I’m My Worst Critic

I Don’t Care

Critic- a person who expresses an unfavorable opinion of something. I know for a fact I’m my worst critic. I have been judging and trying to hold myself to a certain standard ever since I was a little kid.  When I didn’t do well in something or I messed up on homework or a test and didn’t pass or do a good job. Trust me, I let myself have it. Not every time because honestly sometimes or most times when I didn’t care, well it’s that simple I didn’t care.

In all reality I did care, I just tried playing it cool saying it was whatever or I didn’t care. Some days I did care so when I tried and studied or attempted to study more than normal and do the best I can and I still didn’t pass. That was around the time I just gave up again. I said to myself, now I know why I didn’t care.

Fred

I’ll save you the details of what I would say to myself, you people are smart just use your imagination. Taking it to a whole new level is what I do best. Personal attacks and insults were my specialties. In the end that was one of the reasons, I held myself to all of these standards. That’s when I became my hardest critic. I had something to prove not just to my parents and teachers letting them know I can do it. It was beyond that I had to prove my other self, my other side of me (Fred) a reference from my book.

When it was Peter vs Fred, Fred would always win about 90% of the time. To be fair Peter didn’t really put up much of a fight. I was so weak and fragile and vulnerable that I didn’t care most of the time.

That’s why when it comes to rejection and hearing negative statements directed at me. I’m used to it and I have been hearing it for years. Not just from myself, there were others. Receiving 105 emails from agents who weren’t interested in my book.

It’s A Miracle

I received horrible grades on a regular then it all becomes normal and happening on a regular day. It was rare for me to receive an A in school. The only A’s I really received was for good attendance, or working with a group on a school project. If somehow I received an A and I pulled it off it was a miracle of course, or I might have cheated if I was desperate enough. It was like watching something rare like witnessing a shooting star. If your lucky enough you might just see it, and it will only last a second or two then poof, it’s gone.

For me for example in my earlier years,  It was always negative 24-7, not too many positive thoughts in my young mind growing up. Again having that criticism and standards so high and at such a young age. I was always destined to fail and never reach my goals. I was setting myself up for failure from the beginning. The feeling I was feeling was yes painful and hurt. I was also feeling something for a change. Again I know it was wrong and bad. I was lost and confused at the time I was taking what I got.

2018

For far too long Fred was leading the race, and it wasn’t even close. My other side was killing me at my own game in controlling me, my alter ego was dominating me and it wasn’t even close. Once I sank to more depression and darker thoughts, with my negative mind Fred’s lead kept getting bigger and bigger.

As time went on and I started to change and not take everything so personal and started to change the last few years. His lead became shorter and shorter and Peter was coming from behind and catching up. Now with 2017 almost over and 2018 just around the corner, it’s neck and neck for who’s gonna cross the finish line first. Now the momentum has switched and Peter is slowly starting to take the lead.

Personal

With that said there is nothing wrong with being you’re own critic and having that mindset. Not trying to sound like a hypocrite but don’t take it so personally. I know easier said than done sometimes. Unfortunately, I still take it personally when I’m judging myself for whatever it is I’m doing. Again it’s a work in progress, I have been this way for 21 years now and I’m 27. Keep that in mind, we all are in different races and our own battles every day.

My biggest battle is within myself, Its Peter vs Fred. After all of this time, I’m starting to figure it out. How you respond to your critics is what makes or breaks you. Are you going to use it as fuel and to keep you motivated and moving along? Or are you gonna take it personally and let it beat you? The choice is yours and yours alone. Only the real you can make that choice, not you’re alter ego. So what are you going to choose, and what side do you want to be leading the race. You or you’re alter ego?

I’m Motivated

Motivation

It can be a beautiful thing as long as we use it correctly and wisely. Besides trying to better me every day and wanting to make a difference in peoples lives. What drives me or motivates me is where I will be in one month, one year. Who knows maybe five years, whatever the time frame is. Sure it scares the crap out of me and freaks me out sometimes. With the HUGE goals I have and I set for myself, it does terrify me thinking about it. That’s why I’m Motivated so much, it’s a good fear to have.

If my goals don’t scare me or give me goosebumps thinking about accomplishing them or freak me out. Are they big enough then? Are your goals big enough? If you aren’t having these same feelings and nerves that I have thought about them. They are not big enough and you can reach higher and do better.

