. Well, it’s true I think life should be a vacation. Now that doesn’t mean you don’t have to work, or shouldn’t work. I love working, I love staying busy and being active. It keeps me busy I feel like I’m working on something productive. Plus, it prevents me from doing something stupid and pointless that won’t really benefit me in life.

Even though I’m starting to enjoy life again and be happy, that doesn’t mean I’m not working and not enjoying what I’m doing. I probably should have been keeping track of how many hours I put into my writing and blog since I started it. Honestly, it doesn’t matter how many hours, even if its 40 hours like a normal full-time job. To me that doesn’t seem like work, that’s a hobby still right now. Now I know I’m not getting paid for this or I haven’t published my books yet to make some money yet. Who cares, If I don’t ever blow up and become the next big writer. Yes, that will suck and I’ll be very sad and disappointed. That’s life you move on, and keep going and working for what’s next and in front of you.

It’s Not The Number Its What You Do

Maybe I won’t sell millions of copies in my books for an example. If some authors in their lifetime sell 3,000 copies which Google says that is the average for a lifetime. I would rather sell a smaller number and have a bigger impact on people’s lives. I’m not doing this for the money and the number of books I’m trying to sell.

Like Patton’s quote, how he said he doesn’t expect to live to his 60’s. Well, I want to live as long as possible and have a good and happy life. Now, of course, I don’t get to ask for that and wish for it. Whether you like Patton or agree with what he says. I completely agree with him, I would rather die earlier and accomplish more and do more in those 60 years like person A. Then spread it out and live to my 90’s and do half of the stuff person A accomplish in the 60-year life.

Live In The Moment

I know life is special and we all should show the respect to time that it deserves. To me, I don’t want to just get by and be average anymore like I used to be. I’m far from average and normal. Now in some areas, I’m below average, I get that. But in a lot of areas, I think I’m well above average. We all have weaknesses and strengths. That’s what makes all of us unique and special.

Even though some days might be harder if your struggling, I get that and it’s not fun. The plus side is whatever weaknesses and faults you might have, there is always room for improvement in those areas. Just like life and what Patton said. When it’s your time and you take your last breath, you should be exhausted and tired and ok with what’s waiting for you ahead. You don’t want to see death down the road. Looking at it in the eyes, and think to yourself CRAP, I’m not ready and start panicking and freaking about it.

If that’s the mindset that you have right now, or that’s where you think you’re going. That’s not good, but here’s the beautiful thing. There is still time to change your work ethic and what you want to do and accomplish in front of you. Stop putting off what you want to accomplish or where you want to travel. Who knows if you will even have a tomorrow, so live in the moment why you can.

When You Take Your Last Breath

When You Take Your Last Breath

Day 28

When it’s your time when you take your last breath what do you want to leave behind? I know I had mentioned this before, along with the lines of a legacy in an earlier post. This post is not about leaving a legacy and what YOU want to leave behind. This post is about YOU, and what you want to do before you hit that flat line.

How we look at life is up to us, what we want to do every day s up to us. Of course, what we want to leave behind is also up to us. Again, like my other post about legacy. Legacy is very important to me and I want to help others and try and leave a positive impact on people before I take my last breath.

That’s why now is the time to start doing something and start working. Why put off what you wanted to accomplish or say that trip you have been wanting to do for a while. In some of my earlier posts leading up to this one and the next few all have a trend.

Keep Living

Starting with if you have 24 hours to live what would you do? Getting old motivates me to keep living, and try and enjoy myself now why I can. My years as a zombie, and how I was just going through life and that’s it. I wasn’t living a life, I was just a zombie wandering the streets trying to find myself and what was next for me. Actually, I wasn’t doing anything about it. I was making excuses and not willing to do the work to find what was next.

That brings us to this post. After going through those few posts for example, and if you haven’t read them you should check them out. I must say, and this is just my opinion. The writer behind those posts is one of the best storytellers I ever heard. He is also a soon to be a published author, and a big name down the road haha. Alright, I’m just being dumb, but you should read them so you understand what I’m talking about.

When Its Your TIme Its Your TIme

What I’m trying to share, and show you right now. We are all going to die one day, and hopefully, for most of our sakes, it will be later. It’s going to happen, time is the one thing you can’t buy more of. It doesn’t matter who you are and however successful you are. Time won’t wait for no one when it’s your time it’s your time. Now is the time to enjoy it and live it up.

