105

105

What A Stupid Number

Rejection can be hard, especially 105 plus times. I’m sure we have all have gone through it at one time or another in our lives. Yes like most things, some more than others, some had it worse or easier, of course, that’s life. Not everybody is going to go through the same, roadblocks. One example might be, if you email agents about your book and you get no, after no, after no. Let’s just say the last few months, I’m starting to hate the word no.

This might sound dramatic a little. Seeing everything first hand I feel like I would know more than anyone else. I have been rejected a lot, and have been through a lot. When I found out about my disability and I was different than every other kid in my grade. Going back to when this all started 20 plus years ago.

Hard Work

It wasn’t all bad and horrible; please understand that there were definitely good moments and happy times. Unfortunately, no matter how good the happy times and exciting times are. It’s true what they say the bad always outweighs the good. Well, it will always outweigh the good, only if we let it of course. We need to keep in mind it’s all in our minds and how we handle and react to everything. It’s our mindset that makes a difference.

For my books, I have put hours and days into creating them and trying to turn just a random document on my computer into something special. I’m an artist trying to turn a blank canvas into a masterpiece. I feel like I finally found my purpose and what it is that I’m supposed to do now.

My Family

Life is short I don’t want any more regrets so that’s why I have been working my tail off for the last six years. They are right, life is short and it goes fast, that’s the reason why I have worked so hard and put so much into this over the years. Here is my life in the last six years by the numbers. Book one TWTMDE-196 hours and counting that’s just over eight days. Two,  90 hours almost four days. Three about 85 hours, three and a half days.

With all the time and hours I put into these books and trying to bring these stories alive. Imagine how you would feel getting rejection letter after rejection letter, 105 times? In the back of my mind, it’s hard not to start thinking. Well crap, maybe this isn’t what I’m supposed to do. Now what do I do, I’m back to square one?

My birthday is March 25 and the day before I sent my first email to an agent looking for representation. From 3/24-8/11 was the last email I sent. Within those five months, I have sent exactly 305 emails to different agents looking for someone to rep me. Within that time I have received 105 emails saying the same thing, no.

Tunnel Vision

I’m so focused on what I think I’m meant to do, again I have never been this focused and determined before. I will send 1,000 emails if I have to. I have had blinders on the last three years, that’s when I took my writing to the next level. Now I think I’m on to something; all I need is one person to bite and give me a chance. Again it sucks I’m not going to deny it and lie to you. That’s why I built this website. A few of them explained my network and my following isn’t big enough to back me quite yet.

I can’t deny that in this new field I’m entering I’m a newbie. That’s why I’m doing this; I’m taking matters into my own hand. There were some days I was sad and upset about it, and I let it get the best of me. I lied there were a lot more than some, it was bad for a while. We have all been there I’m sure at one time in our life, who hasn’t? What makes you and me different, is how long you stay there and what you do when you come out of that funk you’re in.

I’m Not Normal

You can just accept it and stay down why the world or whatever had you down keep kicking you. Or you get up, rise and do something about it? You do whatever it is you have to do to keep going, keep fighting and keep working toward whatever it is you’re trying to accomplish and chasing after. Whatever the situation might be, as a dyslexic kid entering a field realistically I probably don’t belong in.

You know what who cares, screw normal and forget what everyone else says. Yes, if you haven’t noticed I can’t spell, or my grammar is bad and I’m definitely not the smartest kid I’ll admit that. What makes me different is I had to think outside the box my whole life. I’m not like everyone else. I’m different and I’m proud of that now, I wasn’t always proud before. I don’t want to settle and just be an average Joe anymore living a life that’s safe and secure. We only get one life and one chance here on Earth.

Accept It

I have been scared my whole life, I have kept to myself my whole life, and lived in a box where I thought I would be happy and ok with where I was. Not anymore, once I fell into writing and journaling and started back on August 6, 2011, was the first day I started my book.

I would rather commit and put everything I can into it and do the best I can. After 10 years I fail and it doesn’t work out, well that sucks but I have to accept it and move on. Looking back, I will be proud of the effort I put in and realized it’s not what I’m destined for. It’s just another step in my life. I would rather take that chance and rolled the dice, then settle and play it safe.

You Can’t Let It Stop You

Another example is what I had talked about earlier about Pac. He died at 25 but look at what he did with his career? Yes, he died at a young age and it’s sad, but look at what he accomplished? I would rather commit and make the most of my life in a short span on earth, then be around for the long haul.

I would rather die at 50 and do everything I could in my power to make a difference, help others and use my story to impact people. That would be more rewarding to me, then living into my late 90s and just keep to myself and just be average and go with whatever happens and live inside a box. You decide what you want to do with your life. Do you want to go after something and not let rejection and failure control you and your outcome? Or do you want to be this guy and keep running and running doing the same thing over and over and not going anywhere in life?

Keep Working

That day changed my life, and that’s when the process of the new me started to develop and the real me was starting to come out. Sure it’s a process it will take time, it won’t happen overnight. I can’t be scared anymore and I’m not, honestly what else do I have to lose. Maybe I won’t be the next John Grisham or J.K. Rowling.

If that’s the case then it wasn’t meant to be, I guess God has something different planned for me. If I don’t try or I just decide after getting 105 rejection letters about my books and said screw it, I can’t do this anymore, I’m done. Again we all have different paths and journeys were on. I know in the beginning it might be scary taking that leap of faith and going after what you want to do or what you have a passion for. Trust me I know, I took that gamble and leap and jumped.

Go Through That Wall

What are you going to do about it, let rejection get the best of you or let the wall in front of you stop you? Are you going to keep working and try and find a way around it, over it or through it, maybe under it? If you want it bad enough then you will do whatever it takes to get to where it is you want to go. I’m in that moment right now, I have made up my mind. I decide I’m going all in; I’m fully committed and ready to take that gamble. I don’t want any more regrets in my life, yes I’m young still but the regrets I already have in my life our more than enough at this point, I don’t need anymore.

Life is supposed to be fun, we need to start acting like that. Making the most of it and living it up. Are you going to let 105 people prevent you from accomplishing your goals and chasing what it is you want to become? Or are you just going to play it safe and settle?

4 thoughts on “105”

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