Just Wait

With how hard I’m working now trying to make a difference and have fun in life. Now make the most of the opportunities that I have right now at the moment. If I’m this excited and motivated, not to mention terrified as well. If those are my feelings right now, and I didn’t even publish my book yet or get my story completely out there yet. Imagine how excited and motivated I will be once I get my book published? Who know’s what opportunities will open up to help reach more people.

I can’t wait to find my purpose and figure out what I’m destined for. Trying different things figuring out what the future holds for me. Again it terrifies me just as much as it motivates me. It’s a good fear to have, it makes us feel alive and that we have a purpose in life. I want to feel alive and feel like I can be used and help others. No more zombie status, or being average Joe just going through life just looking to get by. I want to do the best I can with whatever opportunities are placed in front of me and pass the expectations that are expected of me. I don’t want to settle for just enough like I used to shoot for back when I was in school.

Game Of Life

If you’re not motivated to get out of bed every morning and excited for what the day holds, then what are you doing? Sure we all have our moments we want to sleep in more and want to relax and kick our feet up and unwind. Yes, it’s ok to do that every once in a while, but 99% of the time you need to stay focused and keep working hard on the tasks in front of you. I know there is more to life than money, success and any material thing that might motivate you. I get that and I agree, there is more to life than those objects or status’s we are trying to reach.

Then again, if we only have one life and one opportunity to play this chess game that we call life. Shouldn’t we make the most of that game, and each move we take? I don’t know about you but I want to make the most of my moves on this chess board. Will they always be the correct moves or make a big enough punch to the opponent in front of me, to knock them out with one move. No, maybe it’s not one big move. What it takes is all of the little moves that you did in between that makes the differences.

They Have No Idea

All they see is you were just you, and now you are YOU. Your this big name in life, your a household name and you can officially say you made it now. What they don’t see, is all of the little stuff you do every day behind the scenes. They think you just made it, with the click of the button your successful now. It’s not that easy if it was then everyone would do it. The sad part with that, even if it was that easy, I STILL don’t think everyone would do it. How crazy is that, what does that tell you about that person or the direction the world is going?

Maybe this post motivated you and maybe this was the final step you need to hear before you take that new opportunity or go after that dream of yours. If so that’s awesome, go for it. But if you don’t give 100% then your just wasting your time. If your going to do something and try and make that dream be turned into a career or be successful at it. Don’t just decide to do the bare minimum, you have to give everything you can and do the best you can. Give your blood, sweat, and tears into it.

Impact

The other day I was thinking about my book and the kind of impact I hope it has on peoples lives. I was imagining people but mostly kids coming up to me. This was my first book I ever read or finished. They were sharing their story with me, and because I opened up they want to do this or that now. I was getting a little teary-eyed thinking about that, thinking about the influence and Impact and what this book is really about.

It’s not about the money or potentially how rich or how much money I can make. It’s beyond money and material objects. I’m trying to be apart of something bigger and play a bigger role than just trying to fill my own pockets. That’s the kind of goal that should motivate you.

Get Moving

Thinking about something that extreme and that big, that’s what should be giving you goosebumps or scaring the crap out of you. Not thinking what type of car I’m gonna buy when I sell my first 10,000 books.

What gets you out of bed every morning? Find that goal that drives you and motivates you every day when you don’t feel like doing anything. If you find that goal, and you stay focused and keep working hard. That’s all the motivation you need to turn that dream into a reality.

When One Door Closes

Open Doors

Alexander Graham Bell-When one door closes, another opens, but we often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door that we do not see the one which has opened for us. We all have our moments that we are focused or interested in. Excited about a new opportunity be waiting for us on the other side of that door. What happens once we open that door? It’s not what we expected or it’s not as good as we had imagined? Are mind was thinking one thing. When in all reality, what was placed in front of us was something completely different.

Sure it sucks and it’s frustrating and every other emotion you would want to share or say. Just like the quote says. Why do we get so tied up and invested in the door that shut in front of us? Clearly, that moment or situation that was in front of us is now over. Why is it so hard to move on sometimes? Is it because we invested so much time into whatever was in front of us? Maybe because we were expecting one thing. Once the door swung open and the light was placed on us, what we saw was completely different.

Your Reaction

It’s frustrating I know, why isn’t it easier to move on? Whether your in that moment or you’re upset or angry, for whatever your time frame is. We all handle it and go about life differently of course.