Even though getting old scares me, again it also motivates me to keep living and trying to do the best I can. We only get one life and one shot to live a life and make the most of it. Why not live it up, and try and make the most of it and enjoy it? Honestly, it would be stupid and you would be stupid not to.

Now Is The Time

That’s why if you going through life like a zombie and rolling through every day. It’s time to wake up and snap out of it. It’s time to hit the brakes and stop making excuses and start living. I have said it before and I’ll say it again, and keep saying it the rest of my life. I wasted far too many years being down and trying to pity myself. What good has that brought me, how does that benefit me? The answer is it doesn’t. That’s why now is the time to do it.

With everything I’m writing and sharing, I’m not trying to become the next big motivator and strictly become a speaker and give you that spark that you need. If I have the opportunity to do that, or maybe my writing does that for you. If it does that’s awesome, and I’m truly honored if you continue to keep looking at my posts for that.

Live Your Dash

All I’m trying to do is show you it doesn’t matter where you were in your past. It does matter who you used to be, or what you used to do every day. You can always change and better yourself for the greater good. I know that because I’m living proof of that, that’s my life.

That’s why that flat line and when I take my last breath is just a friendly reminder. It just gives you a good wakeup call, if you ever needed one. If nothing else, if you can’t find anything else to help you or motivate you to keep going. Dying and seeing that flat line should do it.

Let’s be honest, if you hit that flat line you probably won’t be able to see that haha. I know that’s not funny, but you get my point. Preventing that flat line from coming too soon and not living up to your potential and making the most of your dash. That’s all you need to live a good and healthy life. You don’t need anything else, you already have it deep inside of you. You just need to keep working and find it. Don’t give up, keep going, keep working. Most importantly, keep living.

My Last Few Years As A Zombie

My Last Few Years As A Zombie

Day 27

With all of my posts, I’m trying my best to try and avoid repeating myself all the time. Then again, my unique story and reasoning for why I’m doing this. I kind of have to repeat myself a little each time. Just so you fully understand everything I’m talking about and fully grasp what I’m trying to share. This was my last few years as a zombie?

It’s been a few years, I really don’t remember when It started maybe 20 or 21 something like that. My life was starting to turn into the snowball effect. I was slowly rolling down a hill. I had no idea how to slow down. Whatever was in front of me was all I saw at the time. I couldn’t slow down or stop I was just going and going, and getting bigger and bigger.

So It Begins

If you’re wondering, I was the snowball. Life was all around me, and for a few years I was just rolling right through it and not stopping for anything around me. I was just going and going, I had no idea where I was going or what I was thinking. I was starting to get depressed and angry because I didn’t know what I wanted to do. That’s the time when my mask really started to come out on a regular basis.

There was no direction for me, I didn’t know what was next or where to go. For the longest time, I didn’t think there was going to be anything for me down the road. That’s when I started to question why I’m even here? For days at a time or even longer, for weeks maybe. On the outside, I was the person people needed to see or maybe wanted to see. What you didn’t see, and what I saw on the inside, I felt dead. There wasn’t anything going on, there wasn’t anything positive or exciting going on. Hence the reason why I have been mentioning my dark tunnel all this time.

My Destiney

I believe everything happens for a reason, and I was meant to go through these issues and battles of mine. As the years in school were going by, I was getting closer and closer to this tunnel I had to go throw. Looking around there was no other option. I had to go through this dark tunnel in front of me, I couldn’t go over or around it. Turning around wasn’t an option, I had to go through it.

Once I took the first step into the darkness, was the day I graduated from high school. That’s when my snowball effect started to come alive and was born. The deeper into it I was walking the darker and quieter it got, just like the inside of me.

I’m Very Stubborn

I know how dramatic this sounds, I get it trust me I know. After all, this is my life this is what goes through my head day in and day out. These negative thoughts that are constantly rolling around in my head. That’s why I felt so dead inside, I was confused I was lost and alone. It was just me in that tunnel and nobody else.

Here’s the kicker, I know I could have asked for help. All I had to do was open my big mouth and ask. I have thought about asking hundreds of times, trust me. Every time my mouth opened to ask, I just couldn’t come up with the words to say anything. It was like I lost my train of thought and just went blank. I was very stubborn, it was my conscious trying to prevent myself from asking for help. I had so much help in my past. I’m still embarrassed and ashamed of my past somedays, and who I used to be. At the same time, my past motivates me every day.