How do you handle these situations or issues waiting for you behind the door in front of you? The unknown staring you down waiting and waiting for you. How you respond to that letdown and the negative news that might be waiting in front of you. It’s a stepping stone in what kind of person and difference your gonna make in peoples lives. How you react to whatever is placed in front of you. That’s what people are going to see and remember you by.

What if you really don’t know me, I mean let’s be real nobody really knows me. Just like I don’t really know you, or maybe your close friends don’t really know you. In some cases, I think we all keep a lot of stuff buried deep within us. I say that because I still have a lot deep inside of me, that not many people know still to this day.

 Time For A Change

As much as it still terrifies me to open up and share my true self. I realize enough is enough if I want to get better and help fix my problems and issues at hand. Then I need to open up that door in front of me and let everything out. As much as I don’t want to. Again it’s a 50-50 chance that it could come back to bite me in the butt with doing that. Then again it’s a 50% chance that I can let go of these burdens I have on my shoulders weighing me down after all of this time.

Being 27 still with no clue with what I want to do with myself. Having three part-time jobs at the moment. Of course, doing my blog and working on my books trying to get them out to the world. Now two of those jobs I’m getting paid in. One of those jobs is a hobby that I trying to turn into a career. Having three jobs and putting in hours beyond hours in a week, you have to give up certain things.

There is only so much free time I have during the week. Now the closer I get to publish my book, or once I’m done with a new post. Before I hit publish I look at the post button and imagine what good or bad that might come from it? In most cases, it will probably be more good than bad hopefully haha. It’s probably just my head playing mind games with me.

No

I emailed 300 agents about my books and received 105 responses saying No, they weren’t interested. Not looking for a pity party and anyone to feel bad for me. My whole life I have been getting rejected and used to hearing No.

I didn’t pass the military test three times to enlist in the military, that sucked. I already mentioned my emails. My dating history is kind of a joke HAHA, I don’t really have a history. I never had much look in the dating field, I don’t know why. In school and my early life, I had these dark clouds constantly over me all my early life. Plus not to mention all of the side effects I developed from age six to this very moment as I’m sitting here writing this post. Feeling stupid and useless and wondering why was I even born, and battling depression for years and years.

With all of that, I’m not looking for a pity party or you to feel bad for me. Honestly, that is the last thing I want with this. I’m just a guy who is trying to make it in life, and make a difference in people’s lives and make the most of my short stay here on earth. I know people have had a harder childhood or have been in worst situations than me, I get that and I completely agree with you. With all of my personal issues, I’m beyond blessed no question about it. I have a great family and people that care about me and love me. People ask me about my website or blog checking in on me, and I appreciate it honestly I do.

Keep Going

I believe a number of doors in front of us are endless. If one door closes well then you move on and go to the next door and so on and so on. With everything that happened to me, I can’t give up now, and neither can YOU. It doesn’t matter what situation you are in at the moment, just keep going and keep working as hard as you can. Some people have to work harder and think outside of the book, aka me.

If so then who cares, that’s what makes you and your story so special and so unique. Going through all of those hard times, again sucks at the moment and you can feel so weak and useless and wonder why should I bother. That moment once you figure it out, or you turn things around it makes everything totally worth it. So embrace the journey and make the most of it, whatever you do don’t stop. Just keep searching and looking for the next door ahead of you, and if that doesn’t work, then make your own door.

Don’t Give Up

Keep Going

Why is it so easy to give up? Why do we usually give in, when things are not going our way or getting hard? Is it because we are weak and were not determined or hungry enough? Maybe we just don’t want it bad enough? Maybe we’re not willing to sacrifice enough to accomplish that ultimate goal you and I are so focused on. It doesn’t matter what situation you are in or how hard you are working for it. Once you get those negative thoughts in the back of your head. Once you start playing those mind games with yourself, it makes that hill to climb that much harder. We just need to remember Don’t give up.

With that said, we all are going through different battles every day. Were all climbing different hills trying to reach the top? If you’re not trying to reach the top and working your hardest, then what are you doing? It’s 2017 now, even though there is a lot of evil and hate in the world right now. Unfortunately, everywhere you look it seems like something new is happening. It’s sad, it truly is sad that this is where the world is going.

Timing won’t Always Be Perfect

It doesn’t matter what distractions you have or what burdens are placed in front of you. If you want to be successful, and publish that book. Accomplish that race you are training for or whatever your goal that your working towards is. The timing to do that and prepare for that goal is never going to be perfect. That’s life, sometimes bad things happen and you have to adapt to what’s being placed in front of you.

Having this learning disability placed on my shoulders again sucks and I developed a lot of bad issues and habits from it. After all these years now, I can’t keep using that LD as an excuse. Or maybe I can use it as a motivator to keep me going. A kid who barely graduated High School with a 2.0 lazy and no care in the world. Using my weaknesses as an excuse. Now I’m flipping the script and instead of running away from my fears, weaknesses, and faults and issues I have. Now I’m starting to embrace them and try and conquer them and turn everything around. Yes, I’m always going to have my personal issues and having these burdens on my shoulders. I’m not proud of that, but unfortunately, I have to keep working as hard as I can till I take my last breath.

I Don’t Belong

With that said I’m trying to enter a field that realistically I probably don’t belong in. I probably read my first cover to cover book at the age of 19 or 20? I’m trying to enter this field, with everything weighing me down and everything stacked against me.

Plus not to mention with a blindfold on. I don’t know what to do it’s all new to me. I’m trying to figure it out as I go, and figure out the best direction to go. With everything I just said giving all the reasons why a publisher wouldn’t want me or my books. Is the exact reason that is going to help me sell my books and get a publisher to help me share my story with you and the world. We all have a unique story, that is why I’m trying to share my story. Because you and the world need to hear my story, just like I need to hear your story.

I know what its like to fail, and I have failed more than enough. With all 105 emails of people passing on my book that still hasn’t stopped me. It’s only made me hungrier and more focused on my craft to keep working harder and trying to do a better job. That’s the reason why one day in the near future if that’s six months from now or two years from now. It doesn’t matter when it happens, I’m going to keep working as hard as I am now as I will six months or two years from now.

Life Can Be Ruthless

That’s life it’s not going to be easy, and sometimes life kicks our butt and its hard sometimes. Yes, we might question why all of this happens and why does it have to happen this way. I would be lying if I didn’t wonder that and have those thoughts in the back of my head sometimes.

Life here on earth is so short and time fly’s by. In may of 2018 will be 10 years I have been out of HS. It seems like just yesterday I was back in HS playing sports and counting the days till graduation. Well, time is up and I got my wish, I’m in the real world now and this is what I wanted. So it’s time to man up, or woman up, haha. Go after what it is you want in life. Make the most of it and don’t give up or give in, and just settle for a 9-5 just because it’s safe and easy. Think outside of the box and keep chasing that dream of yours, keep working your butt off. Sacrifice what you need to make that dream of yours a reality.

You

The number of opportunities in front of us is more than enough. Stop making excuses for not being able to do this or that. Who cares what others think, stop living for them, and start living for you. Start working and going after what YOU want, not what you think others want for you or what you’re told to go after. Only you know what YOU want deep down within your gut. That sick feeling in your stomach, that scars the crap out of you and is freaking you out about chasing that dream of yours. Don’t be scared of it, embrace it, welcome it and enjoy the ride.

Why

Chapter 1

Why are we here, why am I here, why are you here? That’s a question I ask myself every single day. This is Chapter 1 in my book. What is our purpose in life and our purpose here on Earth? That is the million dollar question and the thing most people search for. I know that this question is on the top of my list. Why was I put here, why was I created the way I am, why do I think the things I think, why do I do the things I do? Although I’m still trying to figure out myself and work on me, I now know it’s not a one-step process.

You will always be working on yourself, it’s a process we are always trying to improve. If you want to change or have to adapt to a bump in the road that comes your way, you have to adapt, or you will never get over that hump in front of you. I’m not here to tell you what you’re going to be, or what you should do in life. In the end, only you have that answer and can find that answer. The only thing I’m doing is to help you get to the path that you are destined for and searching for. My goal is to help give you some tips to move along the way and stay far away from the darkness and shadows.