I Finally Saw Light

As the years went on and going through this tunnel. When I was at my worst and literally at rock bottom, I gave up I was done. Then next thing I knew I turned 25 and all of the sudden I could start to see light. It was very small and it looked like it was miles and miles away. But I saw something, do you know what that was? What I saw was HOPE, I saw my future and whatever I wanted.

It finally hit me, I’m always going to have my personal problems with my LD and being dyslexic. I can’t change that and I’ll never be able to. But what I saw miles down in front of me in my tunnel of life. Was hope for a new me, and a new future and a positive life. I can keep crying and staying depressed and blaming God and the world for why I have these issues. Or I can man up and do something about it, and embrace the challenges that were put in front of me for a reason?

New Me

At 27 and turning 28 in a few months. The last three years, I never felt more focused to try and build something and start living for something more in my life. What I’m living for now is not just for me anymore. Its other people that are like me, and need and are searching for the light like I was. I’m not saying my story is the answer, and I’m the answer to your problems. Don’t twist my words please, I’m not perfect I still have a long way to go. I’m hoping my life and my problems maybe will show you a different perspective towards life.

Maybe your life isn’t as bad as you thought. Just like what I see, I know people have it worse than me. That’s another reason why I finally shut up and stopped complaining, and started living. That’s what we need to start doing. It’s time to start living and start making something of yourself.

Getting Old Motivates Me

Getting Old Motivates Me

Day 26

Getting old is another fear of mine. Being the youngest sibling and child. I have always been used to hanging out with people who are older than me. Now that I’m getting older and looking at the kids now, I’m starting to turn into the older person. That’s why getting old motivates me, but also terrifies me at the same time.

I get it, we’re all going to get old one day. Technically every day were all getting one day older if you think about it. Part of the reason why it scares me is having more regrets than the one I currently have. I don’t want to get in my 80’s 90’s whatever the age. I don’t want to look back and think, crap, I wish I would have done this or that.

Listen Up

I think when people say that or the older generation starts sharing stories. The younger generation needs to SHUT UP and listen to what they are saying and sharing. What I’m getting at is, if you actually listen to what they are saying you might learn something. After all, they have experienced more life then you at the time. Who knows what advice they might have stored away for you? Maybe they went through the same thing you’re going through right now at the moment.

If you ask an older person do they regret anything or wish they could change anything? How they answer that short question, is how you find out the type of life that person lived. If they are happy and cheerful, maybe they had a lot of hard years and tuff times. Overall, they are happy and lived a good life, then that’s all that matters. Well don’t do what I did or I’m stupid, I shouldn’t have done this or that. If you hear something like that right out the gate then listen up. They are about to drop some knowledge on you.

Life Is What You Make It

This is why getting old scares me because I’m scared I won’t live up to my potential. I want to make the most of my life, I don’t want to use my faults or my past as an excuse anymore. That’s what I’m trying to do now, make up for the time I lost in my earlier years. That’s why I’m working so hard now and why I have tunnel vision. We only have one life, we need to all start making the most of it. Enjoy the short stay we have on earth, to the best we can.

This isn’t a reason why it scares me, it’s just a side note. My great-grandmother died at 100 years old. She was born in 1908-2008. Think about that, 100 years everything she saw the good and the bad. Now I was too young to really think about it, and plus she lived in Michigan so I only saw here for a few days once a year. I just wish I was old enough to ask her questions, and just pick her brain about life and what it was like in 1930 or any random year. When else do you get a chance to ask someone questions like that?

I’m A Big Kid

Grams was hilarious, she would visit us in Lancaster every once and awhile. One of my favorite memories of her was when she was like 96 maybe and helping us rake leaves one fall day. I’ll never forget it, she was so sweet and so nice. Now, this particular story doesn’t scare me. It’s a small positive that can come from life and what you experience every day in your lifetime. In the end, I think Grams had a great life. Now, if you knew her background, you might question it a little bit. Some of the stuff that she went through or what happened to her. After all those years she didn’t let it get to her. She kept doing her thing and living life to the fullest, she didn’t use her age as an excuse.