Share Your Story

One major thing you have to realize is that I can tell you everything you need to hear. Your parents, friends, or mentors whoever can tell you everything you need to here, or want to here. It doesn’t work unless you believe it will. You have to put in the work and put in the effort and time. The more you put into life the more you can get out of it. You only have one shot at life, one chance here on planet Earth. All I’m trying to do is help you make your short stay here worthwhile and enjoyable. That’s what life is all about, enjoying your time here on Earth and making the best of what you can. Maybe after you figure that out, you can pay it forward and help others who are going through the same thing you were struggling with.

Unfortunately, the world can be a cold, cold place sometimes. Yes, I know it’s not all cold, some may think I’m naive about that. I do firmly believe it is still good for people and there are still plenty of good people. The way things are heading though, it’s not looking good and is changing quickly. It breaks my heart with all of the hate, anger and wasted death. There is so much death right now across the world. That’s why now is the time to change you and make a difference. Tomorrow and the future are not guaranteed to you, or anyone for that matter. Especially today who knows what’s going to happen in the near future.  So let’s start this journey and figure out what you’re “Why” is.

Sacrifice

This doesn’t work if once you figure out your “Why” or your purpose, you don’t just stop after that. That is the time when you should keep pushing forward and get that fire to go after what it is you want. Destroy anything else that gets in front of you, or prevents you from moving forward. Do whatever it is you have to do to get what you want out of life, and your time here. It’s time to put in the work because no one is going to do it for you. Read books, listen to those motivational songs or podcasts, go to the gym at 5 am every day before work. If it’s important to you then two things will happen.

First, you will make time for it and sacrifice anything for your dream. Second, if it’s not important you will make an excuse for why you can’t do it or why you won’t do it. If it’s important enough to you, even if you are at the lowest of lows and you literally hit rock bottom, make a change for the better. If there is no one else to help you, then you just have to close your eyes, have faith, and just push forward. Don’t give up, your life will be changed forever!

 

Who Are You

Think About It

Who are you? Have you ever really thought about it before? Are you embarrassed about which group you fall under, or do you embrace it and are proud of it? There’s nothing to be ashamed or embarrassed about, we are all different. We all have unique and special talents, or quirks we wish were a little different or we could change.

For me personally, it might surprise most of you but when it all comes down to it, I’m an introvert. Going back to first grade when everything started to change for me. From that point and going forward I have always kept to myself. I have always had feelings and embarrassment and being ashamed of everything I have been dealing with. I kept it all to myself and was ashamed and embarrassed by who I really was.

Naturally, I would always be thinking and talking to myself. This all gets tied in to being self-conscious about myself. It’s only fitting when it get’s broken down, that If I had to pick one or the other I’m an introvert. Now I didn’t choose to be this way, it wasn’t like picking a sports team to follow. It’s just who we are, and how we react and respond to situations we are placed in.

Ambivert?

Now in some cases, I’m more along the lines of an Ambivert. Honestly, I just found out about Ambivert like a month ago haha. I never heard of it before. I love having fun and hanging out with people and making people laugh and having a good time. So naturally I enjoy talking to people and meeting new people, and I don’t mind going up to a stranger and talking to them. I might not always want to do it, or maybe be a little hesitant to do it but I will if need be.

I love my alone time and quiet time. Sometimes I enjoy it too much. The last few years when I had my battles with depression, and in those shadows for a few years. Being alone and by yourself for too long can be very bad, and not healthy. You need a happy medium and a healthy mix of both. I was in a dark place for far too long. I’m now paying the price for it. I’m trying to get out now and looking for the light at the end of the tunnel.

I know what it’s like to be angry, upset, sad you name it I probably felt it. Honestly, it sucks, and it’s not fun. I don’t want people to feel useless and feel like they don’t belong or a nobody. I wouldn’t wish that on anybody. Well, except for maybe to my sister’s ex-boyfriend’s haha. But that’s, of course, being the protector I am and looking out for my sister’s.

Never Judge A Book By Its Cover

Again this might be surprising to most of you. It’s true I might seem happy or like I have it all together all the time. If you knew me in high school or even now for example. I hate to break it to you people, but I don’t. I’m trying to find my purpose and direction just like you. The only thing is I’m not begging for attention like some of you. I don’t like being the center of attention.

Sure if I make a joke in front of a crowd or something that’s one thing. But if its all eyes on me, no I’m not a fan and try to avoid that. I don’t like that feeling of being ashamed and angry, so why would you? That’s why I put on that mask and try and do my part to make you and everyone else I can happy. Sure I’m very sarcastic, I know I’m sorry. It’s not always my intention, It’s just a bad habit I picked up.

In The End

What are you, who are you? It doesn’t matter what category you fall under. You can either be ashamed of it and hide in the shadows like I did for far too long. Or you just accept it and embrace it, and try and change and move your way toward the middle like I did. You can stay one side and stay on one path your whole life if you want. If that’s you and your ok with that, well then keep going. If you want a new challenge and try and better yourself and embrace something new and try a different path to see whats out there then do something about it.

Now embrace you and realize you are who you are, it’s true there is only so much you can change about yourself. Don’t forget, something you can change. You don’t have to stay in that rut you are in or hiding in. You can step out of the dark and not be ashamed. Who know’s what kind of an impact you might have on others. Sharing your story or giving that advice you have, could be a massive turning point for that special person. Again don’t be ashamed of who you are, embrace it and keep doing the best you can day in and day out.

Confidence

Confidence

A feeling of self-assurance arising from one’s appreciation of one’s own abilities or qualities. Self-conscious definition- feeling an undue awareness of oneself, one’s appearance, or one’s actions. Which one are you? In some cases, I’m the confident one. In most cases and about 75% of the time, I’m the self-conscious side. What can I say we all have our flaws, and again sorry for repeating myself but most of my flaws go back to when I was diagnosed at a young age.

I realize being young and not knowing any better, it was easy to get upset and angry at my situation. Even young kids at a young age, they aren’t stupid they notice things and they catch things adults do. Now with my nephews and nieces when I do or say something around them. I really have to be careful with what I say and do. I don’t want to get that mom look from my three sisters let alone my own mother haha.

A young age

I always wondered and thought why I’m not smart, why am I stupid and different than everyone else? That was a question I asked my parents on a regular basis. Imagine a young kid asking you that question hundreds and hundreds of times? What do you say to a little kid, when you are put on the spot like that?

My parents did the best they could and I’m not mad at them. I’m grateful for everything they did for me. Again having that burden for so many years weighing you down. A lack of confidence can really mess with you. It can prevent you from being productive and accomplishing your goals and doing big things in life.

At 27

I’m still self-conscious, I’ll admit it. I don’t like saying that but I’m not going to sit here and lie about it and wear a mask and hide like I have been hiding my whole life. I told you from day one I was going, to be honest, and let you in on who I really am. Well, by now you should start to understand who I really am and why I am like I am. Lacking confidence is not good, shocking I know haha. It can prevent you from living your life and making the most of it and the opportunities you have or are placed in front of you.

Honestly, It doesn’t matter what example you use. It can affect anything you’re doing and hold you back from seeing and chasing new opportunities ahead of you. It doesn’t matter what those opportunities are. Leaving your 9-5 job to become an artist and share your artwork with the world. Or finally get the courage to talk to that girl you have been wanting to talk to for weeks now. Any example will work and you get the point I’m trying to make.

Now is the time

Stop wondering what if, and be hesitant and scared to do something. Now is the time to roll the dice and go for it. What’s the worst that happens she says no to going out, so you move on? Maybe it takes you a year and a half to sell your first piece and to help get your name out there. It doesn’t matter, you took that chance and it doesn’t matter how it turned out. Either good or bad, you learn from it and keep going. Who knows what other doors that situation might open up for you down the road. In most cases, you did more than most, who don’t even do anything.

For me, One of my many struggles in this department is I don’t think I’m smart enough or good enough. Another one is when I’m in a room with five people or 20 people it doesn’t matter. I wonder what the other people are doing and how they got so successful and curious to see what they did to get there? Then I wonder and look at my situation and see where I am and what I have done? I realize we all go on different paths and have different destinations we are working toward and chasing.

What about you

I know what I need to work on, and I’m working on it as I’m writing this and opening up to you and trying to share my story with you. Again it doesn’t matter what you’re lacking and struggling with. Look at your situation and recognize it, next come up with a plan and do something about it.

I want to publish my books and become a published author. With no experience in that subject and I don’t know what to do to make that happen. I did the research and tried something and did something about it. Emailing agents to represent me, well that hasn’t worked out so far, and it sucks. Now I’m blogging and have my website to try a different approach to it. This way might work, it might I don’t know yet. What I do know is, I’m still trying and doing the best I can and adapting to whatever speedbumps are placed in front of me.