I’m only 27 now so I still have a long time to go and a lot of life in front of me hopefully. From the old farts, sorry the older generation ahead of me haha that I talked to. They said it’s not so much about the age, its what you do and how you feel. Its true I completely agree, I don’t feel 27. I still feel like I’m in my early 20’s or could be in high school still. Now when I’m with my nephews or nieces I feel like I’m there age. Probably because I’m such a big kid, I think that’s a good quality to have. That’s another prime example, it’s not the number its what you do and how you feel.

You Can Control The Outcome

In a few months, It will be 10 years since I graduated, so that sounds weird. So if you haven’t noticed, life does go by fast in case you missed it. Instead of getting distracted and trying to focus on whats next. Maybe it’s about time we start living in the present? You don’t want to get to that next age bracket with regrets. That’s what motivates me to start living now and not worry about what happens down the road once I get there. I know it’s easier said than done sometimes, I still struggle with it sometimes.

This is why you can’t let your fears beat you and win. If you let your fears control you, what kind of life is that? It’s not a good life, I’m sure you saw that coming. That’s why it’s about time we all start living and embracing whats in front of us instead of running away and hiding. How are you going to get stronger and grow in life if your hiding in the shadows? Its about time you get out of your comfort zone or safe room. Now is the time to start moving forward, and start living. Don’t let your fears control your life anymore, like what I used to do.

Your Final 24 Hours

Your Final 24 Hours

Day 25

If you knew this would be your last day on earth. What would your final 24 hours look like? Would you spend every dollar you have and travel or do the things you always wanted? Maybe eat and drink whatever you wanted. Maybe you would just go crazy like a video game and cause mayhem.

For me, it’s easy what I would want to do. I wouldn’t want to travel because that would take a lot of time. I would probably want to eat whatever I can. Definitely have pizza, a cheeseburger, and some ice cream in there somewhere. My final hours I would want to be with my family and do what we do best. Be loud, laugh and hang out with my nephews and nieces and eat food. I always look forward to when my family gets together. As crazy as my family can be. There are no other people I would want to be with along this journey.

Final Letter

One more thing I would have to do, and there would be no debating this. I would want to write my final letter to the world. I have said before I have goals that I want to accomplish by March 25, 2020, when I turn 30. If that is the day I take my last breath, the only other thing I would want to do is write a final letter or book to leave behind after I’m gone. I would write about everything I learned. My letter would not be meant to be sad and depressing. Yes, I definitely had those moments in my life, and more then I would have liked, who hasn’t?

With how easy it is to write now. But as far as the material and coming up with everything that would be a breeze. The grammar and spelling, not so much haha. I would not stop writing till my hand falls off. As much as I love working out, I wouldn’t waste my time working out one last time. Honestly, how would that benefit me a day from now? What would benefit me, and knowing I’m doing the right thing is leaving something behind when I’m gone.

Keep Getting Better

Even if I spent the whole day writing and didn’t tell anyone what was happening to me. My family already knows how I feel about them, and how much I care. I may hide it sometimes, In the end, I never stopped caring. If you do it right, with your actions and what you do every day. Everyone should know the kind of person you are, and how you carry yourself.

I would want to try and inspire and motivate people one last time. Help those kids that I didn’t get a chance to. Even If I accomplish all of my goals by 30, I published four books and three of them or four get turned into movies. I finish my Ironman and continue to push myself physically and mentally to the best I can be. I have nothing else to give or prove to myself.

Life Is What Matters To Me

I don’t need people’s recognition or praise, that’s not why I’m doing this. Even if I get the chance to share my story or potentially and hopefully impact 1,000 kids or 10,000 it doesn’t matter the number. I’m not doing this for the glory and the thank yours or the other benefits that might follow. I could care less about the fame or glory, or maybe the money that might come from it.

I don’t need money to be happy, what’s more, important is life. If you do it right at the end of your journey. Your life should make you happy and the kind of impact you have on others, not just yourself. I want to leave something behind that’s bigger than Peter Harrower. At this point the only people that know me or recognize my name. Is my family, friends and the people that visited my blog the last few months. Other than that, right now nobody knows me, and that’s not enough I need to do more.

It’s Your Choice

Again, I don’t need to do more for the glory and the praise. I have said that a hundred times now, I DONT CARE about that. What’s important to me, is sharing my message with the underdogs, the outcasts the people that felt different and alone. Those are the people I’m talking to and the people I’m trying to connect with. The final letter I leave behind is my final thoughts and feelings I want to leave behind.

Just one final reminder wherever you are now in life doesn’t mean you’re going to be there for the rest of your life. The beautiful thing about life and what’s in front of us. The decision to follow that purpose and the path you were meant to follow is up to you. The path I have been in the last 27 years, yes has been hard. Looking back, I wouldn’t change anything. Sure, in the moment I might have thought, crap I wish I would have said this or did that.

What Would You Do

If you want to know who a person really is and find out the character they have. Ask them this question, or share this post with them. I am serious ask them? If a person tells you they want to spend every dollar they have instead of giving it all away. How they react and what they tell you is the type of character that person has.

When my time comes I’ll accept it and I’ll be ok with that because I know where I’m going next. What you need to ask yourself is, if you don’t know how to answer the 24-hour question. Then you haven’t done enough in your life yet? You haven’t impacted enough people or tried your hardest to be a nice person and help others when you should have. If you had 24 hours left to live, what would YOU do?

I Let The World Create Me

I Let The World Create Me

Day 24

When you look at your life, what do you see? You might see happiness, or sadness right now. When I look back on my life and even up to my early 20’s. It was easy for me to look back on my life and think to myself. How I let the world create me, and dictate who I was going to be and how I was going to live my life.

I’m not normal, I’m different from a good percentage of the world. I’m far from average, honestly, in most categories, I’m below average. It wasn’t by choice, It was because I was born with a disability. At age six I was diagnosed and from that day forward, I was going to be carrying extra weight on my shoulder the rest of my life.

Constant Battle

Why one person is doing one thing or cruising through this subject in school in 8th grade. I was falling farther behind with that extra weight I was pulling. I was getting farther and farther behind. Not only in growing up, but in school as well. What kid wants to admit to his fellow classmates that he has no idea what they just talked about in class? Or he has trouble reading because his grade level goes back to elementary level. Even though he is in 8th grade.

My inner battles and issues, I was battling all those years. I took it personally like I was getting punished. Instead of trying to look at the glass half full, and trying to look at the positives. I let the world and everyone, and everything else around me decide who I was going to be. I let the people that don’t even know me or my situation get into my head and set the standards for me.

My Bad

I’m not blaming anyone for this because well that would be wrong and it’s not accurate. This is why I’m different than most. Instead of taking responsibility for there actions and what they did or didn’t do. They try and pass the buck and blame others for what happened. I take full responsibility for what I did and didn’t do in school.

It’s easy to look back now and recognize what I did. Maybe at the time, I didn’t completely take control of what was happening or what I was going through. I’m human, I let my emotions get the best of me, and well I was also a kid.

I Didn’t Like Myself

The reason why I let the world create me and not myself is very straightforward. I didn’t like the person God created, and who I was. I get not every person shares the same religious views as me. How I saw my situation, I thought God messed up on me or I was being punished for something. Looking back now I wasn’t being punished, this was the life he created for me. The difficulties and speedbumps I had to go over was all part of my journey and my path I was meant to be on.

Instead of embracing who Peter really was and the fact I wasn’t normal or different than others. I would constantly compare myself to others around me. I compared my worst to their best, again at a young age I didn’t know any better. Thinking about it now, that’s not a fair comparison. I missed the concept and the hidden message behind it. I’m just a dyslexic kid trying to find his way, and find out who I am. Even with having these issues and disability. I got so much extra help during school, I got used to that. As the years went by I was expecting that extra help to continue and to keep going.

So It Begins

When I graduate my free ride is over and the real test begins. High school is now done and I’m entering the real world. I was in for a rude awakening ahead of me. Where I was by the time I graduated just turning 18 scared me. I had no clue or direction where to go next. All I knew Is I was not like everyone else. For years I would follow the crowd because I wanted to just fit in and just get by. I tried staying with people that were smarter than me and seemed to know what they were doing.

I’m not a follower, I’m not like everyone else. I’m part of a unique group that has this disability and gift all wrapped into one. I had to go my own direction, well first I had to take the first step and find my direction. I had no idea where that was, all I knew was that first step was not toward college.