What do you need to change or fix in your own life? You can try and act all cool, saying I don’t need to do anything. Well, I hate to break it to you, but that’s crap and a lie. If you are not constantly changing and trying to better yourself and learning, then what are you doing with yourself and your life? It doesn’t matter how old or young you are, as long as you are still breathing then you still have time to do something about it.

Scared Of Success

Scardy Cat

I know this may be a little surprising and you may be thinking a fear of success, who would be scared of success? Well, it’s true it is a fear and probably more common than you think as funny as that sounds. Again thinking and writing it down, it still seems funny to me. How could you fear success? Everyone wants to be successful or should want to be, so why be scared? I think it has to do with a few things for me.

The fact that my mentality is set so high. That I will be successful, and I fully believe that. I WILL BE SUCCESSFUL, whether it’s good or bad, positive or negative. Whatever you feed yourself, the thoughts and your mindset you have, that’s whats gonna make the difference in the end. In the end, that’s what is going to separate those that are hungry and want to turn a dream or goal into a reality. Or there is the other half, that will have that dream and goal, simply just a dream and goal, and nothing else. They will realize that it’s impossible or too hard to reach, and can’t fathom it.

Cruise Control

All these years I’ve kind of been going with the flow of things, just coasting along basically waiting for what comes next. What happens when I finally overcome those hurdles and speed bumps of mine. I can finally say, “I am successful” and I made it? That should be a dream for everybody, saying those words. Think about this for a minute. If you have a dream and a goal, it will take some work to accomplish, correct? Maybe a little extra effort, some blood maybe sweat or anything else you have to give to complete it?

Just picture what that feeling would be like after you work your tail off, and finally achieve your dream goal? Close your eyes right now, well, finish reading this part first then try it. It will be kind of hard to read what’s next with your eyes closed. Picture what your number one goal is or your dream in life? Now picture yourself accomplishing that goal and doing what it is you want to achieve, close your eyes again and think about that for a minute?

Do You Want More

Personally, I think everyone should want more than just money. They should want a passion or a dream job and want to accomplish something worthwhile. Having a big bank account isn’t enough for me. If money is honestly your number one goal and main priority and you want to swim in it, like the duck swimming in his gold from duck tales. If you can honestly say that’s you then, I guess I’m wrong, sorry. Go swim and get yourself a pool full of gold or money. I don’t want to accomplish my dreams and goals just to be a millionaire, that’s not why I’m doing this.

If you ask me, why does success scare me? Why do I even think about it all the time? I’ll tell you why, even though I know I am meant for something bigger, and I truly believe that. I’m not saying I’m going to cure cancer or bring peace on earth by stopping a war. I certainly wouldn’t turn down the chance to help accomplish those things. I do believe, I’m meant to help people somehow some way. Who know’s as long as I keep my faith and with God, on my side, it will happen. If I keep working and putting in the effort to try to accomplish and conquer those goals and dreams of mine than anything is possible.

Take The Chance

Trust me, I have my bad days still and want to give up, and just say forget it. I’ll just be average and just find a good job and take care of my family, and call it a day. That’s good enough for me and better than nothing. It’s fine to just be a pawn in this chess game that we call life. I hear these success stories and all the good some people are doing in this world, that has so much evil and I think to myself.

Why not just go for it, why not me, why not you? I want to do that, I am going to do that, I’m going to do something with myself and with my life. Anything you or I do that’s helping someone throughout the day will help make the difference that we need right now. Even if it’s as simple as opening a door for someone to let them go in first. It’s simple I know, but think about it, you have to start somewhere right? You don’t just automatically just accomplish your goals right away, you have to take it step by step.

Keep Working

Another reason why success scares me, I would be committed to something greater than what I had before. It may be stupid, but I want to be as successful as possible. I want to make my family proud and be able to help people. The ultimate thing that drives me is, I want to hear the words “BECAUSE OF YOUI didn’t give up, or I kept going and didn’t stop. Changing lives is what I’m about, it’s what I want to do.

That will be the start of my success, I’ll say it again and for the last time. What drives me is to hear the words “BECAUSE OF YOU” I did this or that or whatever. That’s the end goal people, I have said it before. If putting myself out there and opening myself up, for the greater good and to help others then it’s worth it. I willing to sacrifice my privacy for the greater good, and help nudge people along like I needed a nudge for years.