I’m Just Getting Started

I was the lone seagull trying to find his way of life. Looking back now instead of embracing who Peter was. I thought about how people might see who Peter really was. That’s who I tried becoming, I just wanted to fit in and be like everyone else. I now know I don’t fit in with everyone else. I’m different were all different, and all have our weaknesses and strengths.

At 25 it all hit me like a brick wall. I’m meant for something different, I’m not meant to just fit in anymore. I have a unique story to share, I believe that is what I’m meant to do. Whether that’s through my writing, I hope haha. Or speak, or as simple as just being more open to people about my story.

I don’t know yet, all I know is I’m only just starting and just beginning. It’s about time we all stop comparing ourselves to others and the standards that they expect from us. What good comes from that, they don’t know your situation. At the time nobody knew what I was going through. This is my life, not theirs. This is how I see the world every day, through my dyslexic eyes.

Being Alone Scares Me

Being Alone Scares Me

Day 23

Being alone I’m sure is a fear for all of us. Some might be if their spouse dies and they are alone. Never get married, or constantly need to be around people. There are a few examples of how you could say being alone is a fear. My biggest fear of being alone is never getting married and finding that special someone. Or another one is losing my family could tie into that as well.

Even though I have this amazing family and I truly am blessed and lucky that God gave them to me. Two parents, three sisters, two brother-in-laws and their families and 10 nephews and nieces. I truly am lucky and have a big family. I know how lucky I have it, even with having my parents and sisters growing up all my life. Part of me still feels alone through the years growing up. I think part of me will always be alone my whole life. Now having my family and friends, of course, the hobbies that I love helps fill those holes somedays. Somedays as lucky as I am to have them, in the end. I don’t think they will ever truly know me, until finish telling my story.

I Still Struggle

This might sound harsh, and maybe I’m looking into this a little too much. Which is something I do very well haha. I know what it was like for me growing up with my disability and issues I have. Not trying to be dramatic, but it really did affect me to this day. It’s very hard to open up about it and who I really am. I hated myself growing up, and was filled with so much darkness and anger and rage over the years. I’m sure my sisters and parents could tell you stories, but as angry as I got some days. I don’t think all of my true colors really showed through those days. I think what they saw was only a small helping of what was really buried deep within me.

I’m not saying all of this for the attention and the pity, I have said this before and I’ll say it again. I don’t want you to feel bad for me or apologize. That’s not why I’m doing this. A lot of people have it worse than me, and they probably don’t have half of the problems that I developed over the years. Yes, every situation or problem we face might all have a different outcome, I’m sure we all can agree about that. Now the outcome we all let come out or we deiced to share with the world well that’s on us.

Clean Slate

I was six years old when all of this happened, I was a kid and only just starting my life. I didn’t know how to control my emotions or my thoughts yet. The anger and darkness that was stored up inside of me was a bad quality to have. This is why being alone I think scares me the most. I’m trying to run away from that darkness and my old ways for good.

It’s just not that easy getting out of bad habits sometimes I guess. My bad habit is staying in the darkness and keeping to myself. A question I asked myself multiple times. If you’re scared of being alone and its one of your many fears, why don’t you open up more and share what you’re really thinking? For the longest time what I was truly feeling and my real feelings and emotions I had, I tried hiding them from everyone.

My Bubble

Instead of trying to deal with these emotions and feelings like what you should do. I was embarrassed and ashamed of who I was and scared of what was waiting for me. Therefore, I stayed within my personal bubble in front of me. Which at the time and as the years went by, that bubble wasn’t very big haha. If I’m scared to be alone then don’t you think it makes sense letting people in and being around people? Yes, you’re not wrong and that makes sense.

Again, this all ties back to keeping myself and being scared and ashamed. In the end, I’m an introvert, even having this big family. To this day I always keep to myself and need and love my alone time. That’s when I do my best work with no distractions and just my thoughts and I’m free to write and unwind mentally or workout. Those two examples are very important to me, throw in some headphones and go to work physically and mentally. To me writing and working out is not work for me. Yes, I know I’m physically working, I get that. To me it does feel like work, they both make me happy and I love doing them every day.

Finally

That’s what makes it kind of hard and scary about wanting to be alone. Being an introvert at heart I need my alone time and my personal space to reflect and unwind. It’s important to have my family an arm’s length away when I need them. I know that might sound kind of bad, well I’ll only use them when I need them. It’s not like that, they know how much I care and for the most part who I am.

Just like they have their hobbies and time they need, it’s just like me. I know who I am and what my needs are, and my faults and issues I have. I mean I have battled the same issues for 20 years now. It’s the same issues every day for 20 years straight. I now recognized who I am and the things I need to work on and fix. For years I was trying to bury my issues and hide them from others, even myself. What good has that done, nothing. The question you need to ask yourself is who are you, and what do you need to fix?

Music Is My Secret Weapon

Music Is My Secret Weapon

Day 22

Music I think is underrated, with how important it is to us. I have been writing probably close to seven and half years now something like that. Within that time, I could count on one or two hands the number of times I didn’t listen to music as I was writing. Now when I went to Peru, or on my backpacking trip for two weeks. I didn’t have my music so those are the exceptions for when I was writing I didn’t have access to my music. That’s why music is my secret weapon. Music has helped take me to the next level, as cheesy as that sounds.

Over the years I developed a lot of bad habits and I needed to find ways to cope with it and try and handle them. I don’t know how or why but one day I think I googled tips for writing or something like that. A few different articles mentioned about listening to classical music. Hearing all the benefits of listening to classical music, I decided to give it a try. After the first day, I was hooked and haven’t looked back.

Next Level

Now it’s a little different to this day. Depending on what book I’m working on, was depending on the type of music that was flowing into my ears. If it was my memoir, that was slower and classical and instrumental music mostly. Piano and violin and some guitar were my go to for that. I needed softer music so I could go back and remember my past to figure out what I was trying to say and share in the chapters.

As far as my fiction series and the first two books I finished, that music was a little more upbeat. I needed music that was a little faster but it had some suspense to it. I picked a lot of soundtracks from movies and added some random stuff to it. Certain parts called for certain songs, and moods I was in.

I know in the end I came up with the ideas and put everything together into a book, I get that. But the music, well the music took me to the next level I think. It played a key role for me, trying to figure out where I wanted to go with my fiction series.

My Speciality

The goal is to get the series published of course. My goal for that series is to have it go to the big screens, that’s the end goal. Therefore, I had to make it intense and suspenseful. Because that’s what the book is, it will keep you on your toes and hopefully be wanting more.

There is humor in it and lots of sarcasm, which is a specialty of mine haha. But this was also tricky because, well again writing and turning this material into something is all new to me. It’s one thing to write and put it down on paper so people can understand what you’re trying to say. It’s another when you want them to be able to picture it on paper as its happening, but also visualize seeing it on a screen.

Visualize

That’s what I did for six years working on these two books. As I was writing page by page, chapter by chapter. I had to visualize if this will work for a book first, of course. Then picture would I want to see this as a movie? Would other people enjoy this as a movie just as much as a book? Sure, my opinion and answer to that would be a yes because I wrote it. I truly believe this series and hopefully soon to be movies will be entertaining. After all, that’s what I’m trying to do. This fiction series is to entertain people, and give them something enjoyable and hopefully one day fun to watch. My memior that’s my life and the real me, struggling with my disability and searching for purpose.

Just like daydreaming for me through school, or when I’m in a funk or whatever I’m doing. Writing and music have always been a key for me over the years. Not just for writing but another example is when I’m working out. I need loud upbeat music to help pump me up so I can have a good workout. Music does that and distracts me from that short time from the real world. It helps take me to another place and just unwind and release that tension that starts to build over time.

What’s Your Secret Weapon

Now if you ask me as much as I love working out and as much as I need it in my life. Of course, for health reasons and its good for you, and well I love doing it. If I had to only pick one style of music, loud vs calm there is no question I would pick calm. Even though I do a lot of thinking why I’m working out. When it comes to listening to calm music, of course, it’s more peaceful. Hearing all the different instruments, the strings playing piano in the background it just relaxes me so much more.

Now you know one of my secret weapons and something I need every day as I’m writing or just going through my day. What’s something you need to do every day or listen to every day? We all have our different rituals and routines we need to do. If you’re not much of a music person, then I challenge you to try it just to mix it up. Throw on some classical music why you’re working, just try it. Who knows after a day or two, you might end up liking it. Who knows how much it might end up helping you, it might be a better benefit then you were expecting?